The jury deliberated for three days. My attorney tried to assure me the longer they stayed behind closed doors, the better it was for me that a juror was holding out. I had a clean record, I was a contributing member of society, and my colleagues had spoken highly of me when they'd been called as character witnesses even if they had affirmed I'd taken on too much as a new mother. Jethro was convinced a jury wouldn't send someone my age with my history to jail. But I wondered if I deserved that kind of grace. I didn't want to spend my days behind bars, but I wouldn't blame them had they deemed it a necessary punishment. We waited to be called back to the courthouse, and each day that passed was harder than the previous. While Jethro was hoping for a hung jury, I knew I couldn't endure another trial. I wouldn't appeal whatever decision they made. I would accept the consequences and hope at some point I would be able to climb out of the manic state I'd found myself in.The call came at
We all piled into the exam room for the ultrasound. I hopped up on the table trying to exude excitement when I struggled with overwhelming grief. Each step of this process reminded me of when I had experienced it before. Matt and I had been overjoyed to see our baby on the screen, but now I was concerned about my reaction when I was bombarded by the past. The easiest thing for me to do was go through the motions focused only on what I was told to do. We were here for Annie and Brett. If I found personal healing through any of this, that would be fantastic, but the end goal was to give back, restore what I'd taken that hot summer day in Texas. With my back on the table, I lifted my shirt and tucked it under my bra. I glanced down at my swollen stomach, and a mournful grin took over my features. To the outsider, it probably appeared to be subtle happiness that came with pregnancy, but my stomach was a reminder of my first pregnancy...and why I was doing this. Annie watched me until t
I shouldn't have been surprised by how well attended the party was at Hooters. After weeks of planning, Annie and I had pulled off what I hoped would be a fun evening. We both needed it. The stress of displaying one emotion to people I was closest to while harboring another internally was far more difficult than I had anticipated. Somehow, in my mind, I'd believed the process of this pregnancy would be like it had been with Joshua. And it was for Annie and Brett, but for me, each milestone brought memories of a life that was now gone. And with each one, I forced myself to work through the emotions as they came, but it was increasingly more difficult with Dan or Annie always hovering. Dan was so overprotective the only time I managed to get five feet from him was when I went to work.I hoped tonight would bring more joy to the situation as we celebrated the baby growing inside me. While I wanted to remember the life that brought me here, I needed to find a way to rejoice in my ability
As the emergency crews arrived at the scene, Annie and I sat stoically in the car, neither of us speaking. An otherwise dark night now looked like the Fourth of July. The red, white, and blue created a light show against the black backdrop of the sky. She stared out the window. Her husband was on his knees, and Gray's Harley laid in pieces scattered across the asphalt. But Brett hadn't moved in ages. Something happened to the way the human mind perceived time in emergency situations-it could have been hours or merely minutes we'd sat there. I didn't know, but I knew Annie wasn't going to remain in this car for long.When I heard the click of her seatbelt as she removed it, I knew pleading with her would be fruitless, but I tried anyhow. I begged her to stay put. "Annie, you don't need to see whatever is out there. You're pregnant for the love of God. Don't go, please."It all fell on deaf ears. "Lissa, call Dan. Do not follow me out." I wanted to slap her. If either of us should go
I didn't go to the funeral. Dan had asked, but it didn't seem appropriate. I hadn't known Gray, and Dan needed to grieve with his friends. He needed to say goodbye properly without me by his side. Had he insisted, I would have gone, but I got the impression he attended because he felt obligated. And Brett was only attending because there was no way in hell Annie wouldn't. She'd been withdrawn since the accident, but I didn't expect anything different. Brett assured Dan she was doing better than he'd anticipated, but they needed to get through today before she could start to move forward. Dan and I weren't far from closing on the house next door to Annie and Brett. Both of us had houses to pack, things to toss, others to put in storage, and today was the perfect day to do it. I was home alone and knew I wouldn't hear from Dan or Annie until late this afternoon. When I left Texas, I'd done so quickly, but I'd left the house I shared with Matt far faster. We'd received a cash offer on
Dan's house had been far easier to deal with than my own. He hadn't wanted to do the packing alone, so together we embarked on the task at hand with me taking the rooms he didn't need to make decisions on-the kitchen, living room, guest room, office. The only space I'd been adamant he had to do himself was his bedroom. I refused to be delegated that responsibility only to encounter something I wasn't meant to see or didn't want to. He acted as if it was a preposterous notion insisting he had nothing to hide, but I'd remained steadfast. With each passing day, my stomach seemed to grow exponentially, even if it were just my imagination. I struggled to move, much less get up from the floor. Annie had come over to help us and laughed at me when I rolled over to my knees to push myself off the ground. "Just wait. Your time is coming." She was one of those women who hardly showed. If she wanted to, she could have convinced people she had just gained a couple pounds and hidden her pregnan
I glanced around our new home, grateful the stars had aligned, and we'd both sold our houses quickly. We were fortunate not to have to make extra mortgage payments or wait for a buyer on either property. It would take me days to unpack and get everything situated, but Dan and I managed to put the master bedroom together, complete with sheets on the bed and everything that night. I knew he was tired when we finally collapsed on the bed together, but I also saw the lust in his eyes. He'd been hesitant to have sex while I'd been pregnant. We hadn't abstained, but it hadn't been nearly as frequent as before we started all this and certainly not as energetic. He sat up long enough to strip himself of his shirt, then laid back and lifted his hips to take off his basketball shorts. "I want to feel your skin on mine the first night in our house." I obliged his request and repeated his actions although my movements weren't quite as graceful as his had been. He had to help me sit up, and whe
Annie had been making daily visits to our house since we'd both stopped working, and Dan and Brett were freaked out about either of us being alone for any length of time. In my condition, I wasn't doing much besides showering daily and making dinner. I felt like all I did these days was eat, but thankfully, I hadn't gained a lot of weight. I was twenty-five pounds heavier than when we started this but knew it could be much worse. Annie normally arrived between eight and nine, but she was moving slower than usual with her growing belly. I didn't want to be one of those women who became hypersensitive and ran to the hospital at the slightest twinge of pain, but I was acutely aware of how different my body felt today. I only had to make it two more weeks to see this precious little baby I'd been toting around for months, and I wanted to make sure it went smoothly. But something was off. I wasn't in pain, but I'd been to the restroom three times in the last five minutes and each time I'd