Chapter 3 - Keeping Boundaries

Seah's Point of View

Nagising ako nang makaramdam ng pananakit mula sa ibabang bahagi ng katawan ko. Kakaibang pangangalay ang nararamdaman ko rito at para bang kaunting galaw ko lang ay may anumang mahapdi rito.

Natauhan ako nang maramdamang walang kahit anong damit ang nakasuot sa akin, kung hindi kumot na pinaghahatian pa namin ni Mikhael.

"Shit!" malakas na mura ko sa sarili.

Inalala ko ang lahat ng nangyari, and all of those gave me a second hand embarrassment. What did I just do? Most of all, what the hell did I just say to Mikhail?

"Seah?"

Napalingon ako sa asawa kong katulad kong natatakluban ng kumot ang ibabang bahagi ng katawan. Halos patayin ko ang sarili ko sa sariling pag-iisip ko dahil sa sobrang katangahan at kapabayaan.

Naupo sa kama si Mikhail. Alam ko na kita niya ang gulat at taranta sa mukha ko. I was drunk, I did not know what I was doing.

"Seah, I didn't do anything without your consent."

Of course, I remember it. Hindi ko siya sinisisi, pero ang sarili ko. Magmumukha akong kaladkaring babae sa lagay na 'to!

"Mikhail, I'm so sorry. This is my fault," paliwanag ko sa kaniya. "I was drunk."

"Turn around," utos niya.

Ginawa ko ang sinabi niya at naramdaman ko ang pagtanggal niya ng kumot sa katawan. I knew that he was getting dressed.

Narinig ko ang ilang paggalaw niya sa mga gamit. I securely covered myself with the blanket and turned around to look at what he was doing. Nakita ko ang pagkuha niya ng damit sa cabinet at agad na inabot 'yon sa akin.

"Get dressed first, then we'll talk." He looked at me directly in the eye, that's where I knew that he's concerned. "I'll be back in a few minutes and stay in bed," dagdag pa nito.

Tumayo ako at doon ko naramdaman ang panghihina ng mga hita ko, kasabay noon ay ang paghapdi ng maselang parte ko. Napadaing ako nang tuluyan akong makatayo. Agad akong nagbihis at bumalik rin sa kama dahil sa sakit na nararamdaman ko sa pagitan ng mga huta ko.

I took a deep breath and calmed myself. Hindi ko talaga alam kung anong pumasok sa isip ko para gawin 'yon. Nakakahiya at hindi naman ata tama.

After some minutes, he came back. He was holding some food with him. Isinara niya ang pinto at saka umupo sa kama. He gave me the food that he prepared and I just ate them without any complain.

It was weird for him to look at me while eating, but I still let it happen.

"I knew that you were drunk, but I asked you repeatedly if you really did want it," he said when I was almost done with my food.

"I can remember it, Mikhail. I'm not mad at you."

Mukha namang nakahinga siya nang malalim. "It was my fault. We barely know each other for me to ask for it."

I did not want to admit that I asked for it, but I have to. Kahit pa pagbali-baliktarin ang mundo ay natatandaan ko na ako ang humiling no'n.

"Maybe you didn't want it. You were just drunk, right?" he stated.

Napahinto ako sa pagkain dahil sa sinabi niya. "I don't know. But yeah, I was drunk."

"You're having a hard time. Why don't you rest?" he offered. "I'll be outside, hihintayin kitang matapos kumain."

I did not respond anymore and just finished my food. Hindi na ulit kami nag-usap at kinuha niya na lang pinagkainan ko bago lumabas kasama 'yon.

Sumandal ako sa headboard ng kama at umayos ng upo. Hiya ang inabot ko kay Mikhail. Bukod sa masyado akong mabilis, parang lumabas pa na pinagsisisihan ko ang nangyari.

Pero ano nga ba? Pinagsisisihan ko nga ba? Pakiramdam ko kasi ay mali, pero parang hindi rin naman mali dahil sa papel ay mag-asawa kami.

Napahampas ako sa unan na katabi ko. "Ang gulo-gulo!" iritableng sigaw ko.

Kahit may masakit sa akin ay pinili kong tumayo. Lumabas ako ng kuwarto at nakita kong nakaupo si Mikhail sa isang seat. Umupo ako sa harap niya na ikinagulat niya naman.

"'Di ba sabi ko magpahinga ka?"

"Ilang oras pa ba bago tayo makarating sa Italy?" tanong ko.

"Seven and a half hours pa."

Nanlumo ako dahil sa sagot niya. "Hindi ko alam na parang isang araw pala tayong nasa ere."

"Saglit na lang 'yan. Itulog mo na lang," sagot niya naman.

"Pinapatulog mo 'ko, eh kagigising ko nga lang!"

"Can't you really speak nicely!?" he exclaimed.

Napahilamos ako sa mukha ko. I just want to get off of this plane at magpakalayo-layo sa kaniya.

"I'm sorry. I just want to get off so bad," tugon ko.

He let out a deep sigh and fixed his posture. "I can spend the next seven hours in here. Take the room, go rest and do as you please."

Hindi niya man lang ako sinusulyapan. Para bang mas iwas pa siya sa akin.

"I'm sorry, Mikhail," tulad niya ay inayos ko ang postura ko, "hindi sa hindi ko ginusto ang nangyari, nabigla lang ako sa sarili ko."

Then, he finally looked at me. "Let's not make it a big deal, Seah. Nangyari na ang nangyari, we don't have to blame who's who."

Para akong nabunutan ng tinik sa dibdib dahil sa sinabi niya. It looks like he did not take it personally.

"Let's keep our boundaries from now on," he said. "Just do your work as an architect for my firm and be a wife to me for three years."

I nodded as an answer. Tama naman siya, keeping boundaries will do. What happened between us was because of the alcohol. It was not anything personal.

"Thank you," sabi ko rito nang linawin niya ang lahat.

I did not wait for him to respond anymore. I stood up from my seat and went back inside the room. Nang makahiga ako sa kama ay itinaklob ko ang kumot sa aking katawan.

Maybe what happened last night was a lesson for the both of us. Keeping our boundaries seen will make this three-year mariage contract work. It was an early reminder for us that we are not married for love, for business rather.

Mikhail was right earlier. We should really keep our boundaries intact.