5 - Pause

~Javed’s Point of View~

“I wasn’t anticipating you being here for a couple of years at least. I just actually finished the cabinets last week. I’m afraid the rest of the house is in quite a lot of disrepair,” I say, when I see her eyes darting all over the kitchen.

It’s a massive pain in the ass to find contractors willing to work at night, so I gave up on that early on. Though I could have potentially hired out the shifters to help, I hadn't gotten that far yet. 

I’d only begun working on the house in the last six months and the living room/kitchen/deck were my first goals. I have zero understanding of electricity and plumbing since they are modern conveniences. Books have helped and I’ve managed to get some things working. The house had sat vacant for over a decade at least. The first couple of months were mostly devoted to cleaning and fixing the deck so I could watch the ocean in comfort.

When she spins some of her long brown hair hits me, and her crisp citrusy scent fills my lungs. It’s some combination of lemons and oranges, and it’s amazing. It’s uniquely her and I crave it like nothing else. Maybe not even blood.

What could have possibly been so bad that she thought she had no way out of it but suicide? I need to know and if someone is hurting her, I’ll stop at nothing to torture them until their last breath. Surely that Matthew must know something.

“You’re doing this yourself,” she asks, and pride fills me. 

My human father had been a carpenter by trade though in my youth I hadn’t been the least bit interested in it. There was quite sometime I even resented him for being in such a low status. I was so damn foolish in my youth as a human. And now, well… it’s all so different. Then it was seen more as a slave job, and my father was barely above a slave. Now being a tradesman is a point of pride and I can see why. 

“I am. Little bit at a time. I check on you first when I wake and then I get to work,” I confess, anxiously gauging her response.

For the first time since I was human I feel… nervous. I’m over a thousand years old yet I need to know what this thirteen year old she-wolf thinks of everything. If there’s anything left of my heart, she’s already more than taken hold of it. It’s wildly inappropriate for her to be here, and I know every minute she spends away from the pack may result in consequences for me. Well, not only me, but my kind as a whole. We have a delicate arrangement with the humans that we all need to work. Not to mention I really don’t want my old nest to know about her, but it’s inevitable.

“How do you have money to do all this,” she questions, and I nearly laugh. 

She’s so impossibly young and naive. I may be trying to do better as far as not killing every human in my path to quench the insatiable fire roaring in my body, but I’m not opposed to stealing to get what I need. I’d never, ever go back to my nest for help. For one like me to break into a bank or store at night, even with all of today’s technology is child’s play. My speed and brute strength are no match for their high end security.

“I manage,” I simply state, and hope to leave it at that.

She runs her little fingers over the countertop, it’s a rare Brazilian granite that I was able to acquire just ten nights ago. When I saw it, I had to have it. I still can’t even believe I give a damn about such things. I even agonized over the flooring and furniture choices I’ve selected so far for longer than I’ll ever admit.

For someone who doesn’t eat or cook, I’m looking forward to watching her do all the things I can’t. Normal things. Maybe I might even enjoy learning to cook if I can stomach the smells. There’s absolutely nothing appealing about cooking animal meat to a vampire. Just another reason I blew out the wall in front of where the stove will go so all the smells can easily dissipate. Well, that and for the view.

“So you want me to live here with you, eventually,” she asks, her little green eyes practically making me come out of my skin. She’s just so innocent and sweet. If there is a god or goddess, how could they possibly make this match?

“Once you have your wolf. If you both choose me as yours,” I say, fighting the urge to touch her. 

It’s all my body wants, her against me. Skin to skin in any fashion that I can get it. I tuck my hands behind my back and fight my fangs from extending. The pulse in her neck is taunting me in a way I’ve never felt. I have to take her home, and now. But that’ll involve being close to her again. Having her in my arms.

“And who exactly would you be? Other than… A creature of the night apparently,” she asks, and I realize I haven’t even told her my name. I hold up my hands apologetically. But gloss over the direct meaning of her comment. Of course she’s not stupid.

“Please forgive me, manners are something I’ll have to work on. I haven’t exactly needed them in a very long time, please correct me or point out anything I do wrong so I can learn. My name is Javed,” I explain. 

She eyes me and while I am fully aware of her age, it’s impossible not to feel lust toward her and even worse that I feel no shame about it. Vampires have no moral compass, and I’m no exception. How could I even remotely ever tell her what a monster I am, and convince her that I’ll change? For her, I’ll do anything. Yet I still have to wait years, years of watching her grow into a mature woman that human males will surely want for their own. 

And I’ll stay exactly the same. I’ll never age or change anything about my appearance. I’d just shaved the morning I was turned and I’ll never even have facial hair again which still annoys me. It was a radical move to anger my parents but in the end it was hardly important.

It’s something until you experience, there’s zero chance you could understand. When you’re stuck in the same body for all of eternity, it’s a tough thing to accept. Not only that, the dynamic of how vampires think and interact with their own kind is madness. If any of my old nest saw me right now, saw how I’ve been existing since finding her, they’d laugh me out of the room. Then … they very well might try to hurt her just to provoke me. They’ll demand I stay true to what I am.

The very idea makes me ball my hands into fists and I have to secure them behind my back again and out of her sight. Not only am I something she should very much fear, but all that comes along with me. 

My past. 

How do I keep her safe from what I bring into her human life?

“Jah-vied. That’s a name I’ve never heard before, what does it mean in your culture? Where are you from,” she asks, as she casually hops on the counter. 

It’s a simple act, she likely didn’t even think much about it. But it’s a visual of her being here, making herself at home and it does something to my black heart. Not to mention, hearing her say my name. When she licks her lips I react.

I quickly dash to get her water, and set it on the counter next to her. I tap my fingers on my lips in thought of how to answer her, but then realize that she’s gaping at me for my movements. 

“Sorry I’ll, try and tone it down. Something I’ve been working on but unless I actively think about it, I just move. It’s what my body is used to doing,” I explain. 

She takes the water and chugs down half of it, making my dick roar with an impossible need. An ache unlike anything I’ve ever felt. I stare at her mouth, at her throat moving the liquid and immediately wonder how much of me she’ll be able to take. 

She’s a child, you sick fuck. The devil on my shoulder makes my body rigid, makes my fingers twitch with a need I’ve never felt. She’s right there, I could take her. I could ravish her, have her in my bed.

Times are so very different, it doesn’t matter if in my youth marriages happened at her age all the time. Arranged marriages at that, where you didn’t even know the person. While I still only find younger females attractive because that is all I knew, I have to understand that this is different. I never got to age as a human male and learn to appreciate the body of an older woman. My head is still very much sometimes stuck in the mind of a seventeen year old human boy, but that couldn’t be further from what I am.

I tell myself to look away, but it’s impossible. Feeding and fucking, it’s literally all a vampire wants. All they think about. Sure there may be other things thrown in there; money, trinkets. 

But our most primal needs are what get us in the most trouble.

When she finally stops and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, I can only smile. It's absolutely not a lady-like gesture and I’m forced to remember not only her purity but that she will one day be a wolf shifter. Their manners may have evolved a bit over the years as I’ve witnessed from the pack, but they’re definitely far from distinguished. Not how human ladies behaved just before I took to ground. The clothing has certainly evolved in a way I’m adjusting to as well.

But I don’t want my little Aurora to be like anyone else. Just herself, and I absolutely need to know all the little things that make her what she is. But above all else, I need to know how to make her happy. Something very much tells me figuring that out may just be one of my greatest challenges.

For me, there is absolutely nothing simple about Aurora. From her long eyelashes to her impossibly cute toes, she’s a complete enigma to me. It’s both frustrating and fascinating all at once.

“I’m afraid I need to get you home. I can’t risk angering your Alpha more than I probably already have. I was meeting with him when I felt your emotions running through me. The fact that I disappeared abruptly will probably trigger him to send someone for you if he hasn’t already,” I explain. 

She doesn’t look pleased, or seem to care and fuck if it isn’t sexy. I find myself clearing my throat to push down the fire starting to flame. I’d fed on a large deer earlier tonight, but I’m going to need something more before dawn or I’ll go mad and grab a human, I just know it.

“We have nothing but time Aurora,” I state, and refrain myself from calling her one of the hundreds of pet names I’ve run through my mind. I speak so many different languages, and there are far too many things that would fit.

“Will you come for me tomorrow? Maybe I could help you here,” she says, hopping off the counter. I watch the action with far too much interest. I knew she wasn’t wearing any undergarments, but it’s quite obvious now.

Damn it, I still don’t know why she was on that cliff. I can only hope knowing I’m out here waiting for her will be enough to keep her from trying anything stupid.

I watch as she picks up a hammer and my dick only proves to remind me it's the only part of my body that’s very much alive. When I look at her bare feet I’m grateful as hell that I clean while I go, and haven’t left anything that might harm her. I need to make sure that her fragility is in the front of my mind at all times. Even a sliver of wood could hurt her.

“I’ll need to speak further with your Alpha. I need to make sure I do everything right, this is beyond a delicate situation,” I say, as her eyes drop over my body.

For the first time in my existence my knees feel weak, and I’m not sure I can support myself. Because … she’s checking me out. 

Be normal, don’t act like it affects you!

But it more than does, just her stare and judgment electrify my entire body as if I’m being hit by lightning. And it’s unbelievably sexy.

“Please don’t tell him what I… What I almost did. Everyone already thinks I’m a freak, a weirdo. I don’t need it getting worse,” she says, putting down the tool and looking away.

My face falls with her words. I’m speechless as she moves to the deck and looks up at the waning moon. I move behind her, and move her hair from her shoulder. I draw a deep breath of it, savoring every morsel of her I can get.

When she leans back into me, I nearly come undone. She trusts me, and she damn well shouldn’t. I’ve had her for all of half an hour and I’m already twitching with a need I’ve never felt.

It’s beyond impossible. But I know what I have to do. I have to cut myself off, for her sake.