Chapter 4

Kiara’s Pov 

       I wasn’t sure if there were some other preparations for a new bride who’s getting ready to be disvirgined by her new husband, other than the ones I’ve done so far. But, in order not to anger Xavier, I wanted to get this right.

My life was in enough shambles as it is right now, and telling from how I had pulled away from him when he had been about to kiss me in church, I hadn’t missed the anger in his eyes. Which had led me to the conclusion right now, that I’d rather not anger him tonight, to avoid him deciding to punish me tonight.

I had other pressing matters on ground either way.

I wasn’t sure of how I was going to be able to relax enough around him for him to consummate the marriage, and I wasn’t looking forward to leaving the bathroom which I had locked myself in for over one hour. 

After we had arrived, I had fled in here and have been holed up in here since. I glanced at myself in the mirror and grimaced, the lingerie I was in, was white in color, matching the color of my pale skin.

I hated how dirty I felt. 

If I hadn’t ever been touched before, I was sure I won’t be feeling this disgusted. The fact that I was dressing up right now, made me feel more like a sacrificial lamb, and I swallowed back the bile that threatened to come forth.

My eyes slid close, and I was back to the back of the car which was used to transport me everywhere, when I was eight, with me crying and shaking my head.

I was quick to shake that memory off, thinking about that was only going to make me more jilttery tonight. 

It wasn’t long before I saw myself back in my bedroom, nightgown ripped and tears sliding down my silent cheeks… but, once again, I shook that memory out of my head. 

I was determined to not let me past take over my mind tonight, because that was definitely only going to make things worse for ne.

I slowly pulled a robe over my body, because I was sure I’d be unable to walk out of the bathroom in only lingerie. I stepped out of the bathroom after sucking in a deep breath. The breath catch in my throat because my eyes landed on Xavier instantly, perched at the head of the bed, shirt nowhere to be found and eyes glued to his phone.

His eyes landed on me almost immediately, and I almost ran back into the bathroom to keep on cowering in there.

He motioned for me to come forward. Hesitant for a moment, I ended up moving towards him wearily. His large hands closed on my hips and I gasped as I was tugged over him to settle over his thighs.

His phone got discarded and I gulped on feeling hard muscles beneath my ass. Being this close to him, without the barrier of his shirt, gave me a very good view of his chest and a good whiff of his cologne. My head spinned and I averted my gaze from his chest.

“Are you nervous?”

Those were the first words he was saying to me. His voice sounded way deeper than she remembered it.

“You pulled away from me at the wedding, that was a slap to my face in public, but I take it you were nervous?” He continued and I stared at him wearily, feeling really nervous with being this close to him in a room.

Because I was determined to not reveal how uncomfortable and nervous I was feeling, I let out a small scoff which he undoubtedly caught as I spoke.

“Just get this part of the wedding over with already.”

I didn’t miss the shocked expression on his face, right before a smile tugged at the sides of his lips.

“Very well then, Mrs. Romano.”

He rolled me over after that, so swiftly that my head spinned as his heavy weight settled over mine. That instantly made my heart fly up to my chest, as different imaginations and memories began to flood the insides of my head.

I felt deft fingers work my robe open, and I trembled when it got pushed over my shoulders. Determined to not appear nervous, I hardened my eyes and forced myself to remain still.

Xavier’s hands began to slide over my body after that, mapping my hips and nudging my thighs apart. I felt like I was going to either faint or break out in hysteric screams any moment from now.

My lace panties came off and I squeezed my eyes shut, hand’s fisted at my side as I trembled in fear. 

On feeling a single finger at my entrance, was when everything went downhill. It was at that moment, that my mind having had enough, gave way for the monsters in my head to take over.

A hysteric cry leaving my mouth was the last thing I could remember, just as I felt myself sliding into an incoherent panic attack, as all of my vile past memories resurfaced.

———-

      When I blinked my eyes open, was the instant everything returned back to me in waves, and I flew up in panic, a horrified feeling engulfing me.

What I had done?

I couldn’t believe that I had someone managed to stop the consummation from happening.

Or, did it happen while I had passed out?

A quick movement of my legs without any pain answering in response, was proof enough that I had been left alone after I had passed out. A huge blanket was also over my body.

I couldn’t bring myself to imagine how Xavier must be feeling right now.

What if he had called my father that he didn’t want me as a wife anymore since we couldn’t even consummate the marriage. My heart leaped in fear for my brother, whom I still hate but wouldn’t want anything to happen to.

I glanced sideways and did a double take on seeing Xavier sitting on the couch in the bedroom, in a white shirt this time, and I gulped fearfully.

A furious look was plastered over his face, and I gulped in fear, hoping he doesn’t blow my head off in anger right now. 

“I’m sorry.” I blurted out, feeling immensely guilty for having a panic attack in the middle of the consummation.

He still looked very furious as he sat up, and I silently prayed he wouldn’t do anything to me tonight. However, his next words completely took me aback.

“Who hurt you?”

I blinked in confusion. “Uh… nobody h-hurt me.”

“Bullshit.” He snapped as he shoved off the couch and was crowding me in an instant, face morphed in a permanent scowl at this point.

“Who fucking hurt you?”

I hastily shook my head at him while pressing into the pillow and wishing I could disappear. 

His hand was grasping my chin next, anger shimmering in his blue eyes and I gulped hard.

“Who touched you against your will? Who did this to you?!”

My eyes widened as realization began to dawn on me.

“Uh…” I stuttered, not knowing what to say or how to start. This was definitely not how I imagined my wedding night to play out, and definitely not how I had imagined talking about this particular thing which I haven’t told a soul – apart from my mother. 

“Don’t you dare lie to me. Now, speak.”