‘Adorable! Carrero men, we are so weak for them. Ciao Bella.’ She steps back to wiggle down the aisle back to her man and Alexi moves to let her slide in, getting another peck on the cheek as she passes. She pats him lovingly on the shoulder too.
I can’t really say I have a right to feel jealous about the obvious affection, I mean she’s not the first ‘family’ member to say that they adore Alexi, and I guess they see something in him to feel that way.
It’s just, I do.
Insanely crazily, heart pounding in my chest feeling of hurt, watching how he interacts with other women who are not part of his world or games.
It’s not that she’s touching him—it’s how he is behaving that slices me irreversibly.
Women in his family whom he marked as out of bounds; He treats them with a kindness and respect that he has never shown me or any of the women I see in the club with hi
‘You don’t like my family?’ He asks seriously, frowning at me, and I can’t tell if he is annoyed by that fact, or just curious. He’s being his usual self and giving nothing away about what he’s feeling or thinking. Sometimes I just wish I had a little tiny inkling of what goes on in his head—just once.‘Your family seem nice and I already knew a couple of them. I’m fine. Just not really in the party mood yet, I take time to warm up,’ I answer calmly, quietly, dodging his intense focus and keep on glancing at passing clouds right by the window.‘You regret coming?’ He presses the matter a little tighter toned.Jesus, he’s like the Spanish Inquisition and I don’t get why he cares so much about this. ‘No, it’s just … nothing.’ I exhale in defeat, body tensing with increasing stress levels. No idea why I feel like I owe him an explanation. I
‘I wish I could; you have no idea.’ Alexi slumps back into his seat and just stares at the ceiling for a moment, deflated and almost exhausted. His brimming prick has subsided and he seems a hell of a lot less aggressive so quickly. I know it’s an act and I don’t buy anything he says.‘So, it’s my fault now is it? … Some weird pull to make my life an endless misery?’ I laugh sardonically, enraged at such a stupid statement.Fucking prick.Alexi looks across at the people climbing over seats to get closer together and the merry atmosphere and sighs again. His whole demeanour has lost that intimidation and he just seems like he did when we arrived, only not so happy anymore.‘You have no clue, London. Can we stop fighting and just forget this shit until tomorrow? I brought you here to have fun, not a battle, not drama and you upset. I brought you because I am trying to treat you how you d
‘Well, what would you call us … if not friends?’ His gaze narrows on me, smile fading and something more serious in its place. Still not moving, like a tall stubborn mannequin and I relent with an exasperated sigh, knowing he has no intention of going again until he decides he’s moving. Talking is on his agenda for some stupid reason.‘I don’t know … business acquaintances. People coexisting for a mutual benefit, but certainly not friends! Friends like one another, Alexi!’ I point out scathingly, using my bag to point at him and me as though to emphasise my statement, willing him mentally to just walk forward and get in the damn lift I can hear pinging away about twelve feet from us as they open.‘I like you, so …?’ He shrugs boyishly, expression solemn now and I know he’s just trying to get to me.I know that’s bullshit and now he is trying to just pull me into another little
‘Don’t you agree, London?’ Alexi’s voice breaks into my thoughts as I slide in beside him in on my return from the bathroom; A small space between him and Alessandra, who is facially glued to Gino as they have themselves a passionate make-out session. Her arse bumps into me as I squeeze against Alexi a little more, sliding my arm in his, so I can lean closer and nestle in against him with my temple on his shoulder. I’m starting to wane with booze consumption and sore feet from way too much dance floor shenanigans. I’m getting tired as the night moves into the early hours. It has to be after 2 a.m. for sure.‘Agree with what?’ I flutter my lashes up at him adoringly from my position and he automatically smooths a hair from across my face as he gazes back down at me. A slight gentle touch that causes a million tingles to erupt from my skin and insides, insides somersaulting and letting loose my cage of butterflies, and I try
‘Alexi!’ I squeal in hysterics, holding onto my assets and wriggling like crazy as he rights me on my feet. He just effortlessly pulls me back to him, like I’m a weightless rag doll and yanks me back to our couples dance position. I can barely breathe between laughing and trying to catch my breath from being tossed around. Eyes streaming from the sudden fun of him and dress pulled half around me in the most awkward way, that’s almost obscene. I try to right myself as we return to calm and gentle swaying once more, buzzing from enjoying his playfulness.I like this Alexi; he’s someone I could spend time with.‘This better?’ He jokes in my ear, yanking my dress for me so it straightens out, and I just shake my head at him in complete indulgence. He’s lightening the awkwardness of tender moments by adding comedy and losing all serious Alexi with it. I hate to admit it … he looks adorable when he’s being fo
‘Honestly, I can do it, I’m fine. It didn’t hurt.’ I turn towards him to dislodge his arm from around me, agitated with his efforts, patting him on the chest to let me go with a smile through gritted teeth. He leans back up, so we are nose to nose and that’s the last thing I see of his face.Like a flash out of nowhere someone tugs me out of his arm, so that I stumble backwards into a wall and lose my balance momentarily. Head spinning with the suddenness of it and the black form that literally dive bombs him with such force it takes him flying back against the hall wall so fast I cannot really focus on what’s happening right away.It takes me a moment to realise what the hell is going on, as Alexi pins him by the throat to the inner hall wall and starts pummelling a fist into the guy’s face. He’s all over him like a fierce animal, wildly unleashed, punching, holding him up and lifting a knee to the man’s abdomen wi
It all happens so fast, it’s like a blur.Getting deposited in a car by Jackson while all around me becomes surreal and dreamlike. I feel weirdly numb overall but there’s a simmering energy inside of me that has me on edge, overly aware and completely strung out. Snappy with the man ushering me in here and I wrench myself out of his grip and throw myself into a window seat childishly, carrying my shoes.The bus is a small transport that seats twelve people. Long and low with pairs of comfortable leather seats on each side of the aisle and tinted windows. Like the limousine of buses. The driver looks hired, so I know to be hush-hush about what went down and I sulk like a child, crossing my arms over my chest and stare out into the dark street, tapping my bare feet against the leg as my heels nestle in my lap where I just dropped them.Alexi shows up minutes after me looking devoid of any sort of regret, and like an automatic trigger for my wrath, my t
We get there eventually, another tense silent car ride where everyone pretends the others are invisible, and Mico just seems to be texting furiously, ignoring the brutal standoff between us. The air is heavy and dense with it and I try my best to act nonchalant and stop myself from letting anger get the better of me. I have no energy left for this and I just want to go home. I’m deflated, body aching from a night of dancing and intoxication and now I think I’m suffering the trailing effects of shock.All I want to do is lie down on the plane and block him out until I get there and can go to bed to get the hell away from him. I’m weary as the booze wears off and the night’s events take over my shattered mind to traumatise me with visions of half mangled heads.Exhausted and waning. I don’t want to fight anymore. I just feel all used up and suddenly emotionally fragile. Nerves frayed and on the verge of bawling my eyes out. I guess it’
I’m standing staring at myself in the mirror, nerves eating away at me and fidgeting with my dress a little obsessively. It’s long, fitted, ivory, and very classy. A sleek, full-length, fishtailed number that looks great on my body, with my toned-down neutral face and minimal jewellery. Stomach in knots and anally checking my appearance like my life depends on it. Despite knowing, I look flawless. Déjà vu from the morning I met his mother and yet this is way worse. I’m terrified. “You look gorgeous, stop fretting.” Alexi’s voice comes from behind me and he sways to the side of me as he approaches. I stop him mid-step and lean my body against him gently. Backing myself against him. This is something I have been working on for a while now. Letting Alexi get behind me, touch me when standing there and leaning against him. He doesn’t object, just stands still recognising my attempt and lets me fall back against him gently. It’s stupid and weird, I guess, that it’
Soon as we get out the door Mico flanks me on one side with Alexi on the other and we are instantly surrounded by more Carrero security. Like a black wall that’s impenetrable and offers instant calm to my frazzled brain. Guiding us efficiently and shielding us from all angles. Overkill, but I guess I’m thankful for it.“What about the rest of her outfit?” Alexi asks as we walk briskly out of the building, the first to leave, but I can already hear chairs scraping as others depart, now we have. Some of them eager to walk away now they've found a resolution to this debacle.It’s weird how something that hung over us for months is tied up with a bow in one very brief sitting. I can’t get my head around the fact the threat is gone, and I no longer need to live under house arrest for any reason. A sudden lightness to my mood as the heavy weight of burden is lifted.“Most departed as soon as they heard their source of income w
They lead us to a large, carved, ugly wooden door depicting nude women mid-orgy, and I eye roll at the crassness. Suits Santagato to a T. Mico slides in front of us quickly, knocks on it several times in a coded bang while we wait silently and patiently. Tension making the air so thick I can almost cut it with a knife. I have to still my trembling body, clinging onto him for dear life, focusing on his warm hand encasing mine snugly as a form of grounding and I repeat the mantra ‘he will always protect me’ inside my head.It’s opened immediately and two men move aside as we are let into a dark, smoky room where several men are sitting at a long table. I cannot count how many there are, eyes scanning the crowded scene quickly as my focus tries to adjust rapidly. I swallow my breath, my heart plummets and I just let him take the lead.Alexi walks us in behind two of his men and Mico. I can tell at a glance which ones are the bosses, by their suits and gr
“Please,” I whisper it so quietly, begging him to stop questioning, to just take what I’m offering him. He surely understands my reasons. I close my eyes when he finally leans up and pulls one end of the strap and tugs it off my wrist slowly. The material sliding coldly and making me shiver. Eyes on what he’s doing, and I exhale, appeased that we are still going ahead even if a part of me dies a little inside. Like an idiot because I started this.I wait with bated breath for the dreaded feel of leather on my skin, but nothing happens. Anticipation makes me tetchy, heightening my senses to alarming levels and I notice every noise and sensation. I'm antsy and I can’t stand it anymore.Instead, the slide of the one around my neck startles me and I gulp in air, jumping slightly, realising he might start with leashing me and tying me after he gets a makeshift collar on me. A lot of men like Alexi like to have you leashed and tied up for full c
Teeth, tongues, lips, coming together of a rather aggressive game of tonsil tennis as his hands slide up my body and I wrap my legs around his waist. Moaning quietly with the way he ignites every nerve ending in me. Body tingling and on fire within seconds as I rub myself against the button and rough zip on his trousers, pushing myself into a fevered frenzy of longing.There is no real foreplay, just a sudden need to consummate our passion right here and now and I reach down and unbutton him so he can spring free from the confines of fabric. Alexi feels me out, probing my warmth with his fingers, finding me wet and willing and doesn’t waste time on formalities.He slides into me soon as he leans back over me and presses down on me as he does so, so our bodies fit snugly and muffle my moans of pleasure as they overtake me. Snug as a hand in a glove, he fills me up in the best kind of way, spreading that pulsating, gorgeously good feeling up through my pelvis and i
These are things people figure out before they marry someone, and here we are, already invested and now I’m thinking about the fact I should have told him this already.Babies! Not a fucking chance in hell. He won’t know, unless he did read all my journals, but even then. I wouldn’t say it was obvious from those diary excerpts that my inability to have kids was permanent or even a blessing. I went over the abortion and such and the after-effects and recovery, but I don’t think I ever spelt it out, in black and white, that my body no longer produces eggs for any chance of fertilisation.How do you tell the man cradling a newborn like he was born to do so if that’s where his hopes lie then it won’t happen with me?How do I tell him that I can’t give him this and wouldn’t want to even if I could? Is this what he wants?The happy 2.4 children, family home a
It’s not the expected outcome; grown woman turning to childish puppy dog mush, pawing at her angry husband like a devious minx; I find myself eye rolling at the lamest form of female manipulation there is.“You knew? You met her?” Accusatory tone as she tries to regain some footing. Alexi sighs loudly and I glance his way to see him turn and butt himself against the table, throwing me an unreadable look before he downs another drink and I try not to count how many that is. By the look of his sudden lack of trying, I guess he has been prone to scenes like this before, where his father had to steamroll in to defend him, and Alexi mentally goes off on a cruise and leaves him to it. I just stand here like an idiot, a third wheel and in no way wanting to witness this shit.“He’s my son. He has no secrets from me, he never did. Unlike you, he confides in me and comes to me often!” It’s putting her in her place and any other mother mi
The house is huge and beautiful like some sort of movie set for the lifestyle of the rich and famous. A towering white mansion set in a beautiful green manicured garden like some modern painting. Set in the sunny Hamptons, near the coast in a very picturesque area that comprises of nothing but huge grand houses, that just spew wealth. I can see why the Carreros reign supreme here. It’s like the real housewives of Orange County.Their home a show house for sure, completely devoid of lived in family life and we are let in by a maid who ushers us into a sitting room in what appears to be a deserted house until she runs off to find our host. Marble entranceway not dissimilar to that of Alexi’s nearby abode, huge sweeping staircase in a flawless neutral palette. It’s glossy magazine worthy with massive professional vases of floral arrangements dotted at key points on expensive furniture around the edges of the room.I find it odd that Alexi is being treate
“I can’t do this, Lexi.” My heart is hammering through my chest and I have checked my appearance three dozen times in the full-length mirror of the bedroom we stayed in for the rest of the night. Obsessed with my appearance as anxiety strangles the life out of me. Trying to focus on something I can control and getting a little preoccupied with its importance.We were busy most of last night, making up for our strained day with lots of gentle lovemaking, kissing and caresses, and I’m aglow with his attention today. Cheeks flushed, skin dewy, and a twinkling happiness in my eyes I’ve never seen before. I felt completely chilled when I got up this morning, well almost completely. That was until he dumped this little announcement on me that we’re having a cosy family brunch at Mummy’s house.Ugh. Last night was a repeat of the night he first made love to me, after the failed kidnapping at the club. Only without him