CHAPTER 5

ILANA.

The pain of being rejected was different than anything I had ever been through. It felt as though my world was taken from beneath my feet, breaking into a million razor-sharp pieces all over me. My chest hurt, not from the running part but from the sheer magnitude of rejection. The bond that had just formed between me and Alpha Lysander had been cruelly torn apart by the man himself, leaving an emptiness so painful that I couldn’t bear to stay in the square any longer.

I stumbled to my feet.

“Ilana!” Rana’s voice rang out, full of worry and panic as I pushed away from her and stumbled back. “Ilana, wait!”

But I couldn't stay. The weight of the stares, the whispers, and the pity that was already welling in people's eyes was too much. I bolted, my legs moving before my mind had a chance to process where it was going.

"Ilana!" Rana called again, her voice growing distant as I ran across the pack square and past the celebrating that had just gone bitter for me into the night.

The forest loomed in front of me like a chasm of darkness, and I plunged into it without a second thought. The dense, gnarled branches snagged at my dress and tore at my arms, but I didn't care. Tears blurred my vision, streaming freely down my cheeks as my sobs broke through the quiet of the woods.

Why?" I croaked out in a hoarse voice, and tripped over a projecting root, going down hard. For a moment I just lay there, grasping at the dirt as if it might hold me fast to something real. "Why does it have to be me?

I picked myself up, knees trembling, and ran. I had left the Greenwood Pack with hope, desperate hope for a new start, for finding purpose and maybe even happiness. Nightshade Pack had given me that hope. I had found Rana again and begun to find my place among people who welcomed me. The first time in years, I belonged.

And in these few minutes, all that had been ripped from me.

 "Why did the Moon Goddess mate me to him?" I wept as I ran. "Why couldn't she leave me alone?"

The image of Alpha Lysander, tall and powerful, his silver eyes filled with cold determination as he spoke the words of rejection, seared in my mind. His voice, though gruff and restrained, had shattered me. The pain of the bond being severed had been excruciating, but the deeper ache came from knowing I was unwanted.

"I'm just a human," I muttered bitterly, and tripped again, scraping my palms on the rough forest floor. There was blood on my hands, but I didn't stop. "Of course, I'm nothing to someone like him."

I kept moving, my body battered and my spirit crushed. Hours seemed to pass as the darkness pressed in around me. My sobs grew quieter, my voice hoarse from crying and screaming at the heavens. Every step felt heavier than the last, my legs trembling from exhaustion. Finally, my body gave out, and I crumpled to the ground.

I lay there for a long time, my face buried in the damp earth as my chest heaved with shallow breaths. I screamed into the dirt, the sound muffled but raw. "Why did you do this to me?" I yelled at the Moon Goddess, though my voice cracked. "Why would you give me hope just to take it all away?"

My cries faded into soft, broken sobs, and when they finally stopped, an eerie silence fell over the forest. I sat up slowly, looking around. The darkness was impenetrable but for the faint silver gleam of the moonlight filtering through the canopy.

My heart sank as I realized just how far I'd run. I couldn't see the pack lights in the distance, couldn't hear the sounds of celebration or even the familiar rustling of pack patrols.

"I need to go back," I whispered to myself, rising shakily to my feet. But when I turned, I had no idea which way led home.

Panic set in, sharp and immediate. "No," I whispered, my breathing growing quick. "No, no, no. I can't be lost. I can't be."

I started to walk, choosing a direction at random, my eyes darting around for any sign of familiarity. Minutes passed. Then an hour. Then two. Then five. The forest seemed to stretch endlessly around me, every tree looking the same, every sound amplified by my growing fear.

My stomach growled, that sharp pang of hunger again. My throat was parched, my lips cracked. "Rana?" I hollered, barely more than a whisper. "Anyone?"

No one replied.

More hours passed, and I was stumbling along, getting weaker with each step. I fell more times than I could count, skin scraped and bleeding on my knees and palms. My dress was torn, my hair tangled through with leaves and dirt.

Finally, my legs completely gave out, and I collapsed onto the forest floor. I lay there, staring up at the faint patches of moonlight filtering through the trees, watching the moon traverse the sky as what I was sure was days passed by while I lay on the ground, my body weakening as I felt my life slipping away.

"Well, this is it," I whispered back, bitter. "This is how I die. Alone. In the dark."

The irony wasn't lost on me. I'd left one pack to run from shadows of my past, yet here I was, being swallowed by literal darkness.

I let exhaustion overtake me as my eyes closed. Flashes of my life streamed through my mind: moments of fleeting happiness, of longing, of loneliness. I thought of Rana, of the warmth of the pack I'd just begun to feel a part of. And I thought of him. Lysander. His face, his voice, the way his eyes had softened for just a moment before he had spoken the cruel words that sealed her fate.

“Why couldn’t you want me?” I whispered one last time, my voice barely audible.

As my breathing slowed, I felt myself sinking into the comforting embrace of darkness. I welcomed it, tired of fighting, tired of trying.

But then there were hands—numerous one that fluttered lightly over me before lifting me from the ground.

My mind stirred faintly, my body too weak to respond. I felt the sensation of being cradled, of warmth surrounding me. An urgent voice broke through the haze.

"She's alive, but barely. We need to move. Now."

I tried to open my eyes to see who it was but my body refused to comply. A small groan escaped my lips, but it was the most I could utter before I slipped into unconsciousness once more.