Chapter 8

                              Hurting                                                                

       Roslyn couldn’t believe her eyes when she walked into the white room; she stood looking directly at David’s now opened legs. With a quickening of Roslyn’s pulse, she subconsciously moved further into the room. She swallowed the lump in her throat, holding back the tears in her eyes. For the first time, she was glad David hasn’t waked up yet. The pain in her heart was too much for her to bear, and she allowed the tears encompassed her eyes freely. Each time the doctor and nurse want to dress David’s wound, she’ll be asked to excuse them and she always wondered why they would ask her to excuse them, but now she knows the reason. “God, I s’posed this is not what ya want for ‘im” she said with tears stained to her cheeks. “How can human legs be like this?” she breathes, not knowing how to express herself anymore. Roslyn never knew that David’s legs were this terrible. “Perhaps I should just allow the doctor to cut his legs; but then David will never forgive me for letting this happen. What can I do, God?” she allowed the churning thoughts linger on her mind as she continues to watch how the doctor meticulously cleans all the affected areas. 

    “Ma’am, can ya please step outside.” said the nurse politely. She walked up to Roslyn, obstructing her view. Roslyn could no longer see David and her eyes fell on the nurse standing before her. She fumbles for the handkerchief in her bag and wiped her face with it. 

     “His-his legs are pretty bad,” she hissed. The nurse nodded her head in agreement. “Is there any hope that he can walk again?” she asked, looking at the nurse with hope. The nurse blew out an inaudible sigh and shrugged her shoulder.

     “I-I don’t know, but we hope for the best.” Said the nurse; she excused herself and went back into the room before Roslyn could utter a word. 

     Roslyn sat down forlornly in the hallway; she used both hands to cover her toned face, ignoring the deafening hallway. Each time she tries to close her eyes, all she could see were David’s rotten legs making her want to gag. The soft tap on her shoulder frightens her. She almost hit the flow, but she was quick to stop herself from hitting the ground. 

     “Oh my deah, I frighten you; I’m so sorry.” Mrs. Williams immediately apologized for helping Roslyn up. 

      “Sorry I did not see ya coming,” Roslyn said apologetically.

     “Is okay, deah, ya don’t look good, Roslyn,” Roslyn's mother said as reached out her hand to Roslyn, patting her shoulder. Roslyn couldn’t help but to let her pains out, Mrs. Williams asked Roslyn if everything was okay because it disturbed her seeing her daughter in this terrible condition, she has been doing’ great for the past two weeks but now she wonder what triggered her. “Has anything happened?” asked the older woman as she continues to pat Roslyn’s back.

    “Mother, do ya think I did the right thing stopping the doctor from cutting David’s leg?” she bargained, looking up at her mother. 

     “I wouldn’t say ya made a terrible decision, my deah daughter; anyway why do ya ask?” Roslyn nuzzle away from her mother’s embrace and turned her sagged body facing the empty wall across the hallway. Her mother squint her eyes, waiting for any reaction in her daughter, but Roslyn continue to stare at the wall. “Are the legs not healing like they should?” Roslyn grimaces upon hearing her mother. She could easily remember what she saw inside the room behind her, and she didn’t wish that for even her worst enemy. She used the back of her hand to wipe away the fresh tears in her eyes. 

     “The legs look awfully awful, mother; it’s like David’s legs are decaying even when he’s still alive,” Roslyn said. She used her hand to cover her mouth as a muffle sobbed escaped her lips. 

     “How did ya see his legs?” Mrs. Williams’ question looking at her tone daughter, she feels so much pity for Roslyn and she wishes she can help take the burden off her shoulder.

     “I walked in when the doctor was dressing his wounds; ya don’t look surprise when I told ya how horrible David’s legs were. Have ya seen them already?” the older woman slightly nodded her head in response. 

     “Mrs. Leo and I begged the doctor to let us see the wounded legs when ya were away. We both worried that you’ll lose your mind when ya see David’s leg. That was why we plead with the doctor not to let ya see them,” the older woman confessed, looking at her daughter pleadingly. “What did David’s mother say when she saw them?” Roslyn asked, but she did not bother to even glance at her mother. “She was annoyed at first when the doctor told her about your refusal to sign for the surgery, but I talked to her and make her see reasons why her son doesn’t need the surgery.” 

    “So she’s now okay seeing her son decay alive?” Roslyn asked, “My deah don’t say that, I want ya to continue to have faith; the doctor said he might be lucky to walk again once the injuries dried up but for now we’ve to continue to pray. David needs our prayers now more than ever.” Said Roslyn’s mother; “seeing those legs makes me weak mother; is like all my sleepless nights and prayers were all in vain, His condition is getting worse, ya know that, mother.” Her mother opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by the sound coming from the open door. The doctor walked out of the room with the nurse trailing behind ‘im. They came to a halt when they saw Roslyn and her mother. 

     “Mrs. David, I’m sorry, but perhaps ya should still consider the surgery.” The doctor told her truthfully. “Okay-okay doctor, can I see him now?” she asked, changing the topic. He hesitantly nodded his head and Roslyn quickly slipped inside the room, living the door slightly ajar. She stared at her ones handsome, intelligent and brave husband. His face was getting paler, and he’s getting thinner. She doesn’t like the man she’s staring at now and she regretted ever complaining to God about her loveless marriage because she would rather be in a loveless marriage than see David like this. She went to a seat beside him and her gaze fell on his bandaged legs, she never wish to see what is inside those bandage again but she knows that is just a matter of time, when David will be discharge she’ll be the one to do all the cleaning and dressing of his wounds. Roslyn closed her eyes shut, trying to ignore her churning thoughts. Her mother walked into the room minutes later with two coffee cups clutched to her chest. 

   “I bought ya coffee,” she told Roslyn. Handing one cup to her, Roslyn hesitantly reached out for the cup. She muttered thank you to her mother before taking the hot liquid to her dried lips. The two women settled in a paused silent, which Roslyn doesn’t mind because she has time to think of what of to do for her husband to get better.

*****

   David continues to swear and cursed the moment he opened his eyes. He screamed louder than he’d intended when the pain jolted throughout his body. He scrunched his eyes at the sudden bright light that was slipping through his opened eyes; David blinked, his eyes simultaneously adjusting to the bright light above him. David tilted his eyes to the side, and he locked eyes with Roslyn, who was busy massaging his temple. 

    “I feel horrible,” his raspy voice echoed in Roslyn’s ears and she was happy to hear his voice ones again.

    “I know how ya feel deah, don’t worry, you’ll feel better in no time.”

     “Where is this place and why do my legs hurt so much?” he bargained, Roslyn did not answer. Instead, she stood up from her seat and went to get him a glass of water. “Poor David, he still complains of pain what will happen when the pills finally wear off,” she thoughts to herself. Roslyn handed the water to him and he collected it with trembling hands. “Do-do ya mind telling me what I’m doing in a hospital bed?” Roslyn walked over to her seat and sat down.

    “Ya were involved in a car accident,” she told him truthfully; there was a certain tension in the room. David remains quite like he was trying to process what Roslyn just told him.

     “How long have I been here?” he asked again, breaking the awkward silent.

    “A month plus.” Said Roslyn; keeping the conversation short. “Ya mean I’ve been lying down on this horrible bed for a month and weeks. What happened to my business?” he asked rhetorically, staring at the door. David’s eyes darkened with anger. He was angry at his condition and Roslyn understood because she knows how difficult it was with her when she had a twisted ankle talk more of his own condition. She doesn’t know how David will take it when he finally gets to see what is inside those legs. “I’ll go get the doctor,” said Roslyn, excusing herself from the room. Few minutes passed by and the doctor walked in with Roslyn following closely behind. David grimaced as the pain jolted through his body and the doctor rushed to his aid, helping him seat up right, Roslyn felt a twinge of concern seeing her husband suffer from the physical pain.

   “Ya must be the doctor.” David began; he did not even bother to thank the doctor. 

   “Yes, I’m your doctor. How do ya feel, Mr. David?” the doctor asked, looking at David with concern; David stirred and murmured some words of sorts which the doctor fines it hard to comprehend. “Any pain, Mr. David?” he bargained. David stirred restlessly on the bed, his look flushed and irritated. 

    “Well, I feel horrible; and my legs hurt a lot,” he told the doctor truthfully and Roslyn stared at ‘im pityingly because she knows the pain he’s feeling now is nothing to compare to the pain he’ll feel when the pills stop working. The doctor nodded his head understandably and asked David if he feels pain anywhere apart from his bandaged legs. “My arm hurt too but nothin’ compare to the pain in my legs.” 

    “Okay, Mr. David, ya have nothing to worry about. It’s just a temporal pain. It will stop in no time,” the doctor said assuredly. “How long will it take for me to walk again?” there was a certain tension in the room and the doctor did not know how to respond to this. He secretly stared at Roslyn, but Roslyn remained mute. “Aye, I-I can’t say precisely, but soon enough.” David wasn’t convinced, sensing the lack of confidence in the doctor’s eyes, but said nothing.

     Roslyn had successfully escaped from the room and came back with a cup of coffee clutched in her right hand. “I brought coffee,” she handed the coffee cup to David, and he collected without uttering a word. He raised the coffee cup almost to his lips, but stopped. He glances at Roslyn, who had her head bow low the whole time. 

    “Do I look this horrible that ya rather stare at the ground than your husband?” he said sarcastically. Roslyn’s head came up. “My husband,” she said to herself, “he now recognized me as his wife. Should I be happy or sad?” she breathes. “My legs aren’t healing soon, isn’t it?” he bargained, taking the cup to his dried lips. “I can’t say my love, for only God knows because his wrist is way too big for man’s watch; you’ll walk again at the right time.” 

    “I need my legs; I need to go back to work.” Roslyn glance at her perplexed and toned husband, “he still cares about work even in his condition,” she said to herself, “I bet he’ll forget work sooner than later.” She opened her mouth to speak but decide against it because she didn’t want to make him angry. “I need my phone to make some business calls.” He said, after sipping his coffee. 

    “I don’t know where your phone is.” She told him he looked at her like she was crazy. 

    “What do ya mean by ya don’t know where my phone is?” he asked furiously. 

    “Well, is not my fault; I was way too worried about ya health to think of the phone.” She said, being unforgivably bold. He opened his mouth to speak, but grimaced at the sudden pain in his legs. Roslyn immediately went to his side, asking if he was okay, but he slightly pushed her away, afraid not to touch his hurting legs. “Aye, what is that pain?” Roslyn felt like crying as she sat down forlornly beside David, not understanding what to do to help him. Tears encompassed David’s eyes. He couldn’t help it but to let out his emotions, “I’m goin’ to die.” He cried in pain, ignoring as he held his thighs tight. 

    “You’ll not die deah, God forbid I lose ya.” Roslyn said, trying to comfort ‘im. 

    “Please call the doctor.” He pleaded and Roslyn quickly nodded her head and dashed out of the room with tears stained to her pale face. “David actually says please for the first time to me, he must really be in pain.” She sighed, “Really God knows how to make us humble.” Roslyn chaffed. She walked down the hallway with her gaze fixed on every door at the hallway. For some oath reasons she always forgets the doctor’s office number. 

     “You need something, ma’am?” a strange girlie voice echoed in Roslyn’s ear. She looked past her shoulder and saw a young slender lady in white and immediately she recognized her as the nurse who helps David’s doctor to dress his wounds. 

    “Yes-yes, please; my husband he’s in pain he need help, please.” She cried, dragging the nurse with her. 

     Roslyn flee the door opened and met David crying uncontrollably. Fresh tears escaped freely from her red eyes; she’d never seen a man cried like this in her entire life, “Please help ‘im.” Roslyn plead looking at David with so much pity. 

    “I’ll go call the doctor,” said the nurse, making her way to the exit. Roslyn stirred, and she wished her mother was here with her. She could’ve known what to do. She went to a seat beside David with her bible clutched to her chest. Her hands tremble as she tried to open the scripture, and she kept flipping the pages. “Please drop that book and help me here I’m losing my mind.” David cried out for help. “I feel your pain, deah, but the only thing I can do is to pray for ya; I want ya to believe that God can help ya reduce the pains you’re passing through.”

    “Are ya kidding me, woman? How can prayers help reduce the pains I’m feeling with no medication?” Roslyn mutely opened the bible; she knows it’s a total waste of time arguing with him. Few minutes later the nurse rushed in, followed by the doctor. Roslyn allowed them to do their thing while she continues to read from the scripture. 

     Roslyn clumsily walked out of the room because she couldn’t bear the pain and agony anymore. Deep sobbing tears came and Roslyn lowered herself to the cold tiles floor and prayed she could still hear the agonizing voice from inside. “For yet I am strong this day as I was in the day that Moses sent me: as my strength was then, even so is my strength now, for war, both to go out, and to come in.” She read out loud, “lord of all I ask for is to give David the strength to bear this pain because I know is just temporary.” The deafening sound from the room has subsided and Roslyn went on her feet. She didn’t know what they did to him to make him quiet, but she was grateful when she couldn’t hear his curses and screams again. Roslyn hesitantly turned the doorknob and went back into the room. Her gaze fell on sleeping David and a sigh left her mouth. She felt more relief now, seeing him fast asleep. 

    “Is he fine now doctor?” the doctor’s eyes moved from Roslyn to David.

     “I gave him some sleeping pills and pain reliever to help reduce the pain, but Madam; we can’t continue to administer pain reliever to ‘im.” Roslyn’s body sagged knowing what that mean.

    “Oh God, what will I do now?” she cried silently. Roslyn couldn’t reason probably at the moment and she needed time to think things through. Sensing her silent the doctor slowly walked out of the room, living her to her thoughts. The ringing tune from her phone interrupted her churning thoughts; her mother’s name appeared on the screen and immediately she reached for the phone, placing it to her ears. “Hello mother,” she said through the phone with her eyes lingering on David’s sleeping figure. 

    “How are ya, deah?” her mother asked. “I wish I can say I’m fine mother”, she told her sincerely. “David has been cursing and crying like a baby, and it kills me, mother.” Roslyn went on. There was silent from her mother’s side and she pulled the phone away from her ears looking at the screen. Taking it back to her ears, she murmured hello through the phone and her mother’s voice echoed in her ears. “I’m here with ya deah, I’m just short of words; have ya prayed for him?” Mrs. Williams asked. Roslyn lowered her head, staring at the bible on her thigh. “I’ve been praying, mother but is like God has deserted us. And I wish I can take the pain from David.” She weep, the tears dropping on the bible continuously. 

    “Have faith, my daughter; God hasn’t forgotten his promises to us and he’ll never forget ya and your husband. I’m about to finish preparing lunch, once I’m done I’ll come to ya right away.” Roslyn felt more relieve when her mother told her she was coming, she needed a shoulder to lean on and she knows her mother is the only person she can actually lean on.