~ Sixteen - Season I ~

A little while later, we arrived at Leo’s stable.

I hopped down Lady as Laura allowed Leo to rest. Once her champion had settled, we headed to the front of the bakery.

“Thank you for the stroll and stories, Robert. I enjoyed it,” Laura broke the silence between us.

Couldn’t she tell that I had been trying to pacify the storm inside me? Was I not sending enough signs for her to realise that?

“Well, I guess this is where we part ways,” she turned to me as we arrived in front of the bakery. “Thank you again, Robert,” she repeated as she turned around, making her way back inside.

My mouth suddenly blurted, “Are you not–” I stopped myself before I could even continue.

Laura stopped on her tracks. She turned around and returned to me. She then asked, “Is there something that you want to tell me, Robert?”

“I just…” I trailed off as I fought the urge to speak out; the urge that was pushing me to the edge. It was forcing me to tell her what I had been feeling ever since we left the fields.

“Robert, you know you can tell me anything,” she replied as she looked earnestly into my eyes.

As our eyes met, I had more courage to stop myself from speaking. She looked so fragile, in the sense that if she were to hear one negative thing, she could break into a million pieces.

I knew myself too well. I was aware that I could be offensive at times, and it was something that she didn’t deserve to see.

I sighed as I lowered my head and said, “It’s nothing.” I looked back at her and continued, “You can go back to work now. I’ll be off.”

“Robert, there is something that you’re not telling me,” she said as she crossed her arms, examining my body language. She continued, “Why are you stopping yourself from being heard? You know you can always tell me whatever it is that’s on your mind.”

Not wanting to talk about it, I quickly turned around and jumped onto Lady. I needed to get away from Laura to prevent myself from saying something that could hurt her feelings.

“Robert, what is happening to you?” she asked as she persisted to know what was wrong.

“Nothing is happening to me, Laura. As you said, you needed to return to the bakery,” I replied. I continued, “Now that I have returned you safely, I must return home.”

“That’s not the reason why you’re acting strange,” she answered.

“I don’t have time to discuss what you think, Laura. I need to go home,” I replied. Once everything sank into me, I punched myself in my mind for the way I spoke to her.

She moved away from Lady and me, taken aback by my tone towards her. This was why I didn’t want to talk anymore. If this conversation would continue, I was afraid that it would be the end of the beginning.

“Have a safe trip home, Robert,” she sneered as she turned her back on me. She rushed back into the shop without giving me a second look.

I sighed as I closed my eyes, shaking my head out of disappointment from what I just did. She didn’t deserve that sort of treatment. But, I had to return home now before dark would fall upon me.

~*~*~*~

As soon as I arrived at the stables, I hopped off Lady and let her loose inside the stables. I kicked a nearby bucket with all of my anger, water splashed around the hay inside the stable.

“AAAHH!” I screamed in an attempt to relieve some of the frustrations that built up inside me. As I looked back on my previous conversation with Laura, I never felt so disappointed in myself. I handled that situation in the worst possible way.

I knew she didn’t mean to cause me any pain or anger. It wasn’t her fault that I got angry. I was overthinking everything. And because of that, I treated her in such a way that I didn’t even know myself. I was raised to be a person with manners. That shouldn’t have happened.

Lady went on and helped herself with the stack of apples on the side. I then sat down on a bench, my head slowly sunk into my hands. I let out a sigh of desperation as I knew that she probably hated me by now.

Faint footsteps then approached the stables. I looked up and saw Nana Olsa with a bucket.

“Robert, dear,” she said with a confused yet concerned expression. “Were you the one who screamed?” she asked.

“Nana,” I rushed over to her. I peeked through the bucket and noticed that it was filled with soil. “Let me help you with this, Nana,” I said, taking the bucket from her as I walked back into the stables.

“Oh, thank you, my boy. Just put it on the side of the passage entrance, please,” she said as she took a seat on a nearby chair.

“Why were you carrying this, Nana? Was there no one to help you?” I asked as I settled the bucket on the right side of the passage entrance.

“Your mother requested for me to tend to her roses,” she replied as I headed back to the bench beside her. She continued, “You know how much she loves her roses and she only entrusts them to me. So, I attended to them on my own.”

I offered, “Would you like for me to get you something to drink?”

She giggled. “No, my dear boy, I will be fine. I’ll fetch some for myself later. However,” she draped her skirt over her legs as she carefully crossed them, “You didn’t answer my previous question.”

“What question?” I asked as I hoped that she wouldn’t ask again.

She stared at me as she gave me a smile. A smile that meant she already knew I was hiding something from her. “Something happened to you, am I right?” she replied.

Although I knew I couldn’t hide anything from her, I had to use the very best of my abilities to hide my dilemma. “I don’t understand where you’re coming from, Nana,” I said, still denying what she was trying to imply.

She chuckled lightly. “Robert, if you think you can hide the fact that you’re completely distraught right now, you’re mistaken. I know the difference between when you’re fine and when something is weighing you down,” she said.

“No, really, Nana, nothing’s wrong with me,” I lied. But, somehow, I felt as if my body was giving everything away. I continued, “I’m absolutely confused about what you’re telling me.”

“Robert,” she looked at me. Her gaze, though still loving, intensified. She was clearly trying to make me say something. She asked, “Are you sure you’re going to lie to me? Even to yourself.”

I continued to stare at her, praying that she would give up asking. But in the end, I was the one who gave up. I sighed as I put my head back into my hands. I pulled tightly onto my hair.

She sighed as well. “To pretend that everything is fine will be the death of you, young man,” she remarked. She explained, “I understand that, in this world, you can’t trust anyone. Not everyone has the best intentions in life. But, when it comes to matters like this, if you can’t tell your parents, you can tell me.”

I looked back at her, trying to keep myself from crying. Slowly, my eyes welled with tears. I was frustrated, angry with myself for what I did to Laura. She was only being a good friend, but look at how I reacted. I acted as if she betrayed me.

“Oh, my child,” she walked towards me, kneeling after.

“No, Nana, don’t kneel. Your knees will hurt,” I held onto her arms as I tried to stop her.

“I’m fine, Robert, don’t you worry about me,” she replied, her knees completely on the floor. She then put her hands on my knees. “I’m not that old to have my knees hurting whenever I kneel. Let us focus on you right now,” she continued.

I nodded as I looked down to my feet. My eyes burned as the tears wanted to come out. I continued to hold them back as I didn’t want Nana to see them.

“Robert,” she slowly lifted my face. A tear ran down my cheek. “Oh, my little one,” she wiped it away, “There’s no need to hide your tears from me. I will never judge you. Why don’t you tell me what’s inside that head of yours?”

I couldn’t open my mouth. It was numb, frozen because I was still stopping myself from sobbing. It took a few seconds for me to get myself together before I said, “I have done something terrible, Nana.”

She cupped my face with one hand, and I immediately held onto it. “What do you mean?” she asked.

“A friend of mine was concerned with me. And I treated her in a way… that James would treat me,” tears finally ran down my face as I explained. With every word I uttered, my mind recounted the very moment when I saw the hurt in her eyes, and how she turned her back on me.

“What did you do to this friend?” she asked again. “How did you know that you treated her in the manner of how James deals with you?”

“She was only making sure if I was all right, but I treated her coldly. It was disrespectful and now, I don’t think she will speak to me ever again,” I replied as I fully succumbed to my tears.

“Oh, hush, my dear one,” Nana immediately pulled me in for an embrace. She then slowly rubbed my back in small circles to coax me. She continued, “There, there, young one. It’s all right. Let everything off of your chest. I am right here.”

I clung onto her even more. My grip on her tightened as I cried out all of my held-back emotions. Nothing has ever made me reach the point of breaking down, except for family matters. I was disappointed in myself. Even my own intuition loathed me for my actions.

Nana rubbed my back for a few more seconds before she let me go. She helped me sit up properly once more, and offered a napkin after.

“Forgive me for crying too much, Nana,” I said as I wiped my face. “I just can’t hold it back anymore. The guilt is too much to bear.”

She smiled as she held my face, her thumb caressed me gently. “You don’t need to apologise, Robert. It is not a sign of weakness. It only shows that you’re of flesh and bones, which makes you even stronger,” she replied. She added, “Now, don’t feel bad about yourself. I know you didn’t mean for that to happen.”

“I didn’t, Nana, I truly didn’t. I tried my best to keep my mouth shut, just so I won’t say anything that can offend her. But she insisted on knowing what was wrong. And I wasn’t able to stop myself. I said words that she wasn’t supposed to hear. I gave her an approach that she didn’t deserve,” I explained in a bit of desperation.

Nana replied, “Everybody is bound to make mistakes, little one. Even if we’re immortal, we are not perfect, and we tend to make mistakes every once in a while.” She looked deeply into my eyes and continued, “What’s truly important is that you know you were in the wrong, and you’re willing to make things right. Am I correct?”

I nodded as I sniffled.

She patted me gently on the head. “I am proud to have raised you, and to be able to see you grow into a good person. I trust that you know how to make things right,” she remarked.

Nana did raise me for almost all of my childhood. Because my parents were occupied with their duties as ruling monarchs, they didn’t have the time to raise their children. It was a good thing that Nana Olsa was there for me when I needed someone to look up to.

“You will be able to fix this, Robert. I know you will,” she smiled as she patted me on the back.

I continued to sniffle as I nodded. For a man who never cried that much, I produced a lot of snot.

“Well, then,” she slowly stood up, “I’ll be needing to go back inside and start preparations for dinner. I have to make sure that everything is correct. Your mother has requested another family feast tonight.”

“I don’t want to join them right now, Nana,” I shook my head as I also stood from the bench. I looked down at her napkin before I returned to her. “I will have one of the maids clean your napkin for you, Nana.”

“Oh, that won’t be necessary, son. You can keep it,” she smiled gently. She continued, “I’m sure you need it more than I do.” She then grabbed the bucket and entered the passageway to the kitchen.

I let out a deep breath, and prepared more apples and water for Lady. After everything was given to her, I headed to the passageway when someone called me from behind, “Hello, Robert.”