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2021-08-19 01:33:12“It’s over… I can’t believe it’s over.” I gush at Christian as we stand by the wine glass display and help ourselves to a glass of white. The room fast filling with the audience as they exit the catwalk area and into the banquet with us; the designers have been pensively awaiting their arrival after each slot saw us put in here out of the way.
My slot was over almost three hours ago, and we have been in here sipping on wine and nervously picking at food, too uptight to even watch my fellow students’ collections from the wings. Not that I want to watch any of them, having had enough of them all year long and their incessant ass wipe ways. We had the room mostly to ourselves until the show ended, seeing as they all wanted to watch each other and root for their friends so now it’s filling up, the full force of anxiety hits me hard.
I grasp Christians arm tightly as the very obvious flow of important people come into t
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The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 160
“You need to call Arry and tell him, Baby-girl. You can’t just run out of school and not go back.” Christian is sitting stroking my hair as I lay on the couch with my head on his lap, looking down at me soothingly as I compose myself.I’ve cried, raged, regretted and so much more. We drunk so much wine everything is swimming around me and I’m just a mess. I’m drunk, and Christian has refused to move even though his flight back to London means he needs to leave soon. He has helped demolish Arry’s expensive collection of booze he likes to stock in his overly expensive wine rack and I just don’t care. I sit up, swaying lightly as I do so and grasp his hand.“I will, when he comes home… Just right now. I need to let this sink in, and to sleep this off. I need time to think. What if he presses charges? I mean, I assaulted him, Chris” I stare at him imploringly and wipe my hand across my messy face once
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 161
The flight is long and depressing. I barely sleep at all and now after two nights of zero sleep I am a walking zombie as I push my way through the people exiting JFK airport onto the street in the hopes of finding a cab. It’s still another thirty minutes or more in a car back to Manhattan and I’m literally seeing double with fatigue. It’s around seven a.m. now, the sky bright with a new day and cold as hell. You can tell there has been a recent bout of storms and snow, due to how icy the air around me is and I swear it’s colder than Europe right now. Never thought that was possible.I’m so beyond happy to be back on American soil, my feet planted on familiar sidewalks and looking around at people who sound like home. If we move our ass we will get to my apartment before Arrick leaves for work and I’ll get a chance to shock him with my presence and give him a piece of my mind.I may still be due him some mad Sophie, but really, now al
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 162
I stay that way, cocooned in him, hiding myself from everyone until I sense the change of surroundings and the lack of moisture on my head. The ping of the elevator to signal he has opened the doors and we are safely closed inside away from prying eyes.I lift my chin and glance at him from my angle, catching his eye as he smiles at me softly. He looks pale, wary and I realize he is still worrying about what I am thinking about. I’m too quiet, too introverted for his liking and he is thinking the worst. He hates when I close up and don’t tell him what I am feeling.“I love you.” He says it so seriously, so pointedly as he looks deep into my eyes and I realize without a doubt that Arry would never hurt me this way. He hasn’t got it in him to look at me with such conviction and say he loves me in that way if he had guilt behind those perfect eyes. I nuzzle in close again and wrap myself around him tighter. Shivering from my soaked clothes an
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 163
I wake up and spread out across the bed lazily, naked and warmly encased in the duvet. Arry’s side of the bed is rumpled and empty as he did eventually get up and go to Carrero house to do whatever it is he needed to get done. I don’t know how long I have slept but I can tell by the grey dullness of the light it has probably been most of the day, if not all, and I have screwed up my bed time for tonight. I feel better though. Less all over the place and just lazily content.We talked for a good long hour, about everything, about school and Paris, about my mean girls and Claude and he did eventually put me out of my misery and make love to me. It was different, maybe because we poured our hearts out and cleared the air first and by the end, I was an emotional mess and so fragile. It wasn’t passionate or frenzied like normal. It was soft, slow, and intimate and I fell asleep cradled in his arms, listening to his strong heartbeat. Even though we didn’t ac
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 164
“You know we can’t really plan a wedding while lying naked in bed and doing nothing except having sex all day.” Arrick nudges me in the butt with his groin and wakes me out of the semi slumber I was heading into.We stayed up all night, having some bedroom acrobatics and now most of the day we have seemed to repeat it. The only time we did get up was for food that he cooked nakedly, and we had to revisit the couch and some of the apartment surfaces to remember how good sex on them was. It feels like we have gone back in time to our first weeks together and have a renewed hunger for it all the more.Getting engaged really does rock.“You know I can tell Leila she has a wedding to plan, and we can stay in bed.” I yawn and push back against his groin wiggling expertly until he grows hard once again and smile to myself at how easy he is. Arrick kisses me on the cheek and smacks my ass a little harshly.“Keep that u
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 165
Announcing our engagement is a little rushed and anticlimactic, given that Arrick books us flights back to Paris for the same day we arrive back home in the Hamptons. It barely gives anyone time to let it sink in or react. I think he planned it that way, so I won’t get cold feet at the over emotional response and run for the hills, knowing fine well that is totally something I would do.Knows me a little too well.A rushed trip out here on the family jet, a flying round of homes as we show them the ring and drop the bombshell that we are having a rushed wedding, and then straight out to fly back to JFK airport in Queens to meet our next flight and head back to Europe. It’s exhausting, and I feel like my feet barely hit the ground the entire time. No one gets a chance to gush too much, no one pressuring me or questioning me with endless wedding queries, and I got to throw my hastily written list at my sister and inform her as chief bridesmaid she ha
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 166
Paris is as wet and grey as New York had been, although somehow it feels worse because the eternal grey cloud that always shadows me here, hits as soon as we emerge from our plane. Arry holds my hand and doesn’t let go; always there, always holding me up and back in our apartment we waste no time in doing a walk through to argue over what we are sending back home.In the morning he’s coming with me to school; he called them as soon as we got home and arranged a meeting with the head of department … Mr. Carrero. in full business mode, ready to take my tutor head on in legal ways, even though his first instinct is to hunt him down and beat the shit out of him. I am not convinced he still won’t once he is face to face with him. He has that air of fighter on and I know it won’t let up until he gets this matter in hand.
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 167
“I’m nervous.” I call out to Arry, while trying to calm my hands from trembling, taking deep breaths. Standing in my room getting ready, while Arry is in the bathroom styling his hair. I feel sick again, ever since I got up it’s been bad, and the dizziness I’m having with it is knocking me off kilter. I know it’s nerves, but I can’t shake it.“Don’t be… We are walking out of there with your graduation secured, your record untainted by any possible backlash and hopefully an agreement that today will be the last time you step foot in there. I want that bastard punished. If that’s really what you want, Sophs?” He wanders through, looking sexily smart in his suit and tie and immaculately groomed self. He’s all Mr. Carrero. business mode this morning, even wearing a tie for this, even though he hates them.“I want this to be over.” I smile at him from my reflection, attempting b
Last Updated : 2021-08-19
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The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 222
I deserve it, I know I do, probably worse, it’s not even that painful but as I stare at her again, I can’t hide how much it actually wounded my heart. Sophie has lashed out at me before, sure, in crazy ways, frenzy fueled attacks when lost in her pain or triggered with her PTSD, but she’s never slapped me in the face for anything. This was a direct ‘how fucking dare you’ kind of assault that speaks volumes to the depths of the carnage I’ve caused on her soul.“You lost me. You don’t get to do that anymore.” She wails at me, pulling my hands and arms from her body and shoves me back with as much force as she can muster. Prickly, seething, hating me with utter crushing heartbreak. She’s breathing as heavily as I am although her pain and hysteria seem to be calming mine and I know I need to stay patient and cool if I’m going to bring her down from fierce.I know how to deal with her at her worst, I can hand
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 221
Arrick’s POV~ Leila’s party ~Leila’s party is losing its sparkle for me. Too drunk, too miserable at having to see Sophs swanning around with golden boy Christian all night and I am done with being here. I’ve said my goodbyes to my brother and I’m leaving before I do something stupid I’m going to totally regret concerning ‘boyfriend’ and drag Sophs into a dark corner to kiss the shit out of her if I stay here. Seeing her looking this beautiful, this happy with someone else is killing me.I spy Sophs, Leila, and Daniel huddled together at the front door as I head that way, a little too late due to not watching where I was going and swerve at the last second before she spots me. My heart lurching at running into her again when I’m already a complete emotional wreck. Hating that even still, my initial reaction to seeing her is a swift kick in the gut. Almost keeling sideways because I am way too
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 220
Arrick’s POV~ Seeing Sophie again. (Restaurant) ~I push the money in the driver’s hand as I follow Charlie and Tom out of the cab onto the sidewalk. I’m still tired from my three hours in the training ring and starving, it’s my turn to pay for lunch and I got to pick the venue. This place is new and no chance of Natasha hitting it with her colleagues on her lunch break either. I’ve been trying to put distance between us since the breakup, trying to stay out of her way and I hate that she has a knack for showing up wherever I am. It feels like she just won’t let go, and although I understand her pain at our breakup, it’s also stifling, and I just want her to move on. She won’t do that if she keeps trying to cling to me.“Hurry up, man.” Tom, my sparring partner today is impatient as hell and throwing me a look that is supposed to hurry me up. I straighten on the street and glare him down.
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 219
It kills me that I can love her this much and was stupid enough to give that up, to give her up. It’s so black and white in the clear light of my brain defogging and how fucking dumb I am. It was never about what my heart wanted; it was always about what was best for everyone else’s.I don’t want Natasha; I don’t think I ever really did. I want Sophie. If I’m being honest then I’ve always wanted her, needed her. It’s why I could never ignore the two a.m. cries for help. It’s part of my soul to be there for her to fall on, to depend on, to call, and lean on. I grew up for her and became her rock, gave her that safe space to grow and heal and kept the world at bay so it didn’t touch her. I created our bubble together so Sophie could thrive and feel secure, enjoy life without fear and I always told myself it was because I never had a kid sister and she just screamed out for protection. So precious, so angelic and I wanted to
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 218
Arrick’s POV~ Breaking up with Natasha ~Sitting on my couch, leaning forward with elbows propped on my knees, I stare at my cell for the millionth time and scroll to Sophie’s name on the list. Last call was twenty-eight days ago... twenty-eight long days of hell, silence, loneliness, and lack of Sophie. Twenty-eight days; the last time I felt anything but the constant absence of her and heavy pit in my stomach, from her disappearing in every single way, and leaving a gaping silent sunless space in my life.I’m missing her like crazy, keeping her last texts messages because it’s all I have left of her to hold on to. I scroll to the very last one, again. It’s a nothing text; I don’t even remember what it was in response too, as it’s not connected to the conversation before it. Just one single text, one that sums her up in so very few words and I stare at it as my chest heaves with that same ingrained weight
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 217
Natasha’sPOV~ Life after Sophie ~I watch Arrick push his food around his plate distractedly, eyes on what he’s doing, yet he seems completely detached from the here and now. We’re in a busy restaurant, the food is good, the company not so much; he has barely said two words the whole time we have been here, and he has had about four beers with dinner so far.Arrick never drinks excessively, normally, but I guess this sums up our life of the past three weeks. I’m irritated, upset but I am trying to keep the pleasantries going. I am trying so hard to not let it get to me, to keep a smile on my face, a positive outlook that we can get through this bump in the road of our relationship, but he makes it so hard.I try not to watch him too much as I eat my own food and give up on small talk. His nods and ‘hmm’ responses make me want to throw my wine glass at him, and I am trying to avoid all forms of naggi
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 216
Arrick’s POV~ Letting Sophie go ~I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling of my room. I haven’t moved from this spot all night, still fully dressed and unable to even get up and function. The weight in my chest is almost holding me in place, crushing me with the pain, and I can’t stop running last night through my mind endlessly. I’m restless, torn, scrunching my fingers in my hair like I can rip this out of my head. The worst sort of agony that surpasses all.I want to go to her room and see her, but I can’t. I can’t get her out of my head, even though she is only feet away and it’s torturing me.I kissed Sophie... I did more than kiss her, and it felt good, it felt right. It made me feel a thousand things about her that I can’t even begin to analyze, comprehend how to, and all it did was make everything fall apart even more than it was, especially when Natasha showed up and slapped me back to
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 215
Arrick’s POV~ After the nightclub ~I sink back on the couch and stare into the semi darkness, cradling my second coffee since we got back here, and try like hell to sober myself up. Head swimming and sinking slowly into the softness of my couch, while trying to get a grip on reality. All I have done since we got home is sit here and try to pull all the shit in my head back together. Try to make sense of the entire night that pretty much went to crap from the moment I downed the first vodka.Drink and I are not friends right now, and if I have any chance of salvaging anything, then I need to sober up fast. Sophie is in the shower, she headed there as soon as we got back, and I sat here waiting for her. I need to talk to her, to figure some of this out and I have no clue what to do. Tonight, taught me a couple of things.One. That drunk, I feel about Sophie the way she feels about me and I want her in every way; physically, menta
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 214
Sophie grabs my wrist and tries to yank me to the side, but I cannot tear my eyes from her. I want to tell her I made a mistake, that she is who I want, that she is all I can even think about. I want to wipe away the memory of that asshole on her body, and replace it with memories of kissing her softly, cherishing her always. No one should ever touch her, except me.“Natasha.” She snaps at me and slaps my hands down from her face harshly, bringing my focus back to reality again. I tear my eyes from her and glance up as I see Tasha heading our way, looking completely non-plussed and again the accompanying guilt is like a constant shadow with her, and wracks me to the bone and almost smashes me in the skull. Nothing hits home and drills to my shame brain, like Natasha’s appearance.It makes me feel shit for even thinking what I just did. That same doubt and uncertainty hitting me with equal force, and I sigh hard. So much for fucking choosing.&l
