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CHAPTER 45: SANDRA
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TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 46: JACK
My eyes traveled around the frat house a million times on Saturday night, yet I didn't see her at all. She was there, but she wasn't there. But she was here – in California.My Sandra was back in California.And it was taking every ounce of self-restraint I had not to run over to her dorm block like my ass was on fuckin' fire. Because, like Maggie said, I'd probably end up pinning her to a wall – and that was never good.My leg shook as I sat in English class, and my eyes were traveling the room again. I couldn't help it. She didn't show before she left. I wanted her to now. I needed to see her.The door opened, and Austin walked through. He crossed the room and sat next to me. “She's coming.”I nodded once and fixed my eyes on the door. If she was coming, then she'll be here-Now.She was here. Maggie's arm was linked through hers, but Sandra was smiling. It was a weak smile, and I hated myself for that. My hands tightened their grip on the edge of the desk, and I clenched my teeth t
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 47: SANDRA
Two days after speaking to Jack after English, and I still hadn't recovered. Where the crap has my 'bounce-back' mechanism gone? The freakin' springs were probably broken, actually. It had been used so many times, it was probably fed up of bouncing my ass when I fall on it.This time it was on me. This time, it was on me to pull myself together and get up from the low I seemed to have sunk to emotionally.I also needed to magically grow a pair of balls and actually go to the frat house for the books I left there because staring at it sadly from my bedroom window wasn't bringing them to me. Seeing Jack – in a classroom I can deal with, but in the frat house? His house? His room?Could I ever deal with that?If I went, would I come back even more broken than I am now?No, no, I'm not broken. I'm strong, just like he said. And I can go over there. I can do it.I slipped my pumps onto my feet and ran my fingers through my hair anxiously, shutting the door behind me. My feet seemed to echo
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 48: JACK
I grabbed a beer from the cooler in the kitchen and headed into the front room, taking a seat in the corner with Austin and Josh. Neither said anything. What can they say? We were all expecting Sandra to turn up tonight with the girls. Maggie and Leila will drag her along because Leila's fed up with the – and I quote – 'goddamn miserable look on her face all the damn time.'I guess we were both gonna be forced here tonight because I'd rather be anywhere but here.I took a mouthful of beer and swallowed it heavily, just waiting. I didn't know what I was waiting for.Maybe I was waiting for her pretty green eyes to meet mine. Maybe I was waiting to hear her laugh and see her smile again. Maybe I was waiting for a moment I can approach her – in a totally non-caveman way – and just.... See her. Without the shouting about how shit my life is without her. I can do without that, and she probably can too.The house filled up as the guys and I sat in silence. I didn't touch the beer again. I h
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 49: SANDRA
Inside, my body was in overdrive. My heart was pounding, my blood was rushing through my body, and adrenaline was filling every spot possible. I was so angry – yet I was so broken and I wanted him.Outside, I was frozen to the spot.“No,” I said, looking away from him.“Yes.” His voice was begging me to believe him, to believe he still wants me.That he loves me.“We both played the game,” he said softly. “Both of us, Sandra. We both had the same goal, and we both achieved it. Don't you get it yet? I fell in love with you, Angel. I'm still in fucking love with you. What did you think would happen? Did you think I'd just let you walk right on out of my life like you were nothing?”I nodded.“Shit, Sandra!” He let go of me and turned, rubbing his face. A tear dripped from my eye. “Did you really fucking think that? That I'd let you go from everything to nothing? 'Cause that's what you are. That's what you have been. Everything. You're fucking everything.”He stepped towards me and cuppe
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 50: JACK
In the two days since I dragged Sandra back to my room in a move that would put Fred Flintstone to shame, she had barely left my side. New York was too far – too fuckin’ far – and I’ll be damned if I was giving her the chance to escape again.Paranoid? Probably, but when you have it, you have it. And I had it.The door clicked open, and Sandra came flying in. She launched herself on the bed and sat in front of me, grinning at me like a madwoman. Her eyes were shining, her cheeks were flushed, and her hair was mussed. It made me think about us just having sex, and I grabbed her waist and lied back, settling her on top of me.“Guess what?” she said, excitement and happiness threaded in her tone.“What?”“I just spoke to Jane – oh, that’s Abby’s nurse – and she said that Abby asked to join in with a group activity yesterday!”I slid my arms around her waist, and she kissed me firmly.“That’s good, right?” I double checked. Hell, I had no idea.Sandra nodded, her hair bouncing with the mo
TOXIC LOVE WORTH KEEPING-CHAPTER 51: MAGGIE
TOXIC LOVE #2 - MAGGIE AND AUSTIN“You do realize your mom will ask her one hundred questions about you, right?” I glanced up at Jack from my stretched out position on his floor.“No shit,” he muttered. “That’s why you need to tell her what to say.”I paused my aimless flicking through my magazine. “Let’s think about that for a second.”“Maggy.”“No.”He shut his closet door and dropped to the floor in front of me. His dirty blonde hair flopped into his eyes and he leveled them on me, pleading with me silently. I shook my head.“Jack Cole, you chose to take Sandra home for the weekend. You have to deal with – and field – your mom’s endless questions.”“Magggy,” he drew my name out, sounding like a petulant toddler begging for candy.“It would happen sooner or later.” I shrugged and sat up, tucking my legs under me. “You might as well get it over with now. Besides,” I grinned, “I’m sure she’ll give the questions a break by telling her childhood stories.“Fucking hell,” Jack grumbled an
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 52: AUSTIN
Her blue eyes were focused on the words on the page in front of her like they always are. I had never known anyone to spend as much time with their nose between the pages of a book as Maggie did. Everywhere she went she had one – in her bag, in her lap, next to her.No one else noticed. And no one else noticed the fact I did.Her brow furrowed, and she sucked her bottom lip into her mouth as she swept her long blonde hair from her face. She gathered it at the back of her head and snapped a band from her wrist, tying it up and exposing the sleek curve of her neck and the skin there. I spinned my pen between my fingers and glanced at my own book.Off limits. That was what Maggie Hope was.I knew the first time I saw her I could never have her. The way she held herself and the sarcastic yet polite comments – she had endless amounts of “screams rich girl”, a class I never had and never will be in. It was engrained in her to treat everyone with respect no matter what you think of them. I w
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 53: MAGGIE
I wanted to be the girl going upstairs with him instead of the one watching him go.He drove me crazy in the worst kind of way. Every comment, every smirk, every cocky raise of his eyebrows. Each thing affected me, especially the way he clearly didn’t know me even though he thought he did. He was so wrong about me in every way, and it pissed me off so badly, yet I didn’t think I could say no if he walked up to me right now and invited me to his room.The one not fit for a little rich girl like me.The one I’d probably feel totally at home with.But I didn’t know if one night would be enough. When you want someone so badly you have to work to hide it, just one night of letting go of that restraint wouldn’t be enough. If he came up to me now and I let go, I don’t think I’d be able to hold on again. I don’t think I’d be able to leave it at one night of casual sex.Hell. I didn’t know if sex with him would be casual.I knew one night can’t hurt, but I also knew it can’t do any good.“Sex
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TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 83: EPILOGUE (AUSTIN)
I tugged the zipper of my jacket up higher as a cold wind blew in off San Francisco Bay, and fought the urge to turn and ran back to the marina. I won’t run. This was something that had to be done, for me.Maggie squeezed my hand, curling into my arm, and we began to walk into the small cemetery where my mom was buried.I felt sick. Emotion stronger than I had felt in a long time swirled around my whole body, from hatred to pity, fear to anger, yet through it all … Through it all was a bit of love for the woman that tried and failed to give me life.We weaved silently through the graves and markers, heading to the back of the cemetery. I held the white rose I bought tightly, clutching it to my chest, and tried to breathe deeply.I would never forgive her and I would never forget her, but I could finally be at peace with her.The small, black marble headstone sat alongside my
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 82: MAGGIE
I slid down from Storm’s back and patted his neck lovingly, hooking his reins around a tree branch in the shade. I took my helmet off, shook out my hair, and looked under the roots for the basket I asked June to place there earlier. Storm turned his attention to the water I had given him, and I lied the blanket out on the ground on the other side of the small tree. Excited, I sat down and waited for Austin to catch up.Palm Canyon trail was one of my favorite to take – it always had been. Sitting there by the stream and letting Storm rest was a weekly pastime before I left for Berkeley. We’d do the other trails on our other rides, but our Saturdays were always reserved for this.And now I remembered why.The green of the fauna was a stark contrast to the barren desert beyond, and the rocks that dotted the stream were just big enough to sit on. It was beautiful here. Peaceful in the winter when no one came here.“How do I get down?&
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 81: AUSTIN(cont..)
Maggie ran her hand down my body, her fingers tracing the defining lines of the muscle. I sighed deeply, pulling her closer to me, and breathed in the vanilla scent of her hair. No matter where she had been or what she had done, she always smelt like vanilla.“What are we doing today?” I asked, my fingertips following the curve of her spine right to her ass.She shuddered. “I thought we could go riding.”“I get the feeling we’re not talking about bedroom riding.”She looked up at me, her hair messy, and smiled. “No. Horse riding. I don’t go at college and I miss it.”“I’ve never ridden a horse.”“I’ll teach you.”“Um.”“You taught me to fish,” she reminded me. “You made me fish!”“I guess there’s no way around this, huh?”She shook her head, rolling on top of me. Her knees went either side of my hips, trapping me, and her hair fell around my face. She slowly lowered her face to mine, sucking my bottom lip into her mouth and grazing her teeth across it. I slid my hands along her thighs
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 80: AUSTIN
“This is going to be a disaster,” Maggie muttered, pulling onto a street with houses worth more than I could ever dream of making. Most were three-story buildings, all with driveways, garages and perfectly pruned front yards.I fidgeted in my seat. A small voice in the back of my mind whispered about the differences in our lives. It reminded me how different it was here compared to where I started life in San Francisco. I glanced at Maggie and told the voice to fuck off.My past doesn’t define who I am. The here and now does.Gramps whistled low. “What, you got a pool and all?”“Hope you brought your swimming trunks,” she commented in a chipper voice.“Good job I did, then.” Gramps patted his stomach. “Love a good swim.”She turned the car onto a driveway leading to one of the three-story houses. The drive was lined by circular bushes and winter flowers. I looked up at the hou
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 79: MAGGIE(cont..)
Everything was easier when the secret was out. Now I didn’t have to worry about looking at Austin wrong or saying something that might look suspicious. I didn’t have to watch my every movement, bite my tongue or clench my fists so I didn’t touch him.And I loved it.I loved that we could just be.I didn’t care about the whispers from people outside our circle of friends, the ones who didn’t know the truth, and I didn’t care about the looks that came from other girls. I just cared that I could fall into his arms when I found him standing outside my classroom, just like he was now.“Shakespeare hasn’t killed you yet, then,” he said as he smiled at me, taking my hand.I looked over at him. “No, not yet, but there’s every possibility of it in the future.”“Not a damn chance.”“How
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 78: MAGGIE
“Are you telling me I could be standing here all day and not catch a thing?”Gramps cacklesd across the boat. “That’s exactly what he’s telling you!”I turned my face toward Austin, and he grinned. “What?”“I can’t believe I got roped into this.” This was ridiculous. I ate fish. I didn’t catch it. Hell.“Hey.” His hands fell to my hips and he nudged my collar from my neck with his nose. His lips brushed the skin of my neck. “This was your idea, remember?”“Yes …” My idea for them.Austin’s nose ran up and down my neck, his breath hot against me, and I swallowed.“So you didn’t get roped into anything. You had to know that you’d end up fishing,” he reasoned.“Mhmm.”“So why are you so surprised?”I shivered when he took a deep breath and exhaled against my skin. His hands slid down my sides to the front pockets of my jeans. He placed his fingers in them, spreading them out and stroking my legs, before taking them back out.“I’m not,” I whispered.“Then don’t complain.” He was smiling a
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 77: AUSTIN (cont..)
“What are we doing?” I asked as Maggie tugged me towards my car.“It’s Sunday,” she said simply. “We’re going to see your Gramps.”“Okay, but that doesn’t explain why you have a damn picnic basket with you.”“Fine – we’re going to see your Gramps and take him out for the day. Better?” She raised an eyebrow at me, and I grinned, starting the engine up.“Much. But where are we going?”“You’ll see.”She settled back in her seat, smiling to herself. If I’d hoped to get any clues from her outfit, I’d definitely not got any luck. Her jeans, jacket, and boots were nothing out of the ordinary – but her tied up hair was.Not that it meant anything in particular … Apart from making me want to nuzzle her bare neck.We pulled up outside Gramps’ house and got out. When I opened the door, I wa
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 76: AUSTIN
The rough bark of the tree dug into my back. Apart from with Maggie, outside was the only place that gave me peace. Even as I waited for the inevitable conversation with Jack – the one where I’ll have to admit why I need her so much. He deserved that much after what we had done to him, and I was ready for it. Because of Maggie I was finally ready to start opening up about my life.“Still a spacey bastard.” He smirked.“No fist in my eye?” I smirked back at him.He shrugged a shoulder. “I considered it. Several fucking times. Then figured it just ain’t worth it since I’d probably get more punches from those damn girls than it’s worth.”He was probably right.“But that doesn’t mean I won’t kick the shit out of you if you break her fucking heart.”“I wasn’t joking when I said I loved her yesterday,” I said bluntly, staring him down with t
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 75: MAGGIE ( cont..)
My heart was in complete contradiction of itself. Lying there in Austin’s arms, half of it was lighter than it had been in the last few weeks. The lightness came from the truth being told. But the other half was heavy, like a lead weight was holding it down and pinning it to the ground.I shifted, and Austin’s grip on me tightened. I ran my fingers through his hair, smoothing it back from his face, and studied him. Now he looked like he was at peace. The lines on his forehead I had seen so many times were now completely smooth, his mouth was slightly open, and his breathing was even and steady.But his peace had come at the torment of my best friend – who was somewhere in this house, probably awake. He’d be hating himself for being mad at me, happy I found the love he had, and guilty I felt like I couldn’t tell him.In fact he wouldn’t be at the house. I knew exactly where he’ll be.I climbed out of bed, and there
