SIENNA I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to feel as I drove back home. I could forget the victory that flashed through Tamara's eyes as I stormed past him and headed out of the house. My hands trembled on the steering wheel and all I could do was blame myself for being all shades of stupid. I didn’t know what I was thinking? I didn’t know how I could push myself into thinking that he was going to me over Tamara. The people that I love never really got to choose me. I was always an option, always got treated like an option. Even my father made the pack first and me an option. The only person who tried very hard not to make me an option was Hailey and she wasn't here. At this moment, I was beginning to feel so alone, I was beginning to feel so overwhelmed by my loneliness and when I couldn't see clearly because of the tears that blinded me, I had to park on the side of the road and I broke down completely in the car. I felt all shades of stupid and regrets, I wanted to sla
SIENNAMy fists ached. I was positive that my knuckles must have been bruised but regardless I still went on punching anyway. Training was the only thing that I ever really did to occupy myself these days. It was a kind of reprieve from the self hatred that I seemed to be drowning in. My chest heaved up and down heavily as I tried to catch my breath. Everything was exhausting and tiring. Dad wouldn't talk to me, Benjamin avoided me like the plague and the only thing that was normal was Clara's occasionally taunting and even at that, she was strangely being nice and accommodating. Maybe she could sense that I was going through more than enough fire now. We held a burial for the people that died. Some of the people in the pack looked at me differently and it was quite impossible to miss the accusation in their eyes. It was almost as if I was a traitor and in a way I was. They needed me and I had left them to fight alone. I had left them to fend for themselves. I wondered how they wou
SIENNAI don't know for how long I must have been asleep. I know that before I slept, I had panicked and I had bursted into tears again. Benjamin had insisted that I rest and I sleep for a while and I insisted that he stayed with me which he conceded too. I watched his sleeping face, I remembered bits and pieces of my mental breakdown before I slept. I couldn't remember what triggered me into panicking but I remember breaking down and Benjamin consoling me through it. As I stared at Benjamin's sleeping face. I was tempted to run my fingers softly against the side of his face. I was taken aback by the desire because I had no idea where it came from. The thought was sudden, unprovoked and I didn't know how I was supposed to react to it. I looked up at the clock and my eyes widened, I had no idea how much time had gone by. I immediately adjusted into a sitting position. I ignored how groggy and tired that I felt. “Are you okay?” Benjamin asked and I snapped my head towards his directio
SIENNAI was conflicted between feeling terrified and feeling calm. I didn’t know which was more cruel. That I would have to face the families who were mourning or I would have to witness the strong resentment that passed through their eyes as they looked at me. I closed my eyes and tried to drift my mind away from the panic that was welling up in my chest. There was certainly no way that I could tell my father no. There was also no way that I could set out to deliver these care packages without panic setting in. “What is it?” he asked and tilted his head slightly as he observed me.No matter how much he didn't like it, he was still the Alpha. He was still my father and I couldn’t deny him of his request. Not that it was even a request. It was more of an order than a request.I wanted to tell him that I wouldn't be able to do it. I wanted to beg him and tell him that he should look for another way to get the care packages. I would be able to take on any care packages but I knew it w
SIENNAMy palms were clammy with sweat as we headed over to from family to family with care packages in hand. I insisted that Benjamin didn't have to follow me to deliver them but he insisted, to my relief, because I wasn't so certain that I could have handled it on my own. Some families were not too receptive towards me. I had the door slammed in my face a couple of times, other times, I had the care packages tossed from my hand with them telling me how much of a disappointment I was to my father, and other times, they were surprisingly kind to me and accepted the care packages with gratitude. Benjamin was by my side through the whole encounter, so it made the entire thing bearable. After a while, I was finally done. I was relieved, the constriction in my chest loosened a little when I realized that it was finally over. “I guess it didn't go so bad,” Benjamin finally said after we delivered the final package, and when I shot him a look, my eyes were full of tears. “They hate me
SIENNA The space surrounding my chest felt lighter, my shoulders felt less heavy as Benjamin pushed me up and down the swing. I giggled like a little girl holding onto the swing tightly. I felt the cool breeze sift through my hair and I felt the soothing breeze hit my face. In a way, I wanted the moment to be perfectly at pause. If I had my way. I'll put it to a standstill so that I could get to experience the moment, every day of my life. I didn't think about how heartbroken I was or how I was still trying to pick up the remaining pieces of my heart. I didn't think about how I had so much work to do, or how I had to work so hard in gaining back the respect of my father and the entire park. I was almost certain that at some point, I had tossed my problems into the wind. I was convinced that I felt lighter, more lighter than I've ever felt. At some point, I told him to stop because I was feeling dizzy and he did what I requested. I looked at him and smiled. My tummy erupted into ti
SIENNA I stared at Benjamin, speechless and unable to utter a word because how the hell was I supposed to tell him that was what I had been doing for the past week? I didn't even remember the last time that I had anything substantial to eat. It was mostly just little bites here and there. Thinking about it. No wonder, I felt dizzy in the training room. Benjamin stared at me aghast, like he was petrified by the thought of me not eating anything. We headed down the hallway, past the living room, towards the direction of my bedroom. “Hold on and give me ten minutes. I'll come see you later,” he said and turned back and disappeared down the hallway without as much as a second glance. My brows furrowed in confusion but I decided that it was a better idea for me not to give any meaning to it. I turned back and walked towards my room. When I entered, I released a relieved sigh. My phone vibrated on the bed and I headed towards it, hoping it would be Hailey. My mood came crashing down en
SIENNABenjamin left earlier than expected. We spent the whole morning talking about the most random things. At the back of my mind. I knew I didn't want him to leave. One way or another. I was getting attached to him more than I would like to admit. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I wouldn't say that I had returned fully to my old self but the glow was back to my skin and the bags underneath my eyes were gone. I was slowly on the road to becoming my old self again. I guess I had Benjamin to thank for that. I released a sigh and decided that I was going to let my hair down today. I've put it up in a bun for the whole weekI decided to put more effort into the way that I dressed today. I've been dressing like I'm attending a burial for the past week. Today's the first time that I was putting on a little bit of color with my black comfy jeans. If navy blue was even considered a color. Today was the day that I decided to suck it up and have breakfast with my father and Clara. I