MandyI can't believe he wrote me back. Writing and correspondence haven't been a part of Dalton's life since we used letters in high school to communicate, but I'm excited as I rip into the envelope.Babe,I have to admit, I didn't even really read through all the list you gave me. I made it through the second point when I was reminded of that one New Year's Eve. You know which one I'm talkin' about, right?Your mom and dad watched the kids. We had a little too much Jack and Coke. You even smoked a little with me, and we were both feeling really good? I picked you up by the waist and threw you over my shoulder. Then out in the open, I stuck my hand between your legs.You remember?You were so wet and had me so hard we almost fucked in the hallway.My cheeks flush and burn at the same time. The night he's describing I remember like the back of my hand. That was one of the most passionate encounters we've ever had.And smoking with him? It isn't something I do often, bu
Dalton"Are you nervous?" Looking up, I see Liam standing in the doorway of my dorm. I'm doing my best not to show it, but fuck yeah, I'm nervous."Yeah.""You know she'll be okay, right?"He ambles over to the couch I have in here, taking a seat on it. He's slower than he used to be in most everything, but sitting down and getting up is hard on him. Hell, it'll be hard on all of us after we get past fifty."I always thought she would be," I admit to him. "But this last time, it scared the shit outta me.""Scared all of us, Dalton. But she's learning what she needs to, in order to have a great life.""I thought we had a great life." I pull a brush through my hair, anything to keep my hands moving."You did, you do, but you know as well as I do that mental health isn't one size fits all. You're doing the right thing here, going to visit her today."This is the day I've waited for, for so long. The day I'll finally get to see her and I'm scared as fuck. What if in th
MandySitting across from Dalton is worth everything I've done to get to this point. Seeing him again is my present for all this pain I've endured, for the work I've accomplished, even when I haven't been sure if what I'm doing is working."You look really good." I smile, holding his hand tightly across the table.What I wouldn't give to lay in his arms right now. "You do too, babe. God I've missed you."Those words make my soul feel lighter, they get rid of some of the doubt and punishment I've put on myself. "How's Walker? I wish he could have come with you.""He's good, doing much better since you wrote him that letter."Our conversation flounders, and I know it's not because there isn't a lot to say. It's because we're nervous. Which makes sense; the last time we saw each other, wasn't good for either one of us. One of the things I've realized in my therapy is I need to be the one to start the conversation."I'm sorry." I tilt my head to the side, pulling my
DaltonAfter the amazing day I had yesterday, I didn't expect this one to be such shit. I overslept, was late to work, got Walker to school late, had to run back to the clubhouse to get something he left, and ran out of gas on my way to the school.Which is why I'm sitting here on the side of the road waiting for someone to pick me up. I'm in a foul as hell mood when a little sports car speeds by but then brakes and pulls a U-turn in the middle of the road, coming back to where I wait."Who the fuck is this?" Already I'm on the defensive, and I don't want to fuck with anyone today. Scratch that, they don't want to fuck with me. They come to a stop in front of my bike and get out. Tennis shoes cover the feet of the person getting out. Nothing I recognize, but then again unless they're popular sports shoes that my son asks for, I'm not noticing them. Those fucking pansy ass skinny jeans are tight against their legs, and as they get out, standing to their full height, I see
WalkerThere are so many things about home I miss. My bed.The smell of breakfast cooking in the morning when I get up.The scent of Dad as he comes in from working on his motorcycle and it's cold outside. The familiarity of everything.But most of all, I miss my mom.How we all used to be together as a family. I haven't felt togetherness like that in months. At first I thought it was hard not having my dad around, but now trying to sleep without my mom? It's even harder. Especially when she isn't here to do the stuff we enjoy together."You ready for bed?"I've told Dad over and over again he doesn't have to check on me like this. I'm not a little kid anymore, and honestly, I've been taking care of Mom while he hasn't been around. I don't need anyone to take care of me, but I know he looks forward to this. "Yeah, can you hand me the remote?"For as long as I can remember I've fallen asleep to the TV. It's always been my comfort. This one isn't as big as the on
MandyIt was a miracle I held it together until I got off the phone with Walker; hearing him tell me about how this has affected him killed me. So often when you're in a situation like I am, you have to focus on your own recovery, but there are so many people in the background who get hurt.My heart is pounding, tears are running down my face. I did this to him. Me, and no one else.Looking at the bedside clock, I notice I still have a few more minutes of phone time. I pick it up and dial Dalton's number."Babe." His voice is hoarse, damaged like mine is from holding back the emotions threatening to sweep through us. "The pain he's in…""He needs to get to Doc Jones' as soon as possible," I whisper into the phone. "We'll be doing him a big disservice if we don't get him in some type of treatment.""I'll make sure I get him there in the morning. I guess I just didn't realize how fucked up he is about all of this, although I should have. He should've been my first worry."I
DaltonSomehow I'm more nervous as I pull up to Magnolia Behavioral Health than I was last time. Before, it was just about seeing Mandy, making sure she was doing okay. This visit?It's about confronting demons. Mine and hers. Walking in is a blur, although I'm sure I do the same song and dance I did before. "Mr. Barnett, we'll be going right this way."I follow the woman in front of me, almost telling her Mr. Barnett is my father. I'm not used to so much formality. We walk down blank corridors. No pictures grace these walls. There's no fake-ass family portrait of smiling people who have no clue who the other person is. There aren't cookie-cutter couples pretending to be so in love it's sickening.These are bare; much like my emotions have been for the past few months. It's a way to survive, but it's also a way to kill yourself slowly.It happens little by little.Until you realize there's nothing left for anyone else. Not even anything for yourself.We
Mandy"Do you really think I'm ready?"Dr. Crawford looks at me, her gaze intense and strong, almost feeling like it sees through the clothes I'm wearing. "Doesn't matter what I think, Mandy. Do you think you're ready?"But it does matter what she thinks. She's the one who's given me the tools to try and live my life the way it's supposed to be lived. I'm no longer dwelling on the past and wondering about the what if's. Instead, I'm enjoying the right now's."I think so, but I've thought this before too. What if I get in a situation I can't handle?""Then you do all the exercises we've discussed. Your deep breathing, writing things out, thinking things through before you speak, and if that still doesn't help, then you call me. I'll be here whenever you need me, Mandy. I don't give up on my patients, and I don't expect you to know all of the answers when I set you loose. We work through this together - sometimes for a year, sometimes for the rest of your life. This isn't a one