Chapter 06

Missing after the Hug

After what he just said I hid myself inside my blanket, I still can feel how hot my face is. And I know that he is still here, my eyes are widely open and I didn’t hear the door opened so he is still here.

“Are you going to hide forever?”

I got chills when I suddenly felt his breath on my ears. “Will you please keep distance on me” I still didn’t remove the blanket

Then suddenly I felt that he is trying to drag the blanket from me “You know what old people says? If you can’t ask the person in a nice way then do it in a force way”

I hold tightly on the blanket but then he successfully dragged it from me so I get my pillow and covered it on my face “I don’t want to see you! Get out!” I screamed in annoyance

I thought he will be angry but then he just laughed “I am not your fucking genie or servant that you could request to go out,” I felt his head on the side of mine and he whispered “But might become your fucking husband”

I can’t take this anymore! How could he say that? Where did he get his confidence? Can I have some? I threw the pillow to him and I shock is evident to his face “Don’t even joke about you being my husband because that will never happened!”

“Well you are not sure about that” he said and devilishly smirked

I rolled my eyes and I was about to grab a handful of his hair but suddenly the door swung open and I saw my mom who is shock when she saw our situation “What the heck is happening here?!”

I fixed my hair and my hospital dress and glared at north ‘this is your fault’ I mouthed

He raced his hands in “what” gesture. ‘I didn’t do anything’ he also mouthed

“What? Are your voices lost? Why are you talking with no sound?” my mom asked

I just shrugged my shoulder “Why don’t you ask North”

Now North is the one who is glaring at me, he shifted his gaze to my mom and smiled in a fake way “Auntie we are just playing”

I rolled my eyes because of his excuse, really North? Is that the only excuse that you could give? I do badly want to ask him that question if only my mother is not here

“Auntie” my mom said in disgust “You can leave now” she said, which made North’s eyes grew big. He pointed his self like he is asking if my mother is pertaining to him

“Oh yes dear, You” mama said and emphasize the word you

Without thinking, North immediately left the room and left me without saying goodbye, gosh! He is really a bastard!

“Why is he here?” mama asked

“Why are you also here?” I asked back, like mother like daughter is real

Mama scoffed because of my response “So you are a brat now huh?”

“You are also a brat, so why not” I said and shrugged

“Enough with this charades!” she shouted, I closed my eyes because of her pitch it hurts

“Well then enough with your acts!” I shouted back “Don’t act like you care because you never did! You want me to recover to inherit your businesses. Then fuck your businesses! You are just using me!” I said with bloodshot eyes

“Where did you learn to fight back huh? From that boy?” she asked.

“I learn this from you” I answered

“How dare you!” she was about to slap me but he stop in midway

“Why? Why did you stop mama? You can’t do it because I am your daughter? Or you are afraid that I might tell papa?” I asked

She didn’t answer. She was about to bring down her hand but I grab it “Fucking do it!” I started to feel the heat around my body. Madness is all over me “This is your specialty, getting angry and manipulating my life and my brother’s life!” I exploded in anger

Tears started falling from my mother’s eyes “I want the best for you!”

“But I want what makes me happy!” I said

She dragged her hands from my grip and walked away. I stared at the food in the table and rolled my eyes “Fuck you all! I will starve myself and won’t even eat anything from you!” I shouted, I don’t care if she heard it

I slept without eating anything. When I woke up I saw North preparing something. I sat up in my bed and looked at him “Early in the morning and I will see your annoying face” I said tiredly

I tried to focus my vision but I feel like I am spinning. I felt dizzy right now and my head is aching badly like someone is punching it. My forehead creased because of pain that is why North looked at me with furrowed brows

“You feel bad right now?” he asked, and I nodded

North shook his head “It is because you didn’t eat”

I look at him and I was about to ask him but he immediately answered “I saw the food, remained untouched. The food is already spoiled so I throw it already” he said

“Sorry” I said

“Just don’t repeat it again, a lot of people are not capable to eat delicious foods so be thankful Astraea that you have something to eat” he said

I nodded “I know, I just don’t want to eat something that came from my parents”

“That is why I cooked something for you” he said and smiled ear to ear

“Cooked?” I asked

He nodded like an idiot “I was about to go back in your room but I heard what you shouted yesterday so I decided to cook. I don’t want you to starve yourself just because of your pride”

I looked down on my lap as tears started to fall “ I didn’t mean to make her cry, I exploded”

I tried to stifle my sob; I don’t him to know that I am crying. But then, I think I am not good in hiding my face

“Don’t hide it, just cry. Bring out your anger that you feel to me” he said “but before that let’s eat!” he tried to sound happy but I can feel that he is affected to my situation

We ate the food that he prepared for me, it is just an adobo but I felt special. He cooked with effort and I appreciate it.

“I feel suffocated in this room” I said “I feel like I am a prison here because all I have is a bed and a simple dining table. This room is so suffocating, it doesn’t have window so I can’t see the city lights” I added

“do you want to transfer” he asked

I laughed at his question “As if they will allow me” I said in a sad tone

“Is it possible that in just one moth I will go back to my normal phase of walking?” I asked my doctor

“Well yes. I can see that you are already improving, it can be after two weeks you can walk properly already” he answered

I can help but to smile. I am eager because of North; he inspires me that is the why I want to recover already. So that I can go back to my old life

“Actually I can’t feel the pain anymore” I said

“That is good” he said and smiled

That is why I always follow my scheduled sessions with my therapist. I always wake up early because of North, every morning he is the first person that I always see

I am still having nightmares and some whispers, but I learn how to ignore it and it didn’t bother me anymore because that is what my psychiatrist thought me. I regularly drink my medicines since it is what my doctors said that is good for me.

My psychiatrist said that I must learn to let go. I should stop blaming myself because it won’t help me.

North is always at my side; every session that I had he is there. For the past days we became close, and he is the only friend.

Sometimes he is still sweet to me, but then I put in my mind that we are just friends and he just wants me to be happy.

“Wake up” he whispered in my ear

The moment I opened my eyes I was surprise. He was too near! He laughed when he saw how my eyes grew big “Morning!”

I pushed him away and he just laughed. “Stop surprising me!” I said

“Sorry, you are going to be lat if I didn’t wake you up” he said. He holds my hand to drag me “Let’s eat!”

He is so hyper whenever we will eat. He eats too much! “Okay! But stop dragging me”

We started eating. I only ate bread and fruits then I notice that North is looking at me, what is his problem? “What are looking at?” I asked

“You gained weight” he said

I immediately lifted my cloth and trace my abs, North panicked when he saw me, he immediately covered his eyes

“Hey! You can’t just lift your cloth. I am still a boy!” he said

“As if you are not watching porn” I said boldly

“Well I do watch but not live” he defended

So he admitted that he do watch porn? This guy! I knew that he was not innocent, well there is nothing wrong with watching porn just don’t imitate it

“I didn’t gain weight! My abs is still here” I said

“Abs or ribs?” he asked. I immediately rolled my eyes because of his question.

“I also have abs” he proudly said and lifted his shirt and truly he does have. He was surprised when I looked at his body, he immediately pull down his shirt

“Wow Astraea, you are a pervert!” he said and covered his body like I violated him

“Duh, I already saw abs from other boys before, so what new?” I said

He was about to say something but I hold my knees, I suddenly felt pain there.

North panicked when I started crying

“Hey are you okay? Do I need to call your doctor?” he asked

I shook my head “I am okay, I can handle the pain”

After minutes the pain is gone. I remember suddenly my surgery and suddenly my heart beats fast “I only have two weeks before operation”

“Wow, it is like you are saying that you will die” he joked

“Dummy! What I am trying to say is that I am scared and nervous” I said

He suddenly grab my hand smiled “I know. The day of your surgery I will be there”

After that my nurse entered the room and told me that I am already late to my schedule. I stand up immediately and grab my crutches

“Good morning doc!” North greeted happily

“Good morning North!” he greeted back

Just like before he did some stretches for my feet and knees. He said before that it helps me to bring back my stability. He let me walk and I already can but then my doctor said that I am not yet fully recovered. I still can’t walk for long time

Right now we are walking back to my room. We are silently walking but then North suddenly spoke

“You really want to get discharge?” he asked

“Of course. I already wasted two years inside this hospital” I answered

“Don’t you think that is better if you stay here a little bit more? you are not yet fully recovered in PTSD also you still have mild depression” I suddenly stopped walking because of what he said

"So you don't want me to leave this hell huh?" I asked him

"Nah it's not like that. Since you want to leave this hell I’ll join you" he said and winked. I just rolled my eyes

We continued walking after our talk, and then I stopped when I realized something

North continued walking and didn't bother to stop. He just stopped when I call him

“hey! This is not the way. My room is on the right wing idiot!” I screamed. I turn my back and started walking to the right path then suddenly I heard north running

“hey why are—“I screamed when he suddenly carry me on his shoulder “fuck you North! What are you doing?!” I panicked

“Relax” he said and started walking to the left wing, his other hand is holding my crutches

“Bitch, if you are going to rape me I swear you will be in jail!” I warned him and I started to move in his shoulder

“Don’t move I might drop you on the floor if you move again” he said and tightens his hold on my body

I didn’t protest because he might drop me and it will cause another injury to me. We stop in front of a room

“Open it” he said

“What should I open?” I asked innocently

“My zipper? I guess” he joked

“WHAT?!” I loudly said

He laughed at my reaction “idiot, of course the door we will not do some miracle here in the hallway” he said and devilishly smiled

I glared at him. Like what he said I open the door. All I just saw in the room is darkness so I search for the switch. The moment that I open the switch I was started when I saw my parents inside the room

“SURPRISE!” they all screamed.

I was too overwhelmed to speak so I just smiled at them and my eyes started to water.

“What is up in this room?” I asked as I roam my eyes around the room

“Well we heard from your psychiatrist that your mental condition is fine already so we decided to transfer you in this room” my father said happily

“Don’t you dare to say that you will not accept this room dear. North told us that you are suffocated from your old room” mom said.

I looked at North who is smiling ear to ear “You deserve this Astraea”

I hugged him and I felt that he was a little bit surprised “Thank you” I whispered

dad cleared his throat so I immediately broke the hugged and smiled shyly to them.

“Are you okay with this room?” my mom asked

I nodded and hugged them. “Thank you”

We eat in the dining table. But after minutes my parents receive some calls and they need to leave. I understand so I let them, now it was just the two of us again

I walked toward my bed and lay down. Gosh this bed is more comfy! I will surely sleep here comfortably.

North opened the window besides me. I saw the city lights that I always admire. I can’t help but to smile "Do you like it?" He asked

"Yeah" I answered

“You are starting to gain their trust again, that is good. You are starting to get your life again” he said while leaning in the window

“My life will not be the same anymore. Paige will never comeback” I sadly said

“Paige is not here, but I am here” he said and sat on my bed “people come and people go, Astraea.”

“Please assure me that you will always be by my side” I said pleadingly

He smiled at me “I am there in your heart. I won’t leave you” he said

I smiled at him and patted my bed to tell him to lie down. we are both looking at the ceiling and no one dared to talk

I decided to speak first “You changed the pattern of my life. You gave me reasons to still fight, even though I am hopeless before and you didn’t quit on me. Thank you North”

He held my hand and intertwined with his. “There is hope for everything. Even the dying one has” he said and smiled at me

I looked at him and tears started to fall. He changed me so much, he plays big role in my life

“Can I sleep here?” he asked

I nodded and faced the opposite side. I stiffened when he suddenly wrapped his hand on my waist. “Goodnight” he whispered

I guess there is first time for everything

When I woke up he is not in my room anymore. That bastard! After he hugged me he will just leave!

He didn’t left any letters that says he is already leaving. He didn’t say goodbye to me, I immediately felt nervous. Did he leave me?

Maybe. Maybe not. Why would he leave without saying goodbye?! I tried to think that he just go out but the day pass by and he never comeback

He is like a bubble that suddenly missing

North, where are you?