The Man Who Breaks My Heart (English )

"Mama!" I woke up when I heard Freya my daughter called me.

"Mama!" her twin, Maynard, I heard him too. They were five years old and still slept beside me in bed.

"Hmmm… what's wrong with my two babies?" I asked Freya first who was close to me. While Maynard, because he was a restless sleeper, had fallen asleep at my feet. Thankfully, we were sleeping on the floor and a wide foam mattress was spread out there.

"I love you, mama...." I froze at my daughter's words.

Only a lampshade was the only light source so I couldn't see her face.

I got my phone which was at a small table to turn on the flashlight and when I looked at my daughter, she was asleep with her eyes closed. In the few seconds I stared at her, I didn't realize that tears were already flowing from my eyes.

They really love me so much that even in their dreams, I was there, "Oh my God, my baby! I love you too, I really love you both." I said as I kissed my daughter's cheek who was still sound asleep. She was probably just dreaming a while ago.

My daughter, Freya Mae, is very mischievous and talkative and she’s not afraid to say what she wants to say, but she’s very affectionate when it comes to us. She never fails to say "I love you" and "I'm sorry" when she makes a mistake. Maynard is the same, but I would say my son is quieter and only speaks when you ask him or if it’s related to the conversation.

They are my angels, I am so proud of myself that being a single mom, I was able to raise them well. I have kind and loving children. They are my air and my breath, in the daily struggles that God has given us, nothing can compare to seeing the smiles and laughter of my children.

I am so happy just to see them energetic and free from any pain. I may not be able to give them all the material things or luxuries they want, but I gave them all my love without any strings attached.

I sat up so I could properly put Maynard back on his pillow and beside us. They’ve gotten heavier now because they love to eat. Thankfully, they like vegetables and things that are good for their bodies and not just junk food.

I also don’t let them get used to much in gadgets, so I’m happy to see that my twins love books and writing.

My parents are with me in raising my children. While what happened in the past wasn’t good, we tried to forget it and focused on raising Freya and Maynard.

Seeing that my children were in their proper beds, I covered them both with a large blanket and then went back to sleep.

Before, an alarm clock woke me up, especially when I went to school and if we had a date with… nevermind.

But now, Freya’s laughter or screams wake me up from my deep sleep, sometimes because I thought something happened to my children, but it turned out that they were already playing with their grandparents early in the morning. I only woke up at seven in the morning today because I was probably tired yesterday, I was looking for clothes in the ukay-ukay in the market that I could use for work.

I washed the clothes when I got home and for sure I can use them tomorrow.

It’s Sunday today and we’re going to church for the second mass and then after that I’ll take them to the mall. I first tidied up our beds so the room wouldn’t look messy. Then the toys and books that weren’t in order or forgot to be returned to their shelf or box. Sometimes they tidy up their things on their own, but when they know their grandma and grandpa are awake, they’ll go out of the room to play with them.

I’m happy today because I’ll be with my children on our outing later. Starting tomorrow, I’m going to work at the job I applied for and passed. The newly opened building in Mandaluyong was looking for a new secretary and by the grace of God, I found a job after a few days of searching.

The income from our store wasn’t enough, my mother only earns from laundry, and my father is a construction worker.

"You’re awake now, come to the table and eat together with the children, Caloy came here and brought some food and that's what I served." said my mother.

I smiled to thank her, "Thank you, mama–"

"Mama! Mama! Good morning...kiss kiss kiss Freya," my daughter greeted me happily while jumping up and down for her morning kiss, she wants to be the first one to kiss me before her brother. Freya was carrying her brown teddy bear that Caloy gave her on her birthday and Maynard had a car that he liked that his brother also liked.

"Mwaahh… the other side mama… mwaahh…I love you mama." said Freya.

"I love you, mama!" Maynard followed.

"They’ve been outside since earlier and helped your dad water the plants so they’re wet, I already bathed them and they might get sick, you just dress them in their new clothes to go out so they don’t get dirty," said my mother.

"Is that so, thank you, mama!" I looked back at my children, Freya looks like me while Maynard is the spitting image of his father. Every time I see my son’s face, am I angry? No. Why would I be angry with my son, he’s a carbon copy but I’ve always accepted my son completely and without regret, maybe I hate the father, but not my own son Maynard, never.

"Mama, are we not going with you tomorrow?" My mother and father were stunned by Freya’s question. My chest suddenly tightened because of her sudden question.

I put bihon on their plates that Caloy brought earlier, he was in a hurry because he still had work so he just told me that it was from him, he’s been my friend since we moved here in Manila.

"Uhmm, baby I’m not leaving you, I’m just going out to work but I’ll be back right away in the evening, mama will just be working but I’m here all Saturday and Sunday then we’ll go to the mall again. Do you want that?" They weren’t used to me leaving, if I did leave, I would bring them with me, I’m always at home and also watch over the store while taking care of the children while my parents are away, if my mom is at home, I do the selling of goods to our kind neighbors to add to our income like maruya, biko, banana or camote que.

"Can’t baby go with you, mama? Will baby Freya behave there?" Tears welled up in my eyes because of the sadness I saw in my daughter’s eyes, I also quietly looked at Maynard who I think was thinking the same thing but because Freya is more talkative, she’s always the one who speaks first.

"I’ll talk to my employer first if the baby can go and stay at the office, and if they agree, I’ll take you two there–"

"Yeheey!" I hadn’t even finished what I was going to say when they started clapping because of the good news they heard. I didn’t even know if children were allowed there. Whatever. I’m sure there will be a way if I request that my children can go on a tour in that building.

"Mama’s girl and boy really are your children Lynn, it feels like just yesterday you were carrying your children everywhere, then look at them now, not just talkative but they’re also louder, naughty sometimes but I have no complaints because they make the house so happy, except when they get sick, like, your father cries because his grandchildren are hurting." If I was able to hold back my tears earlier, but because of what my parents said, my tears can't stop falling. I quickly wiped my cheeks so my children wouldn’t notice that I was crying again. They went back to eating and they were happy because of what I said.

From the moment they found out I was pregnant with twins, they were so happy, even though I was disappointed because I ruined my dreams for them, but because of my children, my parents’ relationship became stronger, before, I would sometimes catch them arguing when I came home from school, and they would argue that maybe my dad had someone else and why their income from farming was small.

But when we moved to Manila because of what happened to me, they were so thankful that they finally saw and experienced taking care of grandchildren. Not just one, but twins, sometimes when the four of them are together, some neighbors say that the twins are their children because they look alike except for Maynard.

It’s funny to think that they are twins but they don’t look alike, especially when you look at them for a long time because I look like Freya and Maynard look like his father, a father who doesn’t say a word and a cheater.

Even though I really see him in Maynard’s personality, I love my son so much, my only son because I’ve long killed their father in my heart.

Even though Donna, my friend, said that maybe one day they’ll meet their father, what would I do?

There’s only one thing I’ll do, and that’s to ignore him forever. I’ve long removed him from my mind and heart, I can introduce him to my children but I will not and I will not allow him to take my angels from me. That will never happen.

"Yahoo! People! Are you there?" We heard someone knocking on our door, it was none other than my gossipy friend.

"Noona, pretty!" Freya screamed. "Mama! Mama Noona, pretty is here, yeheey!" I helped her get down from the chair because she wants to be the one to open the door when my witch friend comes to our house, so sometimes I know where my daughter inherited her talkativeness, please don’t let it be like that dear universe.

"Be careful, kid!" said my father who also stood up after eating again because of Caloy’s bring home food.

As soon as I opened the door, the two of them prepared a dance number. Donna loves girl groups so my daughter also teaches them to dance every time they see each other.

Gee gee gee baby baby baby

Gee gee gee baby baby baby

Even my mom, who clearly saw what the two of them were dancing, also laughed like me. I just shook my head at how lively these two are.

"Enough, baby, Noona pretty is tired!" Donna said breathlessly.

"Alright! Good morning, come in, Noona Pretty." Freya held her bff’s arm to let her in, she’ll go to church and go out with us because she’s not working at the market today where they sell vegetables and meat.

The house was noisy again because of my daughter’s voice and my friend, thankfully Maynard got used to it unlike before when they would sometimes fight with his twin because they didn’t understand each other, but I explained to them to love and respect each other and they learned.

So as a single mom, I’m not ashamed that this happened to me, instead, I’m thankful because I woke up to the truth early. The truth is that I can’t stay in a toxic relationship.

I stand as both father and mother to my twins. I thought I couldn’t do it, but I can do it. I went through depression but I’m proud of the dreams I’ve achieved for my children. I fought for them.

I can do it…

The saying is right, after the rain has gone, you will see the sun come.

And I, the one and only Aubree Lynn Corpez proved it.