XVI.Something like that

Cara

Not even the loud sound of the knife hitting against the chopping block could faze me as my mind focussed on one thought alone. Why did Ivan just leave like that?

"Careful with that, sweetheart , "warned Dad, staring at the way my hands were speedily chopping the carrots." Show a little mercy on those carrots, this is not the French Revolution ."

"Haha. Kevin Hart, everybody," I mocked but the joke was on me because he then went on and on about his college days and how he had done a bit of stand up comedy.

"They had stand up in the sixteen hundreds?" I asked. Of course my father was not that old, no one is, I only liked to make jokes about how aged he was. The jokes did not matter to him, in his opinion he aged like fine wine.

My fun with Dad had not ; however, gotten my head off my worries. I had many, one of which was my car but the one that I was thinking about at the moment was Ivan's leaving.

He had been angry before he left. He was angry at Connor and for reasons I did not know. Then without a single word to me, he just left. From the expressions on his face I had noted that aside from his anger, something troubled him.

I wondered whether I had something to do with his behaviour, after all, we kissed just the previous evening.

Maybe the kiss was bad....horrible...disgusting and now he is repulsed by me. But my ex told me I was a fine kisser...a good kisser actually.

Then why did he come to see me again. My thoughts were spiralling.

I was undecided on whether I should call him. He always picked my calls, at least the few that I had made to him in the past.

No, I'll wait.

I settled on waiting till the next morning before calling him. I did not want to be clingy, I wasn't even his girlfriend. Girlfriend? There was another question, where did we stand?

This was all sorts of complicated. It was giving me a headache.

I was now sitting alone in my room. Dinner was over and my father was either working -he always does after dinner- or sleeping. I stared out the window into the dark forest. The gibbous moon was high in the sky and the wolves were howling loudly.

It was funny how according to Wikipedia and G****e, wolves were scarce in California yet I had come face to face with a few and I could hear them right outside my window. The internet knows nothing.

Attempting to push aside my thoughts, I grabbed my laptop and my headphones. It was 'QI' time. 'QI' was one of my favourite shows. It had exactly what I looked for in a show: humour and knowledge.

As expected, Alan Davis' humour and Sandy's fun facts were not a big enough distraction.

In despair, I powered out the laptop and set it aside. I could not wait any longer.

I was just picking up my phone when someone knocked on my bedroom door.

"I am coming in now." One of the things I loved about my father was that he always announced his entry into my room. He respected my privacy.

He entered and took a seat on my bed. That was when I noticed the sealed envelope in his hand.

"This arrived yesterday. I wanted to wait before telling you. It's yours... from your mom," his words made my breath catch. Hesitantly, I took the envelope from him. "I can go if you want some privacy." I nodded and my father left.

If I read the letter it would be the first I had heard from her to me since she left. I wasn't sure I was ready for that. Sure I had confronted my father about it but this was way different.

This is actually happening.

At the top of the envelope was a crest I had never seen. It was circular with what looked like a raven at the centre. Around the circle there were intertwining lines like snakes.

With hesitance, I ripped open the envelope and removed the letter inside. The top was written to Cara from Mom in the most beautiful penmanship I'd ever since, better than my own.

It was funny actually, I had waited for something like this and when it was finally here, I could not do it. Sighing, I placed the letter back into the envelope and placed them both in the desk drawer.

Let it wait...tomorrow.

I had waited a decade, what was one more night?

Now back to what I was doing...

I grabbed my phone from where it lay on my bed and dialled Ivan's number, hoping I was doing the right thing.

Anxiously, I waited for the call to go through. My legs bounced up and down as I stared at my phone. He picked up.

"Cara..."He began. His voice was softer than before. He had cooled down.

"Ivan...hey. Ummh...you just l-left so I thought...I thought I'd call you and ask if you're alright," I stuttered awkwardly.

"I apologise for leaving like that. I just needed to leave before I did something I did not want to do." I didn't understand. I moved further up the bed, resting my back against the lavender walls.

"What were you going to do?" I questioned curiously.

"It does not matter but I want you to know that I am a little volatile.Sometimes I have trouble dealing with my anger, " he admitted. It was hard to believe. Ivan had always been gentle with me. Never had he lost his temper around me.

I realised that he had left because he was angry at Connor for whatever reason. He must have really been trying not to go off,it was clear.I remembered the way his fists were clenched and the deadly look in his eyes.

He continued," there are a lot of things I wish to tell you but I just can't yet. As much as I want you to know everything, I know you are not ready."

What is with people telling me I am not ready? I asked myself. I hated it when people kept things from me 'because I am not ready'. Who knew what I was or wasn't ready for?

"Who says I am not ready?" I asked, my tone angry and demanding. He chuckled a little. I then realised that I had just snapped at him,"...sorry for snapping at you. I just don't like it when people treat me like a five year old child who is not ready for adult matters."

"It's alright...I misspoke. What I mean is that the time has not come yet. It never seems to be the right time," he said. I wondered what it was that he was keeping from me. I then realised just how little I knew about this man, Ivan rarely opened up about his life.

We had grown pretty close but I knew very little about him. All I knew about him was that he liked meat, he didn't watch TV much, he did not have any family and he was twenty six years old. Eight years was a big age gap, I admit but the closer we grew, the less it mattered.

Suddenly the pitter patter of raindrops hitting the roof filled the atmosphere. Moving the curtain out of the way, I took a peek. It was raining. The wind was violently blowing the trees.

"Wait! Are you married?" The thought suddenly hit me and I immediately voiced it.

"What? No, of course not."

"Engaged?"

"No, Malen'kiy. "

"So you have a girlfriend?" I catechize.

"I like to think I do."With those words, my heart sank. I nearly dropped the phone in my hands. I nearly even threw it out the window.

A cold chill hit me but I did not bother to close the window.

"I-I see..."I replied. It came out as a pathetic whisper. "Who is she?" I asked, pitiful, I know.

I heard him laugh. He was laughing. Yes, it was comical how I thought for even a second that there was actually something between the two of us. But I think it was a common mistake that when someone tells you they like you and they kiss you, you think they actually like you.

"You misunderstand me, Malen'kiy...I mean you. I like to think that you are my girlfriend."

"Oh..."I responded quietly. I was very relieved that he did not have a girlfriend then it hit me that he had said that he liked to think that I was his girlfriend, "really?" I confirmed." So you want me to be your girlfriend?"

I was like a thirteen year old now, excited that some cute boy had asked me out for ice cream.

"Yes. Something like that."