Chapter 07

Return and Escape

Four days ago is the last day I saw North, I don’t know what happen to him. Maybe I am just his past time.

“Where is North penny? I don’t see him anymore” my father asked

I can’t answer his question so I just remained silent. Slowly I go back to my old self; I don’t talk to them anymore.

"I see. You don't want to talk about it. I'll go back here at night. Take care Penelope” then my father leave

My life went back to usual. I was used to his irritating yet witty lines and his loud laugh but then suddenly my life went silent I used to complain because he is annoying but then here I am, seeking his presence. Sounds dumb right?

I get up from my bed when the door suddenly swung open, but my excitement died when I saw that it was just my nurse.

“Ma’am it is already time for your therapy” he said

I get up half-heartedly followed my nurse

It is already ten days without his presence and I can’t help but to think that he already forgot about me. Even his mom is not here for the past ten days, I started to feel that he left me already.

He affected my actions, before I used to speak but right now I feel like I lost the color of my life. It is like I lost myself again

I was just looking at the door, wishing that he will open it and he will scream ‘surprise!’ but it never happen.

"Waiting for someone?" My mother asked. I just look at her then closed my eyes because I know she will rant at me again

“I told you he will not be good for you, you see? He suddenly didn’t show his self here. What do millennial call it? Ghosting?” I tried not to listen, she is not helping! Can’t she sense that I am affected right now?! Is she even my mom?

“Stop or I might be rude to you again” I said, she then stopped talking about North

She doesn’t know anything so she better remain silent or I might shout at her. I am losing my respect to my parents because they always tell me that North is bad influence for me, which is not true! They don’t know him and yet they speak like they know every bits of him

He said that he will never leave me but it is almost two weeks since I last saw him. I want to think that he is just busy but his classes are already finished.

“Seems like you need to talk to your psychiatrist penny” my mother said

I look at her with brows furrowed “she is back?”

My mom nodded “just yesterday”

I said yes since I want to talk to her about his son since North is the one who is bothering me so maybe it is fine.

“Careful penny. after two days you will be having a surgery, we still can’t remove your braces, after you surgery you can remove it” my doctor said

After my appointment to my orthopedic doctor I immediately go to my psychiatrist’s clinic. I saw again the nurse in the front desk

“Miss Esperanza doc is here I while ago but she had an emergency. You can wait for her inside” the nurse said

I just nodded, I don’t have time to say thank you to her. I started to feel something in my tummy, like something is moving there. I want to vomit and I feel dizzy right now. Nervous is the only thing I can feel right now

"You're already here Ms. Esperanza” my psychiatrist suddenly spoke

I looked at her and she is sweating bullets. What happened to her?

“Your mom talked to me and said you are from your old self, tell me what happened” she asked

“Where is North?” I asked immediately

She stared at me for five seconds then smiled at me "Sorry but we should talk about your—" she didn't finish because I cut her

"This is my problem Doc. He is the reason why I am like this." I said and paused for a second then continue "now where is he?" I asked

"I can't tell you where he is right now but I can assure you that he's okay" my doctor assured me

The weight in my heart lessen, at least he is okay

“I am just worried, I am sorry” I said in a small voice

“he will be happy to hear that, I will tell him that you are worried. Maybe I can ask him to visit you” she said, but I don’t like her last line

“If he doesn’t want to visit then it is okay with me, but please tell him to take care” I said

I was about to stand but my psychiatrist talk “Do you want to contact him?”

I was thinking if I should say yes, but didn’t have a chance to say no because she gave me the phone and it is already ringing, I want to bring it back to her but North already answered it

"Mom what is it again?" He said in a raspy voice

I can hear that he is having trouble in speaking, what happen to him? “hey it is me, Astraea”

“He—hey” he stuttered “I am sorry if I haven’t visited you” he said in his soft voice

My tears started to fall so I tried to stifle my sob “It is okay, just take care”

That was the last thing I said because my chest hurts already. The moment I hang up my cry got louder. I leave the clinic without saying goodbye to my psychiatrist

I don’t know why I am crying, I already get what I want. I talk to him and told him to be careful, what now Penny? what is your problem again?

“I can handle myself” I said to my nurse and leave him there.

It is painful to hear his voice again, after the days that I didn’t hear his annoying voice finally I did. But the time I heard his voice I started to long for more, I want him on my side but I know that I am too selfish. He can’t stay by my side forever

“ASTRAEA!”

I looked at my back and saw north running to my direction, good thing that I am near to my room already.

I immediately entered my room and locked my door. I heard a loud banging of door and I am sure that it is North “Hey I am sorry, something happened”

I didn’t speak. I cover my mouth to lessen the sound of my cry; I don’t want him to hear me crying because I feel like I am too weak in his eyes. I don’t want him to pity on me.

"Astraea! Open the door!" He screamed

He is too loud! But damn, I miss his voice

“Sorry! I swear I just did something important” he screamed again

I tried to sleep but he keeps on banging the door. Bullshit that guy! I covered my ears but I still can hear. “The fuck North! Let me sleep!” I screamed

Hours pass by; finally he stopped banging the door so I slept already

I woke up immediately. I am sweating so much so I get up and change my clothes. Then I remember North, Is he still there?

Because of curiosity, I checked him outside and I saw him lying on the floor, sleeping. The hell this man! How could he even sleep here?

I slightly bow down to see his face; he looks like he lost blood I think? He looks so pale! What happen to him? Is he sick? But he still looks like an angel. I miss this face

I hold his face and planted a kiss on his forehead, after that I saw his eyes open! I walked backward little bit startled

“I knew that you can’t resist me” he said and smiled

He stood up and hugged me. My breathing stop but my heart beats so fast, damn! He might feel my heart and he will tease me again

“Why are you not breathing” I knew that he will notice it

He let go hugging me so I got an opportunity to slap me and he was totally shock to my action. His lips parted, he hold her cheeks and massaged it “That was awful!”

“how dare you speak like that huh? After you went missing you will show yourself here and will ask for forgiveness? What do you expect huh? That I will forgive you easily? Well then fuck off!” I said and was about to slap him again but he avoided it easily

He was holding my hand when I started crying “You don’t know how hard my life is without you” I said

He hugged me again and tapped my back “I am sorry, I swear I won’t ever left you again”

“If you will leave please tell me so I won’t be worried sick” I said

“Yes my lady” he whispered

I easily forgive him because he has an acceptable reason, and I understand him. We entered the room but he suddenly stopped walking “What?” I asked

He turn around and look at me with furrowed brows but after seconds his mouth suddenly open and formed an ‘o’ shape “You can walk already?!”

“Duh obviously” I answered

He hugged me again “Thanks God” he whispered in my ears

“Yeah, thanks to him” I said

We sat on the couch because he said that his butt is painful already because he seated on the floor for about hours

“How is your relationship with your parents?” he asked

“Still not good” I said

“How about your devil like mom” finally he is back to his jokes

“Still cruel” I answered

And speaking of the devil, my mom entered the room and when she saw north her eyes grew big and her lips parted “He is alive”

I want to laugh because of her reaction but I remained serious. “no one told you that he already died”

North stand up and greeted my mom, he was about to do ‘mano’ but mom just walked like he is not there

“How are you” she asked

“Still breathing” I answered

“Oh you are back to your senses, huh?” she said, is she trying to piss me off? Well if she is then congrats! It is effective

“I visited here to tell you that we are going home after your surgery, I already talked to your therapist and he said yes” my mother informed me

I hid my smile; I don’t want her to notice that I am excited. Finally I am leaving this hell

“But you still have appointments with your psychiatrist” she added

Well that is fine with me because it is North’s mom. I thought that is all but she said something that made me angry

“And to inform this guy, we are going to UK. No matter what happen” once again my mom dropped a bomb

I looked at my mom in disbelief. I tried to stop myself but I know I can’t. heat started to go up in my body until I can’t take it

“I told you mama I'll be staying!” I said in a loud voice, and because of that North left the room to give us space

“You are okay now, so why would you stay here Penny?” he calmly asked

“I want to stay here. If we will leave then who will hold the business huh?!” I am still trying to contain my anger

“your father can go back and forth here to take care of our businesses” she answered

“Why do you want me to leave here? I am okay here”

“We want you to forget your past, Penny” she answered

I scoff to her answer. They want me to forget my past huh? “I don’t want to forget mama. What I need is to heal and let go, I don’t want to forget Paige, and I will not escape my past to move on because I am not you!” I exploded

I immediately felt something on my face, it stung. She slapped me hard that is why I hold my face because of pain

“We spent lots of money for you. What we are asking for is not that hard. We want to leave the Philippines with you, why can't you do that? Is it that hard to do?" My mom said in pain

I was more hurt to her words than her slap. She is slapping me the reality that they are the reason why I am still alive. My tears started to fall because of anger

I looked at her directly in her eye and answered “If I will leave the Philippines it was like I totally leave my brother behind, and I don’t want him to be left behind and especially I don’t want to forget him!”

I wiped away my tears and tried to look brave; if I will not speak then I will be a prison forever. It is now or nothing.

“Don’t you dare to speak back your money on me because I never asked you to spend it for me! In the first place it is your responsibility to give my needs because you are my parents!”

My mom remained silent, I know that I hit the right word. She really never showed that she cares for me.

“Is this why you gave me this room to please me? You gave me this so much freedom so that I will say yes to your offer?” she didn’t answer, she just remained standing there “Tell me? Is this why papa is nice to me? And he wants to be closed to North to get my trust huh?”

She looked at me as tears fall from her eyes. She is crying like she is hurt but I know this is just a show. The door opened and it was dad

"Hey penny what happened here? I saw North outside" My father said

He said it like he is truly concern. My tears fall harder because of confusion. Is he really concern?

“Tell me papa are you just nice to me to get my trust?” I confronted him

His lips parted. Shock. It is written all over his face. He immediately went back to his senses and smiled at me

“We think that it will be better if you will join us Penny”

Damn. I knew it, they want to control my life again. After my recovery they want to hold my life again that is why they are being nice to me

“For fuck sake pa! I already wasted three years studying a course that I don’t really my whole life I followed your orders. The only thing that I get that I truly want is ballet” I stopped speaking to take a break. My cloth is soak in tears but I don’t care, I need to tell them everything

“Can’t I live the life I want?” I asked

They looked way and from that time I know that I really can’t live the life that I want. I avoided this topic for years, but now I am tried keeping it, they need to know my pain

“We are sorry anak” papa said in a small voice

“I want to be alone. Please leave, let’s fix this tomorrow” I weakly said.

They didn’t protest. They immediately left the room and my tears started to fall again, my chest already hurt. I started punching my chest after that I clenched my fist on my cloth. I can’t properly breathe anymore.

I heard a knock on the door, I was about to shout but he spoke “Can I come” it was North

“Yes” I screamed in weak voice.

He entered the room and locked the door “You okay?”

I showed my faced to him and asked “Do I look okay?”

He laughed a little bit “I heard it all” he said in a small voice. “I didn’t mean to hear it but I did”

“Congrats! You still have your ears” I sarcastically said

“Yeah congrats to myself” he mocked my tone, I just rolled my eyes

“The weight was too heavy and yet you carry it on your own” he said in serious tone

“Don’t pity on me” I said and rolled my eyes

“Do you want to lost some of the weight?” he asked

I looked at him brows furrowed “are you telling me to kill myself huh? Just like before?”

“Hey I didn't told you to kill yourself, it's your own idea and besides I didn't suggested it's what you called reverse psychology it means that— Ah never mind” he sounded frustrated

“I don’t like liars” I said “I don’t like people who are playing with my feelings” I added

“Well all of us don’t like liars but we ourselves do lie, so weird” he said

I breathe deeply and said “I want to escape”

“I thought you don’t escape from your problems or past?” he asked

I rolled my eyes, why do I even talk to him?!

“I need space to think” I rephrase

“Let’s go” he hold my hand to stand

“Where are we going?”  I asked

“I'll escape with you.”