"Chilli?" Sam sits on the floor with me, "are you okay?" I nod my head, fighting back my tears, lying. "I'm sorry, stupid question," I sob silently as he pats my shoulder. "You'll be okay Chilli socks, it will be okay". Nudging me with his shoulder, "come on girly, you'll be okay". Whipping my eyes I look up at him and try to smile through my pain, failing. "It's my fault"."How is it your fault?" "It just is. I should of... I could have.." Unable to complete my sentences, to form the words."Now you listen to me and listen good! It is not your fault!" Sam says slowly but surely, "But.." stuttering,"No buts missy," he sighs, placing a hand on my shoulder, comforting me. "It's hard, I know, but it will happen for you two again. Try not to dwell and lose yourself in it. Focus on the future, on your future, together. " "But I let everyone down. I .. I lost it." Choking on my emotions, bearly breathing. Sam puts an arm around me and gives me a squeeze."Oh Chilli, you didn't let anyo
Once asleep, I can feel her dreaming through the bond. It feels warm, happy and safe, heavenly, like a dream should be. Holding her still, I close my eyes and enjoy this shared feeling as I relax back into the bed. Not sure how much time passes, I think I even drifted off a bit until she jolts, bringing me out of my daze as her heart rate spikes as my eyes fly open. Looking down at her as I feel fear, fear and sadness and pain, but not just physical pain, but heart break! I'm stunned and all I can do is watch, watch as my mate tenses next to me. Snapping back to reality I pull her in tight, her head under my chin, shhhing her, "Chilli, It's okay Chilli, I'm here, I'm here", stroking her head and hair, trying to calm her, soothing her, scared to wake her. My hair standing up on the back of my neck, prickling my skin, feeling utterly useless, she's had some bad dreams in the past, but nowhere near this bad. "Come on Chilli, come on, come back to me, please?" Trying so hard to hind the
Opening my eyes and the bright morning light hurts them, blinking and adjusting to the sudden change. I look down to find Chilli curled up in my arms, shaking, trembling under the duvet, duvet? Bed? We're back in bed, we're home. I let out a sigh, thank fuck for that. "Chilli?" I whisper softly, gently rocking her, "Chilli? Are you okay?" But all she does is cry, her tears running down my chest and wetting the sheets. "I'm so sorry," she chokes, "how... how did you do that? Were you really there... in my .. head?" Pulling her in close and tight, "Yes." "Oh goddess, oh goddess", she mutters under her breath, then suddenly looks up at me and says "thank you," followed by a wet kiss. "Chilli, what really happened with Thoran?"She gulpes, takes a deep breath, then says, "I didn't tell you everything, there maybe, there are a few details I left out." 'No shit,' I think to myself.Composing herself and taking another deep breath,"So, I told you Pauline, she made a deal with Thoran, f
Pulling her in tight, wrapping my arms around her and kissing the top of her head, "I love you too Chilli". How could I let it get so bad, how could Logan, how was he so blind, how did he not see what was happening to his own daughter? Or did he know deep down and just look the other way? Jeopardising our chances of having a family, which he also doesn't seem to care about either. He just cares about what slut whore is warming his fucking bed! If because of her we can't, Chilli can't carry, I will hold him accountable for bringing that bitch into her life and home, for trusting that evil shitting monster with what should be most precious to him!Yes, I still blame myself and Pauline, but I also blame Logan and unlucky for him, because as I can't get my claws on that bitch or Thoran, he's up. "How did he not see what she was doing too you?" "Who?" Chilli asks, looking up at me, still in my arms."Logan." I growl through gritted teeth, the urge to shift is strong as I feel panic spike
Father severs the mind-link as I let Chilli in. She steps towards me, keeping her centre of gravity low and unthreatening. 'Elias, please' she Pleads, stepping closer. 'Elias,' she calls to me again in my mind as I watch her come, but still keeping an eye on Logan, not trusting him. A slight growl escapes me completely by accident, 'Okay, okay', she echos apologetically. I look down on my wife as she lowers her head, remaining still. 'What am I doing? What am I doing to her?' I think to myself, feeling a different type of pain along with sadness and guilt in my heart. I let my body relax trying to let go of my fury with a deep breath as I look my Chilli in her eyes, which still only hold love and warmth for me. 'It's okay' her voice whispers in my head, I can feel she wants to run to me but doesn't, for fear of overwhelming me. She's so close to me, just one more step and then I'd feel her fingers running through my fur. A sudden movement behind her pulls my eyes away from her beaut
Lowering Chilli's naked body into the roll top bath, the calming, soothing scents of the essential oils washing over her. She only just let me put her down to run the water. The blanket and father's jacket skattered across the floor, as I crouch down holding my mate's hand, her knees brought up to her chest, tucked under her chin. Her heart breaking, her anger melting within the hot waters, becoming sorro and disappointment at her father's actions and the events that have transpired these last few days and weeks.This week has barely begun and yet there is still so much that can still go wrong for us.I realise the time by how hungry I am, I don't want to leave her but we need to eat, she needs to eat. We missed breakfast due to my wild behaviour and although I know food is the last thing on her mind and she'll say she's not hungry, but I can feel she is. Can feel how weak her body is and how much it wants and need substance, I just hope I can get her to eat something, this difficult
The next day.Chilli POV "For fuck sakes!" I curse under my breath. Luckily I got to the hospital early, because the directions on the map that was enclosed with my appointment letter was wrong, so I got lost again. First time I got lost was my fault, I went to the wrong building, I just saw MAIN ENTRANCE in big letters and went in, not realising I needed the building next door. But the second time I got lost was the maps fault, it had me walk to the other side of the bloody hospital only then to be told I was in the wrong place, and I needed to go somewhere else which was right by the entrance. When I showed the very helpful desk atendent the map, all I got is, 'oh yeah, don't know why they put that in there', as I said, helpful. "Stupid fucking place", I mutter to myself, as a kind nurse notices me walking back the way I just came and asks if I need help and am I lost? He points me to the right unit which says x-ray, 'fucking hell', I think to myself, lost again as I'm here for
FridayChilli POV "So doc, what's the verdict?" Sitting in his office, my hand in Elias's, as he asks the questions. A mixture of fear, anxiety, impatience and doubt flooding us both, weighing us down like boulders underwater. Elias squeezes my hand as Dr Jones shuffles through his paper, not sure how much longer I can sit waiting, this week has felt like an eternity."Well, you see.." coughing, the doctor clears his throat, "I'll get straight to it shall I? Won't beat around the bush." Our silence seems to answer that suggestion, so the doc carrys on as I hold my breath, trying not to fear the worst. "It will be difficult but there is a chance you will get pregnant again, but you will struggle to get to full term." Silence falls upon the room, I feel stunned, like a ton of bricks are pressing down on my chest, as Elias keeps asking the questions,"So it's possible? It's possible we will have a child? A baby?" "Theoretically yes, but as I said it won't be easy, and conceiving will o