There are few words in the English language that come close to describing the intense feeling of being in love. There are even fewer words to express the unbearable torment of heartbreak. And the heartbreak from someone’s first love? Forget it.
But this was the precise emotion seventeen-year-old Rapunzel Kate Lapuz was experiencing inside a stall in the girls’ bathroom. Kate, who took pride in having English as her favorite subject and being called Ms. Grammarly by her English teacher in junior high, found herself at a loss for words to describe what she was feeling.
Outside, it was a sunny Thursday afternoon in sleepy Concepcion Integrated Technology School - High School on one of the 7, 641 tropical islands of the Philippines. For Kate though, it felt like a giant hood had been slipped on top of the world, extinguishing all light and sucking away all breath.
Had the whole world in fact ended, that would’ve solved a lot of things. At the top of Kate’s list were public humiliation and social suicide. She couldn’t begin to comprehend the level of stupidity she had shown. She was an honor roll student but she fell for the oldest trick in the book: she fell in love with the bad boy.
But who was she kidding? There were no books written about this. Her own ma, the loving and strong woman that she was, couldn’t have warned her about this. And Kate’s own trusty big brain? If it had hands, it would’ve washed them clean of all traces of this #EpicFail.
Her brain had known what was going to happen. Her brain had warned her that Josh Guerrero couldn’t be trusted, that he couldn’t change. Being a player was in his nature. Her brain gave Kate plenty of heads-up but her heart was too happy to listen.
Her heart – her big, fearless heart – had told her that when the day came, they would all deal with it together. The same way Kate had entered the relationship, she would leave it unburned and with eyes wide open. She had thought then that she would be ready now but it was clear nothing could’ve ever prepared her for the day.
She wished she could thrust her hand inside her chest and massage her heart. She might as well yank the whole organ out and give it a telling-off. Or she’d try to figure out all the veins and arteries. They’d been studying DSL installation in ICT-11, so maybe she could figure out which wires went where and which ones were defective. Maybe then her eyes would stop gushing tears without her express permission.
She tried to trace the point when everything had started to go wrong, right before they spiraled out of control. She kept thinking if she could identify such a point, things would somehow instantly get better.
Why was Josh so hateful to her? How could he dump her so unceremoniously and replace her with Bernadette? The Super Glue of all people! It was in the canteen that Kate found out. She thought they were on the same side. She and him against the world. JOSH & KATE 4EVER in a heart pierced with cupid’s arrow, like the extensive graffiti in that bathroom; now nothing but trashy and meaningless scrawls.
How could Josh be so cruel? She thought he would never hurt her. He said so. He promised it. It was like she hadn’t known him at all. Or he her. The more she recalled his familiar face – his long hair, thick eyebrows, dark brooding eyes and aquiline nose – the sharper the pain she felt.
It was weird. The pain was emotional but it also bordered the physical. She kept rubbing her chest through her middy blouse as though that would ease it. She was having trouble breathing. She was crying so much she was getting sick and wanted to throw up. How could something so beautiful cause her this much pain? Now Kate knew that burning fire lurked behind an angel’s smile.
She guessed everybody was talking about her right now. She rarely missed class and there was supposed to be a pop quiz in English today. Worse than the intense feelings of jealousy and heartbreak was the humiliation. How could she muster the strength to come out of the bathroom ever again, hold her head high and not let anybody see her swollen eyes? She just hoped to go on with her life but even that option had been taken away from her.
Ma… she silently cried out as she thought of her mother and how much she wanted to feel her embrace. If only she could teleport from the bathroom stall back to her bedroom, where she’d stay forever. Her ma; caring, ever supportive and intuitive. When she noticed Kate was walking on air the first few days of her relationship, she had immediately guessed she was in love. At first, Kate tried to deny it but it seemed her ma knew her more than she did herself. She said she could see it in the glow of Kate’s skin and in her lively movements. She slept with her for the first time in a while and teased her about it.
Her ma whispered to her that she was happy Kate had found love. She explained that love made everybody happier, gentler and altogether nicer people. Love could change even those who were bitter and devoid of hope. But Kate’s ma also warned that people were sometimes not who they said they were. Beauty was only skin-deep. What mattered most was what was inside. What was invisible and essential, like in the book The Little Prince, which her ma used to read to her when she was a kid.
Why are you telling me these? Kate had asked her ma, still trying to deny it.
{Well, it’s because I care about you so much and you have a very big heart. You wanna trust everyone around you because you have so much love to give. And it’s all right when you’re with me and your pa and your close friends, but sooner or later you’ll meet different kinds of people and some won’t be who you expect they are. I don’t want you to be disappointed and, most importantly, I don’t want you to change and lose your trusting character. Because that’s the part of you I love the most.}
The thought of her ma and her warning, which Kate couldn’t really make sense of till today, made her cry even more. She was quickly running out of pocket tissue and even toilet tissue from the dispenser. The tears just kept pouring out of her. She thought she might flood the entire school if she kept at it.
She couldn’t stay in the bathroom forever though. The rough plan was to wait till the school closed and it got dark. She knew all about the ghost stories but didn’t care about any of those right now. She was so upset she thought she could strangle a ghost to death, or back to life, whatever.
Grade 11 students took most of their lessons in the old building, which meant the bathrooms were housed in another structure. They were dirtier and older but they were also visited less frequently, which was perfect for Kate’s present needs. Besides, it was kind of suitable because right now she felt like something that had been discarded after its owner had lost interest.
She had been crying so much she wondered where all the water was coming from, and how her small body could produce that much. She was also starting to feel thirsty. Thirsty and tired.
She noticed belatedly that her phone was vibrating. She rummaged through her shoulder bag and peeked at the screen, sobbing piteously. It was her bestie Lor (short for Lorraine) checking on her. It turned out Kate had been crying for two hours straight and it was finally time to go home.
Kate ignored all the missed calls and texts and put the phone back in her bag. Let them all think she had gone home early, she thought.
She couldn’t stop thinking of Josh Guerrero. He was stuck in her mind like a looped TikTok clip and she couldn’t get him out. All the happy memories that they shared now felt like the giant wheels of a speeding cargo truck, under which he had thrown her.
And the thought of Josh and Bernadette together made her blood boil. Kate never used to care or think about Bernadette in any way. She was just another student on another track. People even dubbed her the Super Glue because of her tendency to stick to any boy. But now Kate was forced to compare herself to her with regards to appearance, intelligence and personality.
She wished there was an off switch for love. But in the same way she hadn’t noticed when she fell for Josh, there was no end in sight for the pain. It felt infinite. She wished she was some kind of robot that could be programmed to forget, so she’d be back to her normal cheerful self who didn’t miss class and looked forward to every single day. She wanted to be her ma’s daughter again or the straight-A student that everyone in school admired her to be.
The thought of her old self and where she was hiding atm brought another bucket of tears.
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Kate opened her eyes. It hurt to do such a simple thing. The curtains were still drawn in her room but she could see daylight filtering in. She had overslept, that much she could tell, the mystery was by how many hours. What really made it hard to get her bearings were her eyes themselves, which were swollen from crying and plastered with an unladylike amount of gunk. She remained on her back and groggily groped for her smartphone next to her pillow and held it up. The power button had been battered from use and she had pestered her parents endlessly for a trendier model, but Christmas and New Year’s had come and gone and still no love. Kate held the phone upright. Thanks to an app called the Magic On and Off, she didn’t need to crush her thumb just to wake her phone up. The app detected the orientation of her device and could tell when she wanted to use it. Kate had downloaded the app weeks ago and had been telling everybody in school about how indispensable it was. Sure she had to
“Whu-hu-hu-Who gave you my phone?” Kate repeated the question. “Whu-hu-hu… Are you an owl?” her ma mocked. “Speak properly and clean up this mess. Don’t think for a minute that you can play hooky today. Now that you’re here, for once can you please make your bed and pick up these things? Honestly, how can you live like this? And how is it possible that all your stuff is on the floor!” “Ma!” Kate cried out. “This is important! What did the boy look like?” Her ma was a bit stunned by the urgency in her voice. “Like I said, a good kid but not so neat. A bit of an average Juan. Definitely polite. Why? What does it matter? Is he your boyfriend. Huh? Huh?” “Maybe,” Kate answered, then corrected herself: “No. I’m back to being single.” “Is this the reason why you’re at home and not at school, Rapunzel Kate Lapuz?” Kate didn’t answer. {Here’s the nub,} Mrs. Lapuz thought to herself. “You haven’t introduced your boyfriend to me yet and you’re alre
When Kate was in junior high, grades 7 to 10 in the Philippines, students were divided into sections based on their academic performance. First, the sections borrowed the names of the planets in the solar system, then flowers, then chemical elements (or at least the most precious metals) and finally scientists. Luckily, Kate and her friends always managed to land the top sections. And so, she was in 7-Mercury, 8-Sampaguita, 9-Platinum and 10-Einstein. It was certainly debatable whether Mercury was better than Earth by being closer to the sun, or whether platinum was more precious than gold or palladium; to say nothing of there-is-no-disputing-tastes themes like flowers and Albert Einstein. But then again, the practice of dividing students based on anything would raise even more questions, so nobody asked how the school admin came up with the section names. Josh and his gang, who called themselves The Retaliators (original Filipino: Resbakers), mostly belonged to the same sections bac
Josh made many other confessions to Kate; about how he felt as an only child, just like Kate, and his mother being a caregiver in the UK like so many other Filipino professionals lured by greener pastures overseas and driven away by her mother country’s lack of opportunities. She would care for so many patients and children but not the one she missed the most: her own child. She dreamed of someday bringing Josh to the UK on a residence card but with the UK leaving the EU and protectionist politics creeping in, that dream was taking longer and becoming more remote. This explained why Josh never lacked money or material things. He was practically loaded and had the best imported sneakers and comic books shipped on his birthdays. He could afford to eat at restaurants every day, which he did because his father was usually too wasted to look after him. Apparently, the LDR with his wife had driven Mr. Guerrero to loneliness, the bottle and into the arms of a different woman each night. It
Kate had been to the new building’s rooftop only twice. The second and last time was during the incident with the nerd. Kate was talking to Dion Agustin about the prom posters when it happened. In the Philippines, prom was usually scheduled on Valentine’s Day itself. CITS’ theme that year was “Timeless”; a product of Dion’s imaginative genius. The decorations were futuristic and involved giant papier-mache robots, gadgets and Dr. Who’s police box in the middle of the gym. They also planned to put up laser lights and special effect smoke. Kate thought the whole concept was original and that Dion had such good taste. Dion Agustin was the exact opposite of Josh Guerrero. He was the School Council president and all-around CITS golden boy. He always donned his trademark plastic-frame glasses and perfect Edward Cullen hairdo and was impeccably dressed. Although all guys were required to wear the same short-sleeved white button-down shirt and navy blue trousers (P.E. polo shirt and joggin
“This doesn’t concern you, Kate,” Josh growled. “Turn around and head back where you came from. You didn’t see nothing.” “Yeah, run on back, Little Miss Sunshine! This ain’t your world,” George sneered. Kate had no idea where he got the moniker or if he came up with it just then. The nickname terrified Kate because it gave her a glimpse of their true opinion of her. It also felt like the group consensus; that she was someone who was whittling away Josh’s resolve. It was a sick kind of jealousy between romance and brotherhood, which were the two futures Josh was torn between. Still, George’s and Luke’s leers terrified her more. It was as though they could probe through her school uniform, all the way to her soul. Kate was so scared she almost did back up. A glance in the nerd’s direction and the pleading expression behind the thick glasses froze her to the spot. The gaze said: Don’t leave me. So Kate held her ground. She literally stomped her school shoes and held her head higher. S
Kate would’ve brought her blue laptop to her bed and surfed the Net on her tummy till her elbows went numb. But this wasn’t one of those days when she’d be in the mood to swing her legs up behind her while listening to the beats. No, today was a time to be somber and reserved. Like when taking an exam whose questions were the exact opposite of what she had studied. So Kate continued to sit at her study table and stare at the laptop screen. She had decided she wasn’t going to think of anything remotely connected to Josh or boys in general. Maybe just check her email or look at some cute puppy pics. Kate had asked her ma plenty of times about keeping a dog but Mrs. Lapuz wouldn’t budge because, in her own words: “Puppies and dogs are two very different things. If you only love the puppy and not the dog, then you’re not ready to own either. Besides, I know I’ll end up taking care of it, not you. So, no.” Speaking of, her ma had already gone to the diner. She had the dinner shift but she
Kate thought the most interesting and touching part of Dion’s email was the fact that, for the first time ever, Dion had communicated with a personal tone. For the entire year they had worked together, often for long hours after school, he had never once sounded to her like anything except a very polite person. Kate just thought he was a genius because he would give her advice about high school and talk to her about cutting-edge gadgets and research that he had read about on the web. He treated her like a younger sister – at least that was how it felt. Whenever he asked her if she was hungry or tired, she had never made anything out of it other than the concern of an older brother. But now that she thought about it, she had probably been too focused on Josh that she failed to notice the times when Dion was actually being tender. Like that one time before she and Josh got together, Kate caught a cold and was sniffing and miserable in first period. When Dion found out, he bought all the
For Ecto, New Year’s is more or less the same as Christmas. The same warm, gooey feeling. The same close-knit spirit. Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte has banned the manufacture and sale of firecrackers, the shooting of which has been a well-loved tradition for centuries and can be traced all the way back to the Spanish colonial era. The exact inventors and originators were the Chinese, who believed that noise would drive away bad luck and bad spirits. According to Mr. and Mrs. Lapuz, the Filipinos seem sadder now, having been robbed of the most thrilling and spectacular means of making noise. But according to health and safety records, hospital personnel can rest easier because the ERs wouldn’t be packed with casualties this time around. Just the New Year’s before last, it was like a war zone on the streets what of households competing for the biggest bang to welcome the new year. Many men got drunk out of their minds and then tried to light a firecracker with the non-PC name
After Mass, Kate and Nate buy rice cakes at the town square. One is the awesomely purple puto bumbong and another the yellow bibingka. They also buy roasted chestnuts and bring all the treats home to Mr. and Mrs. Lapuz. On one trip to a very crowded shopping mall, Ecto sees a Santa Claus impersonator. Curiously, the Santa is Caucasian and not brown-skinned like most of the Filipinos. Of course Ecto has already figured out by himself that Santa isn’t real. To his surprise, after they get back home, Kate insists on teaching him the hooman custom of hanging a stocking. On the desktop of her computer, Kate shows him a folder that she has named “Ecto’s Stocking”. She then goes through all the trouble of changing her wallpaper to a fireplace and dragging the folder onto the 2D mantelpiece. “What for?” he asks her through her smartphone’s loudspeaker. Her smartphone is open and showing the My Dream Boyfriend app, right into the inside of Ecto’s bedroom. Ecto’s wearing a knit sweater
With a little help from Terra, Kate downloads the My Dream Boyfriend App again with some customizations. Because Ecto isn’t bound by any one platform anymore, he’s capable of some manner of fission, where he splits and replicates himself while also dividing his consciousness among all his manifestations. It’s like Doctor Strange’s clones when they were fighting Thanos, but in Ecto’s case, each and every duplicate is much more than an illusion and is a sentient and perfect version of himself. This allows him to be both in Nate’s microchip implant while back in his virtual bedroom inside the My Dream Boyfriend app on Kate’s smartphone. At any time, he can also perform fusion and re-absorb his manifestations. Terra removed the boyfriend creation window because of course Kate doesn’t need it anymore. Ecto wanted his virtual bedroom exactly as it was. He could easily “slide” into his other cribs anyway, like the old orange, pink and red Provençal one on Dungeon Raydens which he was able
It’s already 6 pm when Nate finishes his social host obligations and comes looking for Kate. He doesn’t need to look hard though because earlier, Kate sent him a text saying she’s waiting for him in the Council office. Nate has a spring in his step and is smiling ear to ear. The scratches on his face are still stinging but, before the closing ceremony, Nurse Judy cleaned and applied Band-Aid on them. Nate can’t hide his excitement in seeing his GF again after they’ve taken care of all their responsibilities. {That kiss on the track was supernova-hot. I hope we make out too.} When he finds the office door locked, oddly enough, he knocks and calls out uncertainly: “Kate?” He hears her move inside the room and then the door swings open. The sight of her face wipes his smile off. She’s been crying in the dim. She has the look of someone who has just had herself a good cry. Her eyes look cleansed and exposed, indeed like pure windows into her soul. Her lips are tightly set in a line, as
Kate is alone in the Student Council office tidying up. Nate’s off wrapping things up with his manager and the film crew and saying goodbye to everybody, including his bandmates. The trophy that STEM 12 won is now in the 12-Everest homeroom, because the bulk of tournament champions is there. Kate’s classmates are all posing with it and gushing at how shiny it is. This year’s Intrams was perfect. Kate couldn’t ask for anything more. She has once again been reminded of the importance of having balance in life; of, as cheesy as it sounds, having both a sound mind and a sound body. It felt good to do something physical, to be away from the rigors of school work and the false urgency of the Internet. But the heart of the matter is, she’s blissfully content because she has a boyfriend and she didn’t make a mistake in choosing him. In fact, she made a brilliant choice. An undertow to her joy is a silent prayer that she has finally broken the curse that she felt had hung over her ever since
“OMG!” Mr. Romero says the word in everyone’s mind as they watch the pitiful scene. “Policarpio’s crawling to the baton exchange. Quick! Somebody help him! Help him!” Reggie is the first to break the spell of paralysis. He leaps over the rail and onto the track. He and Jared manage to run towards him before the alert CAT volunteers practice crowd control and stop others from joining. Reggie reaches Nate’s side. “No!” Nate screams vehemently. “Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me! I have to do this by myself.” “But hyung,” Jared says, having stopped next to Reggie, “you don’t have to do this. You don’t have to prove anything.” “Yes… I… do,” Nate grunts as he crawls forward foot by precious foot. “Let us help you,” Reggie pleads. “You don’t have to do this alone.” “Don’t come closer!” Nate barks, spittle flying between his gritted teeth. In what feels like eternity, he reaches the changeover zone and Kate’s crouched form. Her eyes are glassy and full of pity for him. He hates that loo
By Friday morning, STEM 12 has won a total of 7 champion ribbons and several ones as runner-up. This makes them a leading candidate for overall champion. As Kate has anticipated, the non-sports events buoyed them. Apart from Francine and her escort winning Mr. and Mrs. Intrams, Grace and her benchwarmers won the bench cheer. It didn’t hurt either that the Bali Girls minus setter Lor were at the top of their game. And Nate, to everyone’s astonishment, is actually a Filipino Usain Bolt in the making. {Your BF’s Superman,} Nate’s words have been echoing inside Kate’s head since Wednesday, along with the news reporter’s: {Idol, social catalyst and Internet detective. Is there anything that Cyber can’t do?} But STEM 12 didn’t exactly win all their wins. Just like in last year’s Intrams, several games have been forfeited. An opposing team either failed to meet the minimum number of players required to start the game or failed to appear at the venue within the 15-minute grace period. On CIT
The crowd of hysterical girls in front, held back only by a cordon of CAT cadets from junior high, are screaming the names of DMG members: “Cyber! Reggie! Jared! Sonic! Neo!” Seemingly from out of nowhere, they’ve whipped out banners and signs. Instead of the usual glow-in-the-dark Korean lettering for an evening K-pop concert, there’s a slew of English ones interspersed with the name of a particular artist or of the whole band. | IT’S MY BIRTHDAY CYBER, YOU ARE MY PRESENT DUMP KATE TAKE ME I WOULD SELL MY SIBLINGS FOR YOU I LOVE YOU MORE THAN FREE WIFI DON’T STOP INSPIRING ME! CAN I BE YOUR HAIRDRESSER? ALL I WANT FOR X-MAS IS A PIC WITH JARED DMG We have 5 fingers enough for 5 wedding rings SPIT ON ME CYBER | An English-speaking Filipino director is riding a crane and shooting high up in the aisle of the audience seats. His staff is scattered on the edges and near the stage, operating or holding up every manner of equipment. DMG plays their covers of the most popular s
On Tuesday, they have the same brain-hurting and nose-bleeding calculations in Physics and Chemistry. The only thing different is DMG’s closed-door rehearsal at the chapel-slash-auditorium 500 meters east. Nate has been exempted by Principal Aguilar personally from any school work or quiz. The whole campus is abuzz and on edge at every sighting of truck and van with tinted windows down Campus Drive and onwards to the auditorium. Kate has also prepared paper lots in an empty pencil case for the Secret Santa next month. She lets every Everester pick their recipient, including her own name. Kate has set the budget at “No Fixed Price” because she knows not all students are financially comfortable. When only two pieces of folded paper remain (one for Nate and one for her), she picks her recipient and is both excited and nervous to see that it’s Grace. She keeps the last piece of paper, of course unopened, for Nate. {Huh,} she thinks to herself afterwards. {What gift can I give somebod