I couldn't stand being at odds with Annie, especially when it was about our relationship. If we disagreed about some trivial subject, fine, but fighting about Gray wasn't worth the energy. There wasn't a valid reason for my outburst, but I couldn't bring myself to apologize. The thought of that man's hands on any part of her skin was more than I could handle. He'd been a poison in her life for far too long, and I refused to let that toxin seep into our marriage. But fighting with her had the exact same effect. She was right; he got to me. He played the game, and I willingly offered myself up as a pawn.I'd sent her flowers, but she knew they were to pacify her, not to apologize. For that very reason, they'd had the opposite effect I'd intended. My hope was for her to soften enough to explain my ignorance without directly saying I was sorry. That hadn't happened. Instead, I'd found them left as a centerpiece on the patio furniture. Her quiet way of saying, "Man up." This had gone on to
Annie's optimism had been spot on. At four o'clock, the four of us sat huddled around Lissa's dining room table with Annie's phone on speaker between us. We were anxious for HCG levels. Without them, there was no pregnancy, fifty indicated one baby, two hundred or higher, and we were having multiples. All four of us had prayed for multiples.Holding hands in a circle, we waited for the nurse to pick up the line. "Hey, guys." Her voice was chipper when it finally replaced the hold music. "Do we have everyone on the line?"I took the lead. Annie was squeezing the circulation from my hand, and I wasn't sure she'd be able to speak. "Yeah, all four of us are here.""Let me pull up Lissa's file. Give me just a second." I had hoped her tone was an indication of her good news, but it didn't seem she'd even looked at the labs."Everything looks good, guys. Labs are great."Annie took a deep breath beside me but hadn't let it back out. "HCG levels?" I asked."Looks like fifty-two. Co
"Brett, you have got to calm the fuck down. You can't fight with him at work. You're going to get your ass fired." Dan had me backed up against the cement wall in the back of the DC. His forearm pressed into my chest painfully as my lungs struggled to fill with air fast enough.I glared at the smug bastard walking away with his buddies. "So, I'm just supposed to let him keep fucking with Annie?""No, you're supposed to deal with it off the clock. What the fuck is going on? And why haven't you told me about it?"Gray had been diligent in his pursuit of my wife. And he wasn't trying to be discreet anymore either. Her phone went off at all hours of the day and night, text messages, phone calls, drunk voicemails. Graphic drunk messages about what he wanted to do to her sexually. It made me cringe he had that level of knowledge, but I couldn't change her past and wouldn't crucify her for it. When she finally blocked his number, the letters and flowers started arriving at her office and t
Brett hadn't wanted to admit he'd gotten into a fight with Gray at work, but it came out when he told me Dan was going to ask Lissa to move in with him. I didn't think she'd go for it until he said he wanted to buy the house next door. As thrilled as I was, stress and anxiety had me on edge. The issues with Gray left me uncomfortable and worried that he'd show up at random times, and I'd be alone. I couldn't stand he was doing this crap to me, but Brett being involved escalated it to a level no one wanted to experience. I was in this weird state of hovering between the life that was, the life that is, and the life that was coming. Maybe it would have been different if I had actually been carrying the child, but as it was, Lissa's pregnancy was like an anticipated holiday. I was excited, but it wasn't my reality. I'd gone with her to every appointment, made sure she had everything she needed and never had to ask, took her shopping for maternity clothes, and tried to make this fun for
With the discussion of a frat party at Hooters to welcome our child, I thought I had managed to escape Brett's attention. But when he pulled in to the CVS parking lot, I knew I hadn't been so lucky."Do you want me to go in, or do you want to go?"I didn't know why I was mad. Probably because Brett was a man, and they weren't supposed to notice anything, much less when a woman ate wings. I didn't have my purse with me so I held out my hand for cash and unbuckled my seat belt. I didn't even pretend to be happy trekking my ass into the drug store. When I got to the family planning aisle, I grabbed the first box I saw and stalked up to the cash register. Here I was married, but somehow embarrassed to be buying a pregnancy test. This was sheer torture. Just because I had suggested chicken didn't mean he'd knocked me up. Next thing I knew, he'd tell me I was having an affair with an Asian man because I picked up Chinese takeout. The whole thing was preposterous. So was my acting like a
I did something last night I'd never done before. I dreamed about the little girl who couldn't wait to meet her parents. We'd played in the grass, running, chasing butterflies, laughing, but we never spoke. She was older, but somehow, I knew she was mine. Maybe it was the dark, wavy hair that mimicked mine, or the way her bright green eyes glistened in the sun like Brett's, or possibly the sound of her laughter reminded me of my own-either way, I knew one of these babies was a little girl. A peace fell over me while I slept. It was still early, but the sun was trying to welcome the day, and I was overcome with excitement I couldn't contain. I dragged my foot up Brett's leg under the covers, trying to rouse him to wake. When he finally opened his eyes, I saw the same green I'd seen in my dream and couldn't contain the smile."You're in an awfully good mood this early in the morning." He yawned and stretched before bringing his arms back down and around me. Thick muscles pulled my bod
After enduring party planning with two pregnant women, one of whom had been incognito for weeks, I couldn't wait to have this soiree over and done with. Had I ever been involved in the planning of a wedding, I'm sure I never would have agreed to any of this, much less helped choreograph the gathering.Part of me wondered if Annie was making up for not having a reception by inviting everyone she'd ever known. She and Lissa had gone hog wild with the guest list, and everyone they invited said they were coming. There had been a blanket invitation issued at the DC, but I prayed to God Gray stayed away. Dan had gotten to him outside of work before I could. I doubted I'd ever know what was said, or what went down, but Gray hadn't bothered Annie since, nor had he spoken a word to Dan or me.The news of our surrogacy had spread rapidly through the DC, but we'd expected that when we invited people to Hooters. People had all kinds of opinions on the subject, but wisely, those who objected kept
The parking lot was packed. I offered to drop Annie off, so she didn't have to walk, but the moment she saw Gray's motorcycle near the door she refused to go in without me. I had hoped he had the sense to stay away, but that was wishful thinking. Hand in hand, I escorted my wife to the door. We'd rented out the entire restaurant for the night. It helped that Dan and I had gone to school with the General Manager, and he'd been in our fraternity.Lissa and Dan were the first to greet us. Lissa tugged at Annie's hand, unaware that Gray was here. I realized she'd never met him and wouldn't know him from Adam. I seriously doubted Dan pointed him out. Once those two were out of earshot, Dan started his warning."Gray's here. And he's been drinking. I talked to him, and he assured me he was here to celebrate with you guys. Swore up and down he wouldn't cause any problems. I didn't want to make an issue of it with so many people here from the DC, who weren't around during his tenure with you
Our story didn't stop at the courthouse. We had dinner with Brett and Annie that night and hovered around their kitchen table. My best friends allowed me to share Joshua with them and gave life to his memory. I showed them the only pictures I still had while holding Alissa in my arms. She smiled up at me as if she knew. That tiny human connected with me on a level she may never understand, but somehow, she knew-without Joshua, she wouldn't be here. Watching her run around with her friends as we celebrated her birth five years later, I couldn't help but think how foolish it would have been to walk away from all of this. Dan and I would never have children, but what we had was far better for us. Annie and Brett were more like siblings than friends, and their kids were amazing. We got to spoil them, take them anywhere we wanted, and send them home. We had family at holidays and special occasions, and we never missed out on anything either Grayson or Alissa were doing. But at the end of
I had called repeatedly, but each try had gone straight to voicemail. Either his phone was off, or it died without being charged overnight. I didn't want to speculate about which it was. I drove as quickly as I could and slammed the SUV in park in the first spot I could find before racing into the courthouse. I followed the signs to the Justice of the Peace, but when I reached the office, completely out of breath, Dan was nowhere to be found. The clock on the wall read 10:11 am. My eyes scanned the room, making sure to identify each person as a stranger before moving on to the next face. Surely, he hadn't left after ten minutes. He had to know I'd come. A guy slammed into my shoulder in his haste to rush out of the office, not even bothering to apologize for nearly knocking me over. But standing stock-still in the middle of the doorway probably wasn't the best idea. I just couldn't believe he'd left. I waited for hours for Matt to show up at the hospital, but Dan hadn't waited ten lo
My night had been restless, and just as quiet as the evening after Dan and I had gotten out of the bathtub. He left after dinner and went to Brett's house, but I didn't have the courage to ask him what he'd done while he was there. He returned in the same mood he'd left in, the one he was known for. To an outsider, he appeared unwavering-but I knew with time to think about it, he'd decide he couldn't stay."Did you want to get a new dress for tomorrow?" "For what?""To go to the courthouse? Or do you want to do the whole thing off the wall and wear jeans?" He kept unloading the dishwasher like he had asked what I needed from the grocery store. "I didn't think we were still doing that?" Maybe he'd taken up drinking.He turned toward me suddenly, dropping a dishtowel he'd used to dry his hands with. "What are you talking about? You said Monday. Tomorrow is Monday.""Dan...""No, don't Dan me. Has something changed that you don't want to marry me now?"Oh, for the love of God. I
I stood in the spot he left me in when he returned with towels from the dryer. He set them on the counter, turned off the water in the now full tub, and removed his clothes. I watched in a trance until he was before me with nothing on. With my hand in his, he stepped over the side of the bathtub and then helped me in. The garden tub was made for two, and I nestled myself between his legs while he leaned back. The bubbles created a cover, hiding our bodies except for the parts of us not under the water. My fingers fidgeted nervously with the white foam until he took my hand and wound his fingers between mine.He might have been waiting for me to start, but I didn't know what to say. The silence was painful, and I ran through the scenarios of how this might play out...none of which ended well."What was his name?" The words of inquiry fanned out against my skin like a warm blanket. They were gentle and softly spoken, inviting me to open up about a piece of me I hadn't shared with anyon
We walked into the sanctuary with two minutes to spare. Brett quickly found Dan, and Annie was in a tizzy. Alissa was nestled into a cradle her dad had created with his arm completely unaffected by her father's helpless panic. "Dude, slow down. What's wrong?"I held Dan's hand in front of Brett, but Alissa had my attention. Just as Brett started to answer Dan's question, Annie came around the corner. Her face was flush, and if I had to bet, I'd say she was roughly two minutes from pulling her hair out.I hadn't heard anything Brett said to my fiancé. The moment Annie got close enough, I saw why she was distressed. Grayson had spit up all over his christening gown...and it stunk, even from here.People started to fill the pews. "What do you need me to do, Annie?"Brett stepped in, suddenly relieved and in control. "Nothing. We're good. Dan went to get stuff out of the car."My brow scrunched in confusion. I had no idea what was going on or how Dan was helping."Seriously, Lissa.
The time on my phone couldn't be right. There was no way it was a quarter to eight. Somehow in my haste to get to sleep I either hadn't turned on my alarm or had turned it off an hour ago when it rang. I threw the covers back and practically fell out of bed. The thud of my body on the floor woke Dan whose concern, while well intended, only slowed my progress out the door."Let me go. I have fifteen minutes to get to Annie's house, and I had planned to shower before I went."He didn't relinquish his grasp on me once he got up. "Lissa, calm down. You aren't going to do anyone any good in a panic." I relaxed until I felt the tension in his arms subside and then made my break. "I'll be back. Can you get the gifts out of the closet and throw them in the bags on the kitchen counter? There's tissue paper there, too.""Sure, where are they?"I raced around tearing my pajamas off to put on a bra and some real clothes. As much as I loved Brett, I wasn't interested in him seeing any more of
"You look like shit, Lissa. Did you have a baby that keeps you up at night, and I missed it?"I swung my attention to Annie to find her giggling to herself. "You don't look so hot yourself, heifer." The wink I shot her direction ensured she saw my playfulness. "I haven't slept all that well the last couple nights." I didn't need to tell her why."Bad dreams?" She'd become a pro at this whole parenting gig. She never missed a beat with either kid and managed to hold completely coherent, adult conversations while breastfeeding one and changing the other. Anyone else would need more hands but not Annie Ryann. "I don't know what it is. Just not getting a lot of rest."She stopped what she was doing and gave me the eye. The one that told me she didn't believe a word I said. I scooped Alissa up and ignored her."Spill it.""There's nothing to spill. I'm just not sleeping well.""Are you nervous about getting married?"Her question was natural, based on the fact that event loomed jus
I'd spent most of the summer with Annie, Alissa, and Grayson while Dan and Brett worked. As my vacation neared its end, I got excited about returning to work. I couldn't wait to be around my students again and the music. I dreaded seeing Rob, but hopefully, he'd be somewhat human now that some time had passed. I hadn't heard from him in the time I'd been off except for the email he sent out to the department today about meetings over the next couple weeks. It would be strange being away from the kids. Annie and I were more like co-mothers, with her taking the lead and the long nights. But I'd spent several of those with her as well. I knew how exhausting one infant was...I couldn't leave her alone with two, and Brett still had to work. Maybe it was an excuse to feel like I was an important part of their lives and their team. Maybe it gave me a piece of what I'd lost years earlier. Either way, I found myself having to be pried away from them. When I told Annie to let me know if I got
The addition of Alissa Danielle to our tribe had been profound. I loved being able to walk across the driveway to relieve my friend in the morning so she could shower, take a nap, or whatever else she was in the mood to do. I didn't care what it was. I'd help her with laundry, cleaning, anything to keep her from experiencing the sleep deprivation that had caused the end of the world I knew. It was twice as bad for her because with each passing day, she became more pregnant and less able to move...or stay awake. I took advantage of the time she granted me with Alissa and tried to maintain the bond the two of us shared. I knew it would change over time, but I hoped as she grew older it would strengthen in different ways. I wanted to be her friend, her confidant, her second mom. In the few weeks she'd been alive, Dan and I both had fallen head over heels for her. But at the end of each day, we got to go next door, have sex as loudly as we wanted to, stay out until all hours of the night