I shouldn't have been surprised by how well attended the party was at Hooters. After weeks of planning, Annie and I had pulled off what I hoped would be a fun evening. We both needed it. The stress of displaying one emotion to people I was closest to while harboring another internally was far more difficult than I had anticipated. Somehow, in my mind, I'd believed the process of this pregnancy would be like it had been with Joshua. And it was for Annie and Brett, but for me, each milestone brought memories of a life that was now gone. And with each one, I forced myself to work through the emotions as they came, but it was increasingly more difficult with Dan or Annie always hovering. Dan was so overprotective the only time I managed to get five feet from him was when I went to work.I hoped tonight would bring more joy to the situation as we celebrated the baby growing inside me. While I wanted to remember the life that brought me here, I needed to find a way to rejoice in my ability
As the emergency crews arrived at the scene, Annie and I sat stoically in the car, neither of us speaking. An otherwise dark night now looked like the Fourth of July. The red, white, and blue created a light show against the black backdrop of the sky. She stared out the window. Her husband was on his knees, and Gray's Harley laid in pieces scattered across the asphalt. But Brett hadn't moved in ages. Something happened to the way the human mind perceived time in emergency situations-it could have been hours or merely minutes we'd sat there. I didn't know, but I knew Annie wasn't going to remain in this car for long.When I heard the click of her seatbelt as she removed it, I knew pleading with her would be fruitless, but I tried anyhow. I begged her to stay put. "Annie, you don't need to see whatever is out there. You're pregnant for the love of God. Don't go, please."It all fell on deaf ears. "Lissa, call Dan. Do not follow me out." I wanted to slap her. If either of us should go
I didn't go to the funeral. Dan had asked, but it didn't seem appropriate. I hadn't known Gray, and Dan needed to grieve with his friends. He needed to say goodbye properly without me by his side. Had he insisted, I would have gone, but I got the impression he attended because he felt obligated. And Brett was only attending because there was no way in hell Annie wouldn't. She'd been withdrawn since the accident, but I didn't expect anything different. Brett assured Dan she was doing better than he'd anticipated, but they needed to get through today before she could start to move forward. Dan and I weren't far from closing on the house next door to Annie and Brett. Both of us had houses to pack, things to toss, others to put in storage, and today was the perfect day to do it. I was home alone and knew I wouldn't hear from Dan or Annie until late this afternoon. When I left Texas, I'd done so quickly, but I'd left the house I shared with Matt far faster. We'd received a cash offer on
Dan's house had been far easier to deal with than my own. He hadn't wanted to do the packing alone, so together we embarked on the task at hand with me taking the rooms he didn't need to make decisions on-the kitchen, living room, guest room, office. The only space I'd been adamant he had to do himself was his bedroom. I refused to be delegated that responsibility only to encounter something I wasn't meant to see or didn't want to. He acted as if it was a preposterous notion insisting he had nothing to hide, but I'd remained steadfast. With each passing day, my stomach seemed to grow exponentially, even if it were just my imagination. I struggled to move, much less get up from the floor. Annie had come over to help us and laughed at me when I rolled over to my knees to push myself off the ground. "Just wait. Your time is coming." She was one of those women who hardly showed. If she wanted to, she could have convinced people she had just gained a couple pounds and hidden her pregnan
I glanced around our new home, grateful the stars had aligned, and we'd both sold our houses quickly. We were fortunate not to have to make extra mortgage payments or wait for a buyer on either property. It would take me days to unpack and get everything situated, but Dan and I managed to put the master bedroom together, complete with sheets on the bed and everything that night. I knew he was tired when we finally collapsed on the bed together, but I also saw the lust in his eyes. He'd been hesitant to have sex while I'd been pregnant. We hadn't abstained, but it hadn't been nearly as frequent as before we started all this and certainly not as energetic. He sat up long enough to strip himself of his shirt, then laid back and lifted his hips to take off his basketball shorts. "I want to feel your skin on mine the first night in our house." I obliged his request and repeated his actions although my movements weren't quite as graceful as his had been. He had to help me sit up, and whe
Annie had been making daily visits to our house since we'd both stopped working, and Dan and Brett were freaked out about either of us being alone for any length of time. In my condition, I wasn't doing much besides showering daily and making dinner. I felt like all I did these days was eat, but thankfully, I hadn't gained a lot of weight. I was twenty-five pounds heavier than when we started this but knew it could be much worse. Annie normally arrived between eight and nine, but she was moving slower than usual with her growing belly. I didn't want to be one of those women who became hypersensitive and ran to the hospital at the slightest twinge of pain, but I was acutely aware of how different my body felt today. I only had to make it two more weeks to see this precious little baby I'd been toting around for months, and I wanted to make sure it went smoothly. But something was off. I wasn't in pain, but I'd been to the restroom three times in the last five minutes and each time I'd
The addition of Alissa Danielle to our tribe had been profound. I loved being able to walk across the driveway to relieve my friend in the morning so she could shower, take a nap, or whatever else she was in the mood to do. I didn't care what it was. I'd help her with laundry, cleaning, anything to keep her from experiencing the sleep deprivation that had caused the end of the world I knew. It was twice as bad for her because with each passing day, she became more pregnant and less able to move...or stay awake. I took advantage of the time she granted me with Alissa and tried to maintain the bond the two of us shared. I knew it would change over time, but I hoped as she grew older it would strengthen in different ways. I wanted to be her friend, her confidant, her second mom. In the few weeks she'd been alive, Dan and I both had fallen head over heels for her. But at the end of each day, we got to go next door, have sex as loudly as we wanted to, stay out until all hours of the night
I'd spent most of the summer with Annie, Alissa, and Grayson while Dan and Brett worked. As my vacation neared its end, I got excited about returning to work. I couldn't wait to be around my students again and the music. I dreaded seeing Rob, but hopefully, he'd be somewhat human now that some time had passed. I hadn't heard from him in the time I'd been off except for the email he sent out to the department today about meetings over the next couple weeks. It would be strange being away from the kids. Annie and I were more like co-mothers, with her taking the lead and the long nights. But I'd spent several of those with her as well. I knew how exhausting one infant was...I couldn't leave her alone with two, and Brett still had to work. Maybe it was an excuse to feel like I was an important part of their lives and their team. Maybe it gave me a piece of what I'd lost years earlier. Either way, I found myself having to be pried away from them. When I told Annie to let me know if I got