I Feel Nothing

𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐐𝐔𝐄

♚

After the shocking news was delivered to me, I walked to Father's grave with Gina. My plan was to talk to him, and all, but when I got there, all I was able to do was stare. I couldn't get the words out. It was so hard.

I returned to the castle with a feeling of guilt. Feeling guilty about the fact that my father died, was buried, and I went to his graveside, and still, I didn't feel anything. Not even a pinprick of emotion or sadness.

A while later, I learnt that we will be holding a ceremony to celebrate the life of father, and shit.

I was pleased that the ceremony hadn't started yet. In a couple of hours, the place would be filled with people dining and wining all in the name of celebrating their late Prince's life. Only these people drank wine and ate chicken when someone died! A funeral was supposed to be a solemn event, not a feast. Those were the words of pathological liars who used anything as an opportunity to lie and benefit from.

Father died at seventy. He wasn't so young to die and at the same time, he could have lived longer if his years weren't cut short by that silly car accident. Sometimes, I found myself trying to picture how the whole thing happened. He was finally going to reunite with Mother. That was something he'd always anticipated. It was crazy to think that someone would wish for his own death. Although, their bond was strong.

I stood by the balcony, the good memories of childhood flooding my brain. The good old days when Mother was still alive. How she would take me to go get dessert and how she would take me to the jewelry store to get really expensive jewelry. I told her that one day, I was going to build a very big house for her and Father. It never happened. I mean, it could happen when I died. If there was another life after death at all, then I was going to work hard and build us all a house or more comfortably, houses. . Quite cliché, but I meant everything I said.

I snapped out of my thoughts and returned to the room. All of those things were illusions that would never come to pass as far as I was concerned. It had been ten years since Mother died and time was going to keep flying. Funny enough, that was how it would be ten years as well after Father's passing--for now, it was just a few weeks.

I sincerely didn't want to recall anything from the funeral or about the funeral or from my going back to his graveside. Good thing was that it felt like nothing of such happened. I was in my own world during it all.

I didn't shed a single tear and I could feel the feel of the orbs of people on me. I kept wondering if Father was going to be turning in his grave to know that his dear daughter, Monique, didn't cry when he was being laid to rest. I could remember mum's funeral vividly. I was twenty-six then, but I cried like a ten-year-old. Here we were ten years later.

That night, I went to bed early because I was informed that I was having another meeting with the noblemen tomorrow to begin to discuss the future of England. I didn't know what to expect since they'd already dropped a bomb earlier on immediately after my father was buried. What more will they say? I, for one, was scared. A little part of me was wishing I had an elder sister or a brother so that all of this would not be happening to me at all.

I picked up my laptop from my bedside table and then I opened it before turning it on. I'd always wanted to turn it on and see the influx of emails that I'd gotten since I left America. My assistant, Jennifer, had access to my emails and all since I'd come to England, and I really didn't know if she'd been tending to them or it had just been left there. .It was something she would do with ease, nevertheless, something in me just wanted to be busy.

I knew it sounded ridiculous since it was on the night of Father's funeral that I chose to respond to emails that had been there for a very long time. I knew it wasn't a wonder anymore, Father would be highly disappointed in me. At the same time, I couldn't help it.

I told Gina to go have some fun since I heard there were a lot of things going on downstairs. I could even hear the sound of people being merry, and all, but heaven knew that the sky was going to fall before I stepped out of this room.

The number of people that had seen me since I'd arrived a week ago was countable, but I knew that all was going to change soon because talks about the coronation would start and that was the one thing that I'd been avoiding for so long.

I supposed it was what my future was bound to. I wanted a life different from what I was being forced to live, but what could I do?

When Father was alive, he always said that not everyone chose the type of life that they lived. Some chose you and in my case, that was the situation.

If I had the opportunity to pick how I wanted to live life, I'd still want to be a billionaire. I wouldn't give that spot up for anything.

♚

"Lady Monique!" The banging on the door continued, but I told Gina not to respond.

It most likely was someone coming to inform me that the noblemen were downstairs in the throne room. This was going to be the second time we would speak since the funeral.

I found it hard to believe that Father was a term that we were now going to refer to as something that happened in the past. Death was really a crazy factor that affected things and scattered people's plans.

Neither Gina nor I responded, and so I was guessing whoever it was got tired and his knuckles failed him so he or she turned to leave. Whatever the person's pronouns were, I was honestly the last to give a shit on earth. I literally just wanted my peace. It wasn't too much to ask for at this moment that I was in.

As I made my way out of my room, it felt like waves of depression knocked me because I hadn't felt good in a long while, but now I felt terrible. I felt the worst I'd felt in a long time--as though I was getting close to hitting rock bottom.

Trying to gain all of the confidence in the world, I increased my steps as I made my way down, my pumps clicking against the floor.

By the time I got to the throne room, all of the noblemen were seated on the stools and it felt like they'd waited for me for a while. Before I knew what was happening, an apology slipped out of my lips.

"Sorry for keeping you waiting. Getting in this dress was quite onerous." I said and as I was about to take my seat on the stool beside the throne, I found one of the noblemen sizing up my body with his eyes like he wanted something from it so damn bad that if it wasn't given to him, he was going to die.

The next thing I saw, another one of them's gaze dropped down to my breasts--it wasn't like it was exposed at all. The gown I was putting on didn't allow for it.

I didn't even know their names, but I wasn't going to be shocked if one or two of them approached me and started to blow advances. I would not accept, though. They were old men, and way below my class–crazy for me to still have thoughts like this when I was in hot soup. My mind, and body had escaped processing what I was told. Maybe it was the aftermath of my father's death, and burial.

Settling on the stool, I crossed my legs as I prepared myself for what was about to go down. I wished Gina was here, but the young girl had other things to do and I did not want to bother her with my problems.

"Lady Monique," a man with the thickest British accent I'd ever heard, started. "As you know, you are the next in line for the rulership of our great country, England."

Wasn't that a bridge we'd crossed already. Did they bring me here to tell me what they had already told me?

Another one of them continued from where the last one stopped. If only I knew their real names, I would stop addressing them as them. It was in all honesty very tiring, but what could I really do?

"Your father made certain mistakes when he was alive. Mistakes we're very aware you do not know about since your presence in our country during his lifetime was very scarce. Your mother died ten years ago, and we convinced him until he died to remarry, but he didn't. We don't want that for you. "

Like he said, it wasn't new to me, but it sounded like someone just dropped a bomb. Gooseflesh scattered all over my skin and it felt as if a bone got stuck in my throat. I tried swallowing a couple times, but whatever magically formed failed to leave.

I doubted if I could do this. It was one thing for them to say I will rule England, and it was another to say I should get married.

If by the end of the meeting I left this place whole, then I knew something was wrong somewhere.

The only thing I did in response to what they said was bob my head like I couldn't speak. By the way, what were they expecting from me? To say that it was my honor to continue Father's legacy, and be a good girl, and obey all their instructions like I didn't have a mind of my own.

"We know that you haven't been around for the longest and so you aren't conversant with a lot of things. We wouldn't pester you too much and at the same time, duty calls." Where was he heading all of a sudden?

"Where's all of this leading to?" Pushing manners aside, I interrupted the one who was speaking. I was sure they were all used to shit like that since all they did was argue. To my surprise, none of them had disagreed on anything since I walked into the throne room. It was as if they'd done a meeting to agree on everything before I walked in.

"We're not commanding you, but we ask of you to go back to America to pack the rest of your belongings because we're aware that you did not come with everything. The news prevented you." I nodded again like I understood what they were saying, but in all honesty, it sounded like gibberish. It felt as though I was a ten year old who nodded at everything her mother said because of sweets.

There was even a time I mumbled to myself. I asked myself what they were saying.

"When you finally settle here in England, we'll begin to discuss and prepare for your coronation." I didn't nod this time around, I shook my head. Something dropped on my lap and when I looked down to examine what it was, I found a small wet patch. I was crying because of this. None of this was ever supposed to happen. I would do anything to be in another person's shoes at this point because my life was in disarray.