Chapter 2 - If Only

Ffion didn't want to feel really sad, so she spent time with her favorite plants.  It became a way for her to deal with her sadness. Even though she and Audric had only been married for two months, she felt more like a servant in his house.

But what could she really expect? She was only Audric's wife in name and in front of his family. She knew that Ivony was still the one he truly loved. What chance did she have against Audric's deep, first, and only love? None.

Since Audric lost his sight, he preferred silence. He don't want her called him 'Adi.' He don't want her help. He even refused to have visitors, including his own parents, and didn't allow them to come to the Villa.

"Ffion?"

She turned to Audric. His eyes were still looking in one direction. "W-why?"

"Who's that at the gate?"

She quickly looked at the large gate and saw Manang Minda coming. Her right hand carried a basket of fresh vegetables, and held an umbrella in the other hand. She wore a dress with flower embroidery at the hem 

"It's Manang Minda."

"Open it."

She nodded, took off her gloves, and went to the old woman. She greeted Manang Minda and helped her carry the basket.

"After all these times I come here daily, you still look beautiful. Audric is a lucky man to have you, dear."

She just smiled when the old woman praised her. The compliments never stopped, saying Audric was lucky to have her. Was he really lucky? In her point of view, Audric was just forced. He had to stay in a marriage that wasn't meant for him. And to her, It seemed like stolen happiness, a stolen moment that would eventually go away.

"Manang Minda, what are you gonna cook today?" Audric asked. He looked at their positions from where they were.

"Your favorites, Hijo."

Audric smiled upon hearing that. Almost everything the old woman cooked was his favorite. He wasn't choosy, except when she was the one cooking – he had many complaints, and she understood them all. Nothing tasted good in her cooking. 

"Okay, Manang, I'll help you."

"Oh! Go ahead, dear."

His face lights up! Despite being blind, he often volunteers to assist Manang Minda in the kitchen. He takes this opportunity to engage in casual conversations with the old woman about random topics. And, as for her, she simply stands on the side, as Audric prefers her not to get involved in the kitchen when he's around.

Feeling the need to step away, Ffion believed Audric could handle things independently. She was aware he might be bothered if he sensed her watching him in the kitchen.

She went outside and put on a happy face for her plants, not wanting them to sense her sadness. Speaking to them, and taking care of her plants is something she enjoys! She has always been passionate about plants, and that hasn't changed.

"Let's leave Adi alone for now, okay? Someday, he'll feel my love for him. But for now, let's leave him alone." She forced a small smile though inside, her heart was shattered.

But when would that day come? Her mind posed a challenging question.

She sighed, unable to answer that question. Perhaps until the day Audric could truly love her. She understood teaching the heart was challenging, having experienced it herself. How many times had she tried to redirect her affections towards other men? How many dates had she been on to forget Audric, only to feel more confused? Because Audric was the only one her heart longed for.

She was about to stand up from her seat when she heard Manang Minda's loud scream from the kitchen. 

"Oh, my child! Why did you include your hand?!"

Ffion quickly turned and ran towards the kitchen. She saw Manang Minda panicking while Audric stood by the table, he was cutting raw papaya and his finger is bleeding. 

"Adi!" She rushed to her husband. She took his hand and examined the finger with a cut from the knife, but he avoided her hand and pushed her away.

"How many times did I tell you, Ffion? Never call me Adi anymore. Can't you understand, or are you just brainless?" His voice was loud, like thunder. Even though his eyes lacked emotions, his voice was like a blade hitting her heart— the heart that loved him.

"B-but your finger-"

"I only lost my eyesight, not my hands or feet, Ffion. I can treat it myself." He dropped the knife on the chopping board and turned away. He left the kitchen.

She followed her gaze to Audric, feeling a punch of pain in her heart. She hold back the urge to let her eyes well up with tears. Wasn't she used to this by now?

"Dear..." Manang Minda approached her, gently holding her hand. It wasn't the first time the old woman seen Audric treat her this way.

"Don't give up on that young man, dear..."

She managed a faint smile at Manang Minda's comforting voice. No matter how much Audric hates her, she never gets tired and won't give up on him either.

"Come here, watch how I make your husband's favorite food. Let's start with chicken soup."

"But Manang, you've shown me many times, and I still can't do it correctly. It always turns out too salty." And it was true. The only food Audric enjoyed was the one the old woman made. 

"Oh, my dear! Do you want Audric to eat what you cook?"

She nodded eagerly. That would make her so happy!

"Alright dear, let's tidy up first the mess from your husband's papaya mishap. I did warn him about handling raw papaya, but he can be quite stubborn. If he gets upset with you, Ffion, remember he'll eventually calm down. Don't lose hope, dear as you're the only one he has in his solitary world."

HOWEVER, Manang Minda's cooking efforts were wasted as Audric didn't join for lunch. He locked himself in the art room, and despite her knocks, all she got were shouts. Ffion sighed deeply. Nothing had changed; if Audric didn't want to eat, there was nothing she could do. He would come down when he wanted to eat or not. 

She ate by herself. Manang Minda had to leave too, back to her own house. Ffion wished she could stay, but she had her own family to take care of. So, they were alone in the big Villa. She had no one to talk to. No friends to invite for a visit.

From Monday to Saturday, she spent time at the Villa with her husband and the plants she looked after. On Sundays, she went to the market with Manang Minda to buy groceries.

Over the two months, their house transformed into a floral paradise by her. She collected numerous books, crafted items from dried flowers, and worked on resin projects. 

One side of the house had a big birdhouse with about 20 pairs of lovebirds, while the other side housed her pet rabbits. Her love for animals and plants might be the reason why she studied Botany in college.

Later, her phone rang after she finished eating. Seeing Lucas's name on the caller ID, she hesitated before deciding to answer.

"Hey Ffiona!"

Lucas's lively voice brought a smile to her face. He was like a big brother, her knight in shining armor.

"Hey Lucasio!"

"When will you let me visit you in San Mateo? It's making me feel bad."

She hesitated, "You know Audric doesn't like visitors at the Villa..."

"Even if I'm his best friend? Am I not allowed?"

She chuckled, "Maybe not for now."

"Tsk."

"Sorry."

"But I miss you, Ffiona... I really want to see you."

A silence followed. Lucas called almost every day, checking on Audric and expressing how much he

missed her. She knew he loved her; he had been trying to win her over since college, but she always said no.