I’ve mulled around my room for the last few hours, sitting on my bed and sewing embellishments to a pair of jeans I’ve revamped into a new short denim skirt, trying hard not to get frustrated with the feelings inside. Partly to amuse myself and partly to piss Arrick off after leaving my other one in Amber’s apartment. That childish part always has to win in some way. Too defiant for my own good.
I used to do this sort of stuff when I was bored; customize my clothes and jazz up anything I felt needed it. It has a way of focusing my mind as I watch the small stitches neatly form wherever I work my needle. I forgot how much I missed this.
My sewing box is laid on the bed beside me, my box of assorted trim scattered in front of me and the mess of cut denim and scraps trailing off to one side as the housekeeper finishes unpacking what’s left of my luggage and removes herself with items for the laundry. She smiles my way with a warm affectionate look,
This whole conversation just puts a sour taste in my mouth. Still too pissed with Arrick to do the whole cozy heart-to-heart with my mom, and too many raw topics I’ve never gone through with her trying to be forced out. Even though I know I should be groveling, making amends for acting like a spoiled psycho brat months ago and running out on her, I just need some cooling off time to simmer, and some space to get a handle on my brain and heart if she really wants me to do this with her.It’s too much, building in epic proportions, like I’m going to explode. For my own sanity, and for my mother’s sake, I need to get out of here and calm down. I can’t let my defensive, snooty, catty, explosive side loose and make this a thousand times worse on the woman who only ever means well. She is the perfect example of a mom, of what a mother should be and how one should love her child, and I never deserved her in any way, shape, or form. She means everything
“Have you been to see Emma yet? She’ll be over the moon to see you; feels like it’s been years.” He moves back to lean his butt against his car, hands pushed in his pockets as he regards me seriously with that hotshot twinkle in his eye and that infuriating Carrero half smile that brings out the dimples. Family feature.“Umm, nope. I was thinking about maybe popping in later if she’s going to be around.” I answer evasively, non-committedly. I’m not sure if I’m ready to face this one particular person just yet.Emma and I have history, a special relationship, and I’m truly terrified about how exactly she is going to react at finally seeing me again. I have dodged her calls and emails for weeks, maybe months, and I know I’ve been putting this off. My stomach churns with nerves, an image of her beautiful soft blue eyes and pretty face in my mind’s eye. Emma is one of the few people who can reduce me t
I plod to the door and go to walk in without hesitation. Jake, close on my heels, tugs me back by my ponytail, so he can jump in front of me with a chuckle, and meets another rain of light slaps on his arm as I try to muscle him out of the way. We have carried on this way ever since I got used to the force that is Jacob Carrero, and months away have changed nothing. He is still a massive annoying douchebag that reminds me of every one of my four adopted big brothers, only more irritating and less mature than any one of them at any given time.“Bambinos, I’m home.” Jake yells out and muscles me under his arm to squeeze my face into his armpit and ribcage so that I am almost suffocating on whatever body spray he uses and fight him with little effect. He drags me through the marble hallway as the small squeals of young children flood this way; small feet and excited fa
“It still weirds me out you know?” I turn back to Emma as she gestures towards the kitchen, guiding me to our favorite place to sit and catch up. It’s like no time has passed, and I was only here yesterday.“What does?” Emma smiles back at me, catching my arm in hers as she pulls me along.“You two being like a proper mom and dad and popping out kids galore. Jake, even with his still lingering reputation, being that doting dad you see rolling around the dirt with his kids and having princess tea parties with Mia.” I shake my head at that particular memory. Mia went through a phase of sit down tea parties with her stuffed animals, where only Jake was allowed as a guest; he endured many while wearing various
I slump back, mirroring Emma’s casual pose as the small happy laughter and squeals echo gently from outside with Jake’s voice intermingled and drift our way. Emma leans back for a second to peek outside, a warmth hitting her face and lighting up her eyes before she returns to focus on me.“Well?” Emma reminds me. I was sitting watching her, my head lost somewhere between her ten thousand questions and just sheer fatigue.“I’ve been better! Life sucked here and yet still sucked in New York, so go figure. I’ve felt better, and Arrick pretty much made me come home, so I guess I didn’t really choose it.” I shrug and swipe my mug to take a mouthful of the strong coffee, Italian roast or something Jake, ‘the coffee connoisseur’, has obviously filled it with. I blanch at how strong
Emma frowns. I know she wants to correct me on who exactly up and ran off, but she isn’t that type of person. She is instead appraising me so very pointedly, as though some tiny light bulb has gone off. She rubs her thumb over my hand to soothe me.“You said … He left you?” Emma watches me, her expression calm while waiting patiently.“What do you mean? What?” I recall everything I blurted out and try to piece it all back together so I can replay what I said. “Arrick, I guess.” I shrug, sniffing back the flood that’s erupted over my face, and give up wiping the mess away. It isn’t the first time I’ve cried in front of Emma, and she doesn’t exactly make me feel shy about it anyway.“You started hitting the booze
The past twenty-four hours just prove that he is still the only thing that can make this ache subside … Because this ache is for him and him alone. Arrick devastated my life when he walked away, just like he devastated my heart last night by leaving my room.I break down in tears as logic overrides naivety.“I can’t be … He’s in love with Natasha … He’s taken … He’s not in love with me. This isn’t true or…” I wail brokenly, something inside of me snapping into place and realizing that Emma is onto something after all. Emma has hit the nail on the head, and I was too stupid to ever see it.All I can think of is the years of memories with him, the trust and bond between us. The happy times and shared moments; the b
Emma is still soothing, while I just stare numbly at the floor. Suddenly nothing but emotional exhaustion consumes me, making me too tired to sit back up as numbness overtakes, and yet I know I cannot stay face down on her kitchen floor like this. I move to try weakly as she helps me slowly and surely and nestles my head against the curve of her breast, against her throat. Arms around me tight and stroking my hair back off my face, the tears still running down my cheeks as heat floods my skin.“Emma?” I cry brokenly.“You’re okay. I got you, Sophs … I got you. We’re okay.” Emma soothes while rocking me back and forth in her arms, like she would Mia, with gentle soothing words and I have no energy to do anything but cry. Lost in this maternal embrace, I start to sob, hopeless silent tears.“You don’t get it … it’s him … it’s Arry.” I whisper brokenly, burying my face in her nec