Chapter 1

Love is a complex being. One that most would sell their all for to decipher, but in most cases their all isn't nearly enough to cover the cost of this delicate emotion that we all want to feel, understand, charish and give back to the one most deserving of being gifted by this godly given.

All we want is something pure, something clean and untouched by our sinful hands, but that is as rare as chickens teething. 

Here in Castleburry, like in most places, you get the rich and the popular, the odd group in the middle, and lastly the poor and inable. That is the category society puts one in without signing up for it nor willingly agreeing to the fate of being labelled for the rest of your life or your stay here in Castleburry. 

I personally feel like those people putting each and everyone of us, all miserable people in some or other way, into labelled boxes to feel safe, because that is what life in high school taught them and whiteout the safe space of living within the restrictions of your designated label they feel lost and out of place. 

Well in my opinion that is the worst argument they could have come up with for justifying the fact that they bind people to a certain way of life and normalising stagnation. 

This is a vicious cycle society decayes in. 

I was always seen as a nerd, although I'm the fastest swimmer and stand a pretty good chance of becoming this year's swim team captain. People have always seen me as the odd one out, a weirdo that never fully fits the label she is given, the space in what she lives in wherever the wind might blow her.

She used to make me fit in, but now she is my main suppressor.

We have always been the best of friends throughout our  childhood into our early years of school, but right when we hit the age of thirteen, things taken a turn for the worst. While puberty hit her quite early on and given her the popularity she has always wanted, I was the little late bloomer dragging her down.

She had a choice. One to stick with her little sister or to grasp popularity, by trampling me and leaving me in the dust behind

That was right around the age boys were starting to gain interest in the female gender and goodies were something of the very far past. 

Madison was thriving and I, little old me, just shied away and found the shell that would keep me unnoticed. 

I think it is safe to say that Madison wouldn't be caught dead talking to me, other than manipulating me into doing her assignments for school. 

The entire summer went by before our senior year started like any of the other summers I have experienced, probably because all it usually includes is me drowning myself in the depths of an amazingly written book, going to the gym and training for the swimming season for school. 

All while Madi is out there setting the latest summer trends, having fun with her girls – Chloe Valentine, organising bonfires on the beach for sunset and having boys gawk at her and girls wanting to be her. 

We are honestly two opposite sides of the same coin. 

She is warm and sunny, while I'm cold and gloomy – that's probably why I'm drawn to the water, like a moth to a red hot flame. 

Our parents couldn't be more different – with my father working as a neurologist and my mom floating on cloud nine with her good weed not far behind. They are the hippy and the genius of Castleburry. No wonder why one of their daughters seems a bit off to society, right?

The only reason why we aren't yet the laughing stock of town is because of the amount of respect the residents of our town have for my father, the fact that he is one of the main shareholders of the local hospital just gives him that extra boost.

Honestly I don't know how I've managed to stay sane all these years, with my mother doing whatever the hell she wants and my father drowning himself with patients, just to not come home that night – or so I was made to believe.

My dad declared last Friday that he is going to file for a divorce and leave my mother, the person he claimed to possess the key to his soul, just like that and for a woman who seems to have her life together just a bit more than both of my parents together.

Okay okay, I can see why my dad would be looking for greener grass. Living with two daughters that live their life so separately that you could swear they live in two different cities. A wife that is as likely to be sober as a cow starting to fly. Yeah I get him, but we are his family, I'm his flesh and blood, he can't just leave us behind in the chaos he and mom made.

He says that he just can't go on living like this, that he deserves better. A life lived in fulfilment, whatever that means. 

Mom has been drinking much more than usual and she started bringing home men half her age and dad couldn't care less. All he could focus on is packing up his vintage wine collection cautiously and placing them in bubble wrap and neatly in boxes. I'm honestly surprised how mom hasn't drank that already.

The house feels empty. I know I was always alone, but now I feel like I'm drowning in loneliness. 

As I'm about to jog up the stairs to my room, just coming home from my jog, the door slams shut and the shrill screech of Madison can be heard all the way from the entryway. 

"Alyssa!"

An internal sigh sinks down on me. What has done now to make the queen hail her ref down upon little old me?

I turn around slowly on my heel. Drowning myself in a huge inhale of tained oxygen. Knowing quite well what a ruckus she will create. She is after all the Queen of Tantrums and I, her humble slave. 

Most of you probably wonder why I would keep up with her. Doing every little thing she asks me, no command me to do. 

Well somewhere deep inside of me there burns a flame of hope. Something in me believes that one day I'll get my best friend back. The sister who loved me as much as I love her. 

"Alyssa! Come here now." I can hear the impatience present in her voice.

Just as she is about to call again, I slip around the corner into the foyer. 

Her brown locks are sleek, pin straight, hanging past her shoulders with a lovely shine emphasised by the late day sun flowing in through the big windows. She is wearing a yellow summer dress that singes in by the waist and flows out to mid-thigh length, the perfect colour for her sun-kissed complexion. Finished off with golden strappy heels. 

Although she looks stunning, I have to ask, isn't it a bit too cold for that, since we are in the drimple of autumn?

Well probably best for me not to voice my thoughts, I can very well tell by now that they are unwanted and per Madison's thought trail, unneeded as well. 

"Took you long enough." She spits out the second she lays eyes on me. The way she talks really does give the impression that we are not related in any way –not that it is even appropriate to talk to strangers in this manner. 

I hate it, but I always cast my gaze down to the floor when I talk to her, almost like a gesture of submitting, but for some reason I can't shake the habit quite yet. 

"I'm sorry." I say in a low whisper. 

Ugh even my tone changes like some scared little baby. 

"People have been talking about you more than usual." She says as I raise my eyes to see her expression briefly. 

"They have?" I ask in disbelief. My features are puzzling, because no one ever cares about me. 

"Yes," She replies with gritted teeth. I wonder why she is so upset about it. "Some of the guys have been noticing you at the gym and at the pool the past summer."

My head flicked up like a lightning bolt. The creases between my eyebrows deepened. 

"I'm here to tell you to stay out of the public's eye. It is embarrassing to hear them talk about you and how you look in your bathing suite." She says before stomping away. Not aware of the bomb she has just dropped, before abandoning it. 

Guys have been talking about me? Madison is probably just in one of her moods and may have caught the flow of the conversation wrong. 

Just before I could go outside the door, Madison walks back into the foyer.

"Tonight the annual back to school bonfire will be held by me. I would rather you stay at home and do whatever you always do and don't forget to wear your baggy attire tomorrow for school. We can't have you draw any more attention to yourself, now wouldn't we?" She says leaving the foyer behind once more, but this time with a little malicious smile spread on her lips. 

She has always controlled me in any way she could, but never has she refused me to go to the annual bonfire, although each year I'm just there for an hour sitting on the beach witnessing all that happens around me before I return home, take a shower and jump into bed with a nice book. 

I had nice clothing pieces in my wardrobe, but I always just felt more comfortable in my usual joggers, hoodie and sneakers. 

▪︎▪︎▪︎

My alarm rings loudly, indicating the beginning of a new day – the first year of my senior year and my new era.

I can hear mom and dad yell at each other yet again, but something I also hear is the sound of footsteps and then the sound of the door right across the hall from mine closing. That means Madison is done honking the bathroom as per usual. 

I quickly grab my fluffy white bathrobe that is hanging off from the hook behind my bedroom door, before I dash down the hall and into the bathroom located straight down the hall, the last last door on my left. 

The water is surprisingly still hot this morning. I jump into the steaming hot shower, letting the water sooth each nerve in my body. Before the water turns cold I dry myself with my towel and wrap myself up in my bathrobe. 

The rest goes quickly and before I know it I'm dressed in blue high-rise jeans, a soft white long sleeve with a diamond cutout in the back, with sleeves that flares out. Paired with a metallic cropped puffer and my favourite shoes, white Air Force Ones. My heart left to dry in their curly state, because I'm always going to go swimming later that day, no need to do my hair if they are only going to be like this again soon. 

I decided to stick to my natural self and only apply my waterproof mascara and some clear pink tinted lip oil. 

Before I left my room I just grabbed my phone, school bag and sprayed myself with a bit of my favourite strawberry scented fragrance. 

When I got down from my room, I walked straight to the kitchen where I found mom staring out the window.

"Morning mom." I say as usual, not expecting to see what I see out the window. 

It is dad packing his stuff into his truck. 

"Morning hun, want any of my good weed?" She asks cute cheery for a woman losing the man she claims to love with her entire soul. 

"No thanks mom. I'll just grab myself a coffee and a blueberry muffin." I say. It is probably good that I don't ask anything about dad. 

She turns around to finally look at me. I have always been mom's younger version, but today her blonde curls were pinned up in a bun and her blue eyes rimmed red – redder than usual – and the dark circles suddenly became more prominent.

"Alyssa darling, did the fashion goddess hide you with her intelligence this morning," She stares in disbelief "because you look divine."

"Thank you mom." I say, deciding not to define my reasons for my outfit.

I drink the last drop of coffee and place the cup in the sink on top of some unwashed plates and other dishes.

"I'll be heading to school now. Bye mom."

"Bye dear. Enjoy your first day of senior year." She says taking a swig from the unknown contents of the cup she holds in her hands

"You remembered." I say, mom never seems to remember stuff like this or at least that is what it seems like for me.

"Of Course baby. Now come here and give your old mom a hug before you set off for school." 

So that is what I did. The hug was deeper than what we labelled it as. It was filled with unspoken words and it is like this hug pieced my mom back together, because at the moment she is broken, but she would never admit that. If she were to admit to her sadness then she dreams to admit her love for my dad and that would take away the last pride she had as a strong woman.

So I held her dear for just a moment longer before I let go.

The drive to school in my car was silent, but enduring. Just the thought of what Madison will do when she sees me like this makes my belly knot up.

As I drive into Castleburry High, the parking lot overflows with cars already. I found myself my usual spot untaken, it is located at  the back on the far east side. 

I parked my car, sucked in a breath and got out. As I lock my car I can feel the tension rising inside of me. 

As I started to near the double doors of the school's entrance, my heart started beating in my throat, but I promised myself that I would not be Madison's little servant any more. I'm my own person now and I have the right to wear whatever I want and with the attitude I step into the school. 

The gasps from the students fill the space and I can feel their eyes on me, but I held my head high and walked to my locker.

"Is that Alyssa?"

"Is that Madison's sister?"

"She is so hot."

The students couldn't stop talking about me, but I pretended to not so much as flinch at any of their comments.

When I arrive at my locker, I find Dylan standing there. The only person that had been willing to be my friend after Madison's reign started. 

"Alyssa! What the hell." She whispers. Her eyes scanned my body all over.

"It's me in the flash." I say doing a little spin. 

"You know Madison is going to kill you for this, right?" She asks.

"Well I have come to the conclusion that I'm my own person and I have given Madi too much power over me these past years and what better way to show her that she has lost her grip on me than a new outfit?" I was, but before Dylan could say anything, the icy voice of Madi resounded from behind me.

"What the hell Alyssa!"