Think Out Loud

I lay in bed looking at the ceiling for hours, I managed to get maybe 3 or 4 hours sleep but that was all. I had this problem when Kyle and me first moved into my old pack, no matter how hard I tried I could never fully get to sleep. Kyle always said it boiled down to our past and how I haven't fully accepted the things that happened, he thinks if I try to accept them it would help me get over it. But I don't know if I'm ready to do that yet.

I turn my attention to the window to see the sun beginning to come up, I guess there's no point trying to fall back to sleep now. I decide to get up and start getting ready for the day, the early bird catches the worm I guess. The amazing thing about this room was there was a bathroom connected to it, which meant I didn't have to see anyone else I could just start getting ready. I round my things up and hop in the shower, hoping that would help to kill time.

Once I was ready I walk out into the bedroom, I had fully finished getting ready but couldn't leave the room. I mean I could but I didn't want to alone, I might get lost or hurt or anything! I just had to wait for Grayson to get me, but I didn't know how long that was gonna take. I pace up and down the room waiting for the door to open, which it didn't! I slowly make my way over to the window, it looked as though it was gonna be a hot day. I take a seat on the window seat just staring at the sky, my mind drifting to my family most of them I haven't seen in years. I wonder what they're all doing or even if they're around anymore, I know most of them were into some shady stuff so you never know where they would have round up. I bet when the news comes out that I'm gonna be queen they'll all try to come in contact with me again, it's not like they haven't done stuff like that before.

Our family used to be in a pack many years ago, but they ended up having a huge falling out with the Alpha, who eventually kicked our whole family out his pack, I'm talking aunts, uncles, cousins the lot. This meant the whole family bounced from pack to pack, we would stay for a few weeks but than annoy someone and get kicked right back out. My parents were the worst to get into fights, someone would look at my mother funny and that was it! I often think about the day her and dad abandoned me Kyle, I was so young that I didn't fully understand but now I'm older, I still don't understand.

The door opening makes me jump looking towards the door, Grayson makes his way in smiling at me, I sigh a sigh of relief turning my body so I was facing him.

"Morning my love, did you have a nice rest?" He asks making his way over to me, I just nod smiling but really I wanted to say how bad my sleep actually was.

"Then do it, it's mate" my wolf tells me, I block her out so Grayson wouldn't know she butted in.

"Well let's go get you some breakfast, we have a busy day ahead of us" he smiles holding his arm out, I smile taking his arm allowing him to lead me out the room.

I'm once again taken through the maze of corridors and doors, how on earth do people find their way around? All the corridors look the same! We soon arrive in a huge dinning hall, the table must have been the biggest I've ever seen! You could probably fit a whole pack here if you wanted, Grayson must have many dinner meetings in here, but how would you get around to talking to everyone? I have so many questions!

"I'm assuming you like the dinning room" Grayson smiles pulling me out my thoughts once again, I always get lost in my thoughts as I don't talk much, people always like to tell me how much of a problem it is.

I nod with a smile as he leads to a seat pulling it out for me, I thank him taking the seat which was extremely comfortable! He takes his seat across from me as the doors open with around four people walking in. They immediately start to place plates of food and drink in front of us, looking at the food it was incredibly fancy! Another girl makes her way in handing me a napkin but looked rather nervous, I send her a smile which she soon returns with a bow of her head.

"I hope the food is to your majesty's liking, if you need anything we'll just be outside" one of the men smile, Grayson thanks him which immediately makes them all leave the room.

I just stare at the food in front of me, I didn't have a clue what any of this was. I'm used to having whatever cereal is in the cupboard for breakfast, this looks as though it was prepared hours in advance. How did they know what time we'd have breakfast? How do they know what we're feeling today? I mean there's days where I could eat a whole box of cereal and then  where I just want a banana! Do you tell them the day before what you'd like? But you don't know if you're gonna want that the day after, I have so many questions!

"You look confused my love" Grayson laughs a little looking at me, oh I must have got lost in my thoughts again, I need to stop doing that.

"I'm just confused on what this is" I smile looking down at the food in front of me "is it yogurt? Or maybe custard but if it was custard than it wouldn't be that colour, wait can you get coloured custard? I mean what an amazing business that would be, just imagine having a rainbow custard, but then if it's a different colour would you make it a different flavour? I have so many questions" I ramble looking at a smiling Grayson in front of me "and I now realise I said that out loud and not in my head" I say looking down at the table, he's gonna think I'm so weird.

"That's what you are thinking about when you space out? Then please think out loud more often, I loved hearing how your mind works" he smiles causing me to look up, he doesn't think I'm weird.

"Are you sure? Some of the thoughts I get are confusing" I say but he just smiles nodding his head "okay, but boy you don't know what you've just put yourself through" I laugh causing him to laugh too "I mean I don't know what this is but I'll try it" I smile picking my spoon up, as soon as I put in my mouth a whoa comes out.

"I'm guessing you like it" he smiles looking over at me, I just nod my head staring at the amazing creation in front of me "I'll tell the cooks how much you loved it, they'll be very pleased" he tells me I just nod but look to the side, I wish I could tell them but that would mean I have to speak to them and I'm just only warming up to speak to Grayson.

"I thought you were going to tell me your thoughts" he smiles snapping me out of my thoughts, I just smile looking down at the table.

"It's just I should thank them and I want to but, I find it hard to talk new people like it's taken me this long to finally talk to you, I'm just so stupid" I sigh shaking my head still staring at the table, he went to speak but I do before he could "I mean I'm supposed to be queen, but I can't even bring myself to to talk to a cook, maybe you should just reject me an-" I start but this time he cuts me off.

"There is no way I'm rejecting you, you're mine Clara, you and I are going to be together forever, you are not stupid far from it, you are going to be an amazing queen" he tells me taking hold of my hands from across the table, the sparks of electricity went through my arms cause me to smile "I just know that you are  going be able to talk to whoever you want soon, but until then I'll be your voice" he smiles rubbing his thumb over my hands, I smile looking down once again but he pulls my chin up to look at him.

"Maybe I can write them a letter! Oh and I could say how amazing they were and oh, I could tell the nice nervous girl there was no need to be scared, I mean look at me" I say thinking out loud like he told me "I just need paper and a pen, knowing me I'll need a bunch of paper because I like to write a lot and I'm doing it again" I say but he shakes he head telling me to continue.