“Neither of them was raped and beaten by their father for fourteen years while their mother turned a blind eye.” The harsh biting tone that evicts the words from my mouth lands heavily between us. Lashing out viciously because of how raw the pain is making me, how his admission he’s leaving me has hit my heart like a blunt dagger. He stiffens at my words but catches himself and sighs.
Arrick smooths a finger down my cheek as a stray tear manages to escape without permission, ignoring my outburst as something I do when I’m in pain, because he’s seen it all before. I bite down on my bottom lip, trying hard to curb the urge to push him away. I don’t want his hands on me if all he is going to do is let me down again.
“Don’t let that bastard take your life
“You up and left me for some big city life and a girlfriend who doesn’t want me hanging out with you. You left me! So I found my own way, and now because you don’t like it you think I should stop.” I smart, biting hard, sounding every bit the catty bitch I have become over the past months. “See, the funny thing is, you want me to go back to being your little sidekick, but you’re not even going to stick around more than forty-eight hours to even see that I make it. Doesn’t sound like you really have any intention of seeing me through anything.” I throw my shoes off into the open walk-in closet, rifle through the display of shoes distractedly, and pull out some high black stilettos, studded with mini spikes from two seasons ago that will work with this top. Trying to keep my cool so very painfully, I slide them on my feet then haul out a matching belt and sling it around my low-rise jeans. Glam rock, to suit my ‘piss off, I fucking
I’ve mulled around my room for the last few hours, sitting on my bed and sewing embellishments to a pair of jeans I’ve revamped into a new short denim skirt, trying hard not to get frustrated with the feelings inside. Partly to amuse myself and partly to piss Arrick off after leaving my other one in Amber’s apartment. That childish part always has to win in some way. Too defiant for my own good.I used to do this sort of stuff when I was bored; customize my clothes and jazz up anything I felt needed it. It has a way of focusing my mind as I watch the small stitches neatly form wherever I work my needle. I forgot how much I missed this.My sewing box is laid on the bed beside me, my box of assorted trim scattered in front of me and the mess of cut denim and scraps trailing off to one side as the housekeeper finishes unpacking what’s left of my luggage and removes herself with items for the laundry. She smiles my way with a warm affectionate look,
This whole conversation just puts a sour taste in my mouth. Still too pissed with Arrick to do the whole cozy heart-to-heart with my mom, and too many raw topics I’ve never gone through with her trying to be forced out. Even though I know I should be groveling, making amends for acting like a spoiled psycho brat months ago and running out on her, I just need some cooling off time to simmer, and some space to get a handle on my brain and heart if she really wants me to do this with her.It’s too much, building in epic proportions, like I’m going to explode. For my own sanity, and for my mother’s sake, I need to get out of here and calm down. I can’t let my defensive, snooty, catty, explosive side loose and make this a thousand times worse on the woman who only ever means well. She is the perfect example of a mom, of what a mother should be and how one should love her child, and I never deserved her in any way, shape, or form. She means everything
“Have you been to see Emma yet? She’ll be over the moon to see you; feels like it’s been years.” He moves back to lean his butt against his car, hands pushed in his pockets as he regards me seriously with that hotshot twinkle in his eye and that infuriating Carrero half smile that brings out the dimples. Family feature.“Umm, nope. I was thinking about maybe popping in later if she’s going to be around.” I answer evasively, non-committedly. I’m not sure if I’m ready to face this one particular person just yet.Emma and I have history, a special relationship, and I’m truly terrified about how exactly she is going to react at finally seeing me again. I have dodged her calls and emails for weeks, maybe months, and I know I’ve been putting this off. My stomach churns with nerves, an image of her beautiful soft blue eyes and pretty face in my mind’s eye. Emma is one of the few people who can reduce me t
I plod to the door and go to walk in without hesitation. Jake, close on my heels, tugs me back by my ponytail, so he can jump in front of me with a chuckle, and meets another rain of light slaps on his arm as I try to muscle him out of the way. We have carried on this way ever since I got used to the force that is Jacob Carrero, and months away have changed nothing. He is still a massive annoying douchebag that reminds me of every one of my four adopted big brothers, only more irritating and less mature than any one of them at any given time.“Bambinos, I’m home.” Jake yells out and muscles me under his arm to squeeze my face into his armpit and ribcage so that I am almost suffocating on whatever body spray he uses and fight him with little effect. He drags me through the marble hallway as the small squeals of young children flood this way; small feet and excited fa
“It still weirds me out you know?” I turn back to Emma as she gestures towards the kitchen, guiding me to our favorite place to sit and catch up. It’s like no time has passed, and I was only here yesterday.“What does?” Emma smiles back at me, catching my arm in hers as she pulls me along.“You two being like a proper mom and dad and popping out kids galore. Jake, even with his still lingering reputation, being that doting dad you see rolling around the dirt with his kids and having princess tea parties with Mia.” I shake my head at that particular memory. Mia went through a phase of sit down tea parties with her stuffed animals, where only Jake was allowed as a guest; he endured many while wearing various
I slump back, mirroring Emma’s casual pose as the small happy laughter and squeals echo gently from outside with Jake’s voice intermingled and drift our way. Emma leans back for a second to peek outside, a warmth hitting her face and lighting up her eyes before she returns to focus on me.“Well?” Emma reminds me. I was sitting watching her, my head lost somewhere between her ten thousand questions and just sheer fatigue.“I’ve been better! Life sucked here and yet still sucked in New York, so go figure. I’ve felt better, and Arrick pretty much made me come home, so I guess I didn’t really choose it.” I shrug and swipe my mug to take a mouthful of the strong coffee, Italian roast or something Jake, ‘the coffee connoisseur’, has obviously filled it with. I blanch at how strong
Emma frowns. I know she wants to correct me on who exactly up and ran off, but she isn’t that type of person. She is instead appraising me so very pointedly, as though some tiny light bulb has gone off. She rubs her thumb over my hand to soothe me.“You said … He left you?” Emma watches me, her expression calm while waiting patiently.“What do you mean? What?” I recall everything I blurted out and try to piece it all back together so I can replay what I said. “Arrick, I guess.” I shrug, sniffing back the flood that’s erupted over my face, and give up wiping the mess away. It isn’t the first time I’ve cried in front of Emma, and she doesn’t exactly make me feel shy about it anyway.“You started hitting the booze