...Isabella POV…
I have a rather excited Marine in front of me that can barely contain the smile on his face. It gives me great pleasure that I am the one that has put it there.
But he has got one condition, which will come after we have lunch.
"Soldier we are meeting Anna at the pub, no buts."
"Boo, I am in shock; I need to recover." He looks at me with pleading eyes, "Can we not make it another time?"
"No, you can recover on the way there."
"But…"
" Clayton Jackson, you are not getting out of this. If you want any, then you will come now."
He gasps as he gets into the car, "That is called bribery, and we both know I am not."
"Well, maybe I will change my mind.
After much convincing, he finally agrees to have lunch with the girls. I love that he would do absolutely anything it is that I ask.
Yet, "I am going to strangle you for making me come to this girly thing."
"Stop complaining and
To say that I am not feverishly mad shall be an understatement. I want to lay waste to all that I see in front of my eyes. I want to rip everything by the seems apart. God forbid the one that shall cross my path, I shall tear their skin off, each layer by layer until they are but only bone. Now, I find myself furious and pissed off. Yet Isabella has no idea, and I am not giving her one either. So much to her irritation, I ignore her very questions and rise to my feet, and head for the door. I hear her snap after me, "Where are you going?" "I have something I need to sort out." With that, I leave the room, shutting the door with such great force that the paintings along the wall vibrate. As I head towards the lounge, the tears that have been threatening to consume my eyes and edge their way down my face come rolling with s
What was a scuffle between gentleman, which I had the upper hand, has now led into a stand-off. As I take a gentle spin on my heels, all that is staring me in the face is the barrel of Ruger. This leads me to advise him of only but two things, “If I was you, and god, I am glad I am not, for if you do not drop your fucking hands, you all will be finding yourself where the ray of the sun doesn’t reach.” For but a few seconds, I watch as he hesitates, yet, “I need not remind you who is the one better with the gun.” Yet he does not seem to take heed of my warning. So with only but a smirk on my face, I take my stance and step but two steps back. But as I make that single step, I see the fear creep into his hesitating face, though only but short-lived for a moment as he raises his voice, “Now, I suggest that you drop your gun while you are still able to walk
..Isabella POV...Clayton has left the room; he seems angry and is about to burst out in a fit of anger. I know the truth needs to be revealed, but he is scared beyond compare, and right now, I am the last person that he wants to see.So as he leaves the driveway, I grab a comfy blanket and my notebook to start planning for the arrival of our little Jackson Junior. But I soon find myself writing him a letter."My dear Clayton,For days I've been looking for the right words to express my feelings to you. To the man I love.And I hope I won't disappoint you because there is so much I would like to say to you, and there are not enough words to explain my deepest thoughts about you.Thank you for entering my life when I least expected it and when I most needed it.Thank you for regaining my hope when I'd almost given up on my dreams to find someone with whom I'd share my laughter and tears and with whom I won't be afraid to be who I truly
The silence has suffocated the room; you can hear a pin drop. The anticipation that I am about to lose my restraint is a possibility that lies high in the tense air of the room.I have yet not even listened to what Isabella has to say, but the mere fact that the man was in my house is enough to set my blood aflame.Does this woman not understand the concept of a boundary, the whole idea of not letting people into our home that is not welcome here? How am I supposed to trust her when I get deployed?God knows I love her, but sometimes she drives me insane. Can she not think? Can she simply not put together what is right and what is wrong?So as she still tries to speak for what I think I do not want to hear, I make my way to our room before I completely blow up. The raging anger that is suffocating every corner of my body lets loose like a beast. As far as my feet take me, every single object that finds itself in my path shatters in pure brute force agains
As the shadows grow longer, I exhale deeply. Night is coming, and it feels both a shelter and an interminable hole where I find myself.Wherever I turn in my life, it seems that all the exits are blocked, the options for freedom or choice dwindling or limited. The drumbeat and drone of a persistent hopelessness play out their mournful rhythm. Life is closing down on me.All throughout life, I get these rippling tidal waves of doubt, fear, and loneliness. I tend to put myself down more than I can get myself up. I see the world with a grain of salt because I have been dangerously walking through a road covered by fog.There is the tendency to give up rather than push on until the fog has cleared. The worst part of it all is when a fork comes in the road, and both paths fill me up with crippling resistance.With the uninvited feeling comes the darkest moments in my life.What is my purpose?That question haunts and taunts me l
Monsters come in all shapes and sizes. Some of them are things you are scared of. Some of them are things that look like things you used to be scared of. Sometimes monsters are people that you should be scared of, like take me, for instance…A crazy Marine with a gun.Fear isn't so difficult to understand. After all, weren't we all frightened as children? Nothing has changed since Little Red Riding Hood faced the big bad wolf. What frightens us today is exactly the same sort of thing that frightened us yesterday. It's just a different wolf.Just a different man.It's true; I am afraid. I am afraid of the world moving forward without me, of my absence going unnoticed. Is it selfish? Am I such a bad person for dreaming of a world that ends when I do? I don't mean the world ending with respect to me, but every set of eyes closing with mine.It is as if the world needs to stop and take stock with me of what I have done wrong.I am afraid.
There are two circumstances that lead to arrogance: one is when you're wrong and you can't face it; the other is when you're right, and nobody else can face it.Am I right for what I have done? Well, in that sick twisted way that is not about losing everything, I feel that I can justify my actions.But does this not just make me insane? See, we all have three different people living inside of us every day…who you were…who you are…and whom you will become. And right not, my road to whom I will become is riddled with insanity.Only but a day before, I was living the perfect life, but it seems to be right with what they say. Whenever the world throws rose petals at you, you should beware for that cosmic banana peel will suddenly appear under your foot, and you will fall on your ass.Now, Brendan has had one single request, and as it flowed from Isabella's mouth, I could not help but burst out in a fit of laughter.Ya,
Sometimes you should go on your gut instinct; that little voice that tells you to tells you what your heart says.I have come to learn that if I have done something that does not feel right, then it ended up not being right.What else I have learned is not to trust another man around your wife, well, least of all one that she was married to.Now there are two big mistakes that I have made in the past day…One…I nearly killed a man.Two…I trusted my wife to come near this man.So as he is lying here, I would love to punch him, but I know around the corner I have a very eager Harrison and Isabella that is waiting to hear what he has got to say. And secondly…I really don't want to go down for assault as well.It is one thing making a mistake, yet another thing to keep making it.Now, Brendan is nearly boiling over from his own anticipation as he cannot get the words out of his mouth, so to p
"Dear Clayton…I know that if you are reading this, it must have taken you days to get to that decision. I really do not blame you for hating me as much as you are hating me right now. And if it has taken you the time that I think it must have, then I know that you are somewhere near Baghdad and that you will be heading off into the unknown.Now I know that no part of you are going to believe this, but I really wish you good luck and for your safe return. Braydon needs you more than ever, for god knows he does not need his mother, not after the stunt that she has pulled.But if you give me just five minutes, then I want to tell you what and however stupid it might be, but I need for you to understand why I had to walk away and perhaps that you will understand. But before I lay my misery upon you, I want to say that I really did not intend for any of this to happen. I did not want to leave you or Braydon, but I had to; I had to give you two boys a better f
"I told you to stop phoning me, Clayton."With nothing but a huff, I clench the phone tighter, and without trying to sound too annoyed, I speak once again, "But, I just wanted…""No buts, Clayton. You have phoned six times already, and it is only 10:00 am. Do you not have something better to do?""Not at this very pressing moment. So please can I…?""No, I said no. You are not waking him up again just to say hello.""But mom, come on…""I said no!"With the vibration of her voice still ringing in my ear, my mom drops what would be the fifth call I have made unnecessary down in my ear. The phone finds its way very firmly to the other side of the ops tent, only but barely missing the head of Galland."Hey! What the fuck, man? Do you want to kill me?"I only but grunt at him as I catch the returning phone, "My mom does not want me to speak to Braydon.""Well, perhaps because you have phoned her l
07:30I have just watched two Humvees from our group swerve off the road and crash as they attempted to avoid the incoming fire from the enemy. Galland is desperately trying to make contact to confirm if all is alive.Right now, everything looks bleak as we are surrounded by more enemy than what we can handle.But as I look past Clark to the other side of the road, I can see a truck that has been crushed by one of the enemy's tanks. There I can sadly say, if they were not fast enough to get out and avoid enemy fire as well, then they are all gone.There seems by the radio that does come in and from what we can see between the chaos around us, only three remaining vehicles.We are sitting ducks.And this pond is far too big for us to navigate around in.Is this how it is going to end for this small group of Marines?Were we, in fact, too arrogant and too at ease when we set on this mission?This is not how I w
As I slowly flutter open my eyes, I can hear the distinct sound of chatter of excited Marines outside of my tent. Today is the day; for the past few days, we have been building up to this moment. These are the days that all Marines train and most definitely live for.It is the 23rd of March.04:45I have chosen to sleep in just for fifteen minutes. Just the fifteen minutes that I need to get my head into the game. Harrison has begged me not to go out with the squad this morning, but he knows that it is futile to even argue.This will be my last deployment for a while, and god knows I want to make it count. That means sitting on the sidelines and listening to the action coming through on radio is definitely not an option. I want, when I tell my son why I was not there in the early stages of his life, I want to tell him that I was out there making a difference. I need to do this not only for me but for him.Though, definitely not for his
Days seem to be moving faster than we have anticipated, with the imminent mission lying around the corner. We will be moving out tomorrow just before the crack of dawn as we will make our way up to Baghdad. Now to say that I am shit scared for what might happen is clearly evident in the pacing I have done in the past half hour. Much to Harrison's annoyance, he has sent me out of the ops tent to find something else to keep my mind occupied.I am fucking scared that I am not going to make this one home this time. I have come so close to death these past two missions that I am now asking myself what the fuck am I doing here. My son needs me, and I am here in the middle of goddamn no man's desert going off my head.My mom has even told me to stop phoning her more than four times a day, for I am driving her right there insane with my constant checking on Braydon. I never knew that there would come a day that I would rather be anywhere else than the place I used to love bein
It is early morning on a rather miserable Thursday that we are heading towards camp south of Nasiriya on this 20th March. To say that we are anxious and rather unsettled would be a blatant lie. We are nearing the end of what will be the major of our attempt to take over the forces in the City.I have been looking forward to this mission for a great number of days, but since the departure of Isabella, there is no other place that I would rather be than home at this present moment.We have been told this should be a quick in and out and should not last beyond two weeks, but we are preparing ourselves for a month as things never seem to go as planned when it comes to the forces in this Country.But I am set to get this mission over as fast as I possibly can with as few casualties as we had in Fallujah. My only true mission is that little bundle of smiles that is waiting for me when I get back home. This will, but I am not going to say that rather adaman
I remember the day when I was about to leave the Hospital when my dad just woke up from that horrible nightmare that he was facing. That day when we all knew that our love and faith had been tested. A time that we will never forget that should have taught us all a valuable lesson.Now, if I can recall almost exactly, I told myself that the next years would be difficult for me. I would stumble. I would fall. There would be heartbreak and failure. I would pick myself back up and start again. That there would be more heartbreak to follow.Well, if I now remember back to that day, I wish I could have kicked my own ass for predicting my future in such a bleak way.Yes.That night, that was the last time that I saw Isabella walk away, for the next morning when I went to go wake her after she had a very much-needed rest, I only but found the bed cold and empty, nearly like she had never been in it at all.So it has been a week.A week since Isabell
If my mind thought it was deceiving it, my eyes are telling me that I surely am not.Isabella has just arrived on our doorstep again. Why she has not entered the room, that I do not know. There is a slight hesitation about her which I am sure anyone would feel after what we have been through these past few days. I will not question her, for right now, I do not know what her intention is, and I damn well do not want another argument either.So it is with a tiny jolt of energy back into my bones that I can barely stop myself from smiling. As my eyes leave hers, I find the only thing that really matters in this world. Yes, I know that I need to say that Isabella is along there somewhere. But right now, I am reluctant to open myself to that possibility again.Yet, I do have to admit, "You have no idea I am happy to see you and Braydon." I pause for a brief moment as I rush over and place a tiny peck on the little man's forehead, then I continue again, "Isabella&hell
…Isabella POV…To say that I have not hit a new depth of stupidity in these past few days would be a total understatement. From bursting into Harrison's home and attacking Galland's girlfriend to taking Clayton's child away from him and sacking up in some small hotel room. That can easily be described as the most insane thing that any woman can set her mind to, regardless of which world it is that she finds herself in.Now, should I want to try and find the most logical answer for doing any of them, I cannot come to one single one.Why do I hate Clayton so much?Even more important…why is my Bipolar back with such a great force?Why do I want to hurt Clayton so bad?Well, I guess there is only the truth that needs to be told.And as I try to bear the pain that is consuming my body, try to make sense of this fucking crazy that is brewing inside of me.I've run out of reasons to run away from Clayton. I've tr