37: Life and Death

There's tension crackling in the air. I feel it the moment I arrive, but maybe I'm just being paranoid. Everything looks ordinary. Everyone is exactly where they should be, and no one has given me a second glance since I've arrived.

When I got home yesterday, I fished the pack of cigarettes from the bottom of my bag and smoked one. I didn't get that buzz, but it was something. It relaxed me a little, I'll admit, and that's exactly what I needed. My wish was to go back and take that envelope back, but it's impossible. His office is always locked when he isn't there and I don't have the key. He'll find it, it's only a matter of time and then what?

I couldn't help myself. I smoked another one in rapid succession and my lungs were on fire after I finished it. It relaxed me, though, I won't lie, which is what made me smoke the second one. The only problem is that after I was done, I wanted another. I didn't, because of how terrible I felt, but I couldn't sleep. I stayed awake the whole nig