I wake up the next morning, I guess that I missed supper. Dad is sure going to say something about that. What he will be saying something over is if I stay in here the whole day. I so much just want to get back under the covers and forget about the rest of the week.
But what I want and can do is two different things. So I have no choice but to get up and have a shower. At first, the shower was a difficult thing, trying to wash and hop around in the same place without slipping and falling flat on my ass. But they say it is incredible how your other limbs adapt and make up for the one you lost.
Getting dressed is going to pose a whole new problem, at the base I would walk around in shorts not caring what people said about my prosthetic leg. But mom and dad do not know so I am going to have to cover it up for now.
As I make my way downstairs I can hear mom and dad whisper.
"I am telling you Denice that boy is hiding something."
"Richard just leave him alone, he just came back from an ugly place. He will talk when he is ready."
I pretend to have not heard them and walk into the kitchen.
"Hey mom, hey dad."
"Morning my son, I just made your father some bacon and eggs. Can I dish you some?"
"Yes please, mom."
And of course, my father does not waste any time. "So what are your plans for today?"
"I thought I might take a walk up on the hill."
"Oh yes," my mom eagerly starts. "That new girl lives there, why don't you go say hello?"
"I am not really up to making friends now. I want to figure out what it is that I want to do."
If I thought my father would be sympathetic, I was wrong. "I agree with you there, you don't have time to clog your head with a girl now. Don't be like your brother."
Mom dishes up for me as Matt comes into the kitchen. "What have I done now again?"
"Dad says I should not become like you."
"Yes please don't turn into a loser."
My father is not the least impressed with Matt's outburst for he immediately tries to set him straight. "I did not say you are a loser Matt, you should just start getting your head out the clouds."
"Why don't you just accept none of your sons are going to become a doctor?"
"If you do not throw your head away in that tech shit then you still can."
"I am not going to become a doctor dad, deal with it."
I am not in the mood for this argument, it can go on and on all day long. It is the same thing over and over again almost every day. I rush to finish my breakfast and hand my mom the empty plate.
"Mom breakfast was nice, I am going for a walk."
"Just take your phone with in case."
"Sure mom, I will see you for lunch."
I leave out the back door and start taking the path up to the hill.
We use to come out here as children and play hide and seek. As we grew older and we got into girls, we use to take them to that empty house on the hill, the one where Miss Stubborn stays now.
I have not attempted to try and walk this far with my leg yet but I would just about do anything to get away from that argument in the kitchen. My dad does push his doctor dream a bit too far some days.
After about making it up halfway up, I decided to sit down on a nearby rock. I think maybe my attempt to walk all the way up there will have to wait for another day.
I am just about to get up and leave when I am startled by a voice behind me.
"Hi."
"Fuck do not creep up on a man like that."
"Then don't be such an easy target to creep up too."
"I did not see you on the pathway. Where did you pop out from?"
"I popped out from there at the top, I live up there on the mountain."
"Ohhhh, Miss Stubborn."
"Miss what?"
"They call you Miss Stubborn."
"But they don't know my name, they don't know me. How can they say I am stubborn?"
"That is exactly why you are Miss Stubborn. They say that you don't want to speak to them."
"Are you one of them, do you also call me Miss Stubborn?"
"No, I only got back into town yesterday. Don't worry I am not going to call you that. But what can I call you?"
"Isabella. And you are?"
"Clayton, but just because you are actually so nice, you can call me Clay."
"Ah thanks, you can call me Isabella."
"I think I take it back, I am going to call you Miss Isabella Stubborn."
"Urgh! Stop with the stubborn. You sound like my damn husband."
"Oh sorry, are you married?"
"Was married, he passed away six months ago."
"Is that why you up there alone on the mountain?"
"Not that it is any of your business but yes."
"You stubborn and feisty, I can't say that I like it."
"I did not say you have to like me."
"Are you always so full of shit?"
"Are you always so full of yourself?"
"That is what my platoon leader also said to me."
"Oh, are you in the Marines?"
"I was, got my bus ticket back home."
"My husband was also in the Marines but he came back in a body bag though."
"I am really sorry to hear that. I would invite you for coffee but I am staying with my folks."
"It's fine, do you want to come back up to my place?"
"Only if I can post it in the town blog, I finally spoke to Miss Stubborn."
"Urgh. How am I going to live down that name? I am not inviting the town to my home."
"Let me take you for lunch in town tomorrow instead. What do you say?"
"First coffee and then lunch. Mmmm. What are the town folk going to say?"
"That I am lucky?"
"Now you just flirting, let me go make you that coffee."
I walk with Isabella up to her house. She seems like a nice girl. I watch as the wind plays with her long brown hair, the way that the seams of her dress flap in the breeze. She is damn hot and so beautiful.
She shows me inside, it is exactly still the same as I remember it.
"You know the guys in town use to bring their girls out here when they wanted to get laid."
"You got to be kidding me? I live in a whore house?"
"Well now that you say it like that, yes you do."
"Thanks for that image in my head, tonight I am going to dream of people making out."
"Is that what you dream about? That is hot!"
"If I knew you better, I would have slapped you."
"You are quite the kinky girl, you dream of people making out and spanking men."
"I said slap and get that image of me out your head?"
"Which one? You being naked or the spanking one."
"Urgh! You damn near impossible."
"That is the best compliment I have received all day."
She slaps me on my shoulder.
"Does that mean that we know each better?"
"I have known you for twenty minutes and I already want to strangle you."
"I have known you for twenty minutes and already seen you spanking men naked in my head."
"You such a jerk."
"Says Miss Stubborn herself."
"The next time you say that name, I am really going to strangle you."
She serves us coffee while we sitting around the kitchen table. We make small talk about town, I do not ask her about her husband and she does not ask me why I left the Marine Corps.
I am drinking my coffee as slow as I possibly can. I don't know what but something just wants me to stay with her. Seven years in the Corps does make a man lonely. Yes, I had a few girlfriends on and off through the years but none of it worked out. The chances of me getting a girl now, let alone her, it will never happen.
I finally finish my coffee and say my goodbyes.
"See you at eleven tomorrow?"
"Eleven tomorrow."
"It was nice to meet you Miss Stubborn."
She just laughs at me as I start making my way down the path home. I do not notice the big smile on my face as I enter the kitchen. My mom is the first one to see me walking inside.
"You better be smiling for a good reason because you missed lunch."
And as my father always does, he feels to reprimand a grown-up man.
"Your mother phoned you nearly six times."
"Sorry, mom but I got distracted."
"Did you see some lovely birds up there?" she asks.
"Oh yes there is definitely a lovely bird up there."
"Oh, what type?"
"The female type."
This does raise Matt's attention as he now eagerly asks. "Damn dog, did you met her?
"Yes, I met Miss Stubborn."
"Oh tell us about her." my mom curiously asks. "Is she really as pretty as Betty says she is?"
"Mom she is beautiful, I have never seen a more beautiful woman in my life before."
"So what is her name? When are we going to meet her?"
"Her name is Isabella. And I am taking her for lunch tomorrow."
I watch as my father just shakes his head. "Oh god, there goes the town gossip again. It seems all they talk about these days are my boys and their sex lives."
"Dad it is just lunch."
"Nothing is just lunch when it comes to Betty."
After supper I go straight upstairs to my room as I throw my jacket over the chair, a piece of paper falls out of my pocket. I smile as I open to see what it is. It is her number, it is Isabella's phone number. I immediately take it and send her a text.
"I see you are still being sneaky"
"It is just too easy to sneak up on you."
"I will see you tomorrow."
"Eleven. I will be waiting for you."
I drop my phone down onto the bed next to me.
"Isabella."
I cannot stop smiling as I say her name. I have not been so excited about a girl in almost forever. I cannot wait to see her again.
But as I fall asleep her name is soon forgotten as the same nightmare plays all over in my head again.
It is early morning and I am still lying in bed. I look over at the clock, it is only five now, this would be round about the time our platoon leader will come chase our asses out of bed. There is no way I am getting my ass out of bed now, I turn over onto my good leg and fall right back to sleep.......I hear rapid gunfire coming in from the distance, the entire squad goes into panic as they start shouting at and over each other. I have a much-panicked soldier next to me, the fear on his face is clear is the light of day."Sir, we need to go! We need to go now!""Help me out! I can't move my leg!"He furiously tries to pull and pull, but my leg is not budging an inch. The ever-growing amount of fear is now visible in his voice."Sir I can't get you lose, try to move your leg.""I can't move it" I go dead still and realize that he is not going to get it out. "It is crushed."The gunfire is now getting closer and closer. It is
Fear has broken me into tiny uncountable pieces, shattered me like the worst ever disaster, ruined me in the cruelest way, and killed my soul brutally like there is no tomorrow. I fear to love, I want to love but I fear to be loved, to be accepted for who I am.Love is supposed to accept all but does it truly accept all thing that is broken Isabella wanted me in all the ways I want her to have me, I wanted to feel a woman, touch a woman and be with a woman the way that a man should be but I could not.She might be what I want but I am not what she needs.I have just woken up from that never-ending dream that torments my sleep every night. My phone has been buzzing, as I reach on over to look, I can see it is Isabella."Is it something I did? Did I do something wrong? Please tell me why you left."Just as I am about to put my phone down, it lights up again. It is Isabella."Come on soldier, you are killing me. What is going on?"I put
Forget what you think you know about love because it is not real. To love you need to take that risk, you need to make that choice to fall. If you do not fall in love and experience that love, then it is not worth taking that risk at all. Falling is easy but love is hard. If love is hard, how easy would it take someone for what they are? To me, near impossible, I want to fall in love but I cannot give someone who I truly am. I would rather deal with my broken bones than a broken heart,So Isabella loves taking charge, my successful attempts at ignoring her have blown up in my face, she has shown me that she is one over me, if I do not respond to her, she responds to me."Why have you been ignoring me, soldier?""I...I have been busy.""Busy slapping your brother against the head busy?""No busy with other things busy.""Like other things like ignoring me busy?""I...I did...I just."She looks at me, tapping her finger on her ch
Don't just break your walls down to let someone in, make them work for it, make them show that they are worth it. Wait for that one that is willing to climb your walls just to find you that will break them down just to get to you. The one that is looking for you, all that you are in body, mind, and soul. The worst reason to break down your walls is just for the physical, let love in before giving that part that you are not willing to expose.I have done my very best to ignore Isabella again. It's day count two, I answer her briefly when I think it warrants. Yes, I am the dumb ass that starts it and when it comes to pulling through, I do my famous now you see me and now you don't hear from my act. The damn woman is fine and god knows I want her, not only physically but on a much deeper level than that, I just wish I can get past that part that is in the way...my leg.I am sitting in the lounge with Matt and his new girlfriend when my phone rings.It is Isabella.
Don't just break your walls down to let someone in, make them work for it, make them show that they are worth it. Wait for that one that is willing to climb your walls just to find you that will break them down just to get to you. The one that is looking for you, all that you are in body, mind, and soul. The worst reason to break down your walls is just for the physical, let love in before giving that part that you are not willing to expose.I have done my very best to ignore Isabella again. It's day count two, I answer her briefly when I think it warrants. Yes, I am the dumb ass that starts it and when it comes to pulling through, I do my famous now you see me and now you don't hear from my act. The damn woman is fine and god knows I want her, not only physically but on a much deeper level than that, I just wish I can get past that part that is in the way...my leg.I am sitting in the lounge with Matt and his new girlfriend when my phone rings.It is Isabella.
They say that broken people give broken love. But are all people not broken in some way, it just depends how well you sow yourself up at the start of each day.I am not ready to show Isabella how broken I really am but I also do not want to mess up this good thing that we have.I have one of two choices, I walk out and this ends here or I stay and might not be able to walk for the next few days. The last time I slept with my prosthetic leg on, I hurt my stump and could only use my crutches for those next couple of days. And that poses a completely new problem as I do not have crutches here. Yes, I am so over thinking this but all decisions come with consequences."Boo.""Yes, soldier?""Come here."I pull her closer."Yes, soldier?""I just wanted to taste your sweet lips.""You starting something again?""Sshhh. Just kiss me.She lifts herself up on her toes, and my face goes down to hers. I kiss her. The
I have been out for nearly two days. I got an infection in the sores on my stump, and the painkillers the doctor prescribed for the agonizing pain has had me knocked out sleeping most of the time.I have not spoken to Isabella in these two days at all. I am sure she must be worried sick. I look for my phone on the side table, but it is not there at all. I try to get up, but my body is too weak."MATT!"Matt comes rushing into my room, "Bro, are you okay? What is the matter? Do you need anything?""Where is my phone? I need to speak to Isabella.""It's in the lounge, but bro, there is a problem.""What? Did she call? Did she tell me to leave her alone?""No, bro, no, nothing like that. The thing is, she was very worried about you.""Matt, what did you do?""Your phone was ringing the whole time, and she was worried because you did not answer.""Matt, what is going on? What is happening with Isabella?""Bro,
In a perfect world, hearts heal, and people move on; well, I say that is nonsense. How do you heal if you can’t move on because you are still waiting for the impossible to happen, waiting for the one that broke your heart to come back and make it whole again cause the thing is, you cannot move on if they are not next to you moving on together.Yesterday was torture; today is agony. She has not phoned or even messaged me. I don’t know if she is waiting for me or if I must wait for her. This unwritten book of love is just a messed-up bundle of confusion.I am sitting with Matt and Chloe outside around the pool area. Matt has taken it upon himself to see me get through this; I feel completely useless and vulnerable. “Hey, bro, grab a beer and get some sun on those skinny bones.”“Man, I don’t know how brown I want this buddy of mine.”He bursts out laughing as I adjust my prosthetic leg and lay back on the deck chair