‘‘What do you think it was then? To me, it was a fuck with a means to an end. I needed you quiet and rational and it worked, get over it.’’ He sounds so cold it stabs me in the heart multiple times. Eyes the palest grey and devoid of humanity, reminding me of the bastard that he really is, and it sobers my insanity right up.
Aware there are eyes in this room and he’s right. I am making a complete fool of myself by practically sobbing at his feet.
‘‘I won’t see you anymore, will I? You’re washing your hands of the problem and sending me anywhere you won’t have to deal with me.’’ I sound broken and I feel worse, it’s like I can barely breathe.
‘‘Go upstairs and pack your shit. Mico is taking you to the airfield at seven.’’ Alexi brushes me off, swiping my hand away that had still been clinging to his jacket like a lost child and I just burst out crying irrat
So the storm becomes a hurricane of epic proportions and New York City is stuck in a typhoon that lasts two whole days. I’m stuck in some lifeless, airless apartment on my own with Mico on phone duties should I need anything and yet it’s not like I care. I’m sick, glands all swollen and body aching with a fever. I toss and turn in bed and just can’t seem to do anything but drift in and out of shallow sleep for small bursts. I don’t know if it’s emotional and I’m just run down, or I should be worrying about something more. Alexi never used condoms, yet he sleeps with so many women he could have given me something. I never thought of that aspect before, as I used to see his discarded condom wrappers in the bin when he has stayed over, and it never dawned on me he would be careless. I don’t kno
My heart hammering in my chest at being around him again, but I won’t put myself through his kind of hell anymore. I don’t get very far when that cruel grip latches on to my arm, and I am swung against a wall out of the way. Heart sinking that he can never just leave me alone, even when he is the one telling me to get out of his life. He’s relentless, like a goddamn dog after a bone, and for someone who wanted me gone he isn’t doing a good job of letting me go. ‘‘I’ll be there in a few minutes, this is an employee who should be elsewhere right now.’’ He smiles to the group I now see are with him, and realise this is a dinner outing of more than just him and needy over there. A few sets of upper-class eyes and a sparkling formal dress glint my way before they are ushered off by more black suits.
I don’t care what he’s thinking about, I just want to get my medicine and be left alone for all time. His presence is like a lead weight and as much as I have ached to see him for the past Fort-Eight hours, I realise that it just reminds me how much I hate him, hate what he’s capable of making me feel. ‘’Here.’’ He holds out his handkerchief to me and despite wanting to push it away I have water running down my face and a nose that’s running like crazy, I accept it despite wanting to tell him where to go and just avoid eye contact once again. ‘’Stop being nice, I don’t like it and it just makes me suspicious of your motives, which means I can’t relax.’’ I snap childishly and start drying my skin, dabbing my face and blowing my nose as discreetly as I can.
I’m surprised to hear Mico talking so candidly to someone he never seems to question. I guess they think I am totally out cold and can't hear them talking around me, because let’s face it, I am planked out star-shaped on a bed with a dead expression, closed eyes and barely able to move and I probably look like I am in a coma.I wish I was, and maybe I would not feel so wretched or out of my head on crazy hallucinogens.I like Mico, he’s a thug and a brutal henchman, but I like the fact he’s probably the first person I have ever met that shows any concern for me, except maybe Gino. He seemed to do that too for a brief moment in that posh house so very far away.I wonder why he has a family home that he never uses.Focus Camilla … stop floating off on the sea breeze.Jesus, I am definitely high.‘‘You’re not taking her in the shower or stripping her, I’m the only one who’s going to d
People like him that did awful things. It would both fuel that wicked brain with more emotional tools and probably give him a sadistic kick. I quickly distract myself by picking up on a weird detail in what she said instead and let it go. ‘’You call him Lex? I can’t see him as a Lex somehow.’’ I try to move her onto something less raw and to the bone, distracting her instead with something menial. Only people I ever hear calling him that are his cousin and brother, it’s oddly personal. I look her up and down not sure what to make of that obvious affection, even for him she’s a bit young. She doesn’t look old enough to have even left school yet. I never pegged him for that kind, and it makes me feel sick to my stomach that he could be, and I just never realised it. No better than Rick and his
My whole persona is a lie that ingrained itself inside of me through repetitive use. I created this girl and buried Lisa—she and my battered emotions are a thing of the past.‘’Do you need anything? I can make you a drink or food.’’ The girl is watching me far too closely, even though I still feel weak and clammy, I don’t want her here and fussing. I have never been good at letting people take care of me and especially not someone who isn’t medical staff. No one cared before, so this is a new experience and I feel completely uncomfortable with her probing presence.‘’I need space and privacy. I want to get up, shower and make some tea. I appreciate what you all did but really, I just want quiet time to vegetate.’’ I sound completely ungrateful and I know it. Mico didn’t need to tend to me. Alexi … I don’t even know where to begin. I just know as soon as I am well he will dump me on a f
Mico’s voice drifts my way as he starts talking to the girl, and I can guess by Alexi’s overly long pause that he can hear him in the room.‘’Look Cam, just forget it…… It’s just better this way. Don’t make it harder.’’ Closed down, voice hardening along with my plans of putting him out of my head tonight. It’s almost as though Mico’s appearance triggered Alexi’s arsehole side and that tiny uncertainty he had in his voice moments ago is gone in the blink of an eye as my heart sinks, nose diving my mood and making me feel that awful wretched way that he is crazily good at pulling out of me.I just want to cry all the time nowadays, and I know he is at the root of it. The sooner I cut Alexi from my life the better.‘’Sure it is.’’ I sound sarcastic but part of me agrees that distance and lack of his presence might be excruciating but needed. I can get my brain o
This is just a replay of my life, a dozen times over. It’s not lost on me that this is no sort of existence but I have no choice. I get myself into these situations and sometimes running is the only way out.I waste time looking for a bag and start to get extremely anxious as the clock keeps ticking. I pull out a small gym holdall I assume is his from the wardrobe and push what I can inside. Pulling on a jacket I go to the window to try and get it open. It takes effort, even though this is a modern and well-maintained apartment, I am not familiar with the locks or how to open the damn things. I manage to slide it enough to get my hand and arm outside, eyeing up the metal fire escape through the glass and push the bag out by squishing it through forcefully so it lands with a gentle thud on the staircase outside. Luckily this building is only five or so floors high and I am not about to escape from a massively high penthouse.The fire escape is a proper metal stair