I’m not sure if that ‘workmate’ word repetition was just a dream or if it really happened but when I woke up the following day, our arms are both encircling each other’s waists already. I swear I felt something slightly rough on my face earlier and I am certain, it was his stubbles. Positively, he was smooching me while I was still asleep.Bumungad sa akin si Aven na seryoso ang mukhang nakatitig sa mukha ko. He wasn’t even startled when he saw that I’m already awake. Still his arms around my waist, he gently draws small circles on my lower back with his finger—a very cuddly gesture yet he’s keeping a straight face. Napaawang ako at babatiin na sana siya ng magandang umaga nang maalala kong hindi pa nga pala kami bati. Ahm… So, what now? Hindi pa ba kami bati sa lagay na ‘to?“Ano? Nasa’n na ang morning kiss ko? Pati ba naman ‘yun ipagkakait mo sa akin? Hindi ka na nga nag-goodnight kiss sa akin kagabi, e.”I remain staring at him for a while and then snuggled against his chest. Napapi
“Kung alam ko lang na iiyak ka ng ganito, hindi na sana ako nagkuwento. That’s why you were so mad at me when I tried to avoid the Migz question, wasn’t it?” He pecked on my forehead and then pulled me into a hug, letting me lean on his chest as he caressed my back as if it was his way of calming me down. “Alright, apology accepted. But all of that… It’s already in the past now, okay? Tapos na ‘yun. Let’s just focus on what we have today, hmm? Tahan na.”Okay, maybe it’s all already in the past but it won’t ever change the fact that it happened. How narcissistic of me to think that he was a threat to me when it’s actually the other way around; I was the one who was a threat to him. Siguradong nakadagdag lang ako sa sakit ng ulo niya—dumagdag lang ako sa pinagdaanan niya. At sa kabila ng lahat, ni isang beses ay hindi ko siya narinig na nagreklamo. Hindi niya ako sinisi at sinumbatan ‘gaya ng ginawa ko sa kaniya noon at nagawa niya pa akong patawarin ng basta-basta. Hindi naman sa ayaw
We already dine like this before but right now, the atmosphere is way different than the last time. Something’s up, I can feel it. Naguguluhan man sa kung anong nangyayari ay isinantabi ko na lang muna ang pagtatanong at nagsimula na kaming kumain.Halos mapapikit pa ako sa sobrang sarap ng pagkaing nakahain sa harapan ko. I dramatically point a finger on my food as I chew. Siya ‘lagi ang nagluluto ng pagkain namin sa bahay niya kaya hindi ko na kailangan pang mag-isip, siguradong siya ang nagluto nito. Hindi ko alam kung sadyang talento niya lang ‘to o talagang ipinanganak siya para sa ganitong purpose, e. Jusko, ang sarap!I heard him let out some soft little giggles.“You like it? That’s one of my specialties.”I slowly nodded. “God, Alessandro… Please cook for me for the rest of my life,” I muttered in awe.I’m not good and I don’t usually give comments about what I eat since I often drink coffee the whole day instead of having an actual meal but every time I taste his dishes, I a
Since none of us dared to start a conversation on our way home, the whole ride was painfully quiet; Both of us had our eyes on the road although, I was the only one who was watching the cars ahead of us like a fool. I couldn't stand how awkward it was, but I tried my very best to keep my mouth shut. I don't even have the right to at least lighten up the mood because in the first place, I was and I still am the reason why the atmosphere between us is uncomfy.I didn't refuse his proposal but my response was neither of "yes" and "no"—it was a "sorry", it turned out to be an apology when it wasn't suppose to be like that. Ang nonsense pero mabuti na ring wala akong naging matinong tugon. Magulo pa ang isip ko ngayon at ayokong pagsisihan kung anumang maging sagot ko kung sakali."That's alright, you don't need to be sorry. I understand." That's exactly what he said as he downheartedly nod his head and just pulled me close for a hug. I doubted that but then he genuinely looked like he wasn
The following days went well although, going back to my old routine—my life before Alessandro and I decided to live together doesn’t feel the same as before anymore. Like what we have compromised, we settle for texts and calls. But it makes me miss him more, it makes me want to see him and feel him so I keep making excuses to shorten the duration of our talks. Ayos lang naman no’ng una, pero no’ng napapansin kong palagi na siyang matamlay tuwing nagtatawagan kami at hindi niya na rin halos binabalik ang mga texts ko ay nalulungkot na ako. He’s obviously making time for me, pero anong ginagawa ko? Sinasayang ko ang oras niya imbes na ipagpahinga niya na lang ‘to.Getting up to get ready for work wasn't as refreshing as my usual weekday mornings with him. It feels like something’s missing doing things even if I’m used to doing them alone. It’s just been a few days yet I’m already longing for Alessandro’s warmth; I miss him.Unlike before, nagluluto na ako sa umaga upang makapag-almusal
Sa kabila ng lahat ng mga nangyari—simula noon hanggang ngayon na bumalik siya matapos mawala ng maraming taon, bakit nga ba ako umasa na hindi nagbago ang pagtingin niya sa akin? Bakit hindi ako nagtaka, na kahit hindi maayos ang paghingi ko ng tawad sa kaniya ay umakto lang siyang maayos na ang lahat sa amin, na para bang noon pa man ay malapit na ang loob namin sa isa’t-isa? How come he didn’t pushed me away when I tried to reach out to him? Everything went too fast, pero hindi ko agad naisip ang mga ‘yun dahil masyado akong nalunod sa bugso ng damdamin ko; Masyado akong nagpadala sa kat*ngahan ko.Dire-diretso akong pumasok sa bahay niya upang kunin lahat ng naiwan kong mga gamit. Wala na rin naman akong dahilan para bumalik pa dito. Wala na kaming dapat pang pag-usapan dahil sapat na ang nadatnan ko ngayong gabi para magising sa kahibangan kong ‘to. Kung ganito lang rin naman, mas mabuti nang lumaki ang anak ko nang walang kinikilalang ama. I’m going to keep the baby with or witho
I didn’t mean to raise my hand that day—the first time I caught her glaring at me with her beautiful brown-ish eyes. I was just yawning, stretching my arms, and about to go back to my seat when the teacher called my name to answer that Math flashcard. I can’t buy sweets for my sister because Mama doesn’t want us to talk with her or even go near her, so I was kind of happy and excited about that cheap chocolate. It was supposedly for Nish but when I saw her crying, I impulsively asked our teacher to give it to her.The fact that she’s a girl, I can’t help but panic and unconsciously put Nish in her shoes. What if she was my sister, would they have the same reaction? I don’t know why she hated me since that day but I didn’t bother to know the reason. I don’t care. At first, I don’t give a d*mn about it.Kahit palaging galit at nakasimangot sa tuwing magkasama o magkatabi kami, ang ganda pa rin talaga niya. Matalino pa! Masungit nga lang. Gusto ko talagang makipagkaibigan sa kaniya kaso a
Teacher gestured us to gather in front as she expertly shuffled the cards on her hands. “Alright, pupils. Maglalaro tayo, ha? Kung sinong makakasagot ng tama sa mga ipapakita kong Math flashcards ay may limang stars kay Teacher. At kung sino naman ang unang makakasagot ay bibigyan ko ng... chocolate!”I rolled my eyes when my classmates raised their hands and cheered in excitement. Hindi pa man nagsisimula ay gusto na agad nilang sumagot, they look so eager but do they know how to answer? I don’t think so. Even me, I don’t like that subject so they’re probably just after the chocolate. Imbes na makigulo ay nanatili lang akong nakaupo. It’s not like I don’t want to participate, I just don’t want to waste my energy standing there in front. Maiinis lang ako kapag nasanggi ako ro’n ng makukulit kong mga kaklase. My mother once told me that teachers like well-behaved kids and that’s why I’m behaving right now. I’m behaving because I want her to choose me. Ayoko ng premyo ngunit gusto kong
I didn’t mean to raise my hand that day—the first time I caught her glaring at me with her beautiful brown-ish eyes. I was just yawning, stretching my arms, and about to go back to my seat when the teacher called my name to answer that Math flashcard. I can’t buy sweets for my sister because Mama doesn’t want us to talk with her or even go near her, so I was kind of happy and excited about that cheap chocolate. It was supposedly for Nish but when I saw her crying, I impulsively asked our teacher to give it to her.The fact that she’s a girl, I can’t help but panic and unconsciously put Nish in her shoes. What if she was my sister, would they have the same reaction? I don’t know why she hated me since that day but I didn’t bother to know the reason. I don’t care. At first, I don’t give a d*mn about it.Kahit palaging galit at nakasimangot sa tuwing magkasama o magkatabi kami, ang ganda pa rin talaga niya. Matalino pa! Masungit nga lang. Gusto ko talagang makipagkaibigan sa kaniya kaso a
Sa kabila ng lahat ng mga nangyari—simula noon hanggang ngayon na bumalik siya matapos mawala ng maraming taon, bakit nga ba ako umasa na hindi nagbago ang pagtingin niya sa akin? Bakit hindi ako nagtaka, na kahit hindi maayos ang paghingi ko ng tawad sa kaniya ay umakto lang siyang maayos na ang lahat sa amin, na para bang noon pa man ay malapit na ang loob namin sa isa’t-isa? How come he didn’t pushed me away when I tried to reach out to him? Everything went too fast, pero hindi ko agad naisip ang mga ‘yun dahil masyado akong nalunod sa bugso ng damdamin ko; Masyado akong nagpadala sa kat*ngahan ko.Dire-diretso akong pumasok sa bahay niya upang kunin lahat ng naiwan kong mga gamit. Wala na rin naman akong dahilan para bumalik pa dito. Wala na kaming dapat pang pag-usapan dahil sapat na ang nadatnan ko ngayong gabi para magising sa kahibangan kong ‘to. Kung ganito lang rin naman, mas mabuti nang lumaki ang anak ko nang walang kinikilalang ama. I’m going to keep the baby with or witho
The following days went well although, going back to my old routine—my life before Alessandro and I decided to live together doesn’t feel the same as before anymore. Like what we have compromised, we settle for texts and calls. But it makes me miss him more, it makes me want to see him and feel him so I keep making excuses to shorten the duration of our talks. Ayos lang naman no’ng una, pero no’ng napapansin kong palagi na siyang matamlay tuwing nagtatawagan kami at hindi niya na rin halos binabalik ang mga texts ko ay nalulungkot na ako. He’s obviously making time for me, pero anong ginagawa ko? Sinasayang ko ang oras niya imbes na ipagpahinga niya na lang ‘to.Getting up to get ready for work wasn't as refreshing as my usual weekday mornings with him. It feels like something’s missing doing things even if I’m used to doing them alone. It’s just been a few days yet I’m already longing for Alessandro’s warmth; I miss him.Unlike before, nagluluto na ako sa umaga upang makapag-almusal
Since none of us dared to start a conversation on our way home, the whole ride was painfully quiet; Both of us had our eyes on the road although, I was the only one who was watching the cars ahead of us like a fool. I couldn't stand how awkward it was, but I tried my very best to keep my mouth shut. I don't even have the right to at least lighten up the mood because in the first place, I was and I still am the reason why the atmosphere between us is uncomfy.I didn't refuse his proposal but my response was neither of "yes" and "no"—it was a "sorry", it turned out to be an apology when it wasn't suppose to be like that. Ang nonsense pero mabuti na ring wala akong naging matinong tugon. Magulo pa ang isip ko ngayon at ayokong pagsisihan kung anumang maging sagot ko kung sakali."That's alright, you don't need to be sorry. I understand." That's exactly what he said as he downheartedly nod his head and just pulled me close for a hug. I doubted that but then he genuinely looked like he wasn
We already dine like this before but right now, the atmosphere is way different than the last time. Something’s up, I can feel it. Naguguluhan man sa kung anong nangyayari ay isinantabi ko na lang muna ang pagtatanong at nagsimula na kaming kumain.Halos mapapikit pa ako sa sobrang sarap ng pagkaing nakahain sa harapan ko. I dramatically point a finger on my food as I chew. Siya ‘lagi ang nagluluto ng pagkain namin sa bahay niya kaya hindi ko na kailangan pang mag-isip, siguradong siya ang nagluto nito. Hindi ko alam kung sadyang talento niya lang ‘to o talagang ipinanganak siya para sa ganitong purpose, e. Jusko, ang sarap!I heard him let out some soft little giggles.“You like it? That’s one of my specialties.”I slowly nodded. “God, Alessandro… Please cook for me for the rest of my life,” I muttered in awe.I’m not good and I don’t usually give comments about what I eat since I often drink coffee the whole day instead of having an actual meal but every time I taste his dishes, I a
“Kung alam ko lang na iiyak ka ng ganito, hindi na sana ako nagkuwento. That’s why you were so mad at me when I tried to avoid the Migz question, wasn’t it?” He pecked on my forehead and then pulled me into a hug, letting me lean on his chest as he caressed my back as if it was his way of calming me down. “Alright, apology accepted. But all of that… It’s already in the past now, okay? Tapos na ‘yun. Let’s just focus on what we have today, hmm? Tahan na.”Okay, maybe it’s all already in the past but it won’t ever change the fact that it happened. How narcissistic of me to think that he was a threat to me when it’s actually the other way around; I was the one who was a threat to him. Siguradong nakadagdag lang ako sa sakit ng ulo niya—dumagdag lang ako sa pinagdaanan niya. At sa kabila ng lahat, ni isang beses ay hindi ko siya narinig na nagreklamo. Hindi niya ako sinisi at sinumbatan ‘gaya ng ginawa ko sa kaniya noon at nagawa niya pa akong patawarin ng basta-basta. Hindi naman sa ayaw
I’m not sure if that ‘workmate’ word repetition was just a dream or if it really happened but when I woke up the following day, our arms are both encircling each other’s waists already. I swear I felt something slightly rough on my face earlier and I am certain, it was his stubbles. Positively, he was smooching me while I was still asleep.Bumungad sa akin si Aven na seryoso ang mukhang nakatitig sa mukha ko. He wasn’t even startled when he saw that I’m already awake. Still his arms around my waist, he gently draws small circles on my lower back with his finger—a very cuddly gesture yet he’s keeping a straight face. Napaawang ako at babatiin na sana siya ng magandang umaga nang maalala kong hindi pa nga pala kami bati. Ahm… So, what now? Hindi pa ba kami bati sa lagay na ‘to?“Ano? Nasa’n na ang morning kiss ko? Pati ba naman ‘yun ipagkakait mo sa akin? Hindi ka na nga nag-goodnight kiss sa akin kagabi, e.”I remain staring at him for a while and then snuggled against his chest. Napapi
Holding hands, we strolled as some staff showed us around. Soothing fresh air, and dancing trees all over the place. This is indeed a paradise, it’s like being in a place between beauty on land and in water. Maa-appreciate talaga ang kagandahan ng lugar dahil hindi gaanong ma-tao. Kapansin-pansin rin ang pag-iingat ng may-ari upang huwag masyadong gawing moderno ang kapaligiran.“You like it here? I mean…” He scratched his brow, “ I just thought this staycation could compensate for the stressful week you've had.”Mangha ko siyang nilingon. “Are you kidding me? I love it here! Have you been here before? This is the most relaxing place I’ve ever been to.”Not to sugarcoat nor exaggerate things but this is really the best place I’ve ever been to. Well, I don’t give myself breaks often because for me that's just a waste of time and I don't think I deserve those. Even after I graduated college and passed the board exams, naghanap agad ako ng trabaho. Tumatak na sa aking isipan na kapag abal
Having a quite heavy workload kind of helps me to drift away from overthinking. Yes, it is exhausting but at least I’m not as restless as I am when I’m having sleepless nights, doing nothing but stress about things I shouldn't exaggerate in the first place.Actually, I've already decided to confront him but I just can't do it. Pinangungunahan ako ng takot ko at alam kong hindi dapat ako nagpapadaig sa mga naiisip ko ngunit ayoko rin naman na masyadong magpa-kampante. Either what we have is real or he’s just playing around, but it could be neither of these.Even after all the assurance Aven's been showing or telling me, ang dami pa rin talagang "what if's" na naglalaro sa aking isipan. Alam kong kung may isang tao man na gustong malaman kung anong bumabagabag sa akin, it’ll be Aven. But I have no plans on telling him about it, I don't want him to think or feel that I don't trust him. I trust him, I just can’t help having doubts. Maybe it’s too soon to decide for that, at baka kaya ko pa