B1: HTM - 5

It wasn’t the silence that hurt the most; it was the whispers. The soft mutterings that followed me everywhere. They were always just low enough that I couldn’t quite catch the words, but loud enough that I felt them in my chest, each one like a pinprick of ice slowly turning into a dagger.

The pack wasn’t kind to me. The shock of my mother’s death had faded, but what followed only deepened the wounds I couldn’t seem to escape. I could feel their resentment swirling around me, coating everything with a layer of cold that even Bea’s presence couldn’t melt. The looks from the others, the snide comments when they thought I wasn’t listening — it was all too much.

I knew I didn’t belong anymore. Not here. Not with them.

I hadn’t realized how much I’d relied on my family’s presence until they were gone. My mother had been my protector, my anchor in this world, and now I was lost. The pack, once a place of safety, now felt like a prison, and the walls were closing in. It wasn’t just that they blamed me for her death — though that was part of it — but it was the way they looked at me like I was something to be tolerated, not loved. As if the very air I breathed had become tainted.

The worst part was Levi.

He was slipping further away, and with every passing day, the brother I had once shared everything with became a stranger. I would catch glimpses of him — his shoulders hunched, his brow furrowed in anger, his gaze averted when I tried to meet it. He hardly spoke to me anymore, and when he did, it was with a coldness I didn’t recognize.

“Levi,” I called to him one morning, my voice barely rising above a whisper.

He paused, but didn’t turn to face me. He didn’t need to. I knew the look in his eyes, even without seeing it. The look that said I wasn’t worth his time. I wasn’t even sure why I bothered anymore. I hadn’t done anything to deserve this, had I?

“You’re here,” he said, his voice flat, lacking any trace of warmth. “What is it?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat, trying to find the words. “Levi, we need to talk,” I said, my voice trembling. "Please."

He didn’t respond right away, his fingers tightening around the strap of his bag. I could feel the distance between us growing wider with every moment. He was so close, yet it felt like he was miles away.

“I don’t think there’s much to say anymore, Amelia,” he muttered, almost to himself. “What’s done is done. You can’t change it.”

I flinched as though his words had physically struck me. What’s done is done.

“I’m sorry, Levi,” I whispered, but the words felt hollow coming from my lips. “I never wanted her to die. I never wanted to leave her.”

He let out a bitter laugh, and I watched in horror as he shook his head. “Sorry doesn’t bring her back, Amelia. You can keep apologizing, but it doesn’t change anything.” He finally looked at me, his eyes colder than I’d ever seen them. “You ran. While she stayed and fought. You ran.”

“Levi, please—” I tried to step closer, but he held up a hand, halting me.

“Don’t. Just… don’t,” he snapped, his voice thick with hurt and anger. “I can’t even look at you right now.”

And with that, he turned, walking away, leaving me standing there, the sting of his words still fresh in my chest. It felt like my whole world was crumbling around me, piece by piece, and Levi was the last piece I had left. Now, even he was gone.

---

The pack’s murmurs became louder after that. I could hear the whispers more clearly now, the words more venomous than ever.

“Did you hear she left her own mother to die?”

“She thinks she can just show up here, like nothing happened?”

“Levi’s right. She doesn’t deserve to be part of this pack.”

The rumors spread like wildfire, curling into every corner of the camp, every gathering. At first, I tried to ignore them. But the more they built, the more the isolation settled deep inside me. I couldn’t escape them — not when they followed me everywhere I went.

The first time they got physical, I hadn’t even seen it coming. I was walking back from the forest with a bundle of herbs for the pack’s healer when I felt a sharp shove from behind. I staggered, barely catching myself before I hit the ground. A laugh echoed in my ears, and when I turned, I saw the face of one of the younger wolves in the pack, a girl about my age named Iris.

“What’s the matter, Amelia?” she sneered. “Not so high and mighty now, are we?”

I stood up straighter, my heart racing, but my fists clenched at my sides. I wanted to say something, anything, to shut her up. To fight back. But all I could do was swallow the bile rising in my throat. I hadn’t asked for any of this. I hadn’t asked to be hated.

“Get out of my way, Iris,” I muttered, my voice shaky but firm.

She smirked. “Or what? You gonna run off like your precious mother did?”

That was it. I felt something inside me snap. I didn’t know where the anger came from, or maybe it had been festering inside me all along, waiting for the right moment. I lunged at her, pushing her back. My instincts kicked in before I had time to think, my body moving with the fierce energy of a wolf on the hunt. But Iris wasn’t alone. A few other pack members were standing nearby, and before I knew it, I was surrounded.

“Amelia, stop!” Bea’s voice cut through the chaos, and I froze. She grabbed my arm, pulling me away from Iris, who was still sneering at me with disdain.

“Enough,” Bea said, her voice low but commanding. “Don’t do this. It’s not worth it.”

I shook her off, staring at the pack members who had gathered around, all of them watching with calculating eyes. They didn’t care about me. They didn’t care about what had happened or the pain I was in. All they saw was the girl who had run away, the one who had left her mother to die.

“I didn’t choose this,” I hissed, my voice shaky. “None of this was my choice.”

“I know,” Bea said softly, her eyes full of sympathy. “But you can’t let them win, Amelia. Don’t let them turn you into something you're not.”

Her words were a balm to the burning rage inside me, but the hurt didn’t go away. It never went away. I wasn’t sure it ever would.

---

As the days passed, the pack’s treatment of me grew colder, and I could feel myself withdrawing even more. Levi avoided me, the others had turned their backs on me, and the pack that I had once called family felt like a distant memory.

The loneliness settled in like a thick fog, surrounding me in a way I couldn’t escape. Bea was still there, but I could see the toll it was taking on her. She tried to defend me, tried to speak up when the others whispered, but even she couldn’t change the way they looked at me. It was too late for that.

I spent my days wandering the woods, searching for some kind of peace that I couldn’t find. Every tree, every stone, felt like a reminder of everything I had lost, everything I had failed to protect.

And Levi... my brother. My heart ached every time I thought of him. I missed him so much, the way he used to make me laugh, the way we used to talk about everything. But now, I was just a ghost in his life, a memory of someone who didn’t belong.

I couldn’t blame him. I understood the anger. I understood the hurt. But it didn’t make it any easier to bear.

---

Late one evening, after another day of silence and cold shoulders, I sat alone in the clearing near the packhouse, the moon casting long shadows across the ground. I wanted to scream, to throw my fists into the dirt and demand that everything go back to the way it was. But the weight of my reality was too much. It had been too much for too long.

As I stared up at the stars, a single tear slipped down my cheek. And for the first time since my mother’s death, I felt completely, utterly alone.