Wrapped in a fluffy robe after a hot shower, I stare at my clean face in the bathroom mirror; it’s tear-stained and pale. I downed some pain killers before I got in here, in a bid to combat the beginning of a hangover and feel completely wiped out. I don’t even know if he is still in my room, or if he has gone to see Natasha, and I am not sure how I feel either way. I’m crazily disconnected inside, that none of this is real and no closer to a decision at all.
I still love him; I can’t deny that. Last night was incredibly stupid and most likely alcohol-fueled. The during was not exactly how I thought it would be, but then, part of me knows it’s because I no longer trust him like I once did. He hurt me in ways that really screwed my head up and last night proved I no longer felt secure to let him have access to every part of me.
Arrick reappears after fifteen long minutes from his parents’ house while I wait outside after texting Jenny and Christian, telling them to meet us here. Perched against the wall and picking petals from a daisy in my hand. Both responded and are apparently on their way to find me after having to quickly explain why I’m even with him without too many details.“You were an age.” I glance his way as he slides his hand in mine and pulls me close to kiss me softly on the cheek. I’m more aware that he’s being cautious about throwing kisses on me, although he seems sure his handholding won’t be rejected now; sensing that he shouldn’t yet kiss me on the mouth whenever he feels like it. Even though I’m here with him there is an unspoken uneasiness, we’re not okay yet and I know it too. It will take time; I don’t even know if I want th
Christian shows up first, followed by a timid looking Jenny who seems to appear rather closely to Nate. Gathering together in the street outside Arrick’s house. I notice Nate is being rather attentive to my girl and tries to take her hand as he catches up with her; she looks away, pulling away from him and slides an arm through mine in a coy move without catching his eye. I frown her way suspiciously and file it away to interrogate her as soon as I get her alone with Christian.I’m now standing away from Arrick, as soon as I saw them appearing I made him let go of me and moved to two feet apart, needing a space to see my friends and let them know what has happened. My texts outlined the briefest explanation only and I am so not ready to be identified as Arry’s new love interest just yet. I feel like they may judge me on my readiness to jump into a relationship when last night, I swore to never let him near me again.“Well hey, hey.” Christ
The walk back is odd, we’re walking apart, my arms across my body as I feel like being by myself right now and not having the contact. I’m tired and emotional and edgy. He’s trying to make idle chit chat, intent on keeping us talking about any topic he comes up with and I am responding, but I am fully aware of his constant fixed gaze on my profile as we walk and it’s starting to make me nervy. I can’t relax with the way he seems honed into my every movement and mannerism.“You can stop staring at me for like maybe five minutes.” I point out and smile when his eyebrows dip in that cute way he has. He looks away for a minute and then back again.“You noticed, huh?” He acts coyly and shrugs my way. Not him at all, he’s always been super confident in every way and this seems weird.
I inhale deeply, savoring the memory as I wander into the middle of Arrick’s apartment from the elevator, while he follows with our bags and dumps them by the end of the couch as I take in the open-plan space with joy. I haven’t been here in months and its sheer familiarity is making me feel calm, like coming home. Instantly still inside, like breathing warm soothing air after being out in the cold and I inhale slowly, the atmosphere washing over me. Welling up at how much I missed this place too. It smells like home-cooked food, men’s aftershave, leather, books, and something familiar and clean. It’s a weird combination but it’s how it always smells, bringing back so many mixed emotions.Arrick’s apartment has always been a place I love to be, as it’s so very him; modern mixed with traditional. Open plan and industrial, yet with old battered armcha
He moves around the counter to me, obviously choosing to be closer, finding me with his arms and pulling me against him so I have to put my mug down too. Pulling me in to face him and giving me no option but to obey as he slides my body against his faultlessly, perfectly molded as though we really did break from the same mold once.“Nope … this feels right to me, righter than anything I have ever known.” He stoops a little, buries that cute boy face in my neck and breathes me in before planting a kiss on my throat. I giggle unexpectedly when he hoists me up by the butt and legs onto the counter and slides me back to sit on it, nestling himself in between my thighs so we are nose to nose, intimately joined and I am his prisoner. This close to his face and that disarming smile feels a lot better than being across a kitchen, and the familiar tingling of my insides goes into ov
Arrick moves out of reach and wanders to the fridge, opening it to rummage the contents and pulls out some labelled tubs. His housekeeper is paid to keep it stocked and easy for him when he wants to eat; his strict diet when in training means he eats a lot of healthy foods and high protein, but he is rummaging for something else. It’s early morning, he woke me up with his alarm and now he’s showered and ready to go to the gym at stupid o’clock even though I am half asleep and struggling to get ready for school.Who even does that on purpose?We were up so late, watching movies, fooling around and even had a little steamy make-out session that could have gone a lot further if he wasn’t such a gentleman. I am suffering now though as I watch him, still in my clothes from last night, finding some breakfast bef
I yawn as I wander from the elevator into Arrick’s apartment, covering my mouth and dropping my oversized school bag on the floor by his coat rack in the entrance come dumping ground, for shoes. His jacket and sneakers are already there, and I can hear the soft strumming of a guitar as I wander around the little wall that conceals the elevator from his lounge area.He is sat on the couch strumming his acoustic guitar, oblivious to my arrival and I stop and watch him for a moment with a huge smile splaying across my face. It’s been eons since he played his guitar and I reminisce warmly over how many times he has played to me. A little shiver of joy that the boy I loved is making a slow comeback. He looks amazingly sexy with it on his lap, strumming it while concentrating so hard on what he’s doing. He looks so at peace and not a single expression on that calm beautiful face.It has been over three weeks of dating him and we are getting into a routine s
I roll over in bed, aware he has followed me after twenty minutes in the dark, my tray dumped and lights and TV off, due to my low mood. Not wanting to eat or watch any shitty romances anymore. The bed dips as Arrick’s body slides in beside me; we have gotten into a routine of sharing a bed, with me staying here or him staying with me almost every night and cuddling up. This is the first time I have been in bed before he has come in, since the first few days. He slides his arms around my still body, oblivious to the fact I am awake and buries his face in my hair behind me. I stay still, heart still bruised and even though the tears have dried externally, I am still crying inside. So much anger and sadness mixed up together.“Sophie?” He whispers softly, voice hoarse and tender with no hint of anger anymore, wrapping himse