Chapter 6

  "I lack self-confidence. I don't know whether I shall ever get it. Perhaps it's better to be unsure of yourself as I am. But it's very tiring." Audry Hepburn.

      *Name - A word that describes your identity (Source Cassindra’s inner dictionary). But I think my dictionary is wrong or outdated because hearing a certain someone's name doesn't just describe his identity for me; it makes my heart gallop. That's the power Justin's name holds over me. My palms were sweating, and Isa didn't even say anything .After moments of stunned silence, Isa’s eyes searched our surroundings, which were filled by many teenagers. 

“Not here, someone might hear us.” She whispered, and that made me more curious than nervous. What is this super secret that only we should know, and the other student body shouldn't. “Lets go to the yard. We can eat our lunch there for today.” Then she grabbed my hand and started to pull me towards the exit, with Penny and Sam following closely behind. Since it's about Justin, it could be maybe he is thinking about committing sucide, but I don't think so. Isa is too eccentric, as far as I know she is not a sadist - Right? “This will do!” She said and sat on the green grass, pulling me down with her.

“What is it?” Asked Penny after she found a comfortable spot to sit. Sam also did the same, and three pairs of eyes were staring at Isa, waiting for any explanation as to why she is acting like this. But still, Isa continued to survey the surrounding. After she made sure we were out of earshot from anyone, she grinned widely then giggled simultaneously. I am getting impatient and frustrated right now. Penny and Sam seem to share my feelings. “You won't believe what I heard Justin say.” She sequelled. 

“You already said that,” I snapped. I am getting really close to strangling the words out  of her. 

“Just tell us already!” Said Penny, and Sam nodded in agreement. After Isa stared at all of us for a few moments, to make sure she had all our attention, which is ridiculous because nothing can hold 3 highschoolers attention than gossip, she continued, “I was at the men's locker room yesterday. It was after practice...”

“Wait!” Penny interrupted rudely and said, “What were you doing in the men's locker room?” I could kill her right now! Who cares? I am not, even the slightest bit, curious as to why Isa was in the men's locker room when she was about to tell me about Justin.

“What I was doing there is a story for another day.” Isa seems impatient to share the big news as I am to hear her. “I saw Justin, Leo ,and Benj…,” she was sucked to a memory lane.

…...The locker room was foggy due to the hot shower that the football players were taking. Isa knew she shouldn't do this, but she couldn't help herself and since when did she follow  the rules, besides she was curious. When she was surveying the small room, she heard a loud voice coming from the middle, so she went to the source of the voice and picked to see who it belonged to. There sat Justin facing away from her, she recognized immediately due to his blond hair. He was sitting in the bench chair untying his shoe lace. Facing him was Benjamin, the boy who is unstoppingly asking for her phone number. He was shirtless, his sweat trickling down his lean chest, and he constantly pushed his hair from his eyes. On the other side was Leo. He didn't take anything off, and he was watching his friends converse, folding his hands in his chest. He doesn't seem happy at all, which was a surprise since he is always happy, and the most approachable one of all of them.

“… I think you should move on man, it has been like a week since you broke up with her. You don't have to pretend that you are sad anymore." Benjamin's voice drifted to her ears. If he lift his eyes from Justin, he would see her. So Isa hid behind one of the lockers, she can't afford being seen.

“I know, but it won't be fair to Gorgi.” Came Justin's relay.

“If you don't get a girlfriend fast, she will start to think you are desperate and lost without her. That's something you don't want.” Benjamin said. “You are over her, right?” He asked to make sure.

“Yes. I am over her, but I don't want to hurt her.”

“She will be hurt more if she thinks you still have feeling for her, to only realize the opposite.”

“So, who can I have as a girlfriend?” Asked Justin.

“Don't tell me the great Justin Black has a problem luring a girl to his trap.” Laughed Benjamin, hitting his friend's exposed chest. Isa heard Justin's rumble of laughter, and she took a look again. The two of them were laughing, only Leo didn't find the conversation amusing.

“It can't be one of the girl’s, Gorgi will think I am doing it to piss her off.” Justin seems to be deep in thought. 

“Do you want to piss her off?” Said Leo for the first time since the entire ordeal started. 

“No man ! I really do want to have a relationship.” Justin replied.

“She must be smart, not that smart though.” said Benjamin, “I don't like those nerdy girls.” He shuddered.

“Pretty, with a beautiful smile.” Justin added. 

“There are few I know. I will hook you up.” Benjamin came up with an easy solution. 

“But I don't want someone simple, you know. I want someone who would challenge me, someone who would see past my looks and money,” Justin said.

“Even a blind girl will fall for your charms man! Lower the bar," said Benjamin. "Let's take a shower now, I'm sweating.” He casually started to walk to the locker Isa was taking as a cover .Even though she wanted to hear more, she knew should go. Isa swiftly left the room. After she slowly closed the door, as not to alert the boys someone was on the inside listening to the whole conversation, she released a breath she didn't know she was holding.

“What were you doing there?” Came Vanessa's angry voice.

“You scared me!” Replied Isa, clutching her ever beating heart, then replied, “I thought it was the girls locker.”

“You thought that-'' Vanessa pointed to the door behind Isa “-was the girls locker?” She said sarcastically, since the boy's sign was clearly printed in the door. Even Though Isa was a good 3 inches taller than her, Vanessa didn't mind. She wanted answers.

“And then what happened?” Asked Penny, her eyes wide behind her glasses, after Isa went quiet for a moment.

“That is also a story for another day.” Isa replied, then grinned at me widely. “So what do you think?” She asked, eager to hear my reply.

“About what?” Was my answer. It's weird that Justin was over Georgina. They were dating for about a year. Now he dumped her, just like that. I am not surprised he is looking for a girlfriend though, it’s Justin Black we are talking about.

“This is your only chance to be with Justin, Your Only Chance!” Emphasised Isa, and when I saw everyone, they seemed to agree with her. 

“I can't be what he wants, I am the total opposite to what he described." I am not pretty - even though many people don't agree on that, I don't have a beautiful smile, and most importantly I am not a challenge. If I have a sliver of chance with Justin, I will take it in a heartbeat.

“I don't know why you are like this," said Isa looking sad. I think she thought I would leap in joy when I heard her big news, but there is nothing exciting about it. It made me remember why I hate myself, and the things I would never be. “It's as if you see yourself with a broken mirror.” She said and put her hands on my cheeks, stroking softly and getting my hair away from my face. “I wish you would see what I see.” I wish I could see what she sees too. I really do.

When I got home, I was confronted by my mother.

“Why weren’t you answering your friend's call?" Came her angry voice. I didn't even hit the sofa; I am too exhausted to replay, so I went to the kitchen to fetch water for my sore throat and burning skin. "Answer me when I talk to you!” Said my mother, following me to the kitchen. I told her to wait with my hands and continued to gulp the water. After I finished, she urged me to explain with her eyes.

“We had a fight.” It's not technically a lie; It was a fight that one group didn't know about. Not wanting to elaborate more, I made my way to the stairs.

“What was the problem?” My mom's voice cuts through the silent space. “I knew she was a bad influence! Have you seen her mother...,” before she finishes the sentence, I cut her off. I am the only one who has the right to bad mouth my friend.

“Mom! It was not a big deal; We solved it, and it was my fault.” With that being said, I made my way to my room. After I took a much needed shower, I started to get prepared to go to Isa’s house. Today is our weekly meeting day, and I'm excited. It's one of the few interesting things in my life, and I don't want to miss it. I got dressed in my long pj pants and oversized t-shirt. Since it was night time, I chose to wear a thick soak with snickers and put my hair in a bun. In my way out, I picked my jacket and shouted, 

“I am going to Isa's, don't wait for me.” With that being said, I ran to Isa’s house. I didn't want my mom to stop me from going, which I know she will if I stay any more second in the house. I reached Isa’s house in a few steps and rang the bell, looking out for my mom. If I get  in the house before she gets out, I'm safe. I don't think she would pull me out of Isa’s house. My mom is crazy, but not that crazy. In the third ring, the door opened to reveal smiling Isa, who was in nothing but white silk shorts and matching tops. Here we go.