AS MY FOOT filled with sand as I walked and mesmerized the beauty and serenity of the beach as the cold breeze swayed my hair and the skirt of my maternity dress, I couldn’t help but to bewildered why my heart seemed in pain. The sky was gloomy, and the waves were tamed. But I feel that a storm would come after this. “Mama!” masayang pagtawag ni Deus Paulo sa akin. Agad akong napalingon kay Deus Paulo. Sobrang cute niya habang tumatakbo sa buhangin. Gusto kasi niyang tumakbo nang tumakbo sa buhangin kaya’t talagang pumupunta kami sa beach kapag hindi kami busy ni McKenzie sa trabaho. ‘My husband and I would do everything to make him happy, because we really loved him so much. Gusto kong ibigay ang lahat ng mga pangangailangan ng aking anak. Lahat ng mga hindi ko naranasan no’ng pa ako ay gusto kong iparanas sa kaniya.’ Hindi ko napigilang ngumiti at bahagyang lumuhod para salubungin siya ng isang yakap. Kitang-kita ko kung paano siya tumakbo papalapit sa akin para yakapin ang ako
I WAS BEING DIAGNOSED with Major Depressive Disorder and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I underwent treatments, because I became really out of my mind after Deus Paulo’s lifeless body inside the casket was being buried in the private mausoleum. Nawala ako sa tamang huwisyo at sinasaktan ko na ang aking sarili. Lagi akong nagwawala at umiiyak sa tuwing naalala ko ang pagkamatay ni Deus Paulo. Sobrang sakit nito para sa akin dahil pinipiga ang puso ko. Pakiramdam ko ay nawalan na ng saysay ang buhay ko lalo na’t hindi ko nagawang iligtas at protektahan ang aking anak.Mas lalong tumindi ang galit ko sa tuwing nakikita ko si McKenzie nang dahil na rin sa aking Postpartum Depression. Naging sarado ang isip ko at lagi ko siyang sinisisi mula sa pagkamatay ni Deus Paulo. Walang oras na sinisisi ko siya. Ayaw na ayaw ko rin siyang nakikita o lumalapit sa akin dahil naiinis ako sa kaniyang pagmumukha. Until I lost my sanity. I attempted suicide by cutting my wrists and sleeping inside th
MAFIA LORD MCKENZIE’S POVI HAD A TOUGH power and role to fulfill ever since I was born in this world, because I’m the future heir of being the Mafia Lord of the Castello di Accardi. The lives of every lineage worshiped and believed in my clan were on my shoulders.The Accardi Clan was one of the strongest in one of the boundaries of the Mafia Empire in Italy. At a very young age, my vision and perspective were wide open in the maze of the Mafia Empire. I needed to be strong and vigilant otherwise I would get killed which would make my clan be slaves to whoever nemesis of mine would defeat me. ‘And I don’t want that to happen. . . I wouldn’t let anyone under my wing be trapped in danger and be killed. Until I’m breathing and alive, I would really do everything to defend them against all odds.’Nonna always taught me to be strong and wise at all times or else I would be lost in the battle. I really admire her, because she was dauntless, strong and wise. I even didn’t see her being lo
I GAZED at the serene sky as the waves were tamed as I stood near the shore. I couldn’t help but to smile as the sand went on my feet. I slowly lifted my hand to somehow make myself feel that I could touch the cloud that looked like a shark. “Happy birthday, Anak. Miss na miss ka na ni Mama. . . Sana ay masaya ka na kasama sina Nonna sa heaven. Mahal na mahal kita at lagi kang nasa aking puso at isipan,” I uttered softly as the wind blew on me which made my hair and the hem of my skirt dance. A lone tear escaped from my eye. “Soon, we would meet again, but for now, please guide us, being our adorable guardian angel. . .” We visited the private mausoleum of Deus Paulo, and sang him a happy birthday song. His private mausoleum was full of Shark balloons, cake and his favorite foods. After that, we headed here to Il Paraiso di Accardi to continue the celebration. It was a special place that my son really loved when he was still alive in this world. “Mama!” masayang pagtawag sa akin
I THOUGHT fairytales really existed after I married Derson who was the love of my life, and the father of my baby that I’m carrying inside my womb, but I’m wrong, because that led me to suffer in hell. Akala ko ay tanggap na ako ng pamilya ng aking asawa kahit na gawin ko ang lahat. Ngunit hindi pala sapat iyon para sa kanila. Halos mapasubsob ako sa palanggana na puno ng sabon at mga labada ng mga malalaking kobre kama at mga kurtina nang sipain ni Mommy ang kinauupuan ko. Mabilis akong napayakap sa aking sarili lalong-lalo na ang aking malaking baby bump. Napaigik ako sa sakit nang nanggigigil niya akong sinabunutan sa aking buhok. Pakiramdam ko ay matatanggal ang aking buhok mula sa anit ko dahil do’n. “M-Mommy, tama na po, please? N-Nasasaktan na po ako,” umiiyak kong pagmamakaawa. “Talagang sasaktan kita dahil ang bagal-bagal mong inutil ka! Hindi porket pinakasalan ka ng aking anak ay magbubuhay reyna ka sa aking pamamahay! Kahit na bihisan ka pa ng ginto ay umaalingasaw p
I WAS AWAKENED with kisses all over my face which made me smile. My husband and I were really excited for this day, because we already set an appointment for my new OB-Gynecologist, and he really made sure that she was the best OB-Gynecologist for my pregnancy. “Good morning, Babe! Rise and shine, My Beautiful Wife!” masaya niyang turan sa akin. Hindi ko napigilang humagikhik nang dahil do’n. “Good morning din, Babe. Bakit parang hindi nababawasan ang energy mo?” He smiled mischievously. “I would always be energized, especially if I had a dose of you.” My face flushed with his bluntness. Even though I’m pregnant, he was still insatiable, and always found ways to pleasure ourselves while not hurting our baby. “I know that you were still sore and tired, so let me do the honor to be your slave, Babe. I would bathe and put clothes on you,” he added. I squealed in delight when he scooped me, and carried me effortlessly in his arms. I couldn’t help but to giggle, and let him tak
I WISHED that it was a nightmare, and I want to wake up from it. I couldn’t believe that the hell I was suffering intensified after the news spread like a wildfire inside the Canlas Mansion about my baby’s special condition of having Down Syndrome. Pagkalipas ng ilang mga linggo ay nararamdaman ko na ang unti-unting paglayo at panlalamig sa akin ng asawa ko. Hindi siya ganito dati at sobrang naninibago ako lalo na’t lagi siyang hatinggabi na kung umuwi. Hanggang ngayon ay disappointed pa rin siya na ang aming baby ay mayro’ng ganitong kondisyon at kahit hindi niya sabihin sa akin ay alam kong hindi niya tanggap ito. “Babe,” pagtawag pansin ko kay Derson na sobrang busy sa kaniyang cellphone habang nakaupo sa swivel chair sa loob ng opisina niya na konektado sa aming silid. “Ahm. . . Busy ka ba?” Nag-angat siya sa akin nang tingin habang nakakunot ang kaniyang noo. Halatang naistorbo ko siya mula sa kaniyang ginagawa sa cellphone. “Hmm. . . What?” “Usap naman tayo, please? Sob
I WAS STARING BLANKLY outside the window while I’m sitting on the rocking chair as I felt the door creak open and close. I heard the familiar footsteps from my husband as he silently headed towards his walking closet to change his clothes. He was still hiding his dirty little secret from me, and I want to know the truth from him. “Derson,” pagtawag ko sa kaniyang pangalan. Alam kong narinig niya iyon. “Kailan mo ba balak sabihin sa akin na mayro’n ka nang iba?” Narinig ko ang papalapit niyang yabag. Naramdaman kong nasa tabi ko na siya. Ngunit hindi ko siya inabalang tignan. Nandidiri ako sa ginawa niya sa akin. Hindi ko matanggap na ginagago niya ako at pati na rin ng kaniyang kaibigan na talagang binuntis niya pa. “Bakit gising ka pa rin hanggang ngayon? It was already one in the morning. You should be better sleeping right now,” pag-iiba niya. ‘Iniiba niya ang usapan. Talagang mayro’n siyang itinatagong sikreto mula sa akin at gusto ko nang matuldukan iyon ngayon.’ Mapait akon
I GAZED at the serene sky as the waves were tamed as I stood near the shore. I couldn’t help but to smile as the sand went on my feet. I slowly lifted my hand to somehow make myself feel that I could touch the cloud that looked like a shark. “Happy birthday, Anak. Miss na miss ka na ni Mama. . . Sana ay masaya ka na kasama sina Nonna sa heaven. Mahal na mahal kita at lagi kang nasa aking puso at isipan,” I uttered softly as the wind blew on me which made my hair and the hem of my skirt dance. A lone tear escaped from my eye. “Soon, we would meet again, but for now, please guide us, being our adorable guardian angel. . .” We visited the private mausoleum of Deus Paulo, and sang him a happy birthday song. His private mausoleum was full of Shark balloons, cake and his favorite foods. After that, we headed here to Il Paraiso di Accardi to continue the celebration. It was a special place that my son really loved when he was still alive in this world. “Mama!” masayang pagtawag sa akin
MAFIA LORD MCKENZIE’S POVI HAD A TOUGH power and role to fulfill ever since I was born in this world, because I’m the future heir of being the Mafia Lord of the Castello di Accardi. The lives of every lineage worshiped and believed in my clan were on my shoulders.The Accardi Clan was one of the strongest in one of the boundaries of the Mafia Empire in Italy. At a very young age, my vision and perspective were wide open in the maze of the Mafia Empire. I needed to be strong and vigilant otherwise I would get killed which would make my clan be slaves to whoever nemesis of mine would defeat me. ‘And I don’t want that to happen. . . I wouldn’t let anyone under my wing be trapped in danger and be killed. Until I’m breathing and alive, I would really do everything to defend them against all odds.’Nonna always taught me to be strong and wise at all times or else I would be lost in the battle. I really admire her, because she was dauntless, strong and wise. I even didn’t see her being lo
I WAS BEING DIAGNOSED with Major Depressive Disorder and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I underwent treatments, because I became really out of my mind after Deus Paulo’s lifeless body inside the casket was being buried in the private mausoleum. Nawala ako sa tamang huwisyo at sinasaktan ko na ang aking sarili. Lagi akong nagwawala at umiiyak sa tuwing naalala ko ang pagkamatay ni Deus Paulo. Sobrang sakit nito para sa akin dahil pinipiga ang puso ko. Pakiramdam ko ay nawalan na ng saysay ang buhay ko lalo na’t hindi ko nagawang iligtas at protektahan ang aking anak.Mas lalong tumindi ang galit ko sa tuwing nakikita ko si McKenzie nang dahil na rin sa aking Postpartum Depression. Naging sarado ang isip ko at lagi ko siyang sinisisi mula sa pagkamatay ni Deus Paulo. Walang oras na sinisisi ko siya. Ayaw na ayaw ko rin siyang nakikita o lumalapit sa akin dahil naiinis ako sa kaniyang pagmumukha. Until I lost my sanity. I attempted suicide by cutting my wrists and sleeping inside th
AS MY FOOT filled with sand as I walked and mesmerized the beauty and serenity of the beach as the cold breeze swayed my hair and the skirt of my maternity dress, I couldn’t help but to bewildered why my heart seemed in pain. The sky was gloomy, and the waves were tamed. But I feel that a storm would come after this. “Mama!” masayang pagtawag ni Deus Paulo sa akin. Agad akong napalingon kay Deus Paulo. Sobrang cute niya habang tumatakbo sa buhangin. Gusto kasi niyang tumakbo nang tumakbo sa buhangin kaya’t talagang pumupunta kami sa beach kapag hindi kami busy ni McKenzie sa trabaho. ‘My husband and I would do everything to make him happy, because we really loved him so much. Gusto kong ibigay ang lahat ng mga pangangailangan ng aking anak. Lahat ng mga hindi ko naranasan no’ng pa ako ay gusto kong iparanas sa kaniya.’ Hindi ko napigilang ngumiti at bahagyang lumuhod para salubungin siya ng isang yakap. Kitang-kita ko kung paano siya tumakbo papalapit sa akin para yakapin ang ako
I WAS AWAKENED by a cold splash of the water through my face. My head and body was aching as hell including my deep wounds and scratches. I couldn’t help but to cough, and gasped for air as someone tugged my hair harshly which made me groan in pain. “Aw! Ang sakit naman, ‘no? Well. . . You really deserve to suffer pain in a hellish way, B*tch. Akala mo ba ay tapos na? Sad to say, hindi pa. And now, nasa exciting part na tayo at iyon ang kamatayan ninyo ng mga anak mo,” sarkastikong turan ng isang pamilyar na tinig na hindi ko akalaing maririnig ko pa hanggang ngayon. “J-Jona Joyce?” nahihirapan kong pagbanggit ng kaniyang pangalan. With that, Jona Joyce’s grip tightened on my hair which made me dizzy in pain. “Gulat ka, ‘no? Mabuti naman at kilala mo pa akong hayop ka. Akala mo ba hindi ko nakalimutan ang ginawa mo sa amin noon? Well. . . I’m being resurrected from hell to kill you, B*tch. Hinding-hindi kita bibigyan ng isang p*nyetang happy ending habang nabubuhay ako.” Hindi ak
I SIGHED HEAVILY as my heart clenched in pain on this day. It was the death anniversary of Auntie Sabel and my cousins. I really wanted to go to their private mausoleum to visit them no matter what happens, especially that I even dream of them. Kahit ilang taon na ang nakarararan, sa tuwing naalala ko ang nangyaring brutal massacre sa kanila ay hindi ko napipigilang maging emosyonal. Alam kong wala silang kalaban-laban mula sa mga demonyong iyon. Hanggang sa huli ay sinigurado kong naipaghiganti ko sila mula sa demonyo ng aking nakaraan. Ibinalik ko lamang sa mga demonyong iyon ang sakit at paghihirap na naramdaman nila. ‘Afterall, the demons of my past deserved to rot their souls in hell. Gusto kong masunog ang kaluluwa nilang lahat sa impiyerno.’“Amore Mio, do you still go there without me?” McKenzie asked for the ninth time which made me look at him with a smile.Nilingon ko siya pagkatapos kong ibaba ang hawak kong hair brush. “Ang kulit mo naman, Amore Bambino. Walang makakapi
I SIGHED DREAMILY as I looked at the ultrasound pictures that I have on my scrapbook in my pregnancy journey. Time flew past, and I’m already now on my seventh month of pregnancy, same goes as Girly who was in her eight months of her pregnancy. Gusto kong sabay kaming mag-celebrate ni Girly ng baby shower at gender reveal party sa Casa Accardi. Masaya ako na pumayag siya. Sobrang malapit talaga siya sa aking puso. At miss na miss ko na rin siyang kasama. Medyo maselan kasi ang pagbubuntis niya kaya’t hindi siya masyadong nakalalabas ng bahay nilang dalawa ni Consigliere Marco. Naiintindihan ko naman na kailangan niyang magpahinga muna pero hindi ko mapigilang maging emosyonal sa tuwing magkikita kaming dalawa. Kahit kasama ko si Cherry, iba pa rin kasi kapag kasama ko si Girly. Matagal din naman kasi kaming naging magkasama at alam na alam niya ang mga gusto at ayaw ko. Magkasundo rin kami sa lahat ng mga bagay. I’m dumbfounded and delighted to the wonderful news that Girly was c
I LOOKED INTENTLY while tears kept falling from my eyes as I stared at the new monitor that was installed inside the clinic of the Casa Accardi. All of the equipment needed by Dra. Yureka to monitor Girly and I’s pregnancy were complete here, so we don’t need to go to another clinic or hospital. It was also for our safety too. Actually, nang nalaman ni McKenzie na buntis ako ay pinatawag niya agad si Dra. Yureka na mabilis namang dumating sa Casa Accardi. Gusto niya kasing makasigurado na maayos ang lagay naming dalawa ng aming baby. Ngunit nagkamali ako, hindi lang pala isa ang nasa loob ng aking sinapupunan ko. While staring at the monitor above, my little pea-shaped baby had a loud heartbeat that could be heard loudly in the four corners of the clinic. McKenzie kissed me on top of my head as he caressed my hair softly. It felt surreal, and completely mesmerized that finally our wish had been granted. “You were already seven weeks pregnant, Lady Jessa. The baby was perfectly fin
MY HEART FLUTTERED FAST IN EUPHORIA as tears fall from my eyes while looking at the result of three pregnancy test kits on the sink. These past few days, I felt something was different in me, and I had a gut feeling that I must be pregnant, especially the symptoms such as dizziness, nausea, mood swings and weird cravings. With that, I decided to take a pregnancy test secretly, and went immediately to the comfort room inside my office here in Casa Accardi. Mas gusto kong makasigurado na tama ang aking hinala bago ko sabihin sa kanila. Ayaw kong masaktan sila. Ayaw ko naman kasing magsabi agad hangga’t wala akong katibayan. ‘Two red lines means positive. . . I’m really pregnant. . . It was a huge bomb for us this new year.’ Sobrang masaya ako lalo na’t nagbunga na ang matagal na dasal at hiling namin. Paniguradong matutuwa si Deus Paulo dahil gustung-gusto na talaga niya maging big brother. Indeed, it was a new year full of blessings and surprises for us. I’m really emotional and