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Chapter Twenty-eight
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Ivan, stop worrying okay? I will be fine. Simpleng lagnat lang to." I struggled to finish what I had to say while ignoring the urge to cough. Kumakati na ang lalamunan ko and I am really feeling unwell but I didn't want to worry Ivan lalo na ngayon na nasa Russia pa siya. This isn't deadly anyway, alam kong magiging okay na din ako after I rest. "I just need rest kaya to focus on your trip. I'll be fine by the time you get back. Bye."
"Take care okay? Yung gamot, the water, don't forget to eat meals even if your tongue doesn't like the taste of it make sure you eat, rest, and don't work--"
"Bye na nga di ba?" Natatawa kong tanong. Daig pa ata niya ang pinaka-paranoid na magulang pag nag-aalala.
"Okay. Bye
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It was almost a new feeling of relief when I woke up in the morning. Walang pinagbago but I felt so much better. A lot better than yesterday.I remember the feeling of being sick almost to the point of feeling numb and my head was spinning I felt so dizzy. Ni hindi ko na nga maalala kung nakapagpaalam ba ako sa anak ko. My memory was still a bit blurry.I fixed myself in front of the mirror. Ang gulo-gulo ng buhok ko at pati ang mukha kong kahit naka-recover na sa lagnat ay nangangailangan pa rin ng ayos.I freshened up before heading to Jeremy's room, almost a habit. Naalala ko na lang na wala pala siya dito."Good morning po, Ma'am!""Good morning, Rina. Wala pa si Jeremy?"Mukh
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“Mimi! Mimi! Mimi, wake up ka na.”Gising na ako but I couldn’t open my eyes. Alam na alam ng katawan ko that it’s the weekend and it’s asking for more sleep. My son, on the other hand, is asking for more playtime.I peeked at his excited face, already full of that young energy. I feel so old most especially when I can’t keep up with his excitement. I smiled, "Yes, sweetie. I know, but can you let your Mom sleep for a little while?" Agad naman siyang ngumuso at mukhang malapit nang magtampo. I touched his cheek, "Then we can do anything you want after. Ipagluluto din kita ng kahit na anong gusto mo."“Okay. I’ll let my Mom sleep but cook a lot of corned beef for me, Mimi.”“See. You can call me Mom naman pala or Mommy. Why do you insist on calling me Mimi?” I laughed.Jeremy shrugged. For him, I’ll always be his Mimi. “I don’t know. I like Mimi more. See you in the kitchen! Love you!”Imbes na matulog ulit ako ay pinilit ko na lang bumangon. Ayan, nahawa na nga yata ako sa energy niya
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“May gusto ka bang pasalubong?” Jake sounded a lot more cheerful than his usual tone. In my head, I already called this ‘Jake’s Daddy Voice’. The one he exclusively uses for Jeremy. I was holding my laugh at first dahil never ko pa siyang narinig magsalita that way but as time passed by, I got used to it. In fact, I appreciate everything he does for Jeremy, conscious or not. As long as he's keeping his word, I’m willing to let go of the past for Jeremy’s sake. Babalik kasi si Jake sa abroad, just for a week. Matagal na nga siguro dapat siyang umalis. He’d ask me, “Cass, would it be fine if I leave for work?” It’s for work and I know this arrangement. From day one, alam kong he wouldn’t be around every day for the whole year. I’d tell him, “Yeah, sure. Wala namang problema. You tell me when’s your flight and when you plan to come back and see Jake, you can also tell me. So, we can make an arrangement.” And what? We had that conversation every week hanggang sa napagtanto kong, it wa
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“Baby... Baby... Are you okay?" Natatarantang tanong ko. I combed his hair and then cupped his cheeks. His lips parted as he breathed heavily, gasping for air.My hand started shaking so badly that I couldn’t touch him anymore.“Ellie!” Hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko. I searched for something that I can use para paypayan siya. Binigyan naman ako ni Ellie galing sa bag niya at nanginginig na inabot niya sa akin iyon. “Ellie, can you call for an ambulance?”I watched as my son clutched his chest. He closed his eyes and his hand that was holding me tightly lost strength. “Jeremy. Jeremy.” I tapped his cheeks. “Listen to Mommy. Jeremy.”Hinihingal pa rin si Jeremy habang papunta kami sa pinakalapit na hospital. Thakfully, mayroong ten minutes away lang. Hawak-hawak ko ang kamay ni Jeremy. Wala pa rin siyang sinasabi but I could feel his hand holding me. I should be the one calming my son pero parang ako pa tuloy ang kumukuha ng lakas mula sa kanya.Medyo masakitin si Jeremy but it
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It was so stupid of me to let my guards down, but I’m really glad I have him here. It was comforting to know that someone who knows my pain is by my side.I brought myself back to reality when my phone started ringing.Ivan’s name popped on the screen. Lumayo ako kay Jake and took a second to breathe.“Hello. Ivan?”“How are you? Is everything all right? I was calling you and Ellie but no one’s answering. May nangyari ba.”I looked at Jake pero na kay Jeremy na ang attention niya. He was combing Jeremy’s hair.“I’m sorry. May nangyari lang. Inaasikaso kasi namin ngayon si Jeremy.”“Why? What happened” He sounded so worried sick. I can imagine Ivan, with a furrow in his forehead and a worried look on his face. “Okay lang ba siya?”I nodded my head, “Yes, he's fine. Medyo nahirapan lang siyang huminga kanina but he's now sleeping…” “What?” He gasped. “Is he okay? What did the doctor say?”“They are still running some tests.”I am so dizzy. Naubos ata lahat ng lakas ko kanina.“How abou
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“What?” I don’t know if it was loud enough for Jake to hear dahil kahit ako, hindi ko marinig ang sarili kong boses. What he said played in my mind again and I refuse to believe it. I changed my mind. “Don’t say it again.”I needed to leave here. Kailangan kong lumayo sa kanya. Whatever it was that I was feeling… It hurts so much that I feel numb.“Cass.”“Stay away from me.” I closed my eyes before I ended up breaking down.“Cass, I’m sorry.”“Sige nga.” I challenged him. “What are you sorry for? Because my son is sick? O baka naman dahil sa ginawa mo sa akin noon. Are you sorry for hurting me? Are you sorry I had to go through so much because you left me?”“I didn’t want to leave you.”“But you did, Jake.” I paused while I catch my breath. Nanginginig ako dahil sa sobrang lungkot at galit. “Am I supposed to feel guilty now dahil iniwan mo ko? Don’t say it was because of me because I would’ve wanted to be there. In sickness and in health, Jacob. I was ready to make the promise.”“I wa
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I meant what I said. Still, I shouldn’t have said it.Nung niyakap ako ni Jake, napagtanto kong kahit na anong galit ko sa kanya, I missed him. Ano bang nangyari nung may sakit siya? While I was hurting, was he hurting too? Of course, he was. He wouldn’t be crying this much if he wasn’t. We could’ve been there for each other. Kung sana, hindi ako tumigil sa pagtatanong kung kamusta na siya, there could’ve been an us.“I won’t. I promise.” Bulong niya sa akin. “I’ll be here for you always, Cass. For you and Jeremy.”It was what I needed to hear. Hindi ko kayang mag-isa ito.I could feel the longing with his stare. His thumb continuously softly brushes my cheek. “I… I lo-”Napahinto kami pareho nung mag-ring ang phone ko. I swiftly moved away in a panic lalo na nung makita ko ang pangalan ni Ivan sa screen. I looked at Jake but he was looking away. I hesitated if I should answer the call, pero hindi ba mas lalong magiging mali kung hindi ko sasagutin? “Hello?” I finally answered.“Hi,
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“What do you mean Jeremy’s sick?” Papa said.Mama was so speechless that she couldn’t even speak. Kahit ako nay nahihirapang i-explain ang sitwasyon. I am so tempted to call Jake and let him do the explaining. He knows this disease more and he knows what can be done. Baka alam niya kung paano pakalmahin ang mga magulang ko because if it’s only me… hindi ko alam.“Not my apo.” Mama finally said something.Jeremy is taking a nap upstairs. I told Rina na huwag muna siyang pababain dahil kailangan naming mag-usap nina Mama at Papa.“Is this the reason bakit sinugod siya sa hospital?”“Yes. We’ll have him checked with a specialist immediately and see the options for treatment.”“And do we have an idea what are the options?” Tanong ni Papa.“Hindi ako sigurado, Pa. I… I only knew about this now at kahit ako, wala masyadong alam tungkol dito. I will do my own research but..” I held my breath. Wala sa plano kong hindi sabihin sa kanila ito but it’s so hard to keep this a secret. Hindi ko kayan
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