Chapter Six

Chapter Six

I felt really on top of everything this morning. I slept well, Harley slept through the night and only woke up when, well... It was time to wake up. She had a cuddle with mum and dad before they left for work, I gave her her ''breakfast'' bottle, and sat her in her bouncer, I read her a book and did some other things and by half 10, she was having a nap. I text Roman and told him that she went down not long before he was meant to come over and see her, but he was more than welcome to still come over.

Which he did.

He was sitting in the front room and I was getting him a drink. Nothing fancy, just some water, it's all he wanted. I took a deep breath and walked out of the kitchen. I was feeling that familiar nervous feeling because I had so much I wanted to say to him but at the same time, I had no idea what to say either.

It was confusing.

I passed him his drink, he thanked me and I sat down next to him on the sofa. The silence was deafening and I found myself hoping that Haley would wake up so that I had something to do to occupy myself, but, No. I needed to be a grown-up.

We had a child and I needed to be grown up and TALK to Roman about things. I kept trying to build up the courage to say something.

'So... Um.. I'll go and wake her up in a bit for you'.

'No, No, it's ok, she should sleep. I can wait'

'Ok..' and there was silence again. I stole a look at him, but his eyes were firmly on the glass of water on the table.

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Time passed, the silence remained but strangely... The longer we stayed in each other's company, the more comfortable it started to feel. It wasn't awkward now... It was almost nice. I could feel his gaze on me and when I looked up, our eyes locked together. I could feel the pull, it was like we were both magnets and it was just natural, for us to be drawn to each other like... no, I couldn't even think about it.

I could feel myself moving closer to him, and he was going the same, it was clear what was going to happen and I wasn't going to stop it. I wanted it. I wanted him... I needed him.

'Alex?' His voice was a whisper but husky. He was worked up, I could tell. I ''mmmm''ed. 'We can't'. His words instantly brought me crashing painfully back to reality.

'Ok'. I moved away and sat back down. I wanted to get up and leave the room and put as much distance between him and me as possible, but I couldn't. I couldn't avoid him forever.

'I want to... But we can't. I'm sorry'. I just nodded. 'Honestly, I do but-'

'Don't. It's fine'. I tried to put on a brave face but I knew he knew I felt rejected.

'Alex, if I kissed you now, I'd never be able to let you go. We have a child now. If this ended badly, It would just make it harder. We need to be smart and grown-up about this... ok?' I nodded knowing if I spoke, my voice and emotions would betray me. I did understand, honestly, I did, but it didn't make it any easier.

The fact he was so adamant that he WANTED to kiss me made me feel a bit better. Given our past ''relationship drama'' I couldn't deny what he was saying. I needed to think about Haley and what was best for her. She was the important one in all of this.

I couldn't be selfish. Not with my daughter.

'I'm going to get some more water'. I announced quickly and left the room. I was just so emotional at the moment with all my hormones running wild, I couldn't and wouldn't get upset over something that made sense.

I got a glass of water and downed it before hopping up on the side and signed. I wasn't ''running'' away from this OR him. I just need a minute to process.

'Al, are you ok?' I looked up as he walked into the kitchen.

'Yeah, Yeah, I'm fine' He came over to me. 'Honestly, I'm fine. You're right, it's what's best for the baby, I know that....' I trailed off. He came closer and practically stood within touching distance. '...but I love you, Roman, So, incredibly much and I don't know how you feel, but-' He cut me off by pressing his lips to mine. I was too shocked and surprised to react at first but after a moment, I kissed him back.

It wasn't long before it became more heated and passionate and I melted against him. I wrapped my arms around his body and pulled him close. He held me so tight as if he was afraid if he let go, I'd disappear.

I could feel the love radiating off him. When we broke apart from the kiss, but not from each other, he rested his forehead against mine.

Before either of us could say anything, Haley's cries rang out, telling us that she was awake.

'Damn, that girl has a set of lungs on her, huh?' He joked. I couldn't help but chuckle and we let go of each other and he stepped away. 'Can I go?' He asked. I smiled and nodded.

'Of course, she's up in my room'. He smiled again, wider this time and left. I sat there for a minute, overthinking everything before I just shook my head and hopped off the side, heading back into the front room.

As I walked into the room, I could hear Roman's voice. I was confused at first but then realised it was just the baby monitor. I picked it up to turn it off when I heard Roman mention me and honestly... Curiosity got me.

I sat and listened;

'Your mummy is so amazing, Isn't she, hey?' I smiled and put the monitor down again, cheekily listening to what he was saying. 'You're so lucky to have a mummy like her'. I also noticed that she wasn't crying anymore. 'God, look at you, you're perfect!'. His words melted my heart and I decided to turn the monitor off and let him have some privacy.

It was about another 10 minutes later and he came down with her in his arms. He sat down and just spent the rest of the afternoon coo'ing over her.

It was honestly the sweetest thing...