The state trooper didn't add much to the other accounts, but he did present what they believed were the timeline of events based on my statements and those who were there."Ms. Jackson said she pulled over around three that afternoon with about a quarter of a tank of gas. We have to assume it was less than that because by the time Mrs. Bartell and her husband found her and the baby, it wasn't quite four. The call came in to 9-1-1 at 3:58 pm. The car was out of gas, and it was one hundred and three degrees that afternoon. We can only speculate as to the exact temperature of the inside of the vehicle because the windows had already been broken by the time we arrived, and no one knows how long the car was off before witnesses found the victims.""What do you estimate the internal temperature might have been?" This question had already been answered, but I guess the more people who testified, the more weight it would carry with a jury."Objection, the witness would be speculating." Jeth
Matt's testimony had been the most damning. His tape had been played for the court since he was deployed, and his words haunted me. He was angry, and it came through in every word he recorded. Blame lay at my feet. I had known his would be bad but hoped it hadn't held as much weight since he wasn't here to deliver it himself. Seeing his face, witnessing his devastation, every member of the jury would have identified with his anger and likely marinated in it. But his hadn't been the testimony I'd hated hearing. I dreaded the details I knew were going to come from the prosecutor's expert medical witness. He wasn't here to talk about mine or Joshua's specific case-he came to educate the courtroom on the process of the human body, adult and child, failing due to heatstroke. I'd spent far too much time researching this over the last few months, and it was gory. "Heatstroke causes the body to shut down. It's a multi-system organ failure where respiratory, cardiovascular, and nervous system
The jury deliberated for three days. My attorney tried to assure me the longer they stayed behind closed doors, the better it was for me that a juror was holding out. I had a clean record, I was a contributing member of society, and my colleagues had spoken highly of me when they'd been called as character witnesses even if they had affirmed I'd taken on too much as a new mother. Jethro was convinced a jury wouldn't send someone my age with my history to jail. But I wondered if I deserved that kind of grace. I didn't want to spend my days behind bars, but I wouldn't blame them had they deemed it a necessary punishment. We waited to be called back to the courthouse, and each day that passed was harder than the previous. While Jethro was hoping for a hung jury, I knew I couldn't endure another trial. I wouldn't appeal whatever decision they made. I would accept the consequences and hope at some point I would be able to climb out of the manic state I'd found myself in.The call came at
We all piled into the exam room for the ultrasound. I hopped up on the table trying to exude excitement when I struggled with overwhelming grief. Each step of this process reminded me of when I had experienced it before. Matt and I had been overjoyed to see our baby on the screen, but now I was concerned about my reaction when I was bombarded by the past. The easiest thing for me to do was go through the motions focused only on what I was told to do. We were here for Annie and Brett. If I found personal healing through any of this, that would be fantastic, but the end goal was to give back, restore what I'd taken that hot summer day in Texas. With my back on the table, I lifted my shirt and tucked it under my bra. I glanced down at my swollen stomach, and a mournful grin took over my features. To the outsider, it probably appeared to be subtle happiness that came with pregnancy, but my stomach was a reminder of my first pregnancy...and why I was doing this. Annie watched me until t
I shouldn't have been surprised by how well attended the party was at Hooters. After weeks of planning, Annie and I had pulled off what I hoped would be a fun evening. We both needed it. The stress of displaying one emotion to people I was closest to while harboring another internally was far more difficult than I had anticipated. Somehow, in my mind, I'd believed the process of this pregnancy would be like it had been with Joshua. And it was for Annie and Brett, but for me, each milestone brought memories of a life that was now gone. And with each one, I forced myself to work through the emotions as they came, but it was increasingly more difficult with Dan or Annie always hovering. Dan was so overprotective the only time I managed to get five feet from him was when I went to work.I hoped tonight would bring more joy to the situation as we celebrated the baby growing inside me. While I wanted to remember the life that brought me here, I needed to find a way to rejoice in my ability
As the emergency crews arrived at the scene, Annie and I sat stoically in the car, neither of us speaking. An otherwise dark night now looked like the Fourth of July. The red, white, and blue created a light show against the black backdrop of the sky. She stared out the window. Her husband was on his knees, and Gray's Harley laid in pieces scattered across the asphalt. But Brett hadn't moved in ages. Something happened to the way the human mind perceived time in emergency situations-it could have been hours or merely minutes we'd sat there. I didn't know, but I knew Annie wasn't going to remain in this car for long.When I heard the click of her seatbelt as she removed it, I knew pleading with her would be fruitless, but I tried anyhow. I begged her to stay put. "Annie, you don't need to see whatever is out there. You're pregnant for the love of God. Don't go, please."It all fell on deaf ears. "Lissa, call Dan. Do not follow me out." I wanted to slap her. If either of us should go
I didn't go to the funeral. Dan had asked, but it didn't seem appropriate. I hadn't known Gray, and Dan needed to grieve with his friends. He needed to say goodbye properly without me by his side. Had he insisted, I would have gone, but I got the impression he attended because he felt obligated. And Brett was only attending because there was no way in hell Annie wouldn't. She'd been withdrawn since the accident, but I didn't expect anything different. Brett assured Dan she was doing better than he'd anticipated, but they needed to get through today before she could start to move forward. Dan and I weren't far from closing on the house next door to Annie and Brett. Both of us had houses to pack, things to toss, others to put in storage, and today was the perfect day to do it. I was home alone and knew I wouldn't hear from Dan or Annie until late this afternoon. When I left Texas, I'd done so quickly, but I'd left the house I shared with Matt far faster. We'd received a cash offer on
Dan's house had been far easier to deal with than my own. He hadn't wanted to do the packing alone, so together we embarked on the task at hand with me taking the rooms he didn't need to make decisions on-the kitchen, living room, guest room, office. The only space I'd been adamant he had to do himself was his bedroom. I refused to be delegated that responsibility only to encounter something I wasn't meant to see or didn't want to. He acted as if it was a preposterous notion insisting he had nothing to hide, but I'd remained steadfast. With each passing day, my stomach seemed to grow exponentially, even if it were just my imagination. I struggled to move, much less get up from the floor. Annie had come over to help us and laughed at me when I rolled over to my knees to push myself off the ground. "Just wait. Your time is coming." She was one of those women who hardly showed. If she wanted to, she could have convinced people she had just gained a couple pounds and hidden her pregnan