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2021-08-19 01:18:18I can feel him staring at me as I try to think and impulsively throw a cushion at him in a bid to block him out, unable to have him look at me that way when I know I’m the one being mental. I’m suffocating inside, and my head is so crammed full of conflicting thoughts that I want to rip my brain out.
“Go away.” I snap childishly, tearfully, as the rage dies, and I start to get embarrassed and ashamed of the epic meltdown I just had. I should be apologizing, I know this, and he’s looking at me like I should know this, yet I can’t. There is that tiny little stubborn mini-me who wants to slap him about the head, shake some sense into him and tell him once and for all to make her disappear for me.
“Why the fuck are you punishing me for her calling? Am I answering the fucking phone, Sophie?” He&rsq
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There’s strong muscle around me, arms gripping tight, warm skin on mine as I try like crazy to fight back; completely lost in my internal darkness and the memories of shadows and pain, so much pain. I can hear someone screaming, yelling, but it’s so far and disconnected from me that I can’t even begin to find them or where it’s coming from. So completely consumed in the fight to keep myself from being broken all over again with no hope of escape this time.Like a flash of light, a trickle of lucidity, I’m suddenly on the floor with weight on top of me, trying to restrain the arms against every part of me, fighting tooth and nail while tears pour down my face.“No, NO … NOOO!” I’m screaming hysterically. I am the noise I could hear so far away, it was me; I was the screaming girl in the
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 123
“Shit … I’m seriously going to be late.” I’m running around looking for my shoes and trying to get myself together before Christian picks me up for the school open day. So not with it, still half drunk, feeling like shit and in need of way more sleep, trying not to dwell on last night and Arry has not brought it up at all. He’s acting like it never happened, although we literally haven’t had a second to think since I opened my eyes. He is trying to help me to get myself together and just keeps getting in my way, clucking around me, clearly still in protector mode.I’m not a morning person, I never have been, and I’m so unbelievably irritable this morning. I think it’s the after-effects of last night and dreams filled with horrid memories that left me exhausted and raw inside. I know I must have been crying out in my sleep, I woke several times to Arrick calming me down and pulling me close, stroking my face and tell
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 124
Arrick doesn’t say anything, just smiles at me and then pulls his top over his head in one easy movement, that flawless physique on show, rippling lines of toned muscle and dark art and my stomach flips over with the sight of it. His body never fails to get my heart racing, tracing the fine line of fair hair up his abs until it blends to smooth skin and then meets the scattering across his chest. He’s so much sexier than he was as a teen; losing that air of boyishness and growing into maturity really did increase his level of hotness. He was always cute, nicely toned, and sexy, yet he came into his own after twenty-one.“Better?” He smirks cheekily, watching the progression of my fingertips and tensing his stomach with every tickle and caress. I watch it mesmerized, longing to see the rest of him even more so now.“Umm … you know these really should stay dry, best if they come off too.” I tug at his sweatpants and smile when h
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 125
My hands turn to claws without meaning to, raking my nails down his back as he repeats the move that has us both moaning out, breathing labored. Getting lost as he comes in for another kiss, but like some demon inside of me has been unleashed with what he is doing to me, I cling to him with every thrust, every groan and moan, hands roaming his entire back and shoulders, even gripping his ass when he starts to move with more purpose. He rocks in against me, hands cupping my face and bodies completely in sync, locking eyes on me, making me crazy with how much my body wants to explode from the one million overwhelmingly amazing sensations ripping through my core with every confident thrust from him. He looks lost in what we’re doing too, unable to keep his eyes on me as they get heavier and shut, tipping his jaw into my neck and breathing against me hard when he ups the tempo and I lose c
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 126
“You want it heated up?” Arrick runs his hand down the back of my hair as I sit at the table, a fluffy robe over my naked body. I shake my head. I’m completely relaxed, body sagging, from the hour-long tub soak we took. The idle chit chat that was so easy and the twenty minutes of letting him dry and massage every inch of me on the bed, sensually heavenly, although he did stop at me letting my hands wander to under his towel, twice. I feel surreal, completely chilled out and one hundred percent satisfied and content right now.“They will probably taste as good cold.” I open the box and empty the contents onto my plate, digging in and smiling at how amazing they taste, as I watch him wander off. He has on sweatpants, but he’s topless and barefoot, back a little clawed up, like he’s been rolling in barbed wire, and I look away from it guiltily, not su
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 127
“Why did you never tell me.” I implore him, trying so hard to not fall to pieces knowing he’s carried this with him these last years, always had me on his body, etched over his heart. It’s so painfully beautiful.Arrick gets up and comes around to beside me, kneeling on the floor so he can turn my face to his with a hand under my chin, wiping my tears with his fingers.“It was for me… I didn’t want you to look at it and remember what it stood for.” He has tears in his eyes too. The momentous weight of this little thing isn’t lost on me at all. Hitting me like a freight train that he has always loved me, meaning he had never really been able to love her at all. I couldn’t see it any clearer than I do right now and it’s literally twisting my heart to shreds. Happy shreds, painfully but good. Crying even though it’s not out of sadness.“You loved me… Even then?”
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 128
“I need to get up.” Arrick makes a move to get out of bed and I cling on desperately.“Nooooo… five more minutes.” I stick to him irrationally, hating that he needs to go get a flight and leave me for a week. The last twenty-four hours we have not left this bed except to eat and use the bathroom and I don’t want to uncurl from his naked body now. Especially not after the amount of times he has shown me exactly what that body is capable of doing to me. Shattered beyond belief, glad it’s Sunday so I can finally sleep as we haven’t done much of that and my body is tingling with every memory.“I don’t want to leave either, but if I am not on that flight in forty-five minutes Nate and James will kill me. I have to go, Sophs, I’ve delayed getting up twice already.” He laughs at me, trying to uncurl my grip on him gently and sliding nearer the edge of the bed.“I hate you.” I murmur as
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 129
“Stop laughing, I really don’t like you right now!” I sulk down the phone, pulling at my shoes on the couch of my apartment and glaring at them before tossing them away, as Arrick kills himself laughing down the other end of the line.“Baby? I’m sorry…” He bursts into another hysterical fit and I literally feel my temper rising. I am seriously not a happy camper with him right now, and what started as minor insult has escalated because he is an asshole. The biggest type of douche bag known to man and if he were here, I would make him eat my shoe.“I’m hanging up on you.” I pout, tears welling in my eyes and lip wobbling, stupidly hurt over a stupid text and acting dumb, but I can’t help it. He has this insane ability nowadays to hurt my feelings so much more easily than he ever did.“Sophie. Come on…. Don’t. I want to talk to you, that’s why I called instead.”
Last Updated : 2021-08-19
Latest chapter
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 222
I deserve it, I know I do, probably worse, it’s not even that painful but as I stare at her again, I can’t hide how much it actually wounded my heart. Sophie has lashed out at me before, sure, in crazy ways, frenzy fueled attacks when lost in her pain or triggered with her PTSD, but she’s never slapped me in the face for anything. This was a direct ‘how fucking dare you’ kind of assault that speaks volumes to the depths of the carnage I’ve caused on her soul.“You lost me. You don’t get to do that anymore.” She wails at me, pulling my hands and arms from her body and shoves me back with as much force as she can muster. Prickly, seething, hating me with utter crushing heartbreak. She’s breathing as heavily as I am although her pain and hysteria seem to be calming mine and I know I need to stay patient and cool if I’m going to bring her down from fierce.I know how to deal with her at her worst, I can hand
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 221
Arrick’s POV~ Leila’s party ~Leila’s party is losing its sparkle for me. Too drunk, too miserable at having to see Sophs swanning around with golden boy Christian all night and I am done with being here. I’ve said my goodbyes to my brother and I’m leaving before I do something stupid I’m going to totally regret concerning ‘boyfriend’ and drag Sophs into a dark corner to kiss the shit out of her if I stay here. Seeing her looking this beautiful, this happy with someone else is killing me.I spy Sophs, Leila, and Daniel huddled together at the front door as I head that way, a little too late due to not watching where I was going and swerve at the last second before she spots me. My heart lurching at running into her again when I’m already a complete emotional wreck. Hating that even still, my initial reaction to seeing her is a swift kick in the gut. Almost keeling sideways because I am way too
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 220
Arrick’s POV~ Seeing Sophie again. (Restaurant) ~I push the money in the driver’s hand as I follow Charlie and Tom out of the cab onto the sidewalk. I’m still tired from my three hours in the training ring and starving, it’s my turn to pay for lunch and I got to pick the venue. This place is new and no chance of Natasha hitting it with her colleagues on her lunch break either. I’ve been trying to put distance between us since the breakup, trying to stay out of her way and I hate that she has a knack for showing up wherever I am. It feels like she just won’t let go, and although I understand her pain at our breakup, it’s also stifling, and I just want her to move on. She won’t do that if she keeps trying to cling to me.“Hurry up, man.” Tom, my sparring partner today is impatient as hell and throwing me a look that is supposed to hurry me up. I straighten on the street and glare him down.
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 219
It kills me that I can love her this much and was stupid enough to give that up, to give her up. It’s so black and white in the clear light of my brain defogging and how fucking dumb I am. It was never about what my heart wanted; it was always about what was best for everyone else’s.I don’t want Natasha; I don’t think I ever really did. I want Sophie. If I’m being honest then I’ve always wanted her, needed her. It’s why I could never ignore the two a.m. cries for help. It’s part of my soul to be there for her to fall on, to depend on, to call, and lean on. I grew up for her and became her rock, gave her that safe space to grow and heal and kept the world at bay so it didn’t touch her. I created our bubble together so Sophie could thrive and feel secure, enjoy life without fear and I always told myself it was because I never had a kid sister and she just screamed out for protection. So precious, so angelic and I wanted to
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 218
Arrick’s POV~ Breaking up with Natasha ~Sitting on my couch, leaning forward with elbows propped on my knees, I stare at my cell for the millionth time and scroll to Sophie’s name on the list. Last call was twenty-eight days ago... twenty-eight long days of hell, silence, loneliness, and lack of Sophie. Twenty-eight days; the last time I felt anything but the constant absence of her and heavy pit in my stomach, from her disappearing in every single way, and leaving a gaping silent sunless space in my life.I’m missing her like crazy, keeping her last texts messages because it’s all I have left of her to hold on to. I scroll to the very last one, again. It’s a nothing text; I don’t even remember what it was in response too, as it’s not connected to the conversation before it. Just one single text, one that sums her up in so very few words and I stare at it as my chest heaves with that same ingrained weight
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 217
Natasha’sPOV~ Life after Sophie ~I watch Arrick push his food around his plate distractedly, eyes on what he’s doing, yet he seems completely detached from the here and now. We’re in a busy restaurant, the food is good, the company not so much; he has barely said two words the whole time we have been here, and he has had about four beers with dinner so far.Arrick never drinks excessively, normally, but I guess this sums up our life of the past three weeks. I’m irritated, upset but I am trying to keep the pleasantries going. I am trying so hard to not let it get to me, to keep a smile on my face, a positive outlook that we can get through this bump in the road of our relationship, but he makes it so hard.I try not to watch him too much as I eat my own food and give up on small talk. His nods and ‘hmm’ responses make me want to throw my wine glass at him, and I am trying to avoid all forms of naggi
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 216
Arrick’s POV~ Letting Sophie go ~I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling of my room. I haven’t moved from this spot all night, still fully dressed and unable to even get up and function. The weight in my chest is almost holding me in place, crushing me with the pain, and I can’t stop running last night through my mind endlessly. I’m restless, torn, scrunching my fingers in my hair like I can rip this out of my head. The worst sort of agony that surpasses all.I want to go to her room and see her, but I can’t. I can’t get her out of my head, even though she is only feet away and it’s torturing me.I kissed Sophie... I did more than kiss her, and it felt good, it felt right. It made me feel a thousand things about her that I can’t even begin to analyze, comprehend how to, and all it did was make everything fall apart even more than it was, especially when Natasha showed up and slapped me back to
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 215
Arrick’s POV~ After the nightclub ~I sink back on the couch and stare into the semi darkness, cradling my second coffee since we got back here, and try like hell to sober myself up. Head swimming and sinking slowly into the softness of my couch, while trying to get a grip on reality. All I have done since we got home is sit here and try to pull all the shit in my head back together. Try to make sense of the entire night that pretty much went to crap from the moment I downed the first vodka.Drink and I are not friends right now, and if I have any chance of salvaging anything, then I need to sober up fast. Sophie is in the shower, she headed there as soon as we got back, and I sat here waiting for her. I need to talk to her, to figure some of this out and I have no clue what to do. Tonight, taught me a couple of things.One. That drunk, I feel about Sophie the way she feels about me and I want her in every way; physically, menta
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 214
Sophie grabs my wrist and tries to yank me to the side, but I cannot tear my eyes from her. I want to tell her I made a mistake, that she is who I want, that she is all I can even think about. I want to wipe away the memory of that asshole on her body, and replace it with memories of kissing her softly, cherishing her always. No one should ever touch her, except me.“Natasha.” She snaps at me and slaps my hands down from her face harshly, bringing my focus back to reality again. I tear my eyes from her and glance up as I see Tasha heading our way, looking completely non-plussed and again the accompanying guilt is like a constant shadow with her, and wracks me to the bone and almost smashes me in the skull. Nothing hits home and drills to my shame brain, like Natasha’s appearance.It makes me feel shit for even thinking what I just did. That same doubt and uncertainty hitting me with equal force, and I sigh hard. So much for fucking choosing.&l
