CHAPTER 2

I struggled to open my eyes to an unfamiliar environment. It was the hospital. The smell of disinfectant in the air is a bit pungent, but it's reassuring at the moment, as I felt a breath of fresh air, although I was still extremely weak. I scanned the room and found my mom back, turned at me, staring at an empty space. Weakly, I called “Mom.”

“My baby,"  she said as she walked towards me, sitting beside me. She placed her palm on my forehead for some seconds, trying to deduce my body temperature, before finally nodding in satisfaction. Tears welled up in her eyes as she took her palms off my forehead, took my hands in hers, and kissed them.

I looked at my mom's face and realized that I didn't know when she had wrinkles at the corners of her eyes before. She had a few gray hairs in her hair and dark circles underneath her eyes, indicating that she hadn't had a good night's sleep in the past few days. 

Thinking of those times I let mom worry about me, I'm all grown up, and I still can't bring happiness to my mom. She had always worried about me since I was a child, up until this very moment. She gave up her life and dreams for me, just to see me happy.

I could recall refusing her remarriage after her father’s death just because stupid me didn’t want someone else to take her father’s place. Now that I think of it, if she had gotten married, she would have had other children who would have been a source of happiness. I feel guilty about not easing her burden and constantly bringing her pain. 

Being such a mom’s person, she must be very, very sad about the whole situation. I am really a person who will be a burden to the people around me. I do not blame Felix for leaving me. It seems really selfish that, with all that happened that night, I was still expecting Felix to carry on with the wedding. I was probably thinking everyone would be as understanding as my mother.

I have always known that with Mom by my side, I can overcome any challenges. Without thinking of my mom's well-being, I have constantly relied on her for support. "Mom, please forgive me for my selfishness,” I thought as I could no longer hold back the urge to cry. Tears welled up in my eyes and slid down my cheeks.

“I’m sorry, mom. I failed you,” I said in a low, sad tone. I couldn’t fight back my tears as I allowed them to flow freely. The image of the woman in front of me shattered my heart. She has given me too much, and I have been unable to give anything back.

“It’s okay, baby. You’ve never failed me. I’m just so sorry that you had to go through all this pain. I wish I could make it go away. You don’t deserve this,” she said, pulling into a warm embrace. We cried in each other’s arms, sniffing and letting our tears flow freely. We have been too strong for each other. We just had to cry to ease our pain and feel better. 

I could recall when I told her I was getting married. She tried to talk me out of it, telling me that marriage is no child’s play as it requires so much sacrifice and commitment. But because of her desperation to be loved, I refused her advice and made her succumb to my will. She became happy afterwards, believing that her baby girl is now a grown woman, and she looked forward to my wedding more than anyone else.

Mom never mentioned what happened on the wedding day or asked me if something was wrong; she just hugged me and told me to get some rest and not to think about anything, assuring me that everything would be okay.

The rest of the day wasn’t any different. It was an emotional day, as sadness filled the whole atmosphere. Vanessa came to see me at the hospital. Vanessa has been my best friend since high school. She stood up for me while I was being bullied and mocked by other kids for being poor. She gave me the courage to stand up for myself and give the bullies a taste of their own medicine. 

“Hello, ma’am. Hey, van,” she said as she walked towards us with a sad look on her face, like she was heading to her own execution. She placed the fruit basket she had with her on the table by the hospital bed and sat beside me. I looked at her and saw she had a puffy face, which tells me she had been crying before coming to see me. I could see her still trying so hard to fight back her tears. 

I knew my loved ones would feel hurt by the whole situation, and I blame myself for it. I should have walked away earlier with my dignity and self-respect still intact. I should have prevented this messy and embarrassing situation. I should have made a better choice, but I was too blinded by love.

My mom took the cue and left the room. “Let me go see the doctor,” she said, giving me a kiss on the forehead before walking out of the room.

“Jud, how are you? She asked as she let out a fake smile. I could see the pain in her eyes and the struggle to smile through the pain. I don’t know why she felt so much pain for me.

“It’s painful, so painful, van,” I said as I felt my heart tighten and let out a slight groan.

“It’s okay, Ju,” she consoled, and a tear escaped from her eyes and slipped down her cheek. She pulled me into an embrace. 

“I was able to contact his friend; I was told that the bastard listed his house and left the country.” She cursed and patted my back reassuringly. My lips were numb as nothing came to mind. I just closed my eyes and allowed my tears to flow freely.

"You are a strong and beautiful woman, Judith. I know you will put this behind you. You didn't wish for it, and I know God knows best,” she said, reassuring me after we had cried to our hearts’ content.

I believed her and hoped for a better future, but my hope was on the verge of being crushed when my worst nightmare unfolded before me.