Chapter 69

I don't want my father to worry about me, but I really can't control my emotions once they get triggered. Kung hindi nagpasya si Luther na umalis kami ay hindi ako makakapagsalita para magpaalam at umiwas, or if I was alone there and wasn't with him, baka doon na ako umiyak sa harap ng dad pati ni Caitlin at mailabas ang lahat ng hinanakit ko. Na ayaw ko naman na mangyari.

This is one of the hardest parts of having this illness—it doesn't choose a time. It can hit you anywhere, and you can break down anytime.

"Do you want anything?"

Umiling ako kay Luther, tipid na ngumiti. He knelt on one knee and took my hands. I was sitting on the sofa while he was kneeling in front of me. I wonder what he is thinking right now? Alam ko naman na hindi niya ako pinag-iisipan ng kung ano, na weird ako dahil bigla akong nagiging ganito. I don't see anything else in his eyes right now. It’s just pure care—and worry.

"Sorry, Luther. Nag-aksaya lang tayo ng gas..." iyon ang nasabi ko. Tumayo naman