December 1 2012I’d known from time immemorial that an idle mind was always the devil’s workshop. On this fateful evening, I wouldn’t describe what I‘m going to narrate next as due to idleness, but rather satisfying my curiousity. I remembered my dear mother dying slowly and painfully, after she’d been (‘wrongfully’) delivered by her late husband.I’d witnessed ‘proper’ prospers carried out and their resultant effects which were usually immediate, if such a victim wasn’t a strong Christian. But today I was going to see what happened to an initiate whose ‘time was up.’ My invisible double arrived at the Senator’s palatial residence at seven in the morning, while he was awake, healthy and with his two lawyers cross-checking something that resembled his will.My invisible double almost laughed, because the document was going to be useless after his immediate family experienced what I and Tarami just experienced.My invisible double walked out through the wall, with the intention of comin
2013Two weeks into the New Year, I began to understand the kind of person an Ebie initiate became – heartless. It was as if upon joining Ebie, one’s heart turned into stone and immediately lacked human feelings and sympathy.This was why when I recently drove through my late mother’s church, I knew the ‘battle’ was gradually intensifying. Apart from that, I had to get all the spiritual power and protection I could muster.The look on the face of Timmy’s invisible double, the day he delivered the pretty lady near Caledonia, was one devoid of pity as he proceeded to deliver the poor lady who had no idea of what was going to befall her.The Timmy I’d known in the past, though a chronic womaniser would never hurt a fly, and always abhorred every form of violence.Somehow, I knew the presence of a Holy Bible inside my ‘Ebie mansion’ was totally prohibited as an Ebie initiate. I vividly remembered the painting of the goddess that fateful morning while I cleaned the ‘special bathroom’ behin
It was the third Saturday after St Valentine’s Day in the church Pastor Alozie presided over. The men and women had been on their feet for almost three hours and didn’t look as if they were going to take a break or conclude any time soon.It was almost six in the evening, as Saret Andeki and eight other members prayed with one prayer point after the other. The battle had begun as far as he and the others were concerned.There was no going back, and the ‘enemy’ would get what was coming. While they concluded the last payer by six, a young female usher in her mid-thirties came to inform them that their attention was needed by Pastor Alozie and his Assistant in the office.Some minutes later, they filed into the Pastor’s office, as I quietly sat on my bed. At the same time, my invisible double picked up my Ebie katana and slinked out of my compound. He was going to make sure that ‘strange lady’ was taken care of once and for all.My invisible double walked briskly in the clear Saturday w
Pastor Alozie seemed to be in another world that Sunday morning, while he sat in his sitting room. He’d called his Assistant, Pastor Bethany Edington on how to go about the day’s service in the church with the other ministers. One look at her husband that morning as she entered the SUV, she knew what he was going to get involved in: spiritual warfare. She maintained a bland face as she journeyed to church, trying to imagine the particular member of the Parish had brought ‘trouble’ upon her dear husband again. When he was sure the SUV was on its way to its destination, Pastor Alozie sat in his plush sitting room, locked the main door and began to read his Bible. He knew she was going to come. There was no doubt about that, because the Holy Spirit never lied to him. The air conditioner in the sitting room was working at full blast, as the sweat drops formed on his face. It was seven on the dot when it all began. The next minute, he was no longer in his sitting room, but in another ‘
Pastor Avrat Regal got up with a start. The fear had left her, but she knew the perspiration was as a result of it and not her black camisole. She walked out of the ‘special bathroom’ and shut it gently, before hurrying to the main sitting room.Though she bore the title of ‘Pastor,’ it didn’t stop her from ‘enjoying’ herself. At that moment, she began to think of all the fourteen young unmarried men she’d delivered since she’d joined Ebie. At 9am the next day, her sixty year old housecleaner – Madam Olivia Nwachukwu would arrive for her rounds of cleaning,dusting and arranging the interior of the large building. She tried to hurry up with her drinking, so that no member of Throne of Grace Ministries would hear any scandal about their General Overseer, seen drinking alcohol.There was a special refrigerator, designed like a wooden cabinet and affixed to the wall. The refrigerator, which had a beautiful portrait of Mary Slessor on its door, was stocked with an array of whiskey, vodka,
Although they both knew it couldn’t be seen by a mortal, they both admired the beast. Its reddish skin glittered on the waters as it patiently waited to transport its owner back to her ‘territory.’Seductra seemed to be conversing with the seven headed leviathan, as her Utmost Prosperity came forward in a tight, purple, ankle-length gown.She was adorned in gold earrings, bangles, necklace and a feminine Rolex wristwatch. Seductra wondered why her ‘sister’ went through the trouble of getting the seven headed leviathan, when hers had only one head. Much ado about perfection, she thought.The seven headed leviathan which made playful sounds while Seductra stood beside it, was the size of an adult sperm whale.Seductra was only glad the Chinese Naval fleet had left the area, because there was every tendency for the seven headed beast to feel frightened by their presence and attack them.She knew that as they stood in the opposite direction of the Chinese fleet in the distance, if the lat
Cho Uni had barely left the suite when Timmy froze near the window, where he stood. It was the first day of March and it’d found him in Le Meridien Ogeyi Place, having sex with a marketing staff from Tarami’s bank.Although he never liked the bank, one look at Cho’s fair face that fateful afternoon definitely forced him to. She’d left the hotel, happy she’d succeeded in getting another customer for her bank, who would deposit ten million Naira before the next week ran out.Last night, inside the hotel restaurant, she’d even collected his passport photographs and four specimens of his signature. Though she’d left him in a happy mood this morning, his present mood was frightful as it’d always been whenever he saw the goddess of prosperity.He’d chosen this particular hotel to ‘service’ the ‘bank girl’ because he didn’t want the ugly incident that happened that fateful Sunday to repeat itself. It felt worse since none of the initiates’ invisible doubles could ever muster the courage to a
While my throat was been pressed by the strange lady, Timmy walked back and forth in front of his television, with a glass of golden liquid in his right hand. He paid no attention to what the man and woman said on the television concerning Islamic extremists.He only watched CNN in order to be updated about international business activities such as shipping. The moment he stared at the bottle of Moet & Chandon on the centre table, he knew shipping and business were presently unimportant. He downed the third glass of the golden stuff while thinking about the assignment he’d been given by the goddess.“What the hell has he done now?” He muttered to no one in particular. Ten minutes ago, he was surprised when he saw the portrait of the goddess in his bedroom. She was dressed like a geisha, crying, with twenty-one dead geishas, scattered around the room in which she stood.“Watching Tonye’s not the problem…the problem is the reason for watching him.”He began to unscrew the lid of
Timmy knew sleeping was the least of his worries as he brought the bottle of McDonnell’s to his mouth the fifth time. It was three o’clock in the morning and he also knew most Ebie initiates would be doing something similar to what he was presently doing, wherever they were.His apprehension seemed to escalate when he noticed his Ebie katana was not on the wooden rack, after his invisible double had returned from the marine sphere. He wished drunkenness would lull him to sleep, so he wouldn’t think about the consequences of what had just happened.He brought the bottle to his mouth the sixth time and cursed himself for contracting only one assassin to get rid of me. He thought about his money, cars, company, girlfriends, investments and stocks, but didn’t think about penury.I woke up on the altar the next morning to see Tarami kneeling beside me, peering into my face like a nurse.“Hope you’re better?” she whispered.“Let’s go home…it’s all over,” I whispered while looking around the
Inside the church, despite the fading pains on my body from the accident, I knew I had no choice but to maintain that sedentary position, until my invisible double successfully concluded his ‘mission.’I ignored the heated prayers around me, while my buttocks remained ‘stuck’ upon a white plastic chair. It was a good thing the weather was cold and the mosquitoes were at bay, else we all would have been soaked in our perspiration before daybreak.I closed my eyes and opened them again, trying to imagine what was going on in the mind of my invisible double. Although I knew what he was presently doing, I knew there was nothing like the feeling of being there personally. Slowly, I turned my head towards Tarami and saw her praying like her late mother.“You will die the same way you made my leviathan die,” the goddess screamed at my invisible double before she slumped backwards onto the surface of the watery altar and melted on the flat surface.All eyes were now on my invisible double as
At that moment, I felt sorry for Tarami – for having to put her through the entire stress, knowing fully well she had to be at her desk tomorrow morning in the bank. Saret Andeki had started praying in whispers, while Pastor Alozie opened his large leather Holy Bible.I never intended for anyone to get hurt in the process of carrying out my late mother’s wish. This was why I felt the weight of guilt, as thoughts of all the people I’d delivered since joining Ebie, began to race into my mind.My eyes were still on the door which had since been shut. The circles of prayer warriors had just been formed, and Pastor Alozie looked like a ready medieval General for a much anticipated battle, he was sure he’d win. I only took my gaze from the door after Tarami’s right hand held mine.She bent down and looked at me affectionately, while the other hand stroked my face.“It’ll soon be over Tonye…very soon,” she whispered to me in a soothing voice. I nodded as an usher went around the church audit
I swore never to allow myself to be bothered by a woman again, when I was finally discharged from the specialist hospital, that fateful tenth day of July 2013, with a truckload of medication.Tarami’s magnanimous branch manager had offered her official car and driver to take me home. I said goodbye to the Nigerian, Syrian and Indian doctors and nurses, who’d taken their time to cut and stitch me for more than three months. I was amused at Tarami’s tears of joy, as we journeyed to her apartment that afternoon.“Please drive us to the church….” The driver looked surprised, while he stared at the traffic lights ahead.“Madam said I should drive you home from the hospital, not…”“I want to go to the church and thank God.”“Okay, just drop us and we’ll use a taxi to church-” Tarami cut in. The driver seemed not to hear us until I made one last statement.“If you don’t take me to the church before going to her apartment Mr Karim, I’ll come to her bank tomorrow and tell the manager you drove
After an intensive massage one afternoon, I thought about the other Ebie initiates and wished they could witness everything I’d witnessed, especially Diane Orek, in her present state. She was the least of my worries, since one of them had even tried to kill me, by procuring an assassin. Staying in the hospital was frustrating, due to the healing and recovery process, which went on at a snail-speed. Many things had improved in my daily routine, especially my feeding pattern. I now fed myself, though salty, spicy and fried foods were still disallowed from my diet. My body, especially my blood needed sugar, so I indulged in ice creams and sweets on several occasions. As for the portrait, I looked at it at every available moment. Sometimes, I imagined me and Tarami as orphans who were running away from the goddess and dying in the process of surviving Ebie’s pangs, while the time rapidly ticked away. It was the third Sunday in June as he itched for the meeting to come to an end. If he
God had never failed or disappointed him ever since he became born-again two decades ago, and he knew he wouldn’t start now. As far as Pastor Alozie was concerned, the major battle at hand was the ‘third stage’ of the Ebie saga he was now faced with.The ‘first stage’ was the attack by the naked demons in my house. The ‘second stage’ was the accident which incapacitated me and the ‘third and final stage’ was the proposed face-off between me, Pastor Alozie (any other ‘interested’ party and the goddess.On the day the last surgical operation was to take place, Tarami and Pastor Alozie were given fifteen minutes to talk with me before I was reeled to the theatre.“I’ll come around immediately I’m through from work,” Tarami whispered as she held my hands.I looked at her smooth face and thought of how my abdomen had been scarred with stitches. The psychologist had advised me to keep recollecting happy thoughts and memories before the surgical operation commenced.This made me smile whenev
If anybody had told me that my invisible double was still ‘alive’ and ‘functional,’ I’d laughed heartily at such a person. The door to my room opened slowly and I stopped laughing at the cartoon on the television.I thought it was a nurse and tried to prepare my buttocks for another round of morning injections. Instead of a cheerful feminine face in a white uniform, I was surprised at the huge, six feet figure carrying a hamper, while entering the room with a smiling face.He looked satisfied with the occupant he’d just met, as his right hand began to reach for the back of his waist.“Are you Tamunoonye?” he asked in a friendly tone. Before I opened my mouth to answer, I watched in surprise as his smile soon turned into a painful, ugly grimace. He began to stagger towards my bed, while the hamper and dagger dropped from his hands.The next moment, I saw his white silk shirt become soaked with blood, flowing from his mouth and nostrils. He began to gasp for breath as the shiny blade w
While Tarami’s imaginary kiss landed on my forehead, Ibeabuchi put finishing touches to his ‘tools’ of work. As a former mobile policeman, he knew the modus operandi of the Police and Mobile Police respectively in the State.He was conversant with their nature and more importantly, how long they usually took to respond to a distress call.On the small table beside the window, two oiled pistols lay with a well sharpened service dagger between them. At that moment, he wasn’t concerned with the instruments of death before him, rather he marvelled at my picture, taken by a special camera inside the marine sphere.He tried to wonder why a handsome and suave gentleman deserved to die. Four hours ago, he’d received a message alert on his mobile phone. It informed him of his savings bank account with Union Bank, which had just been credited with Seven Hundred and Fifty Thousand Naira, by one AdiyaAdetuyi..Upon completion of the assignment, he would receive the remaining half.Examining the p
The goddess sat on one of the chairs near the pool of ice particles, while she kept observing the portrait, which was now held by three ‘marine aides.’ It depicted her Utmost Prosperity in a ceremonial military uniform, inspecting the corpses of six men tied to six wooden posts.Their heads were bowed and blood was flowing from their ripped abdomens.“Tonye, Tonye, Tonye…you were going to make me proud by being an exceptional Ebie initiate, but your foolishness will now lead to your painful ascension.”The three naked women remained stone-faced as the goddess gave out a loud cackle which shook the entire orb.“A new initiate would find this very useful…see to that.” She rose up and made for the watery altar, with the three women walking silently behind her.They overtook her when they were a metre to the watery altar, before placing the portrait gingerly atop it.“Tonye, you disappointed me terribly,” she whispered to herself as the portrait was slowly absorbed by the watery altar. Be