SIENNA“So what was your reason for avoiding me then?” I asked.I hated that I sounded breathless and I was giving away my anxiety. But with Benjamin it was complicated. I didn't always know what to do. I was always at a loss for the right things to say. “It was all you. I didn't want you to make you feel uncomfortable or make you obligated in any way to put up with me. I also didn't feel want you to feel as if I was pressuring you to do anything you didn't want to do,” he said.All I had done was hurt him and yet here he was being intentional about my feelings and trying not to hurt me. I didn't deserve him. I was aware of it and at the same time, I didn't want him to leave. I wanted him to stay. That was selfish but it was the way that I felt. I didn't want him to leave me. “And yet It felt like it. You steered clear of me for days,” I said. “That doesn't mean that it's because I wanted to. Something happened,” he replied. My brows furrowed almost immediately. Then I watched the
SIENNAThe warm water felt very refreshing against my skin as I showered. I knew the exercise would be enough to occupy my mind to some extent. What I didn't expect was for me to bump into Benjamin. I was anxious, and the burst of heat that I felt against my skin when he touched me made me even more anxious. I told him one thing and then when he touched me, all I wanted to do at that moment was jump his bones. How does that even work? How can it possibly even work? I wondered to myself as I closed my eyes and scoffed in frustration.I knew that a ridiculous amount of time had passed because I ridiculously spent so much in the bathroom. But hiding myself in the bathroom wasn’t going to take away any problems, neither was it going to make me feel better about myself. Somehow, I knew that I would have to leave the safe confines of the bathroom and I would return to my problems eventually, so what was the use of delaying it?My mind returned back to what Benjamin had told me this morning
SIENNAI was barely able to enter the office when he slammed the door closed. I was suddenly reminded of how the feel of his hands against my skin felt like. The feel of his lips against the long expanse of my neck was something I was certain that I would love to remember each day. I closed my eyes and released a long sigh. I hadn't imagined the fact that back in the dining room, he had really wanted to devour me on the spot.Throwing caution to the wind, I leaned forward and captured his lips between mine, my fingers becoming lost in his hair as our lips entwined. My heart raced frantically within the confines of my chest, almost threatening to leap out, possibly even explode. I closed my eyes and sighed. I didn't know whether to call it a sigh of contentment, only that I knew I wouldn't have it any other way if I were to make a choice. I wanted to spend whatever time I had kissing and touching him to my heart's content. He finally pulled away so that I could catch my breath. Even
SIENNAAs much as I wanted to stay with Sylvester and I wanted the moments between us to be at a standstill, I knew that it wasn't possible. When it came to living my life, I had to face reality, no matter how tempting it was to be delusional. I was feeling unwell again and I didn't want anyone to know, so I had to retire to bed early and skip dinner. Not that dinner was something that I wanted to partake in, anyway. My appetite was almost non-existent and I was trying to drift my mind away from the nausea that was suffocating me. I tried to close my eyes to get some sleep but the sleep wasn't coming no matter how much I willed it too. I tossed and turned around on my bed because I was beyond tired and exhausted. And yet as the clock ticked by, it was impossible to drift back into sleep. I adjusted into a sitting position, and I was almost tempted to angrily toss the pillows to the floor. I knew that it would be nothing but a childish behavior and no matter how much I wanted to act
SIENNAMy mind was a chaotic place, full of all the things that I was thinking about. I couldn't help but think about how I badly wanted to act on my desires. Benjamin was still looking at me with a concerned look on his face. His brows furrowed deeply as he scanned my face, trying to look for what it was that I might be hiding from him. My breath caught in my throat when he leaned forward and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. My heart raced frantically within my chest and my breathing was becoming extremely hard that it was beginning to be considered as an exercise. I closed my eyes and sighed. I was currently feeling beyond overwhelmed. “What's bothering you?” he questioned. He moved forward and even in my dimly lit room, it was impossible to miss the worry in his eyes. “Nothing,” I replied, yet it didn't sound as convincing as I would have liked it to be. Like I would have wanted it to be. “You know it's not nothing, and I know it's not nothing. So since we both know you'r
SIENNAMy eyes fluttered open and somehow I wasn't ready to get up from my bed. I was not prepared to get up from my bed at all. I was beyond tired and the warm hand around my waist held me tightly to the bed so it was almost impossible for me to stand up. I couldn’t believe that I had let Benjamin spend the night here. But I knew that I had no one but myself to blame. I had wanted him to stay. I had enjoyed the feel of his hands against my skin, the feel of his lips as he ravished mine as he ravished them, and somehow I couldn’t say that I was ready to let go of the moment. I kept reliving it over and over again. I knew that no matter how hard I might try to forget it, the memory was forever imprinted in my brain, and it would be impossible to forget no matter how I might try to. I released a deep sigh just before I turned to face Benjamin who was still asleep. The feel of his bare body against mine was so warm that it was almost impossible not to run my hands up his skin just to
SIENNAI was lucky that Benjamin didn't get caught leaving my room but even if he did, it would be easy for us to maneuver our way around it, considering the fact that he was always coming to pick me up or deliver important messages, unlike Sylvester who had no business here. So seeing him around my room wouldn’t create a whole bunch of questions that I wouldn't be able to answer and I was sure he wouldn't be able to answer either. I closed my eyes, feeling my nerves at its peak. I thought about what he said, about how I would never want to repeat the moments we created last night. The thing that scared me was that I wished I could tell him how wrong he was. He was wrong because I wanted to repeat every moment. I shouldn't want to but I did, and it was so insane. The intensity of my emotions set me on edge. I didn't even want to think about how I was running out of my mind. I was beyond tired and I felt suffocated in every way. I felt the need to lock myself up in an empty room and s
SIENNA I blinked in surprise. I was conflicted between being angry and irritated. I closed my eyes and I sighed as I tried not to dwell too much on the murderous thoughts that were running through my mind. I closed my eyes and sighed, trying to do anything to quench the anger that was fueling through me. I felt the sudden need to claim him, tell her that he was mine. But doing that would only send things spiraling into chaos. It took every control that I had in me for me to restrain myself. “I still don't know what you're talking about,” I said as I tilted my head to the side to stare at her. “I'm not going to repeat myself,” she said as she took a step further and sneered at me. I was almost close to being angry but I deviated from it and went for the option of remaining silent instead. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes after she left. I closed my eyes and sighed, trying whatever I could do to calm myself down. After I spent time trying to check if I looked presentable, I final