Chapter 05

Red Color Compliment 

I removed his hand on mine and punched his face. It wasn’t that strong but enough to hurt someone

“Ouch, that hurts ah! I am sweet to you then you just gave me a punch” he complained

“Just leave!” I said, I pushed him away so that he will leave already

“Fine!” he said

He leave my room without even saying anything, I felt guilty because I punched him I should just pushed him away rather than punching him.

But then I am more bothered about what he just said. He is playing with my mind! The nerve of that guy! He is sweet to me as if I will fall to him, but what if I will? Okay fuck that idea! It sucks thinking that I still have time for love when eventually I can’t love myself

I was startled when someone knocked on my door, it was just my nurse. I smiled at him and he was surprised for what I did, later on he also smiled to me

“Ma’am you have an appointment to your therapist” he informed me

Right, I will be starting my therapy again. My nurse helps me to get up and transferred me to the wheelchair and pushed it out of my room

While we are on our way to my doctor I can’t stop thinking north’s last line “I will come back to you” I immediately waved my head erasing those memory.

“Fucker” I said too much loud that other people heard it

They all look at me like I am a crazy person “ma’am are you okay” my nurse asked

“Ye-yes I am okay, just keep pushing” and he did continue pushing my wheelchair

The eyes of other people are still on me so I cover my face because of embarrassment. Later for sure they will be gossiping about me.

Finally we reach the clinic of my therapist. He is an orthopedic doctor and also a PT or Physical therapist. He will be doing some muscle exercise for my feet and legs since I still can’t steadily walk since I also have nerve damage

He tried to let me walk without holding anything. I can only do about four small steps like a baby. So I ended up on the floor

"This is frustrating” I said, I tried to stand but still I can’t, thankfully my nurse help me to get up

"It is frustrating Ms. Esperanza but I can see that your knees are already improving. You need to be careful since you still have ACL injury" my doctor said

“For the mean time, I prefer that you should use crutches” doctor Raymundo suggested, which made my brows furrowed

“What? Crutches? Then I will look like an old man doc!” I protested

“Hija it is good for your knees, this will help you to regain range of motion and stability in the knee joint. I will also suggest to your parents to let you go out and have a walk outside the good thing is you won’t be using your wheelchair anymore” he explained.

Wow so they will suggest to my parents to let me go out? Then that would be great!

I don’t have a choice but to use a crutch, I started walking with it. Nurses and other hospital personnel are looking at me, they all look at me in awe, and I don’t want to look weak! Then suddenly I had this urge to talk to psychiatrist. She will surely listen to me. She's paid to talk to me.

“Can I talk to my psychiatrist?” I asked my nurse

“Yes po ma’am” and he followed my request

My nurse entered the clinic of my psychiatrist. I saw a nurse in the front desk “is doctor Melendez here?” my nurse asked

“Yes she is. I will just inform her that Ms. Esperanza is here” the other nurse said. She inform my psychiatrist and in just a few minutes she return

“You can enter now” she said

“I can handle myself, just wait here” I said to my nurse

“Okay ma’am” he answered

Doctor Melendez is smiling ear to ear when I entered the room. “Penny! What bring you here?”

“Do you think it is okay to use this crutches? ‘Cause I feel like I look like an old man” I asked immediately. I seated on the chair in front the table of my psychiatrist

She laughed “yes, this will help you to recover fast and it suits you, you look fine with it” she said “oh is that the only thing that you want to ask?” she added

“I know this is weird to tell you but North is bothering me” her smile melted when she heard his son’s name

“Did he do something wrong?” she asked

“Well nothing, but he keeps o saying this cheesy lines and it makes me nervous. Is it normal doc?” my tone sounded bother which is true

“So it is effective huh” she said in a small voice but enough for me to hear

“What do you mean?” I asked

“Oh dear it's normal and it's a progress for you! That means you're starting to feel things. I feel happy for you” she smiled but those smile don't look genuine it is more like she is worried

"Your son is a bastard sometimes but I can handle it. Honestly he gives me comfort. Last time he slept on my room beside my bed. I always have nightmares so he stayed for me then that time I didn't experience any nightmare. Can you explain why?" I curiously asked

"You feel safe with him that's why you forgot your fears" my doctor answered. Now it bothered me more, we just met two days ago the phase was so fast. Maybe because I found comfort to him

“Do you take your medicines?” she asked

“Yes” I answered

“Then that is great! Your recovery would be faster” she happily said

I just nodded. I already bid my farewell since I did ask the things that bother me. I immediately go back to my room and lay down on my bed.

Now what bothers me is my psychiatrist’s line “you feel safe with him” it keeps on repeating in my head it is like music in my ears

“Fuck Astraea” I whispered to myself.

Do I feel safe with him? Maybe, maybe I am. Because of thinking so much about North I was able to sleep, just like before I dreamed about Paige again but this time it is a different scenario

“Penny” he said with a smile

I can feel that my eyes are watering again. I run towards Paige and hug him so tight “please Paige just comeback to me, I miss you so bad” I said and tears started to fall

He smiled at me but I can see in his eyes how lonely he is. He started fading and I can’t no longer hug him he became a dust and blown by the wind.

I was left dumb found. And I felt a whisper in my ear “I miss you too”

“Astraea, wake up!” Someone shouted

When I open my eyes I saw a face of a guy looking at me, he looks like he just lost something. “God I thought you will not wake up!” he said

I blink my eyes and I saw clearly his face, he I here. “Hey are you okay? You are crying while sleeping so I panic” he put his hands on my back “damn your sweating a lot!”

He lifts my body so I can sit in my bed. He ran towards a cabinet finding something “why are you already here?” I asked

“I told you I will come back” he said, and then I saw a hospital dress in his hand “here, change your clothes quickly. After five minutes I will come back” he said and let me inside

After five minutes he did comeback. With a food “how can you get a food that fast? You are just lost for about five minutes” I said

“I ordered it before you wake up” he answered

My eyebrows furrowed so before I woke up he is here? So he is just watching me sleeping?

“What are you looking at? Come on let’s eat” he said

I grab my crutches and walked towards him “how did you know that I didn’t have a lunch?” I asked

“Because I am already here during those times” he answered. My eyes grew big, the fuck?! So that is how long he is here watching me? I was so embarrassed to look at him and he noticed it, he smirked and laughed a little

“Don’t worry I didn’t watched you all day, I just watched you sleeping for two hours then I did my requirements” he said

“The heck? Why would you watch me sleeping?! Are you that bored?” I asked

“Don’t worry you didn’t drool” he said and laughed so hard

After that we continued eating, he sometimes tell stories and I just listen “you know what I have three friends and their names are South, West and East so I decided to call our squad as Cardinal direction or CD” he said

“Is it coincidental that your names came from the cardinal direction?” I asked

“Actually no. our parents know each other then they decided to name us in the three cardinal direction” he answered

My forehead creased because of his answer “three? But it is four”

“South is not actually part of our friendship, we just met him when we are in college” he said

I nodded to him and continued eating. I was happy because he is telling me some information in his life, I feel like I know him well already and I feel like I belong already in his life

After eating I stand up and walked back to my bed. I saw how North sigh when he saw me lying again “are you going to sleep again?”

“Nah, I will just lay down here” I said

I was surprised when he suddenly carries me in a bridal way. “The fuck?! What are you doing?”

Good thing he immediately put me down “let’s take a walk so you will get used to it”

Instead of protesting, I agreed with his idea. While walking we remained silent and I thought no one will really talk between the two of us but North spoke first “I heard from my mom that you will be having a surgery for ACL reconstruction”

“Yes and I am looking forward to it” I said

“Why?” north asked

“Then I could get discharge already, I can go back to my old life” I answered

We sat on a bench just near a big tree. I look at the sky and smiled “two years ago I was comatose, and when I woke up everything is lost but you came in my life, and you regain every bits of energy left in my body” I said

“Two years ago I should be engage but something happened, now I am thankful that something happened because at least I met you” he said and smiled at me

Together we looked at the sky and appreciate the beauty of it, after minutes of staring at the sky I saw some kids playing “why they are here? Are they sick?” I asked

“Yes, they have cancer” north answered

So that is the reason why they are wearing bonnets

“I want to help them but still don’t have the capabilities” I said in a sad tone

“Soon you can” he said and smiled at me

After that I decided to go back inside the hospital. Then I got curious about north’s age, if he is still studying then I am older than him.

"How old are you?" I asked

This was the first time that I opened a topic. He looked at me with furrowed brows

“Twenty” he answered

Oh god, he is the same age as my brother if he is still alive!

"How about you?" He also asked

“Secret” I mocked his lines

"Come on Astraea! I know that I’m younger than you" he confidently said

I rolled my eyes, he is too confident! “I am already twenty one, turning twenty two on October. I was in the state of comatose when I celebrated my two birthday. I know I am already old but still gorgeous” I answered

He laughed because of my answer, well I am telling the truth! Even though I have PTSD and mild depression I am still beautiful

“You are really a model, too confident” he teased

“Excuse me? Too confident? Why am I not beautiful?” I asked him, but he didn’t look at me

I walked fast to catch up his phase. When I look at his face he looks so serious, what is on him? Sometimes he is sweet then now he is cold, he is confusing!

"Look at me North" I drag his hand to make him stop

He stopped but he can’t look at me. I hold his chin and tilted it to my direction. He looked at me with piercing eyes; I saw how his jaws moved

I want to ask him again if I am gorgeous or good looking but then I felt awkward because on how he looked at me. I don’t know what is happening to me but his opinion matters.

We continued walking and no one dared to talk. When we are finally in my room I saw a food on the dining table and there is a letter on it

Hope you will it this on dinner, are you with North? Eat with him hone. I am sorry but we can’t visit you we are busy right now with our business

~ Papa

“I think my father likes you” I said and gave him the letter

Wow this is first time I broke the silence. I don’t know if he read it but he just returned it to me.

I go to my bed and lay down “are you going home already?”

“Yes after dinner” he said

I nodded; I cover the blanket on my face, and closed my eyes. Suddenly I felt that north sat down on the edge of my bed “I am sorry if I can’t sleep here”

I removed the blanket and look at him “I understand”

I was about to cover my face again but he snatched the blanket on my face and said “you are above gorgeous. I am sorry if I didn’t tell you earlier”

I can feel how hot my face is right now; I immediately grab my blanket from him and cover my whole body. That was so embarrassing! How can he casually say it?

His laughter roared in my room “Astraea I saw it”

I close my eyes hoping that everything is just a dream