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2021-08-19 01:12:06The now arriving others, as Leila does the rounds forcing couples this way are soon starting to surround us, and I try my hardest to relax, tell myself this will not be that bad, that I can endure this. I turn towards him when he draws me to the middle and hesitate, swallowing hard, breathing harder when faced with his body edging against mine and don’t know how else to play this, except look completely out of my depth.
“Relax. It’s just a dance, sure Christian won’t mind.” Arrick says flatly, looking over my head as though watching people come onto the floor behind us. I guess he can see or sense my tension. My expression must be one of shell shock. We stand awkwardly for a moment before he slides his hand to my waist and tugs me into him, softly and slowly. Lifting his free hand and offering it to me, so I get the choice if I want to touch him again or not. I t
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“Sophiee, you know I lurve you a million times over babes.” Leila slurs over the top of me, alcohol breath almost flooring me with its sheer toxicity, captured in her crazily strong embrace as we both sway. I’m a little worse for wear too, having drunk one too many champagne cocktails. The party is wearing down, but Leila is beyond wrecked and slobbering a gush of emotion all over me as I try to say my goodbyes to her.“Baby, come on, Sophs is being suffocated by the fumes coming off you.” Daniel is trying to extract his wife’s arms from me and guide her towards the door, “trying” being the word, as he fights with octopus limbs in a bid to coax her away. A lot of guests have departed already, and Leila is being taken home to pass out or get up to whatever they get up to when drunk and childless in an empty house for the night. I do not even want to know what my sister and her husband are into if I am being honest, the thought te
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 102
“I deserve that and more, Sophie. My life is nothing without you. You have no idea how many times a day I think about you, how much it eats me up every second that I made you leave me. How much I just want you back in my life, even if I only get to be friends.” He’s still sniffing back tears, making my heart ache harder and I am trying so hard to hold myself together. Guilt adding itself onto the list of crazy feelings and emotions piling up in my head. I am close to hysteria and about as near the cliff of insanity as one can get before leaping off.“You didn’t make me leave you. You chose someone else and then told me to go. There is an enormous difference. You can’t undo that.” I throw back, my voice equally ravaged with raw pain and tears, so it hurts my throat, losing all the resolve to stay aggressive and angry and becoming more and more weak and childlike, reverting to fragility I rarely show. Body in defensive mode and mo
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 103
Arrick moves into my mouth again, seemingly unable to stand the distance, kissing me as passionately as he can, hands ravaging my hair and throat in a bid to keep me close as humanly possible. I can’t withstand his kiss, how it makes me feel, from inside out, an ache and yearning, burning to an almost unbearable fever pitch. His tongue finds mine, pushing us further into the sort of kissing that leaves no misinterpretation to how much he wants to have sex with me. His hands moving down to cup my breast as he pushes against me, my work their way inside his shirt, unbuttoning as I go and revealing that expanse of hard naked torso and tattoos. He presses a knee between my thighs, the pressure making me writhe and grind back to him. We both know where this is heading, and I don’t even hesitate about whether I want it or not.He slides his leg further between my legs and moves in against me seductively teasing me sexually as his muscle rubs my softness. I let out a sof
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 104
“Sophie … Sophie? Look at me, come back to me.” His soft voice brings me back to my senses and I realize my legs are closed, my tense body held rigidly and curled up in the fetal position. He’s not inside me anymore and somehow, I’m being cradled in his arms, my face turned away from him. Beside him and gasping for breath, his arms around my upper body as he holds me tight against him and strokes the hair back from my tear-stained face. “Just breathe, slow and steady. You’re safe, it’s me, it’s Arry. You’re safe with me.” I zone back in, realizing I am gripping his arm with deadly intent, my nails digging in, yet he doesn’t seem to care. My face is soaked, and I am so dizzy I can barely get my head together. I don’t know where I went, or for how long I went there, but the taste of blood in my mouth shocks me and I’m confused and scared. My whole body shivering
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 105
A loud buzzing noise rouses me from the hazy darkness when I realize I am in a bed that’s not mine, a familiar arm tossed casually across my waist and sheets pulled up over me to my chin. Confused and disorientated, I blink my eyes open, blurriness clouding my instinct to be concerned and begin looking for the god-awful noise with a groan.Arrick groans next to me, reaching out to smack a nearby alarm clock and sends it crashing to the ground, except the noise perseveres and the next thing to meet hard floor is his cell as he swipes it off into the room, bringing silence once more.I sigh, a moment of relief, followed by the sudden realization that I am in bed with him, his bed, in his old room at his parents” house, and completely naked. Filtering through snippets of being kissed, undressed and “oh, my God” he had his tongue on my …I woosh awake fully, in utter shock, eyes snapping open properly as I turn my head to get a complet
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 106
Pushing his mouth to mine, kissing me with intention and cooling my jets completely as he tugs my arms across my back snugly. It’s not a passionate, tongue caressing kiss but it hits the mark and renders me mute in the blink of an eye. Calming the tidal wave of insanity and making me surrender to him on every level with minimal effort and I hate that he suckered me this way and exposed a severe Achilles heel. Finally, he pulls free and regards at me for a long moment.“I’ll let your arms go if you promise to calm down, take a breath and hear me out.” He gazes at me imploringly, swallowing nervously and despite myself, sticking up my chin in defiance, I nod. My heart hammering from exertion, my brain trying to take control, but I am so spent; the exhaustive outburst has taken what little energy I had left in me and another bout of attack won’t be effective in any
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 107
Wrapped in a fluffy robe after a hot shower, I stare at my clean face in the bathroom mirror; it’s tear-stained and pale. I downed some pain killers before I got in here, in a bid to combat the beginning of a hangover and feel completely wiped out. I don’t even know if he is still in my room, or if he has gone to see Natasha, and I am not sure how I feel either way. I’m crazily disconnected inside, that none of this is real and no closer to a decision at all.I still love him; I can’t deny that. Last night was incredibly stupid and most likely alcohol-fueled. The during was not exactly how I thought it would be, but then, part of me knows it’s because I no longer trust him like I once did. He hurt me in ways that really screwed my head up and last night proved I no longer felt secure to let him have access to every part of me.
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 108
Arrick reappears after fifteen long minutes from his parents’ house while I wait outside after texting Jenny and Christian, telling them to meet us here. Perched against the wall and picking petals from a daisy in my hand. Both responded and are apparently on their way to find me after having to quickly explain why I’m even with him without too many details.“You were an age.” I glance his way as he slides his hand in mine and pulls me close to kiss me softly on the cheek. I’m more aware that he’s being cautious about throwing kisses on me, although he seems sure his handholding won’t be rejected now; sensing that he shouldn’t yet kiss me on the mouth whenever he feels like it. Even though I’m here with him there is an unspoken uneasiness, we’re not okay yet and I know it too. It will take time; I don’t even know if I want th
Last Updated : 2021-08-19
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The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 222
I deserve it, I know I do, probably worse, it’s not even that painful but as I stare at her again, I can’t hide how much it actually wounded my heart. Sophie has lashed out at me before, sure, in crazy ways, frenzy fueled attacks when lost in her pain or triggered with her PTSD, but she’s never slapped me in the face for anything. This was a direct ‘how fucking dare you’ kind of assault that speaks volumes to the depths of the carnage I’ve caused on her soul.“You lost me. You don’t get to do that anymore.” She wails at me, pulling my hands and arms from her body and shoves me back with as much force as she can muster. Prickly, seething, hating me with utter crushing heartbreak. She’s breathing as heavily as I am although her pain and hysteria seem to be calming mine and I know I need to stay patient and cool if I’m going to bring her down from fierce.I know how to deal with her at her worst, I can hand
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 221
Arrick’s POV~ Leila’s party ~Leila’s party is losing its sparkle for me. Too drunk, too miserable at having to see Sophs swanning around with golden boy Christian all night and I am done with being here. I’ve said my goodbyes to my brother and I’m leaving before I do something stupid I’m going to totally regret concerning ‘boyfriend’ and drag Sophs into a dark corner to kiss the shit out of her if I stay here. Seeing her looking this beautiful, this happy with someone else is killing me.I spy Sophs, Leila, and Daniel huddled together at the front door as I head that way, a little too late due to not watching where I was going and swerve at the last second before she spots me. My heart lurching at running into her again when I’m already a complete emotional wreck. Hating that even still, my initial reaction to seeing her is a swift kick in the gut. Almost keeling sideways because I am way too
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 220
Arrick’s POV~ Seeing Sophie again. (Restaurant) ~I push the money in the driver’s hand as I follow Charlie and Tom out of the cab onto the sidewalk. I’m still tired from my three hours in the training ring and starving, it’s my turn to pay for lunch and I got to pick the venue. This place is new and no chance of Natasha hitting it with her colleagues on her lunch break either. I’ve been trying to put distance between us since the breakup, trying to stay out of her way and I hate that she has a knack for showing up wherever I am. It feels like she just won’t let go, and although I understand her pain at our breakup, it’s also stifling, and I just want her to move on. She won’t do that if she keeps trying to cling to me.“Hurry up, man.” Tom, my sparring partner today is impatient as hell and throwing me a look that is supposed to hurry me up. I straighten on the street and glare him down.
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 219
It kills me that I can love her this much and was stupid enough to give that up, to give her up. It’s so black and white in the clear light of my brain defogging and how fucking dumb I am. It was never about what my heart wanted; it was always about what was best for everyone else’s.I don’t want Natasha; I don’t think I ever really did. I want Sophie. If I’m being honest then I’ve always wanted her, needed her. It’s why I could never ignore the two a.m. cries for help. It’s part of my soul to be there for her to fall on, to depend on, to call, and lean on. I grew up for her and became her rock, gave her that safe space to grow and heal and kept the world at bay so it didn’t touch her. I created our bubble together so Sophie could thrive and feel secure, enjoy life without fear and I always told myself it was because I never had a kid sister and she just screamed out for protection. So precious, so angelic and I wanted to
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 218
Arrick’s POV~ Breaking up with Natasha ~Sitting on my couch, leaning forward with elbows propped on my knees, I stare at my cell for the millionth time and scroll to Sophie’s name on the list. Last call was twenty-eight days ago... twenty-eight long days of hell, silence, loneliness, and lack of Sophie. Twenty-eight days; the last time I felt anything but the constant absence of her and heavy pit in my stomach, from her disappearing in every single way, and leaving a gaping silent sunless space in my life.I’m missing her like crazy, keeping her last texts messages because it’s all I have left of her to hold on to. I scroll to the very last one, again. It’s a nothing text; I don’t even remember what it was in response too, as it’s not connected to the conversation before it. Just one single text, one that sums her up in so very few words and I stare at it as my chest heaves with that same ingrained weight
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 217
Natasha’sPOV~ Life after Sophie ~I watch Arrick push his food around his plate distractedly, eyes on what he’s doing, yet he seems completely detached from the here and now. We’re in a busy restaurant, the food is good, the company not so much; he has barely said two words the whole time we have been here, and he has had about four beers with dinner so far.Arrick never drinks excessively, normally, but I guess this sums up our life of the past three weeks. I’m irritated, upset but I am trying to keep the pleasantries going. I am trying so hard to not let it get to me, to keep a smile on my face, a positive outlook that we can get through this bump in the road of our relationship, but he makes it so hard.I try not to watch him too much as I eat my own food and give up on small talk. His nods and ‘hmm’ responses make me want to throw my wine glass at him, and I am trying to avoid all forms of naggi
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 216
Arrick’s POV~ Letting Sophie go ~I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling of my room. I haven’t moved from this spot all night, still fully dressed and unable to even get up and function. The weight in my chest is almost holding me in place, crushing me with the pain, and I can’t stop running last night through my mind endlessly. I’m restless, torn, scrunching my fingers in my hair like I can rip this out of my head. The worst sort of agony that surpasses all.I want to go to her room and see her, but I can’t. I can’t get her out of my head, even though she is only feet away and it’s torturing me.I kissed Sophie... I did more than kiss her, and it felt good, it felt right. It made me feel a thousand things about her that I can’t even begin to analyze, comprehend how to, and all it did was make everything fall apart even more than it was, especially when Natasha showed up and slapped me back to
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 215
Arrick’s POV~ After the nightclub ~I sink back on the couch and stare into the semi darkness, cradling my second coffee since we got back here, and try like hell to sober myself up. Head swimming and sinking slowly into the softness of my couch, while trying to get a grip on reality. All I have done since we got home is sit here and try to pull all the shit in my head back together. Try to make sense of the entire night that pretty much went to crap from the moment I downed the first vodka.Drink and I are not friends right now, and if I have any chance of salvaging anything, then I need to sober up fast. Sophie is in the shower, she headed there as soon as we got back, and I sat here waiting for her. I need to talk to her, to figure some of this out and I have no clue what to do. Tonight, taught me a couple of things.One. That drunk, I feel about Sophie the way she feels about me and I want her in every way; physically, menta
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 214
Sophie grabs my wrist and tries to yank me to the side, but I cannot tear my eyes from her. I want to tell her I made a mistake, that she is who I want, that she is all I can even think about. I want to wipe away the memory of that asshole on her body, and replace it with memories of kissing her softly, cherishing her always. No one should ever touch her, except me.“Natasha.” She snaps at me and slaps my hands down from her face harshly, bringing my focus back to reality again. I tear my eyes from her and glance up as I see Tasha heading our way, looking completely non-plussed and again the accompanying guilt is like a constant shadow with her, and wracks me to the bone and almost smashes me in the skull. Nothing hits home and drills to my shame brain, like Natasha’s appearance.It makes me feel shit for even thinking what I just did. That same doubt and uncertainty hitting me with equal force, and I sigh hard. So much for fucking choosing.&l
