ZADEThe white patterned ceiling is my view.I wonder how long I can stay like this, stay in silence before the man seated on the couch in my hospital private wing starts speaking. I can feel his disappointment in me. I figured that he would have avoided me, banished me even, or locked me up before accepting to see me, but here we are.I wonder if he is waiting for me to break the since then, he will bring the hammer down, crushing me.I sigh, taking responsibility. It's going to happen anyway, so let me get it over with.“grandpa … I …” I what? I am sorry. I don’t feel apologetic towards that man called my father. I would do it again. “I am sorry I ruined your party.” That I am apologetic and ashamed of.“it would take more than a few drunk outbursts to ruin my party,” Grandpa sighs, snapping the papers he was reading shut.I sit up on the bed and look at him. The room is big; there is a bed area and a visitor's area, where there is a couch, coffee table, and a large window beside th
ZADEMy parents didn’t pretend to act like they got mated because of love. They are both from powerful families, and allegiance through mating and marriage is the best way to go. The fact that the goddess chose them as true mates was luck, too.I never saw them be in love or act like they adored each other. Mother loved being a Luna, and she was content in her side of the world. Father had expanded the pack and was stronger, a strong Luna too by his side, and he was content in his world.But through all that, they respected each other. They were cordial and loyal towards each other. It was a family that was good enough despite the lack of warmth that only love brings to a home.They never fought. Ever.I took that as a sign that they were both happy. But all in all, I knew that I would change, I would be mated to someone I love because I had seen how mates who loved each other acted and behaved. They weren’t detached, almost cold like it was in my home, no.They were lively, and I cou
ZADEDead leaves crunch under my boots as I walk the narrow, overgrown trail.It's so quiet here, even the birds are not singing. Only a gentle sway of the trees and the rustling of the leaves.I reach my destination and look at the trimmed and well-kept tombstone. The flowers I brought last time are still here but dead now, just like everything else in this cemetery. Crouching down, I pick them up and replace them with fresh ones I have brought.“hi, mom.” I sigh, looking at the stone, the name scribbled, and the short message. Right beside it, there is another smaller one, my baby brother.Coming here today, especially after the conversation I had with my grandfather, was tough. It has felt like I have been the only one fighting for my mom even long after she left. I feel like I have been alone all this time.Things are changing. Everything seems to be falling apart, shifting and reshaping itself, and I don’t know what to do with myself. I am the one person that changing will never
ZADEEveryone tells me that Grandpa is the scariest man to ever exist in this world. I do agree with them because I feel the same way. But I also have a different relationship with him, one that’s not known by anyone and who he is inside his home.Grandpa is a family man. He loves and cherishes his family and protects them, too. He is the only man I have ever seen love and protect unconditionally.People see him as the ruthless, cold, hearted alpha, a powerhouse, and he is. he is the spine of this family. But he is also my grandfather. He is warm caring, and he loves me. He treats me like his grandson and probably still sees me as the ten-year-old who broke the precious bowl that Grandma made for him on the first date they went to.Grandma died a long time ago. She was the nurturer and a very tong woman. Grandpa still holds on, but he misses her, it's evident when you come into this house. Everything remains as it was when she decorated it, how she did things around the house.Coming
ARII have been bleeding.I haven’t left my room ever since the party, afraid that the outside world is going to be unbearable. I have been having nightmares, too. From dreaming about Olivia circulating the video of Zade and I making out, but it's not just making out this time, it's more to me being beaten up because I am a slut.How did I end up getting here? From being uninterested in boys to having my first kiss stolen to now dreaming about being shamed about my sexual endeavors?It's not like there are any sexual endeavors, but it's there. It's implied, and it's all because of Zade. He is the root of all my problems.Classes are going to resume tomorrow; the long weekend is over, and I am terrified.My phone has been off for a reason.Groaning, I curl up in a ball and pull the duvet over my head, sinking deeper into bed. If I don’t have to deal with it today, then maybe sleeping until I have to is the remedy. I just wish I could disappear or be told I don’t have to go here anymore
ARI“let's bond. But I will have one wish that I will ask of you in the future. Se it like a business deal. You get what you want, and I will collect my wish whenever. You must do it, though.”He looks at me, probably trying to see if I am tricking him or if I am telling the truth. Whatever he sees makes him nod once. “deal.”“if you break it-““it’s a promise formed under the completion of the bond, sort of like a blood covenant. I can't break it. Have a little faith in me.”“That’s something I will not do, but sure. Let's do it then,” I clap, sit on the couch, and pat the space on my left.He looks confused. “what?”Rolling my eyes, “I don’t need eyes on me as you sink your teeth into my neck, so let's do it now.”He walks over in quick steps, eyebrows raised, looking at me incredulously. “we need to have a ceremony for this. You do know I am the next king alpha, don’t you?”“And I know you don’t want your sweet girlfriend seeing you claiming and marking another woman in front of ev
ARII am going to burst into flames, and yet, I can't move.I am weak, my body, not my own, as I feel myself falling, but strong arms catch me before I slump on the floor.Zade finally retracts his fangs and looks at me, his eyes like the snow of my Alps… my home. I feel like I am in a fever dream the longer I stare into those pale eyes, no longer silver.There is blood trickling down his chin, mouth slightly open.“Ari.”My eyes shut close as the feeling finally starts coming back to my body, but the fire in my blood isn't ceasing.Zade doesn’t utter another word but tilts his head to the side, baring his neck open for me. It feels like I am moving in slow motion as I kneel and lean forward, getting closer and closer to his neck.I can't call in my wolf; I can't extend my sharp fangs out, either. My feverish brain is registering all of this, but I still clamp down on his neck. His soft grunt is the only indication I get that, yes, I have bitten him.Not enough to sink deeper, but I d
ZADEShe is everywhere.I can feel her in my blood, in my bones, under my skin. She envelops me, traveling through every neuron from my head to my toes.But then it's gone too soon.She slumps down, my neck tingling where she has bitten me. All I want is for her to bite me again, for me to feel that closeness that I have never known existed. It's heavenly to be close, to be one with her … her blood still in my mouth, her scent intertwined with mine.But she is twitching on the floor. She is in pain, and I want to help her. But I am weak; my body doesn’t feel like mine. Something is making me immobile, this heavy=iness over my body.I can't breathe as I watch her from where I am kneeling on the floor.But then she exhales, as if she has been released, just as the feeling of being repressed fades away, and I am back to myself.My head is feeling hazy still, in a good way. I feel high. I am high on her …She is shifting. Her wolf seems to be awakening …She is beautiful. She is so beauti
ARI“What's going on inside this little mind?” his voice is so close to me, nose brushing my temple.I should feel something. A tingle, but I am so damn tired. All I want is to sleep, forget that I exist for a few hours before I start going back to my life. I can't escape it anymore, now can I?“Nothing,” I sigh. “I am just a little sleepy.”Is he expecting more from me tonight?I wish I had the girls with me. They would allow me to be in your space. Maybe I should call them, text them, but I don't have my phone. I remember crashing it in the hotel suite before I walked out into the traffic.Maybe I am not as okay as I think. But getting a grip is important.If I am going to avenge and face the people who ruined me to begin with, I can't let go of the reality. I need to be focused and work hard to make sure they don’t destroy me before I destroy them.I know I am not going to come out of it. The plans I made to go study law as further studies, get out of the pack and live my life as a
ARIMy life is a mess.It’s a fucked life, painful, dry, bland, void of colour.I am ugly too, rotting slowly inside, underserving of anything good because that’s just what is set in stone for me.Despite it all, despite feeling all of that, as Zade looks at me like I mean something, like I matter … I can't help but want to be under that gaze for a longer time.He is looking at me how he used to look at Olivia, like he might love me, like I mean something. He wants to know if I am okay, taking care of me, a gentle, caring touch on my cold, withering soul.I don’t deserve it, and yet.I yearn for it. Crave it. I can't not shudder under it.“Do you want me to ask you?”Yes. I want him to ask me. I want him to push for me to tell him what's going on in my head. For him to fight for me. I am selfish like that. Mother didn’t say anything untrue, because here I am, asking and taking what doesn’t belong to me.I came into this life, took Olivia’s man under fate’s guidance, and yes. It hurt.
ARII don’t think I have ever truly let myself think deeply about Zade, who is becoming, and his birthright. I am not one to attach my identity to the boy I am seeing or crushing on, and in this case, the boy I am mated to.But it's still heavy. I find it … sexy that he is already so mature, powerful too, and it's only going to get even better.Yes, I think I am crushing on Zade, and I can't control choking on my water once that fully hits me.“Are you okay?” he asks me as he rushes to my side, rubbing my back.“Yeah,” I wheeze out. “Guess I am a little surprised.”“Why?” he chuckles as he gets back to cooking.“The first thing someone sees when they see you is how spoiled you are.” That’s not true.The first thing I saw and felt when I first laid my eyes on him was just how magnetic and powerful he was. Yes, you could tell from miles away that he is wealthy, but it wasn’t the kind I got from the rest of the students.No, his was the quiet, generational wealth that just didn’t come fr
ARIIt’s weird.I woke up feeling this gut-wrenching painful reminder that I was still alive, that I am still feeling, and my mind is still as loud as before.I wasn’t ready to face myself, the world, or even reality, so I went back to sleep despite not knowing where I was. I could hear someone, a female, who would come and look after me once in a while. I should have been worried that a stranger was hovering over me.But I didn’t care. That’s how gone I was. I did manage to sleep more until I woke up again, and the tension in my temples was lessening.Someone was touching me like I was so fragile, and I could feel how gentle they were being. I knew it was Zade even before I could open my eyes.It felt better, the chatter, the exhaustion… it all lessened when he was around like this. It’s something I have come to notice, not ready to admit it yet, but it’s there.I could hear his thoughts. They were so unguarded, I wondered if he knew I could hear them, and it’s the first time I've be
ZADEShe is so beautiful.I exhale softly as I sit on the bed, watching her sleep. I can't resist reaching out with gentle fingers as I push back her hair off her face.Her hands are tucked under her chin, pressed to her chest, her body curled in as if she is feeling cold or protecting herself from something.But she isn't feeling cold; her body temperature is higher, too, which prompts me to stand up and walk over to the screen door. I slide it open, and the soft light curtains let the air in, billowing soundlessly.I had this bedroom built with a terrace garden, so it feels like someone is sleeping in a garden. I know she will love it when she wakes up.I sit on the floor, watching her as she exhales softly once cool air hits her skin.She had a massive panic attack, and I wasn’t there to help her. The first one she ever had was when she saw me kill that crush of hers –something I don’t regret, but I do regret triggering it- and she broke down in the bathroom.I knew she didn’t want
ZADEMercy.That word alone makes me hit her at the back of the neck as gently as I can, rendering her unconscious. I hold her limp body, my eyes on her now sleeping face, as I breathe hard.I am scared.I almost lost her a few minutes ago, and then watched her as she almost slipped out of her mind. I stand up as I carry her bridal style to my car, where I am parked. I don’t mind the eyes on me, murmuring bout the girl who almost got run over by walking to the busy highway.I secure Ari on the seat before I get in myself and drive away.I knew something was off, from the moment I saw her mother walking out of the hotel, minutes after I had dropped ari and then the coldness that overcame me like I had been pushed in an extremely icy frozen lake.I don’t think twice, taking her to my private home, somewhere no one knows, not even my father. She is still out cold, and I start to worry that I might have hurt her. Lying her gently on the bed, I clean her up, making sure she is comfortable
ARISomething is breaking inside me.I can’t feel my touch, even as I touch my chest. I have gone numb, nothing truly registering as I sit on the floor, remaining in a state of static as she has left me.What you are doing is not worth it.Not worth it.Nothing is worth it.What do I do now?A murderer. A misguided child. Doing things that I shouldn’t, wrecking her life.A broken wail escapes my lips as I hunch down, feeling like I am taking my first breath.This is not how it was supposed to go. How can this happen? I killed someone, but I don’t know why. I don’t know why I keep getting angry, like I am in a cage, and when I am let out, I lash out at the first person closest.I wish I could stop, remember myself, and stop getting so angry, to stop my actions before they are thrown back at me, like I am going crazy and need to be put down.Everything I am doing feels wrong. Everyone keeps telling me that I am doing the wrong thing the wrong way.I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’
ARIMy phone starts to vibrate incessantly, but I choose to ignore it.Everything is overwhelming. From this car ride, to the boy sitting next to me. I just want to be alone, maybe stare at the wall in silence for hours until I feel like I am coming back to myself.But it won't stop, now starting to ring nonstop. I sigh, picking it up and seeing that my mother has sent me a bunch of texts, starting calm, asking if she can talk to me until they all progress, calm evolving to anger.“Stop calling me,” I say as soon as I answer the tenth call.“Where are you?”“Why?”“I need to speak to you,” she sounds like she is out of breath.For a second, I thought the bad guys who had been chasing us had come back, and she was in danger.“Are you okay?” I sit up, alert. “Are you in danger?”“No, but we need to talk immediately. If not, I will go to your dorm and then we can talk there, but I am sure you don't want people to eavesdrop on this conversation.”My heart is hammering, and I can feel the
ZADEI don’t think twice, swerving the car by the side of the road and killing the engine. It happens all too fast, and Ari is heaving fast, palm pressed on her chest as she looks at me like I have lost my mind.Maybe I have, but I can't have this conversation while driving.“Why did you stop? Let’s get going, I need to get my car back and go on about my day.”“I am sorry.” It comes out in a whisper, where I bow my head, forehead pressed on the wheel.“Call it even, I left you for dead anyway,” she says, sitting back.“I am sorry,” I repeat, this time a little louder. When she doesn’t say anything, I turn my head to her. She is looking anywhere but at me.She knows what I mean, it’s the very thing that has been hanging above us, the thing that has been suffocating us both. The unspoken thing.“I don’t know what you are apologizing for.” She can't even look at me.“I am sorry for rejecting you, Ari.”The silence that stretches between us is deafening.Until she breaks it with a word th