Chapter 7

                             

Brandon 

I lay here on the couch as I do every day, letting this guilt and shame of what I have done eat away at me. I didn't get much sleep. It's hard to sleep after having dreams of the person that I've killed.

I can still hear her voice in my dream asking me over and over.

 'Why, why did you do this?' 

When I attempt to sleep she appears in my dream. I haven't slept much in the last two days, too ashamed to face her. Too afraid to face what I have done to her. 

She had always been kind to me. She was a sister to me since the day that Jason brought her to the pack. She was a nice person, she didn't deserve what I did to her. Maybe it's just the guilt of what I've done eating away at me or maybe Ashley has come to haunt my dreams to make me pay for what I've done. 

I rub my eyes, feeling exhausted from the lack of sleep I have gotten in the last past two days. I want to sleep, I need to sleep, but I don't want to face Ashley and the guilt of what I did to her. Sleeping was once a short escape from the shame and guilt of what I've done, but not anymore. I'm faced with the guilt of what I've done when I'm awake and asleep now. 

I look up at the ceiling as I let out a sigh, reaching up running my hand through my hair, being tortured by the silence of this place and the loud thoughts inside of my head.

I look over towards the door, knowing it would probably be good for me to get out of this condo. I've been locked in here for weeks at a time. The last time I went out was with Kimberly and that was a bad idea. I ran into my mate, causing more problems from me.

I let out a sigh, looking away from the door not wanting to go out. The humans only stare at the mark on my face. They don't say anything, but it's like they can sense that I've done something horrible to get this mark.

My jaws clench, angry with myself for being a weak male. For being jealous and wanting something that wasn't meant for me to have. Something that I truly didn't even want, but it took me doing what I did to realize that. I wish I had realized it all before and never did what I did, but what I've done can't be fixed or changed, now I have to live with this.

Things were good for me, but I was jealous and wanted more and now I have nothing but this guilt and loneliness.

I miss the pack.

I miss my family. 

I've hurt and disappointed my parents. The few times that my parents had stopped by here to see me I could barely look them in their face. I can see the look in their eyes. They are hurt, disappointed, and ashamed of me. I'm sure if it wasn't for the unconditional love that a parent holds for their child, then they would want nothing to do with me just like everyone else. 

I once had many good friends, but I haven't heard from any of them. I don't blame them though. I'm sure I'm not the good guy that they thought they knew. If I were them I wouldn't want to be around someone like me. I've done horrible things to my own brother, so I'm sure they're thinking that I'll do even worse to them.

I throw my arm over my eyes, blocking out the light.

My thoughts go to my mate. It's been two days since she last showed up here. I'm sure she won't be coming back here after the things that I said to her. I did that for her own good. She doesn't need to come back here. There's nothing here for her.  

The image of her has been printed into my mind. Not realizing it at the time, but I've gotten every detail of her inside of my head. From the way those strings of hairs hung loosely into her face, down to those black shoes she was wearing.

Along with that, the hurt in her eyes that I caused her has also been printed into my mind. 

From the moment I was old enough to understand what a mate was, I thought I would only love and make her happy whenever I found her, but things have changed for me. I have no happiness to give her. The only thing I have for her is the shame of being mated to someone like me.

I sit up on the couch, pushing the thoughts of her away, only to be replaced by other thoughts. I let out a sigh and I grab the shrinking bag of herbs and roll a joint, knowing the effects of the herbs will help to calm my racing thoughts.

After every pull of the joint, I feel myself relaxing more and more, not feeling the shame and guilt weighing on me as much. 

Hearing my stomach growl out, I look over at the empty pizza box sitting on the table. I ate all the food that was here and to avoid having to go out, I have been ordering takeout for the past few months. I'm tired of eating this crap every day. 

I look over at the door, knowing I'll need to go out. I need real food. It's been months since I've had actual meat.

I get up from the couch and put on my shoes, before grabbing my hoodie putting it on. I put the hood over my head as I grab my car keys and leave the condo.

I drive through the city, heading to the closest supermarket. I look around seeing that the busy streets of the city are starting to clear out as the sun starts to go down. 

I never spent much time in the city amongst the humans other than coming out to the clubs here. Kimberly was the first human that I ever really hung out with. If most humans are like Kimberly, then I guess they're not so bad.

I pull into the parking lot of a supermarket and get out of the car. As I head inside of the supermarket a she-wolf heads out. She looks at the marks on my face with disgust and moves around me as if she comes to close she'll catch something from me.

I hold back a growl that threatens to come out. I expected this. This is the way I will be treated by any wolf that I come across. 

I make my way around the store with a basket, not really sure what I'm doing. I've never been to a supermarket before. The pack gets its food fresh from the factories. 

I walk around receiving stares from humans that I pass. Some of them look, but look away, trying not to stare at the marks on my face. I just ignore the stares as I continue to walk.

Once I finally find what I'm looking for, I start to load the basket with different meat. I fill the basket to the top with meat, making sure I'll have enough to last me for a long time so I won't have to keep coming out.

Once I get as much meat into the basket as I can, I head to the front where I have to wait in line.

Feeling myself growing irritated with the slow pace of the line and the stares. I take in a calming breath, knowing I have to get used to this. This is my life now.

Once I finally get all the meat bagged and paid for, I leave out of the supermarket. I look up at the night sky as I pull the basket behind me. I let out a sigh, knowing if I was still apart of the pack I would probably be doing a border sweep with father and Jason right now. I guess those days are over for me.

When I get to the car, I start to load the meat into the trunk.

Picking up on the scent of wolves, I let down the trunk as I look back seeing Ashley brothers Tyson and Luka walking my way, with pitch-black eyes and glares covering their faces. I look over to see that she-wolf from earlier, standing further away. She must have told them I was here.

Tyson is a first-born alpha male and Luka is a second born like me. I stand no chance against both of them. 

I look around the nearly empty parking lot, knowing if I shift here I'll have more than them to worry about. The council will come after me for exposing myself and they'll kill any human who sees. I'm not going to drag innocent humans into this.

Tired and weak from the lack of sleep that I've been getting, I prepare myself for a fight. I knew this would come eventually. I deserve everything that's coming to me, but the alpha male in me isn't going to let me just lay down and be killed.

Luka let out a deep growl, throwing the first punch that I block, only for Tyson to land a hard blow to ribs, nearly knocking me to my knees. 

I throw a punch at Tyson, but before my fist makes contact with Tyson’s face, Luka lands a hard blow to the side of my face, sending me crashing into the car. My wolf claw and fight to be let out, but I can't shift here, and neither can they. 

Before I could try to attack, Tyson grabs me and lift me off the ground, flipping me on the back windshield of the car, breaking it. I groan out in pain as the glass cuts into me. 

"You had my sister killed!" Tyson growls out as he grabs my arm and twist. I roar out in pain, feeling my shoulder being ripped out the socket, right before Luka grab my leg and snap my ankle, before dragging me off the car onto the ground. 

They both start to kick and stomp me over and over. Tonight I will get the painful death that I deserve. As they kick and stomp me, I roar out in pain, welcoming the death that I know will soon come by one of their claws to my throat.

"Stop! I've called the cops!" Someone yells out, causing Tyson and Luka to stop. 

Barely about to hold my eyes open, I lay here struggling to breathe.

"These humans may have saved you this time, but I'm going to find and kill you mutt!" Tyson growls out, placing a kick to my face before walking away. Black spots fill my vision, feeling myself coming close to being knocked unconscious. 

"I've called the 911, you'll have help soon." This human male takes a knee, looking down at me with a panic look covering his face.

Hearing that more humans will be here soon, I know I have to go. I can't go to a human hospital, they'll know I'm not human the moment they run any tests.

I groan out in pain as I slowly start to force myself up from the ground.

"Sir Stay down. The ambulance will be here any minute." He says, trying to stop me from getting up. 

I shove the guy away and continue to drag my broken body over to the driver's door, getting into the car, knowing I will probably bleed out and die before I make it back to the condo.