The parking lot was packed. I offered to drop Annie off, so she didn't have to walk, but the moment she saw Gray's motorcycle near the door she refused to go in without me. I had hoped he had the sense to stay away, but that was wishful thinking. Hand in hand, I escorted my wife to the door. We'd rented out the entire restaurant for the night. It helped that Dan and I had gone to school with the General Manager, and he'd been in our fraternity.Lissa and Dan were the first to greet us. Lissa tugged at Annie's hand, unaware that Gray was here. I realized she'd never met him and wouldn't know him from Adam. I seriously doubted Dan pointed him out. Once those two were out of earshot, Dan started his warning."Gray's here. And he's been drinking. I talked to him, and he assured me he was here to celebrate with you guys. Swore up and down he wouldn't cause any problems. I didn't want to make an issue of it with so many people here from the DC, who weren't around during his tenure with you
Sitting at the light outside of Hooters, I watched Gray get on the back of his motorcycle. I couldn't believe he was dumb enough to ride in the condition he was in, or that no one had stopped him. When the light turned green, and I turned toward home, he pulled off and settled in behind us. Keeping my eyes on him and the road without alerting Annie or Lissa was proving to be difficult. Annie had just stopped crying, but I could still hear her sniffles, and Lissa hadn't said a word since I'd found them in the kitchen. There wasn't a safe way to ride drunk, it was even more dangerous than driving drunk. At least in a car, there was a layer of metal to act as a shield between your body and the asphalt, not so with a bike. I kept my speed to a minimum in an effort to keep him from going any faster. I shouldn't care if he smeared his brains across the interstate, but at this point, I just wanted to be home.In the second it took to glance at the road and return my gaze back to the rearvi
The lights and sounds that came barreling down the street assaulted me. The sirens pierced the otherwise silent night while Lissa and I sat staring at the scene unfolding in front of us. The sky was lit up in a prism of red, white, and blue. My head kept telling me something was wrong, but my heart refused to believe it. Less than two hundred yards in front of us lay Gray's Harley, and my husband had been on his knees with his back to us for far too long. Lissa hadn't said anything, and neither had I. My lungs ejected one ragged breath after another as the road filled with emergency workers-fire trucks, ambulances, and police cars circled the epicenter of chaos. The only two men alive I'd ever loved were both inside that ring of lights, and I couldn't sit idly by wondering if one of them was hurt. I was pissed Gray had pulled the shit he had tonight, but I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to him.Ignoring my husband's request, I unbuckled my seatbelt and opened the door.
Devastation didn't begin to describe what consumed me at that moment, or maybe it did. Standing in the rain, I wasn't aware of anything around me. It might have been the water or the fact my brain was overloaded and stopped functioning hours earlier. I knew he wasn't there, but I couldn't help myself. The guilt weighed heavily on my conscience as I traced the top of the family's marker. My legs quivered as I lowered myself onto the ground, kneeling above his body with my hands pressed into the freshly turned earth. Everyone else had either left or stepped away. Gray's mom was nearby, as was Brett, but I'd ended up here alone to say goodbye. There were likely people watching, and those who thought it was inappropriate, but I laid down on my side, with my temple to the cool dirt below and let the tears slip away. From my face to the ground, they instantly disappeared, as though they were insignificant and meaningless. I wanted to believe if I laid there long enough, somehow, I could re
When we walked in the door, I went to our room to change out of the dirty clothes I had on and take a warm shower in an effort to escape the chill that had settled into my bones. When I got out, I stood before Brett in a towel, wrapped my arms around his waist, and pressed my ear to his heart. He kissed the top of my head, and I felt the warmth and love he always gave. I needed to get lost in him, to numb the pain and accept the comfort he was offering. "Brett, can I wear one of your T-shirts?" He nodded slightly and moved to the dresser to grab one. I expected him to hand it to me, but instead, he took the towel from around me and let it fall to the floor and then helped me into the shirt. And I shimmied on a pair of panties. "Do you want some shorts? I doubt they'll stay up on you, but maybe boxers would work." He got that I wanted to be close to him, even if it was just clothing.Shaking my head, I answered, "I just want to sleep. Will you lie down with me?" His hand found mine
As much as I hated moving, myself or anyone else, I was grateful to have my best friend and his girlfriend relocating next door. The weeks since Gray's death had been hard on all of us, especially Annie, and having her running back and forth from work to Lissa's house and then home was too much. When she hit her second trimester, it was like she became narcoleptic. I worried she would fall asleep driving, but Lissa was even further along. I didn't want either one of them running around without Dan or me, but telling two pregnant women they needed to stay put was a recipe for an argument.Dan and I had been working a ton of overtime to cover Gray's shifts while we looked for a replacement, so the move had come at a particularly difficult time, but I was afraid if we didn't handle it the girls would take it upon themselves to do more than they should. Annie had been helping Lissa pack, but even that was difficult because neither of them could lift anything. I'd encouraged Annie to stay
The closer Lissa got to her due date the more serious Dan became about asking her to marry him. He was worried she'd go into labor, and he wouldn't have the ring. But he didn't want her finding it either."Do you know how hard it is to find reasons we shouldn't join our bank accounts?" He'd been sitting in my office for the last half hour stressed out about the engagement. I was humored by his anxiety. I'd been there, and he laughed at me when it happened. I had been a hell of a lot nicer than he had to me. "Why can't you join bank accounts?" I was sure the answer should be obvious, but it wasn't, and I was only half listening, anyhow."How am I going to justify a large chunk of money coming out of the account? Or hide savings accounts from her? Once we get married, I want to hand all of that over for her to handle, but until I buy the ring, I can't do that completely.""So go buy the ring, already. What the hell are you waiting for?" I looked up perplexed by his procrastination
I didn't have to keep my secret anywhere near as long as I thought I was going to. It hadn't happened yet, but when I got the call from Lissa, I grabbed the ring from Brett's dresser drawer. Neither Brett nor Dan knew it, but she would have a harder time with this than either of them believed. Over the last few weeks, she'd dropped comments about being sad the pregnancy was ending and that she'd miss having the baby with her all the time. I hadn't asked because I didn't want to know, but if I had to guess, Lissa had changed her mind about wanting children. "Hello?" I hadn't made it over to Lissa's to check on her yet. The bigger I got the slower I moved, but I loved every minute of being pregnant. I started working from home when Lissa hit thirty-five weeks just in case she needed anything. As a college professor, she'd chosen not to teach summer classes and had been done in late April."I keep peeing on myself." We'd had lots of these types of conversations. The things that hap