Chapter Four

Chapter Four

My friends had left, my dad had arrived home and we sat down at the table, in front of our plated up our food. Haley was awake but quiet in her Moses basket next to me. I looked over at her and smiled.

'So, how was seeing your friends after so long?' Roman asked me. I looked up at him and shrugged.

'It was ok. Strange, things have changed, but it was nice to see them'. He smiled.

'Don't get yourself knocked up and run away next time, hey?' Dad commented. I looked at him and frowned. Seriously? I knew it was a joke, but it wasn't funny. When he noticed me staring at him blankly, he shrugged. 'What?'

I shook my head but I could feel the tears building up behind my eyes and just as the first few fell over my waterline, I got up and ran out the room, Heading upstairs to my bedroom. I rushed into the bathroom and slammed the door loudly behind myself.

I stared into the mirror and shook my head. Hating myself. This was one of the reasons I ''ran away''. It's just all too much. The choice I made was what I honestly thought was best... For everyone. Not just myself but Roman too... And my parents... Now, I felt like shit for it all.

Someone knocked on the bathroom door, but I ignored it until I heard Roman's voice;

'Al, it's me, come on, open up baby'. Hearing him call me ''baby'' made my heart crumble even more. Lea's words about the heart wanting what it wants just constantly ran through my head. She was always a ''straight shooter'' and told it how it was. Knowing the details and still thinking I should give him another chance or that I should try and make it work meant a lot... It also meant I should give it some serious thought.

I realised I hadn't answered him yet... and probably should.

'It's unlocked, you can come in'. I called back, grabbing one of the face towels and washing my face so that he wouldn't know I had been crying... Though, I think that cat was out of the bag earlier, back at the table.

'Are you ok?' He asked genuinely. I couldn't speak. I knew if I did, I'd just cry again, so, I just nodded. He stood behind me in the mirror and smiled. I gave him my best ''fake smile'' back. 'It's ok to not be ok you know'.

'I-I'm fine'.

'You never were a good liar'. We both shared a small chuckle.

'I am a good Liar, I just could never lie to you'. I told him honestly. He put a hand on my shoulder. 

'Then don't try. Just be honest. It's just me here'. I looked down and turned around to face him but was still unable to let myself look him in the eye. 'Talk to me'.

'I feel guilty'. I could tell he instantly knew what I was talking about.

'Don't. You did the right thing given the facts you had at the time. I'm not mad at you, infact im glad Haley has a mummy that cared so much about her before she was even born that she sacrificed EVERYTHING just to keep her safe'. When I still couldn't look at him, he put a finger under my chin and lifted my face. 'Understand?' nodded and he smiled. 'Good'.

Neither of us spoke for a moment and it was clear we were having one of those ''Only happens in a movie'' type of moment where we were just stood, looking into each other's eyes;

'Roman-'

'We should get back. Don't want your parents getting suspicious'. He cut me off and chuckled, making a joke I just nodded and he left the room, giving me a moment before I rejoined everyone at the table.

My parents were so wrapped up in cooing over Haley that they hadn't even realised I had rejoined them. If they paid more attention, they would probably realise pretty quickly that Roman was her father... so maybe, it was a good thing they were so obvious to me after all...

I couldn't help but steal a look at Roman across the table, but his eyes were fixed firmly on Haley. My guilt only grew seeing the expression on his face.

'You can hold her if you like, Mr Lewis' I told him, addressing him correctly in the presence of my parents, Yes, I've called him Roman before in front of them but I wanted to show respect. He looked at me, his eyes wide and hopeful.

'Really?' I nodded and mum passed the baby over to him and he held her close. When she started to fuss a little, he calmly ''shushed'' her again and she fell silent. It made my heart swell seeing him hold her and made everything seem so much clearer.

I grabbed my phone and sneakily took a few photos of the two of them together. I'll send them to him later. I'm sure he would like that.

'She's absolutely beautiful, Alex. You should be proud'. I couldn't help but smile.

'Well, I can't take all the credit, She's only half me'. He smiled knowing exactly what I meant, but of course, my parents had to chime in with their own opinions.

'Your half is the only half that matters!' Dad snapped, 'The deadbeat who knocked you up and left you will never be involved'.

'Dad, that's not what happened!' I snapped back.

'Well, whatever. He isn't here now, so he never will be'. I just kept my mouth shut. Little did either of them know... he was.

I just stayed quiet and looked away, carrying on with my dinner.

I don't think Roman took another bite of his...

A few hours had passed and we had moved into the front room. My parents were talking with Roman about something... I wasn't really paying attention, I just focused on my piece of cake that mum had brought for dessert... Though, I wasn't just eating it, just pushing it around the plate with my fork.

I aimlessly let my eyes wander around the room before they landed on the clock and I saw what time it was.

Christ, I should really be putting Haley to bed. I stood up and left the room, but no one noticed. I headed up to my room to make sure that her cot was all ready for her to go to bed for the first night in a proper cot. Until now, she slept in one of those hospitals see-through plastic bed-things.

Once her cot was made up with a nice soft blanket and her pink bunny rabbit, I headed back down and went to the kitchen to make her bottle.

I flipped the kettle on and while I waited for it to boil, I leaned against the counter and took my phone out of my pocket. I scrolled through the photos I had taken of Roman and the baby and smiled to myself. They were really cute.

I picked out the best ones and sent them to him. By the time I had done that, the kettle was ready. I made the bottle and put it in some cold water to cool it down.

Walking into the front room, everyone looked up at me.

'It's time for Haley to go to bed'. I told them quietly, seeing that she was fast asleep. I saw the sadness cross Roman's face, even just for a second. 'Mr Lewis, Would you mind taking her up for me?' I asked him.

'No, No not at all'. He carefully stood up so as not to disturb her and followed me out the room again. I told him to head upstairs and that I would be up in a minute, I needed to just grab her bottle.

It was still a bit too warm, but she was asleep and wouldn't be drinking it right away anyway. I headed up to my room, seeing Roman waiting outside the door.

'What's wrong?' He told me nothing and that he was just waiting for me. I smiled and headed into the room, him following close behind. He carefully laid the sleeping newborn down in her cot and we both stared down at her.

I kept stealing little looks out of the corner of my eye at him, but every time I did, his eyes were firmly on the baby, a small, contented smile on his lips.

'Ok'. I told him. He just looked at me, clearly confused. 'Ok, You can be in her life, but until i know how to detail with my parents, it has to be a secret'. He nodded, eagerly. 'Ok then'. I turned my gaze back to the baby and took a moment to just... Let everything sink in.

Roman placed his hand over mine on the cot rail and squeezed it.

Neither of us spoke but neither of us needed to. We were having a moment, just him and me... With our child fast asleep in front of us...