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2021-08-19 01:35:33Paris is as wet and grey as New York had been, although somehow it feels worse because the eternal grey cloud that always shadows me here, hits as soon as we emerge from our plane. Arry holds my hand and doesn’t let go; always there, always holding me up and back in our apartment we waste no time in doing a walk through to argue over what we are sending back home.
In the morning he’s coming with me to school; he called them as soon as we got home and arranged a meeting with the head of department … Mr. Carrero. in full business mode, ready to take my tutor head on in legal ways, even though his first instinct is to hunt him down and beat the shit out of him. I am not convinced he still won’t once he is face to face with him. He has that air of fighter on and I know it won’t let up until he gets this matter in hand.
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The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 167
“I’m nervous.” I call out to Arry, while trying to calm my hands from trembling, taking deep breaths. Standing in my room getting ready, while Arry is in the bathroom styling his hair. I feel sick again, ever since I got up it’s been bad, and the dizziness I’m having with it is knocking me off kilter. I know it’s nerves, but I can’t shake it.“Don’t be… We are walking out of there with your graduation secured, your record untainted by any possible backlash and hopefully an agreement that today will be the last time you step foot in there. I want that bastard punished. If that’s really what you want, Sophs?” He wanders through, looking sexily smart in his suit and tie and immaculately groomed self. He’s all Mr. Carrero. business mode this morning, even wearing a tie for this, even though he hates them.“I want this to be over.” I smile at him from my reflection, attempting b
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 168
The little bar is bustling and Arrick has me in the safe space of his arms at the bar, so I don’t get crushed by the people pushing in and out. He is talking to the bartender over my head as I try to listen over the noise and feel like maybe this was not the best idea I ever had.He’s speaking French., I have no clue what he is ordering for us at all, but he knows what I like so I leave him to it. This is the second place we have been tonight after our meal in a bistro down the street. We left there when a lot of students came in and started pushing each other around merrily, obviously a little worse for wear. I could tell by Arrick’s demeanor and how close they kept coming to me that he would be bristling for a fight if they got any nearer and suggested we find a bar to move to. This one isn’t much better as we are in the trendy part of Paris where all the clubs are super busy and not the small quiet cozy nook I envisioned when I suggested this.
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 169
Arrick hands me a glass of water in bed and sits down on the edge to look at me. He seems calmer than when we first got in and practically dumped me in here in a bid to high tail it to the bathroom. My boy is a bit of a germaphobe with certain things and vomit touching him seems to turn him from manly caretaker to cringing nauseated man child.“Feeling better?” He smiles, looking fresh and clean from the very long shower in which he probably bleached his skin to death. It wasn’t exactly my crowning moment of sexiness, but I have a good boyfriend who didn’t say anything about me ruining his night or making him take his expensive jacket, shirt and pants and put them straight in a black bag as soon as he got in the bathroom.“Much.” I smile and take a sip, now dressed in one of Arry’s t-shirts.“I think we should have stayed home and let you fully recover.” He watches me drink a little then takes the glass when
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 170
“This is stupid… I’m not pregnant.”“You have to pee on this bit and put the lid back on… Do you need me to come in and help?”“Really? Help me pee on a stick?” I frown at him and he sort of shrugs. Ever since he went for this damn thing at stupid o’clock, he has practically harassed me nonstop to do it already. I want to go to bed and be left alone.I think he’s read the instructions a dozen times and I take it from him roughly and roll my eyes.“Maybe you should do the test, as sometimes, I think you are definitely the girl in this relationship.” I huff at him in irritation so done with this topic now and turn to head for the bathroom. Quicker I get this
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 171
“Don’t talk to me” I yell at him as he walks into the bedroom and turns and walks straight back out with a frown and a sigh, doing his best not to fight with me again. We have been fighting all day about everything and nothing and I am being my crazy, irrational self-right now, who doesn’t want to converse or touch in any way. Good old Sophie is reverting inside her head to deal with this shit and Arry is on the verge of some sort of silent mental break down.Feeling enraged, crazy upset that this is ruining everything for us. My head’s a chaos of mess and conflicting thoughts and fear.A baby, a real live little human being inside of me, that we put there, and it screws everything up. I can’t go home unless by land and sea and Arry would never be okay with that long-haul journey. He wants me to stay put until I can fly again, stay put when he goes back to our city to finish the last weeks of his ties to his family business and leave
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 172
Two weeks of nightmare life, all down to me, my moods and erratic behavior that has tested every single ounce of Arricks patience. I think he’s literally seen every bad version of me there is and then some, and I can’t help it.The idea that I am pregnant has well and truly sunk in, but I don’t love it any more than I did and feel a huge sense of resentment that I have to stay here while he flies home today to do whatever he needs to do. In the end Jake couldn’t sway his father to change the plans as he is digging his heels in. I think he is punishing Arrick over leaving the company and using his last weeks as a weapon to piss him off.We haven’t told anyone except Jake and Emma about the baby yet, sworn them to the upmost secrecy and I wouldn’t even talk to her on the phone about it. I’m not ready for sweet cozy chats about motherhood. I don’t want all that happiness and congratulations aimed at me when all I can think a
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 173
Arry doesn’t come back, he texts from the airport and says he needs time to cool off and will call me when he lands. I don’t bother replying and he doesn’t text again to see why I don’t.Heartbroken that he went and did the one thing he never does; walked out and left me when we are fighting the worst kind of fight. It feels like a betrayal, that he’s broken a promise and the way I am feeling, I want to hate him. Hating him for four days will be easier than missing him.I go to the kitchen and grab the ice cream from the freezer, eating so much I make myself throw up and then lay on bed feeling about a thousand times worse. I despise that he can make me feel this desolate, that when we argue he becomes the one obsessive thought in my head, and I cannot function beyond it.
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 174
“Merci, Doctor. Rousea. I will take care of her.” Janetta ushers the man out of my bedroom and I stay where I am, laid on the bed, numb and lifeless with no feelings or thoughts in my head. Like an empty shelf of nothingness as time ticks slowly by.It all happened so fast that it seems like a dream to me now. I don’t even remember how I even got here… I remember only the basics like some long lost almost forgotten memory and then here he was, this man examining me, and she was wiping my tears and holding my hand through the pain. There was so much pain. I saw it. I knew before he had his hands on me. I knew before Janetta turned to me with a white pallor and pained expression because I saw it all. The little thing he lifted from the bathroom floor, so small it was barely real and scooped into a little plastic tu
Last Updated : 2021-08-19
Latest chapter
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 222
I deserve it, I know I do, probably worse, it’s not even that painful but as I stare at her again, I can’t hide how much it actually wounded my heart. Sophie has lashed out at me before, sure, in crazy ways, frenzy fueled attacks when lost in her pain or triggered with her PTSD, but she’s never slapped me in the face for anything. This was a direct ‘how fucking dare you’ kind of assault that speaks volumes to the depths of the carnage I’ve caused on her soul.“You lost me. You don’t get to do that anymore.” She wails at me, pulling my hands and arms from her body and shoves me back with as much force as she can muster. Prickly, seething, hating me with utter crushing heartbreak. She’s breathing as heavily as I am although her pain and hysteria seem to be calming mine and I know I need to stay patient and cool if I’m going to bring her down from fierce.I know how to deal with her at her worst, I can hand
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 221
Arrick’s POV~ Leila’s party ~Leila’s party is losing its sparkle for me. Too drunk, too miserable at having to see Sophs swanning around with golden boy Christian all night and I am done with being here. I’ve said my goodbyes to my brother and I’m leaving before I do something stupid I’m going to totally regret concerning ‘boyfriend’ and drag Sophs into a dark corner to kiss the shit out of her if I stay here. Seeing her looking this beautiful, this happy with someone else is killing me.I spy Sophs, Leila, and Daniel huddled together at the front door as I head that way, a little too late due to not watching where I was going and swerve at the last second before she spots me. My heart lurching at running into her again when I’m already a complete emotional wreck. Hating that even still, my initial reaction to seeing her is a swift kick in the gut. Almost keeling sideways because I am way too
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 220
Arrick’s POV~ Seeing Sophie again. (Restaurant) ~I push the money in the driver’s hand as I follow Charlie and Tom out of the cab onto the sidewalk. I’m still tired from my three hours in the training ring and starving, it’s my turn to pay for lunch and I got to pick the venue. This place is new and no chance of Natasha hitting it with her colleagues on her lunch break either. I’ve been trying to put distance between us since the breakup, trying to stay out of her way and I hate that she has a knack for showing up wherever I am. It feels like she just won’t let go, and although I understand her pain at our breakup, it’s also stifling, and I just want her to move on. She won’t do that if she keeps trying to cling to me.“Hurry up, man.” Tom, my sparring partner today is impatient as hell and throwing me a look that is supposed to hurry me up. I straighten on the street and glare him down.
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 219
It kills me that I can love her this much and was stupid enough to give that up, to give her up. It’s so black and white in the clear light of my brain defogging and how fucking dumb I am. It was never about what my heart wanted; it was always about what was best for everyone else’s.I don’t want Natasha; I don’t think I ever really did. I want Sophie. If I’m being honest then I’ve always wanted her, needed her. It’s why I could never ignore the two a.m. cries for help. It’s part of my soul to be there for her to fall on, to depend on, to call, and lean on. I grew up for her and became her rock, gave her that safe space to grow and heal and kept the world at bay so it didn’t touch her. I created our bubble together so Sophie could thrive and feel secure, enjoy life without fear and I always told myself it was because I never had a kid sister and she just screamed out for protection. So precious, so angelic and I wanted to
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 218
Arrick’s POV~ Breaking up with Natasha ~Sitting on my couch, leaning forward with elbows propped on my knees, I stare at my cell for the millionth time and scroll to Sophie’s name on the list. Last call was twenty-eight days ago... twenty-eight long days of hell, silence, loneliness, and lack of Sophie. Twenty-eight days; the last time I felt anything but the constant absence of her and heavy pit in my stomach, from her disappearing in every single way, and leaving a gaping silent sunless space in my life.I’m missing her like crazy, keeping her last texts messages because it’s all I have left of her to hold on to. I scroll to the very last one, again. It’s a nothing text; I don’t even remember what it was in response too, as it’s not connected to the conversation before it. Just one single text, one that sums her up in so very few words and I stare at it as my chest heaves with that same ingrained weight
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 217
Natasha’sPOV~ Life after Sophie ~I watch Arrick push his food around his plate distractedly, eyes on what he’s doing, yet he seems completely detached from the here and now. We’re in a busy restaurant, the food is good, the company not so much; he has barely said two words the whole time we have been here, and he has had about four beers with dinner so far.Arrick never drinks excessively, normally, but I guess this sums up our life of the past three weeks. I’m irritated, upset but I am trying to keep the pleasantries going. I am trying so hard to not let it get to me, to keep a smile on my face, a positive outlook that we can get through this bump in the road of our relationship, but he makes it so hard.I try not to watch him too much as I eat my own food and give up on small talk. His nods and ‘hmm’ responses make me want to throw my wine glass at him, and I am trying to avoid all forms of naggi
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 216
Arrick’s POV~ Letting Sophie go ~I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling of my room. I haven’t moved from this spot all night, still fully dressed and unable to even get up and function. The weight in my chest is almost holding me in place, crushing me with the pain, and I can’t stop running last night through my mind endlessly. I’m restless, torn, scrunching my fingers in my hair like I can rip this out of my head. The worst sort of agony that surpasses all.I want to go to her room and see her, but I can’t. I can’t get her out of my head, even though she is only feet away and it’s torturing me.I kissed Sophie... I did more than kiss her, and it felt good, it felt right. It made me feel a thousand things about her that I can’t even begin to analyze, comprehend how to, and all it did was make everything fall apart even more than it was, especially when Natasha showed up and slapped me back to
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 215
Arrick’s POV~ After the nightclub ~I sink back on the couch and stare into the semi darkness, cradling my second coffee since we got back here, and try like hell to sober myself up. Head swimming and sinking slowly into the softness of my couch, while trying to get a grip on reality. All I have done since we got home is sit here and try to pull all the shit in my head back together. Try to make sense of the entire night that pretty much went to crap from the moment I downed the first vodka.Drink and I are not friends right now, and if I have any chance of salvaging anything, then I need to sober up fast. Sophie is in the shower, she headed there as soon as we got back, and I sat here waiting for her. I need to talk to her, to figure some of this out and I have no clue what to do. Tonight, taught me a couple of things.One. That drunk, I feel about Sophie the way she feels about me and I want her in every way; physically, menta
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 214
Sophie grabs my wrist and tries to yank me to the side, but I cannot tear my eyes from her. I want to tell her I made a mistake, that she is who I want, that she is all I can even think about. I want to wipe away the memory of that asshole on her body, and replace it with memories of kissing her softly, cherishing her always. No one should ever touch her, except me.“Natasha.” She snaps at me and slaps my hands down from her face harshly, bringing my focus back to reality again. I tear my eyes from her and glance up as I see Tasha heading our way, looking completely non-plussed and again the accompanying guilt is like a constant shadow with her, and wracks me to the bone and almost smashes me in the skull. Nothing hits home and drills to my shame brain, like Natasha’s appearance.It makes me feel shit for even thinking what I just did. That same doubt and uncertainty hitting me with equal force, and I sigh hard. So much for fucking choosing.&l
